Captain’s Log:  We have begun scanning Townhall for signs of intelligent life.  So far, all results have proven negative, but Lt. Uhura reports that there’s a being with the unpronounceable name of D’Souza (what is it with these aliens and their yen for inappropriate apostrophes?) who is attempting to contact the ship via a really crappy dial-up connection.

On screen, Lieutenant.

Now that Barack Obama has pretty much wrapped up the nomination, it’s time to raise a question that lots of people have been talking about privately but not publicly. Is it possible that Michelle Obama is the force behind Barack Obama’s refusal to embrace traditional patriotic symbols? Could Obama’s wife be largely responsible for the candidate’s damaging associations with crackpot race-baiters like the Reverend Jeremiah Wright and the Reverend Michael Pfleger? In sum, could Obama’s wife be a large part of his political problem?

Great.  More weird alien names.  What the hell’s a “Michelle?”

Ooh.  She does look angry…

Obama himself seems, at least on the surface, relatively free of the kind of corrosive racial resentment that is so common among African American activists of our day. This resentment is especially puzzling as it often comes from people who, far from being victims, have actually enjoyed benefits and privileges that they would probably never get if they happened to be white.

Well, that just made no frigging sense.  Hey, anybody have a Universal Translator on them?

Good, thanks.  Try not to hold it like it’s your dick, Chekhov.  All right, run that last paragraph through and let’s see if we can figure out what this humanoid is trying to say…

Translating…

Obama seems to hate Whitey only half as much as most blacks, probably because he’s half white.  Lucky for him he’s got a touch of the tar brush, though, since black people get first pick of top universities and the best-paying jobs, and they get to cut to the head of the line at Space Mountain, and run red lights without getting tickets, and they can eat all the Frusen Gladje and nobody can say anything about it.

Ah.  Okay.  That’s what I thought he meant.

Consider the case of Michelle Obama. She was raised in a two-parent, middle-class family. She applied to one of America’s top universities, Princeton, and was admitted. Of this experience, Michelle says on the stump, “All my life I have confronted people who had a certain expectation of me. Every step of the way, there has been people telling me what I couldn’t do. When I applied to Princeton, they said: you can’t go there, your test scores aren’t high enough.”

Translating…

Low test scores didn’t stop George W. Bush from getting into Yale!  You know, Michelle, people might respect you more if you spent less time bitching about racism and more time oozing out the birth canal of a rich, politically-connected white woman.

Which is all very moving, except that her test scores weren’t high enough. Michelle Obama is part of the affirmative action generation of above-average but far-from-stellar performers who were granted preferential admission to America’s most elite institutions.

Translating…

You’re a quota baby who could barely pay off her student loans.  I’m a “scholar” at the Hoover Institution, and I write books for Regnery like, “What’s So Great About Christianity?” and “What’s So Great About America?” and “The Virtue of Prosperity,” where I prove the counterintuitive fact that having money in your pockets is better than lint!  Yeah, sure, each one is stuffed from cover to cover with pure, nitrogen-rich bullshit, but guess what?  Whitey pays through the nose for it!

And yet, amazingly, you don’t hear me whining about how unfair the system is.

Michelle notes that she graduated with honors in her major. Again, the problem is that her undergraduate thesis is on the web. You might expect that she wrote about Shakespeare’s sonnets or the political evolution of W.E.B. Du Bois. Well, no. Essentially Michelle Obama wrote about the problems of being a black woman at an Ivy League university.

Translating..

So Michelle wrote some tendentious boilerplate about black people fitting into white society, blah, blah, blah, and because of affirmative action, she got a passing grade.  Just the kind of thing you’d expect from a black liberal feminist who’s black.  See, the secret to real, earned success in American letters is to crank out shockingly original and transgressive material that is so contrarian you would never imagine it coming from the pen of a conservative with a sinecure at a right wing think tank.  Just take a gander at my ouevre:

Ronald Reagan: How An Ordinary Man Became an Extraordinary Leader
Reagan Versus The Intellectuals
How Ronald Reagan Won The Cold War
The End of Racism
The Self-Esteem Hoax
We the Slaveowners
Two Cheers for Colonialism
10 Great Things About America

And then I throw my change-up…

10 Things To Celebrate:  Why I’m An Anti-Anti-American

Here is a typical passage: “By actually working with the Black lower class or within their communities as a result of their ideologies, a separationist may better understand the desparation of their situation and feel more hopeless about a resolution as opposed to an integrationist who is ignorant to their plight.”

Alas, the grammar is all wrong here. More than once, the tenses are garbled. People are ignorant “of” the plight of the lower class, not ignorant “to” their plight. And”desparation” should be spelled “desperation.”

Is it actually legal to grade someone’s paper twenty years after they’ve turned it in?

