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Archive for October 21st, 2009

Dr. Melissa Clothier, the Chiropractor-Pundit (who was last seen around these parts working herself into a blood-thirsty, seat-dampening orgasm over Inglorious Basterds) is back, and doing what she does best — cracking, twisting, and popping the English language.

Obama’s Big War With Fox News Makes Him Look Small..And Reveals His Relationship With The Press

The interesting thing here is that President Obama has received nothing short of fawning adoration and tenderly delivered, incurious questions from the rest of the press corps save a few notable examples. He probably gets less love from basketball team members.

I think she means…because a lot of basketball players are black?  So they must love him?  But the press corps loves him more…and that’s bad, because…they’re not black?

The press, unfamiliar with physical endeavors and the kinship of teams, takes loyalty to a whole new level.

Because…the press doesn’t get as much exercise as professional athletes, or chiropractor/bloggers?

And then there’s Fox News.

And Maude.

Fox’s collective sin is not loving enough.

They love wisely, but not too well.

Bill O’Reilly makes me throw up in mouth a little

And that’s before he even mentions the vibrator in his ass…

…every time he opines about Obama’s bravery for coming on his show. Puhleeze. And all the round-tables have at least two Obama apologists for their “fair and balanced” coverage.

Roger Ailes, conscious agent of the international Communist conspiracy.  Just out of curiosity, where does one go to keep informed when the left wing tilt of Fox News finally becomes intolerable?  Are the Der Stürmer archives free, or behind a pay wall?

And Shepherd Smith? When he’s not gazing into a mirror, I imagine him gazing at glossy, signed 8x10s of The One.

In her spare time, Dr. Clothier writes the world’s dullest slash fiction.

People who actually watch all the networks know that a roomful of Depression-affected hookers couldn’t give the President more attention than the current press corps.

At first I thought she meant clinically depressed streetwalkers, but then I noticed she capitalized Depression, so I guess she means that strumpets from the 1930s were somehow introduced to the White House Press Room, but the President called on Major Garrett instead.

So his quibbling rings hollow.

But then, quibbling rarely produces a clear, strong tintinnabulation.  Therefore, send not to know/For whom the bell quibbles/It quibbles for thee.

And why do the rest of the press care about this cat fight? Well, it reveals their own bias, for one. By obsessing over Fox News, President Obama, by default acknowledges the rest of the press serves him and serves him well. While that’s the truth, the Press would prefer that it not be so overtly acknowledged. It’s embarrassing. Still, he does love us….sigh.

You’re like one of those people who advise victims of domestic violence to go back to their husbands, because splitting up would be hard on the children.  Listen, Doc, Fox News may say they’re sorry, they may promise things will be different, but they’re never gonna change.  It’s an unhealthy relationship, and I think a clean break is the best thing for all parties.

The press should be more embarrassed. So should the President of the United States. But they’re not.

Tell you what…When Fox News shows a little embarrassment about this:


…you can lecture the President of the United States on shame.

They’re just a little piqued that other people are seeing the love affair so obviously. They thought they were keeping a secret! Turns out, the joke’s on both of them. Everyone sees the “special relationship” between the press and Obama. Everyone.

Of course, during the run of Moonlighting, Melissa was also convinced that Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd were really doing it off-camera (even after Season 4).

People seek a bit of fairness. That’s why Fox News is doing so well.

But just as Moonlighting showed, once you finally get what you seek, the whole show pretty much goes down the toilet.