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Archive for the 'I Cover the Wingnut World' Category

Worst Soft-Core Porn EVER!

Posted by s.z. on December 14th, 2010

It comes from the mind of American Thinker columnist Humberto Fontova: Sarah Palin’s Basic Instinct.

What Humberto shares with the world isn’t so much his dreams of seeing Sarah in that interrogation scene, as his comments on Aaron Sorkin’s disgust at Sarah’s televised blood lust. (It seems that during the latest ep of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” Sarah shot a caribou and then did a gleeful victory dance as she butchered the animal. Sorkin thought this was gross. Humberto thinks that it was way sexy.)

For Humberto is a hunter too (or so he says):

Sarah Palin ain’t the only one who dances on a hunt. [...]My pulse rate jumps, my senses quicken, and I’m jolted back into my primal role. The branch jerks again…again. Gotta be something big, I think. My pulse is really hammering now. Is that a flicking ear?…A black nose?…The sun glints off something…yes!– An antler!

Sadly, the glints were just coming from Sally Jensen’s braces – and after Humberto shot her, it ended up being the worst Madison Junior High dance in recent history.

Anyway, here’s the soft-core porn part of the column.

Dear Penthouse Forum:

So, I have this geeky friend (and he is NOT me). I take him hunting.

He wallops a high-flying mallard, and his eyes light up! Next week, he’s clamoring to go again. [...] The embers have ignited into a raging inferno by now.

Um, this actually isn’t a Brokeback Mountain story, as you can see by my masculine photo. But soon his wife hates me.

Invariably, his wife, once tolerably civil, starts to loathe me. She addresses me exclusively in snarls and curses. She hangs up on me, erases my texts and e-mails. She becomes my bitter foe.

Really, it’s not because she thinks I’ve stolen her husband away from her. Okay, it is, but not how you think!

This hunting stuff, however, is a passion, an obsession. “That’s all he talks about!” she wails. “I never see him anymore! He pays more attention to that stupid shotgun than to me! We can’t go out anymore ’cause he’s always gone on weekends…and that damn racket from that damn duckcall! Night and day!”

He is now sexually attracted to ducks instead of her. Well, ducks and deer. But what are you going to do?

The ducks and deer now compete seriously for her time. She resents it. But this always fades.

Because she starts going on her own “hunting trips” with the pizza delivery boy.

No, strike that. Penthouse, you won’t believe it, but what actually happens is that about Christmas time the wife starts getting aroused by the smell of deer blood and unwashed maleness.

Always happens this way. Her hubby’s new passion brings her benefits in the boudoir, you see. Conquest afield is usually followed by conquest at home. He returns from the chase — dirty, bedraggled, but always with a carnal gleam in his eye. It was so for our Paleolithic ancestors. It remains the case today. Ask around.

Seriously, Penthouse Forum, I would appreciate it if you would start asking around, and find out if women really get turned on by dirty, bedraggled, horny, stupid guys? If so, would you please get me some names and phone numbers?

Oh, and I once saw Sarah Palin getting frisky with her husband. Or maybe it was a bigfoot. But it REALLY HAPPENED!

“That day in sunny Texas when the divorce rumors were rampant in the tabloids,” writes Sarah Palin in Going Rogue, “I watched Todd, tanned and shirtless, take the baby from my arms and walk him back to the ranch house. Seeing Todd’s blue eyes smiling, I chuckled. ‘Dang,’ I thought. ‘Divorce Todd? Have you seen Todd?”

Apparently that gleam is not confined to the male hunters’ eyes.

So, I was wondering if you could get me in touch with some programming guys from The Learning Channel or the Playboy Channel. I have some ideas of how “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” could be made more watchable.

Your friend and faithful reader,


Attack Of The Cake-Takers

Posted by scott on November 5th, 2010

It’s been awhile since we’ve posted about low-rent pundit Kyle-Anne Shiver, mostly because her once flavorful wingnuttery seemed to lose a few of its seven secret herbs and spices after she unsuccessfully played chicken with her employers.  For those who may have missed or forgotten about it — it’s been a year — here is Kyle-Anne’s own America’s Most Wanted-style recreation of the crime:

I noticed that Creators Syndicate, with whom I was under contract for a weekly column, was allowing its liberal columnists to use the homosexual slang, “tea baggers” and “tea bagging,” in clear reference to American citizens protesting unconstitutional overreach and out-of-control spending of taxpayers’ hard-earned money.  I lodged a formal complaint with the top editors and demanded that the practice stop.  I said that I would disengage with the Syndicate if the practice continued.