To wreak so much havoc on the English language in one sentence, without conveying anything of substance, is perhaps deserving of a prize. Is this what her professors were thinking when they granted her honors? Whatever the Obamorons say

…they clearly have no respect for the grandeur and majesty of their mother tongue, the stupid Obozos.

…let’s remember that that these are not mere typos; they reflect an estranged relationship to the English language. Moreover they appear not in an off-the-cuff transcript but in a thesis that is supposed to reflect the culmination of one’s college career.

Translating…

Perhaps it made a modicum of sense in the original Swahili.

Subsequently Michelle went on to further appointments and even managed to cash in big time on her skin color and marriage to Barack Obama. She was hired by the University of Chicago hospitals to run “programs for community relations, neighborhood outrecah, volunteer recruitment, staff diversity, and minority contracting.” Here her salary was $400,000 a year.

Just for failing the Paper Bag Test.  Wow.

One might expect that the reaction of someone who gets so many privileges to be grateful to a society that makes them possible. But no. Michelle Obama thinks that her very success is an example of white oppression. By a bizarre twist of logic, she converts “you’re not good enough, but we’ll take you anyway” into a message of “they said I wasn’t good enough, but I proved them wrong.”

Or perhaps like many minorities in this country, especially African-Americans, and particularly African-American women, she encountered closed doors, preconceptions, and outright prejudice and had to excel beyond the standards expected of white men in order to achieve a position of responsibility, and a salary commensurate with her professional duties.  Of course, that just proves she’s too dumb to take a job as a decorative blackamoor on Richard Mellon Scaife’s estate, grinding out 700-word encomiums to the blameless and alabaster ruling class.

Ordinarily these psychological peculiarities may be of little interest, except perhaps to a therapist.

Or someone who titles a column, “Michelle Obama’s Inferiority Complex.”

But Michelle now stands next to a man that may be elected president of the United States. Barack Obama wants everyone to “lay off” his wife. He doesn’t seem to realize that this is not a reasonable request concerning a woman who clearly influences him and who stands to have public influence in her own right. Moreover, for months the media has been laying off her precisely because she is his wife. Like Michelle, Obama seems to confuse preferential treatment with ill treatment.

Whereas if somebody smacked Dinesh upside the head, I’m sure his superior powers of ratiocination would permit him to eventually sort out the motive.

Of course we’ve had controversial first ladies in the White House before. The Obamas, however, aren’t there yet. Will Barack Obama be ultimately forced to distance himself not just from the Reverend Wright and the Reverend Pfleger but also from his own wife?

Translating…

Will I continue to get a paycheck for cut-and-pasting crap off the Internet and padding out the word count with grammar lessons and rhetorical questions?

All right, you can stow the Universal Translator, I’ve heard enough.  Let’s dust off and nuke the planet.  It’s the only way to be sure.

Wingnuts | 9 Comments »

Remember, TITA is watching you.

My Country Right, Wrong or Decline to State | 5 Comments »

Over at his blog today, Michael Medved reminds us all that guns are for killin’, and marriage is for baby-makin‘…

Marital Intercourse: Uniquely Intimate, Uniquely SignificantThe act of sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is the only human interaction capable of producing offspring, and therefore enjoys recognition in every culture as the most significant form of intimacy. Gay couples, as well as heterosexual partners, may engage in other erotic contact but this affection can’t count as consequential or as serious as intercourse.

When married people hump, they mean business!

Society and law rightly give unique weight to this one form of physical contact…

…while withholding government sanction for other forms of physical contact such as Dutch Rubs, Wet Willies, and spontaneous games of “Got Your Nose!”

…and pay less attention to other forms of affection or pleasure.

Otherwise, women would marry their vibrators, and men like Michael would have no choice but to court a box turtle or a beagle.

What, after all, does it mean to “consummate” a same sex marriage?

Not that I’m an expert, but this sounds an awful like an opening line from a Falcon Studios video, such as Dare, or Greased…

Michael Medved:  I tell you, Eryk, this whole gay marriage thing has me so confused…I mean, how would two guys even consummate a marriage?

Eryk Eberhard-Faber:  Well I’m glad you asked me that, Michael — Oh, hang on, someone’s at the door…Hey, it’s 9 guys named Chad!  What a coincidence!  C’mon in, fellas, Mike and I were just talking…

We know how to define “virgin” in heterosexual terms…

…but what, exactly, does that designation mean for lesbians or gay males?

And most important of all, how do we preserve our sons’ and daughters’ ocular virginity?!  Via TBogg:

…a student at Pensacola who withdrew in 1997, was disciplined for what is known on the campus as “optical intercourse” — staring too intently into the eyes of a member of the opposite sex. This is also referred to as “making eye babies.”

“Don’t look at it, Marion!  Whatever you do, keep your eyes shut!  Don’t look–!