The eagerness with which her editors snatched the proffered resignation out of her hand suggests they may have regarded it less as an act of brinksmanship, and more as an early Christmas present.

When the editors refused to even entertain a discussion on the merits of my complaint, and instead showed me the door, I apologized for my hastiness and tried to save the prestigious contract.

When they wouldn’t let her take back her ultimatum, she wrote another letter declaring that she’d been right the first time, and they should suck it.  Since then, though, she has seemed to lose that keen and keening edge of crazy certitude which once distinguished her opinionizing, until now, her afflatus just seems deflated.

Nevertheless, Kyle-Anne is still capable of cranking out a decent column in her area of expertise:  practical and applied stupidity.

California Wins Dumbest State Award in Landslide

It’s the proverbial morning after and with votes counted, California has won the Dumbest State Award in a historic landslide of monstrous proportions.

We’ve elected Arnold Schwarzenegger Governor twice, and you’re only now realizing that we’re stupid?  I take it you’ve also just noticed our fondness for Wallabees, mood rings, and Dixieland Jazz?

All Californians can now see Greece from their bedroom windows.  No need to even go to the backyards and crane their little necks.

To “crane their little necks,” refers, of course, to our practice of using penny arcade claw machines to harvest clams.

In the coming years, the unions, who have been bilking Californians in a protection-racket type scheme, will be taking to the streets in massive, destructive temper tantrums just like those out-in-the-cold workers in other failed socialist states across the big pond. It won’t be pretty.

Yes, it’ll be exactly like the way those blue collar thugs took to the streets in 1934 to avenge Upton Sinclair’s loss in the gubernatorial race — thousands of working class goons shutting down the docks and the factories, chanting “No Whitman, No Peace!”

All the while Californians have been lining the greedy pockets of union masters, they’ve also saddled their economy with the greenest of the green anti-pollution laws, which they’ve just voted overwhelmingly to keep in place.  At the very same time, they’ve neglected their infrastructure to the degree that whole cities will probably be condemned shortly as uninhabitable by anything higher on the evolutionary scale than rats.

So remember California, by trying to protect the environment, you’re actually turning it into a barren, mutant-infested hellscape.

California’s sanctuary cities openly flout federal immigration laws with impunity now, but if they keep it up they’re going to face a loud demand from the other 49 for their statehood and immediate, irreversible secession by force.

Oh oh, you mean Mississippi and Oklahoma won’t let us subsidize their diabetes and oil spill damage anymore?  Shucks!  This is worse than a lesbian separatist being thrown out of the He-Man Women Hater’s Club.

Let’s start with the election of Governor Moonbeam. As I’m thinking of Jerry Brown’s reincarnated governorship, I’m already visualizing his mouth covered in duct tape for four years.

You’re in luck, Kyle-Anne, as there are several sites on the Internet which cater to this, and similar fantasies.

Honestly, I’ll be the first to admit that Meg Whitman, although a brilliant businesswoman, was not the most spectacular political candidate. But really, have Californians been so brainwashed that they mistake a forked silver tongue for actual abilities in the budget-balancing realm?

Granted a lot of people don’t have terribly clear memories of the 70s, but come on, Kyle, you couldn’t even open up Wikipedia?  ”Upon taking office, Brown gained a reputation as a fiscalconservative. The American Conservative later noted he was ‘much more of a fiscal conservative than Governor Reagan.’ His fiscal restraint resulted in one of the biggest budget surpluses in state history, roughly $5 billion.”

Or $1 billion more than Meg Whitman lost when she bought Skype.

It’s enough to make bright citizens in the other 49 run for the barf bags. Never has a generation so disgraced their ingenuous, hard-working, self-reliant ancestors.