Awww, crap!

Really? | 27 Comments »

I’m off for a consultation with a doctor at the Cedars-Sinai Pain Center to see what, if anything, can be done about my herniated disc, and it’s wholly-owned subsidiary, “Ouch!”  I hope to be back later today, but in the meantime, here’s some cat pictures.

Riley:

I can’t stop thinking about Pepsi…!  Why?  WHY?!

And Moondoggie:

Phew, what a day!  I’m too tired to even lick my own junk…
Hey…Can you put that camera down and help a brother out?

Wild Things | 11 Comments »

Over at Alicublog, Roy bemoans the listlessly whipped froth that’s lately been hissing from the Redi-Whip cans of Wingnuttia.  The second-generation sinecurists and welfare queens of the conservo-commentariat seem to be on auto-pilot this week; not even the usually reliable Jonah Goldberg can be bothered to lift his leg and emit a respectably crepitant insight.

But in the comments to Roy’s piece, Chad points out that some of those little mom ‘n’ pop pundits continue to provide the same hand-crafted, high quality, neo-fascist spleen you can no longer find at the soulless Big Box emporia:

I still advocate that Orson Scott Card is a tragically untapped resource of grade-A wingnuttery. In his most recent screeds, he called believing in climate change a a puritan religion and compared Al Gore to Islamic fundamentalists in one swoop and used an “Indiana Jones” review to make an implied insult against Hinduism *and* root for the Red Scare blacklistings.

To be fair, though, it could be argued that Orson just makes it far too easy…

The kid may be onto something!  Let’s check it out…

Oops.  Wrong Orson.  Here we go…

I was prepared to be disappointed, going into Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I’d been hearing from people that it just wasn’t as good as the other films. Oh well, thought I. I’ve already seen Prince Caspian and there’s nothing else remotely interesting in the theaters.

Only one movie this year depicting Jesus as an extra-dimensional carnivorous quadruped?  This explains why Hollywood is going down the crapper: their fealty to the homo-liberal agenda prevents them from catering to a potentially huge market for huggable plush crucifixes.

The two best movies, Raiders and Last Crusade, both deal with Judeo-Christian elements. Remember when Sean Connery slaps Harrison Ford’s face for taking the name of Christ in vain? There was an element of faith, an affirmation of the Western religious tradition

…of beating your children.  Spare the slap, spoil the middle-aged child.

It resonates in the minds and hearts of a lot of the public. At the end of Raiders and again at the end of Last Crusade, the wrath of God is striking down the enemies of righteousness. Made-up idolatrous gods just didn’t do it for us westerners in Temple of Doom. And it was not satisfying to see the second movie show that the idol was just a powerful as the God of Moses and Christ.

Hindus were especially irked, because realistically speaking, their gods would win any rumble with the Trinity by sheer force of numbers.

Now we have something even more outrageous than idolatry — we have science fiction. On one level, it’s perfectly all right…

…keep those royalties a’comin’, Tor Books!

But on another level, I was offended when, just in passing, we see the Ark of the Covenant from the first movie turn up in this one. It isn’t even important; it seems to have lost all its power during its years in storage. It’s nothing.

Well don’t get all bent out of shape.  Maybe on the other side of the crate was a huge pile of bones and moth-eaten uniforms left behind by all the military geniuses who’d said to themselves, “Hey!  This thing melts the flesh off anybody who even looks at it.  Let’s check it out!”

Belief in the God of Abraham is part of what made western society what it is — and it’s one of the best parts. It’s the moral brake and the source of meaning for our civilization.

“Moral Braking void in Islam.  No purchase necessary.  Believers in the God of Abraham who reside in Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, U.A.E, Qatar, Bahrain, Kuwait, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan and Indonesia are not eligible for Source of Meaning.”

It doesn’t always work, but when it doesn’t, we wish it had.

I feel the same way about condoms and aspirin.

It’s disturbing to believers in that God to have extravagant sci-fi coexist with — indeed, trump — that religion.

That reminds me…Which god’s son do you think would win in a fight?  Jesus or the Mighty Thor?

Naturally, having Commies as bad guys was really disturbing to the politically correct liberals making the movie. So they made a really big point of showing how the anti-Communists got Indiana Jones fired from his university job.

I’d like to know how many tenured professors were fired during that era? Remember that the blacklist of Communists in Hollywood targeted people who actually had been Communists; their defense was not that they hadn’t been Communists, but that the government had no right to question them about it.

“I’d like to know, but not enough to look it up or anything…”

The FBI helped out as well. In 1951, a group of governors, led by Adlai Stevenson of Illinois, asked J. Edgar Hoover to protect them against the threat of intervention from right-wing legislators by supplying them with the information they needed to purge their own payrolls. The FBI director agreed, inaugurating what the Bureau called its “Responsibilities Program.”…Though most of the program’s files are heavily blacked out, we can tell that…before Hoover discontinued it in 1955, the program had fingered about 800 people, many of them college teachers.

…
And, just as the firings at the University of Washington had precipitated the earlier ban on Communists, so, too, the late 1952 dismissal of two teachers at another public institution, Rutgers University, prompted the academic establishment to devise a rationale for firing people who took the Fifth.
…

The most common formulation involved the academic profession’s so-called “obligation of candor.” In an official statement at the end of March 1953, the presidents of the nation’s thirty-seven leading universities explained that because of the academic profession’s strong commitment to free speech, professors had a special duty to speak out. “Invocation of the Fifth Amendment” the presidents declared, “places upon a professor a heavy burden of proof of his fitness to hold a teaching position and lays upon his university an obligation to reexamine his qualifications for membership in its society.” Or, in other words, name names or get out.

That’s my favorite part.  “You must demonstrate your devotion to our Constitutional values of free speech by freely squealing on your colleagues.  Anything less is Communist-style censorship.”  Anyway, back the Big O…

And this was an era when our own spy service was hopelessly incompetent because the Communists had deeply penetrated British and American spy operations everywhere. Treason and espionage really happened — the anti-Communists didn’t make it up.

That’s why the FBI spent so much time wiretapping Martin Luther King.

So for this movie to simultaneously exploit Russian Communists as villains and slander the anti-Communist efforts of the U.S. government – however inept they often were — is hypocritical in the extreme.

Do we even have extreme hypocrisy anymore in this country?  I know Irony died after 9/11, but I thought Extreme Hypocrisy choked on its own vomit right around the time Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Robert Livingston impeached Clinton for lying about an extramarital affair.

The Communists were around longer than the Nazis, and so they killed, tortured, imprisoned, enslaved, and oppressed many millions more than Hitler was ever able to get to. They were a movement that promised equality and delivered unspeakable oppression by a hypocritical oligarchy. They are excellent villains for the Indiana Jones movies.

But to paint the FBI as the moral equivalent of the Communists is a slander against the many law-abiding agents who devoted years of their lives to the service of our country, however corrupt their boss, J. Edgar Hoover, might have been.

Yeah.  I’m sure Jean Seberg would be the first to agree.

Wingnuts | 29 Comments »

In the 1967-68 TV series “The Invaders,” Roy Thinnes was able to identify the alien infiltrators by their pinkie fingers, which stuck out as stiff and haughty as Barack Obama at a country club.  In 1988′s They Live, Rowdy Roddy Piper’s Ray-Bans allowed him to detect the skull-faced extraterrestials who were surreptitiously running the country.  And now, WorldNetDaily CEO Joseph Farah shows us how to sniff out the subversive elements infesting America’s vital news organs:

Have you ever opened up your local newspaper and wondered why there is so much coverage of homosexuals and issues of concern to homosexuals?

I assumed it was because each time gays made an incremental advance toward parity with the rights and privileges of the heterosexual majority, people like you and James Dobson immediately issue hysterical press releases and run radio ads like this:

“Mom…”

If the Colorado legislature has its way…

“A man in a dress came into the girl’s restroom at school today.”

We could all be dealing with a new type of predator.

“Honey, there was a man in the women’s showers at the gym today, and the management said it was, it was Colorado law.”

And instead of our kids worrying about class work, they’ll be worrying about who might be in the restroom with them.

“No way I’m going in there (school bell), I’d rather wait all day if a guy’s in there.”

Our children must be protected from predators, but if Governor Ritter won’t veto Senate Bill 200, all public restrooms, including those in our public schools, will be open to anyone of any sex.

Anyway, back to Joe:

Have you ever wondered why coverage of homosexuals and their cause is so universally positive?

Well, since I occasionally read your site, um…no.

I will explain it to you.

Really, don’t put yourself out…

When I first entered the news business back in the late 1970s, there was an indelicate old adage that simplified the standards of the industry with regard to personal and journalistic conflicts of interest.The curmudgeonly city editor would straightforwardly explain to his reporter: “Hey, I don’t care if you sleep with elephants, just don’t cover the circus.”

That remained the American journalistic ethic until “the invasion.”

What invasion?

The invasion of America’s newsrooms by the elephants and their suitors.

Of course, I don’t literally mean elephants and those fond of elephants invaded the news business.

Oh, phew!  It was just another one of those metaphors I keep hearing about…

But the very behavior that crude expression was meant to discourage became de rigueur.

What am I talking about?

I was hoping you knew.

I’m telling you something few others could tell you. I am talking to you as a long-time member of the media elite.

“Elite,” eh?  Well, latte dah.

Farah made a name for himself in 1990, when he became editor of the Sacramento Union newspaper under the ownership of Daniel Benvenuti, Jr., and David Kassis when the three turned the paper in a more conservative direction. Benvenuti and Kassis bought the newspaper from billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife…After fifteen months as editor of The Union, Farah stepped down, in part from the 30 percent decline of the paper’s circulation. (The Sacramento Union was bankrupt by 1994…Prior to working at The Union, Farah was the executive news editor of the Los Angeles Herald Examiner (now closed)

Sorry, Joe, just wanted to check your bona fides.  You were saying…?

I am relating to you unique experiences I had as the editor in chief of major-market daily newspapers.

And if I was looking to crater a metro broadsheet, I’d be grateful.

I am explaining to you how America’s news business became a propaganda business manipulated by pressure groups. I am revealing, as an insider, the way the press was invaded and taken over by radical activists with a perverse and extreme agenda.

Right, right.  But if your experiences were “unique,” then by definition they weren’t common, and wouldn’t explain a widespread phenomenon, would they?  I mean, this all seems like an awfully big build-up just to out a few queers on the City Desk.  You’re not, by any chance, trying to sell me something, are you…?

You can find out much more about this dirty little secret in my latest book, “Stop the Presses! The Inside Story of the New Media Revolution.” But here’s an example of a group that has virtually dictated the way newspapers and broadcast outlets cover issues involving homosexuality and other forms of sexual deviancy. It’s called the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association.

Not only is the organization successful at working inside the media to ensure favorable coverage of homosexuals and their political agenda, it even persuades the corporate press barons to pay their freight! The Hearst Corp., McClatchy Company, Gannett, National Public Radio, Bloomberg, Washington Post, NBC News, ABC, CBS News, CNN, Fox News Channel, Fox Business Network and the parent company of both, News Corp., are all sponsoring the group’s convention in August this year. Other big corporations underwriting the event include jetBlue, Harrahs, Orbitz, Pfizer, Coca Cola and Toyota.

The Invisible Hand of the Market has a limp wrist!  Noooooo!

The NLGJA’s president works at the New York Post. Board members work at Fox News Channel, CNN, NBC and major newspapers.

They won’t stop until Bill O’Reilly directs at least 10% of his sexually harassing late night phone calls to gay staffers.  Fair and Balanced, people…

Maybe you think this is a healthy development within the media. Perhaps you believe it will lead to more “tolerance” and “diversity” within the press.

I’ve got news for you – it leads to exactly the opposite.

“Maybe you think I’m a jerk. Well it turns out, you’re a jerk!”

At previous national conferences, it has been suggested by participants that journalists should not even bother seeking other points of view on homosexuals’ issues and stories. It has been suggested that differing points of view should not even be permitted to be aired by their news organizations.

It has also been suggested that repeated, if not constant use of the passive voice allows me to make accusations without backing them up with facts or links or citations.

But, here’s the good news – and there’s much more to be found in “Stop the Presses!”

“Did I mention that I wrote a book?!  And not just the one I ghosted for Rush Limbaugh…!”

I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but if I were the sort of person who managed to drive the one newspaper I edited into bankruptcy — despite lavish subsidies from deep-pocketed wingnuts — I don’t think I’d title my book, “Stop the Presses.”

These people, these activists masquerading as journalists, do so in the controlled media – the establishment press, the “downstream media.” And what’s happening in the world of the “lamestream media” these days? It’s imploding.

Really?  How?

The activists within the media, whether they realize it or not, are mapping a route to their own self-destruction and disfranchisement.

Sounds serious!  So what exactly are they –

In my humble opinion, it couldn’t happen to a more arrogant bunch of fascist mind-control freaks.

Oh, I see.  You’re saving all the good stuff for “Stop the Presses!  The Inside Story of How I literally Stopped the Presses!”

Fair enough, Joe.  I’ll be sure to click on that “Wanna Know the Secret to Getting 37 Paychecks in the Mail Per Month?  And All at the Push of a BUTTON!” ad on the front page of your site so I can get my free copy.

Teh GAYZ! | 22 Comments »

Much like Peter’s request that he be crucified upside down, because he was “unworthy to die in the same manner as my lord,” WorldNetDaily columnist Janet Folger is daring the state of Colorado to make a martyr of her so that she may sell some more copies of her crappy book.

In a piece entitled Go ahead: Arrest me, Janet lays out the grim fate that awaits both the humble, devout Christian, and the self-promoting limelight addicts who live off them like eyebrow mites:

Censorship. Book burning. The Criminalization of Christianity. It’s here and it’s now the law in the state of Colorado.

And by “here” and “the law” Janet means “actually not here,” and “I’m a drama queen.”

The Ku Klux Klan can march. The Nazis can hand out brochures. Skinheads can do whatever it is that Skinheads do.

The Rotarians can rotate.  The Optimists can optimize.  The Masons can do that secret handshake, or palm slap, or terrorist fist jab they do.

But in the state of Colorado, the only group who is NOT allowed to be heard is … the Christians.

(Insert Melodramatic Prairie Dog Footage here.)

They’re the ones who disagree with same-sex marriage, cohabitation, and believe the biblical view that homosexuality is a sin.  But if they voice that objection from now on, it had better be inside the four walls of a church. If not, they’ll be staring at the four walls of a prison cell … for up to a year.

(Organ sting.  Fade to dishwashing liquid commercial)

You see, Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter signed into law SB 200 and turned public restrooms and locker rooms into a predator paradise where men can enter (and shower in) any female public facility in the state.

Actually, the law says that “public accommodations” which accept heterosexuals cannot bar people on account of “disability, race, creed, color, sex, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, marital status, national origin, or ancestry.”  It doesn’t say men can tinkle in the ladies room.

You’d think that would be as bad as it gets – but wait: Section 8 of that same bill claims to trump the First Amendment:

Actually, it just says that if you deal with the public, it’s come one, come all.  You can’t put up a sign that says “Queers Need Not Apply,” or, “We Don’t Want The Irish.”

Forget the public library display of “banned books week” – its “banned books week” all year round in the entire state of Colorado – if those books, paper, posters, folders, manuscripts, pamphlet, writing, print, letter, notice, advertisement, or crayon drawing is said to be calculated, intended, or thought to discriminate against homosexual behavior, or the agenda to rewrite marriage and adoption laws.

I think the problem is that Janet doesn’t quite understand the legal meaning of discrimination.  Now, she clearly wants to discriminate against gay people, and has written a book passionately advocating discrimination, and calling homosexuality a sin.  But unless it can somehow grow arms and legs and stand athwart the door like George Wallace, her book can’t actually prevent gays from using the library.  Hell, it can’t even prevent Gumby and Pokey from brutally penetrating its covers anytime they feel like it

I predicted it three years ago. And a lot of people said I was crazy.

Ahem.

But my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” subtitle: “Read this Before it Becomes Illegal,”

sub-subtitle: “Now!  Buy it Now Before They Pulp the Rest of the Print Run!”

…just became … illegal. And it’s no longer just in Sweden, Europe, and Canada; it’s right here in what used to be known as the “land of the free.”

First they came for the Mark Steyns, and I did not speak up because I wasn’t a hobbit with a yen for show tunes and frequent panic attacks about race suicide…

A week from today I’m flying to Denver and attending a press conference with Colorado pastors and state leaders to … break the law.

…I’m going to call Tom Brady “queer-bait.”

We are handing out my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” and waiting for arrest.

Oh come on, your book blows, but it’s not that bad.

It may be that next week’s column will be written from a jail cell.

It’ll be just like Martin Luther King’s “A Letter from Birmingham Jail,” except it’ll make you want to stick your head in a bait chopper.

Forget my book.

Done!  Glad I could help…

Another far more important book just got banned in Colorado: the Bible. Don’t believe me?

Not really, no.

Take a look at Leviticus 18, Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Timothy 1. There’s a bunch more verses, and they all just became illegal.

[Shortly after this column appeared, Ms. Folger was arrested upon arrival at Denver International Airport, then rushed to an area hospital, where it was determined that shortly before boarding her flight she had swallowed a copy of the Vulgate in a condom.]

Teh GAYZ! | 24 Comments »

Over at Renew America, J. Grant Swank rushes to the aid of a fallen fellow pastor:  “Obama Blasts Dr. James Dobson,” screams the headline, and I don’t know about you, but I’m compelled to read on…

Focus on the Family’s Dr. James Dobson has been blasted by B. Hussein Obama.

Yikes.  Was it a suicide bombing?  A Guy Fawkes-style “gunpowder plot?”  Or did Obama just kick down the door of Focus on the Family and blast Dr. Dobson with a sawed-off 12 gauge?

“Even if we did have only Christians in our midst, if we expelled every non-Christian from the United States of America, whose Christianity would we teach in the schools?” Obama said.

“Would we go with James Dobson’s or Al Sharpton’s?” referring to the civil rights leader per AP.

Ouch.  Even worse.  He compared Dobson to a black man.

Obama underscores Sharpton’s “Christian” because self-appointed Pentecostal preacher Sharpton endorses abortion, homosexual lifestyle and every other social sin popular today.

Further, Sharpton is not Pentecostal for no Pentecostal worldwide agrees with his liberal theology. It’s another hoodwinking gesture to get into the black biblical brain, just as Obama plays to the black biblical brain by hosting outdoor gospel concerts and mounting black pulpits on Sundays.

Even the evil disembodied brains in Fiend Without a Face didn’t desecrate churches during Sunday services by humping the ecclesiastical furniture!

Obama has stated in his book, “Audacity,” that he would erase the Judeo-Christian backdrop from America’s history in order to meld all religions as one, just as his mother believed.

And then he’d use Skynet to go back in time to 1629 and kill Jan Sobieski’s mother before he was born, so the Turks would win the Battle of Vienna, and then we’d all be wearing turbans and eating yogurt and watching Turkish fight for Truth, Justice, and the Ottoman Way.

Biblical Christians must be aware that when Obama speaks of praying to Jesus, he is referring to the prophet Jesus as believed by Muslims. He is not referring to the incarnate deity who indwelt Jesus Christ as the Son of God.

I believe Obama to be a mask Muslim.

Mask Muslim?!  Holy Crusades, we better switch on the Bat Signal!  Unfortunately, thanks to Obama’s treachery, we can only call the

Wingnuts | 16 Comments »

In her latest pensée, Mary Grabar tackles the Big Questions about Obama:

When I heard that a major part of Barack Obama’s resume included a stint as a “community organizer,” I asked myself what the term meant.

“Now don’t panic, I said to myself…it’s only a two-word phrase, and both words are in English, and you’re a professor of that, so you should be able to figure this out…!”

It’s sort of like “activist.”

“But it’s even more like ‘desk organizer,’ so maybe after college he rented out his pockets to poor scriveners who needed a place to store their pen nibs, rocker blotters, and celluloid eyeshades!”

I had always wondered what the job description for “activist” was. How do you apply? Where do you apply?

And are they hiring?  Because this tenure thing doesn’t look like it’s going to work out..

It was unlike any of the jobs I had had, whether it was pouring beers, serving fish fries, cleaning toilets, pruning in snow-filled vineyards, or marking grammatical errors on freshman essays.

At what point during Mary’s employment history do you think the Peter Principle kicked in?  I’m guessing it was somewhere between working the deep fryer at H. Salt, and giving the toilets a sparkling rim job, although I do admire her willingness to perform the cold weather agricultural work that Mexicans won’t do (to say nothing of helping to make New York State Wine what it is today).

The people I had grown up with worked with blow torches, trowels, and brooms, or stooped over sewing machines all day. If you made it, you were a secretary or supervisor at Kodak. If you were really ambitious you went to the community college or state university and became a nurse or an engineer. You could ask your cousin to put in a good word for you with the supervisor at Kodak or General Motors, but whom would you ask to become an “activist” or “community organizer”?

It’s almost like this Obama guy is saying he’s too good for nepotism!

I imagine if someone like Barack Obama had come to Beach Street in Rochester, New York, in the 1960s where my neighbors relaxed on their lawn chairs on front porches and stoops after a hard day in the factory, and said, “Hi, my name is Barry Obama, and I am a community organizer,” the unanimous response would have been, “A what?”

“A community organizer. I’ve come to organize you, your community.”

This would have immediately raised suspicions

Oh I don’t know…Remember when you were a kid, and you’d hear that tinny music playing outside, and knew that the Community Organizer was coming?  In our house, my sister and I would instantly rush to our mother and beg for some change from her purse, then we’d race each other into the street, hoping we’d be in time before he turned the corner.  And then all the neighborhood kids would run outside and gather around his truck, and he’d step out with his white uniform and big smile, and start arranging us into us into cadres…

While her husband went upstairs, Mrs. Tischenko would have said, “Our grass don’t need no cutting.”

Because he’s black, you see, so it would be natural to assume he was looking to do odd jobs.  Remember, this was the Sixties — too late for hobos, but too early for Latin American day laborers

Mrs. Shulman would have said, “We don’t need you’se guys to tell us how to organize ourselves.”

Then she would have returned to playing the plum role of “Lady with Poodle” in the Rochester Community Theatre production of “Dead End.”

That certainly would have been the opinion of Antonio who owned the one-man barbershop at the corner and Otto who had half the market for the candy trade for Carthage School #8. “Are you telling me how to run my business?” each of them would have asked. The Schmidts’ brindled mutt would have made his way off their porch across the street. “Demon,” as he was called, a sneaky cur around adult strangers, especially those in suits, would have walked stiff-legged across the street while Barry made his speech on social justice and equitable distribution of goods, until he was interrupted by the sting of canine fangs in his calf.

Nope.  Nothing inflammatory about that imagery.  Go on, Professor Grabar, you were fantasizing about Barack Obama visiting your old neighborhood…?

Barry would have been sent running, which would be a good thing for him because right about that time Mr. Tischenko would be coming downstairs with the rifle.

This playlet has been brought to you by Red Man Chewing Tobacco.  “Each Bag Packs a Whole Levee Full of Flavor and Dead Civil Rights Workers!”

So the term “activist” was a foreign one for me.

Like the words, “french fry” or “Negro.”

I only started hearing it in graduate school in relation to what we as teachers of freshman composition were expected to do: train our charges for “social activism.”

California State Standard Curriculum: English 101.
Week 1:  Students will read “A Good Man Is Hard To Find” by Flannery O’Connor, and boycott grapes.
Week 2:  Students will read “Hills like White Elephants” by Ernest Hemingway, then break into small groups and get beaten senseless by Alabama State Troopers.

They said that right there at the orientations and in the books. We were to pass on the tradition of the tenured professors who themselves had been “activists” in the day: burning draft cards, carrying placards, trashing deans’ offices, giving inflammatory speeches, and sometimes throwing bombs.

Fine, just so long as I don’t have to read “An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge” again.

They would speak proudly about how they brought about “social justice.” They did this by inspiring many who lived in “ghettoes” to make their own neighborhoods and adjacent neighborhoods look like the wastes of devastation the activists charged they were in their speeches.

Translation:  If black people are allowed to move in next door to Mrs. Tischenko, they won’t cut their grass and the whole neighborhood will turn into Harlem.

It probably sounds better in the original Slovenian.

So inspired, the masses set about to achieving social justice by smashing windows, looting stores, and overturning police cars. Once the buildings went from being plain or rickety to burned down, these communities needed the help of “community organizers,” which apparently is the job of Harvard-trained lawyers.

Despite the professor-induced rioting, your 3-page paper on “The Lottery” is still due first thing Monday.

Ghetto-child Barry Obama, facing the slings and arrows of racism that all who have the color of his skin suffer in America rose from the depths of poverty, neglect, and hunger through his brilliance and sheer determination and got a law degree from Harvard.

Not.

See what she did right there?  Made you think she might actually stop being an asshole for one second, then she pulled a 180 and completely confounded your expectations!  That’s the kind of elegant literary device that only Temporary Associate English Professors and passe sketch comedy characters can pull off.

We all know his story: private schools, a nurturing (white) mother and (white) grandparents, solicitous professors.

Hey…the professors don’t get their own parenthetical skin tones?  What gives?

In addition to the official government affirmative action programs and private school minority scholarships, I can tell you from sixteen years in academia that liberal professors and administrators practically genuflect in front of any articulate black male, even today, more than two decades after Obama’s own academic career.

Well, geez, after all the tax money I’ve poured into Obama’s education, that bastard better mow my lawn!

Barry Obama had many such academic mentors and one namely is Bill Ayers, a white guy from a wealthy family who in his leisure time (of which he had much, not having to mow lawns or deliver newspapers) liked to throw bombs in order to bring about “social justice” as a member of the Weather Underground.

Wait…Bill Ayers was Obama’s faculty adviser in school?  (“Now, I’ll be bombing my office on Tuesday, but not Wednesday…”)  I think in the comic book business, they call this “retconning.”

Obama has acted like he has only a passing acquaintance with Ayers, as someone living in the same neighborhood, even claiming in an interview that he thought he was an “English professor.” But it seems that Obama may be hiding a lot of connections, like how Ayers and similar like-minded revolutionists of the 1960s, helped get Barry Obama a job as a “community organizer.”

Ahhhh…it’s all connected!  I can just imagine his initial briefing from Bill Ayers at the Weather Underground’s underground lair:

“Barry, your mission is to organize self-reliant barbers, candy store owners, and secretaries at Kodak so they’ll become fatally dependent upon the Federal teat.  As an articulate black man, you’re certain to be embraced by Rochester’s plentiful supply of rifle-toting Leo Gorcey imitators.”

Steve Diamond, law professor at Santa Clara University , offers a fascinating account of Obama’s connections that the New York Times has not seen fit to print and that National Public Radio has not deemed worthy of one of their “in-depth” stories.

They also seem disinterested in my expose showing how the Queen of England and the Illuminati are selling opium to the lizard people who run the Trilateral Commission.

The professor also offers along the way little lessons about the various schools of communism and which type Obama allies favor.

We favor Trotskyism because that’s totally the party school.

It’s a rare treat these days to get a professor writing prose that is enjoyable and educative.

Well, it’s rare at Townhall…

It used to be that way back in the 1950s before the radical theorists took over the academy.

And the Beatniks with that constant bongo music!  It’s driving me mad!

It should be quite convincing of what you already suspected about Obama, which as one of my neighbors from Beach Street might have put it, “You don’t need a weatherman to tell you which way the wind blows over the smell of a rat.”

Actually, even in the original Slovenian that one doesn’t make much sense.

Wingnuts | 16 Comments »

George Carlin.  1937 – 2008

One Of The Good Dead Ones | 2 Comments »