Most of my ancestors were douchebags, so who cares, but I have to admit that “ingenuous, hard-working, self-reliant,” perfectly describes my grandfather — or, as he’s better known to some, “that guy who voted for Jerry Brown in 1974.”  And I still haven’t lived down the disgrace.  Won’t someone please think of the descendants?

Nancy Pelosi’s disgraceful tenure as House speaker got the national drubbing she had been begging for since she first pranced around with the big gavel and unethically (illegally, probably) started her own foreign policy in the Middle East.

I disagreed with Speaker Pelosi’s decision to invade Iran, and in retrospect I probably should have spoken up, but I was afraid she would hit me with her giant gavel.

This woman has so disgraced America, her state, her gender, her Catholic faith, and the Democrat Party that she couldn’t have won election as dog catcher in any of the other 49 states.

It’s like the opening to Branded, with the other 49 states ripping off her brass buttons, epaulettes, and crucifix, and breaking her vagina over their knee.

And now to the cake-taker in California’s miserable showing yesterday.  In a statewide race that had the entire country holding its collective breath, Californians decided to reelect “Call me Senator” Boxer, whose intelligence is so questionable

…that she actually thinks it’s pronounced “Democratic Party.”

To put icing on this purely poisonous cake, Madame Boxer was running against a candidate – Carly Fiorina – who had the rest of us in the other 49 drooling in envy.

It might not be envy.  Drooling and foaming at the mouth is a sign that the cake may be poisoned with phencyclidine, cadmium, mercury, or rhododendron.

But what did Californians do with this golden-beyond-golden opportunity that the rest of us would have killed for?  They blew it.

Even when news broke last week that Ms. Boxer had illegally implored California’s public school teachers to send their students to work for her campaign, the dumb-beyond-dumb citizens of California…

…who should just give it up and retire to On Golden-Beyond-Golden Pond.

…just rolled their eyes, donned their valley-girl ninny suits, and marched right in to vote for the Hollywood candidate.  As those of us in the other 49 well remember, Senator Boxer is the brainy equivalent of a slug.

So, with no further ado, let me bestow upon California the 2010 award for the dumbest state in the entire union.

The awards banquet will be held Friday, December 3rd, at the Shrine Auditorium at 8 PM.  Cocktail attire for the ladies, Ninny Suit and Tie for the gentlemen.

You Californians made your bed yesterday.  Now sleep in it and don’t come crying to the rest of us when your lights go out, your water turns off, and your illegal-alien servants head back south.

We’re calling it “The Nanny Apocalypse,” or “The Day of the Day Laborer.”  Cormac McCarthy is hard at work on the novelization.

Soyent Green is the President! Or Something.

Posted by s.z. on August 3rd, 2010

Anybody watch Rubicon on AMC the other night? It’s pretty good. It’s about an analyst at a NSA-type organization who notices some synchronicity in the world’s crossword puzzles. And then people start dying. (Damn you, NY Times!) As the promo tells us, “Not all conspiracies are theories.”

And I have to say how happy I was that Scott paid a call on our old friend Pastor Swank. It made my whole morning to read of the Pastor’s homey encounters with buns, crack, hepatitis-laden earrings, watchful librarians, and scalding spouses. (I think we now have the background we need to properly appreciate the story of how the Pastor was planning on abandoing his wife to the actions of his homicidal son and fleeing town on a Greyhound Bus.)

And speaking of crazy old guys and conspiracies, Chuck Norris has uncovered the scoop of the century: President Obama is planning on assassinating his U.S. opponents. You know, because he’s a liberal!

Obama’s US Assassination Program?

Sound too conspiratorial to be true? Like the cover-up ops of spy novels? Well, it’s reality.

And the fact that you are hearing about it from the actor who starred in Invasion USA doesn’t mean it’s not!

And it is possibly the most bizarre, inhumane and abusive way that the White House is expanding its power over the American people.

It’s even more bizarre than the federal law against growing your own tomatoes that my “Number of the Beast is Obama” relatives and acquaintances keep raving about. And it’s even more inhumane and abusive than reinstating the inheiritance tax!

It’s not an extremist belief or theory of the far right.

It’s an extremist theory of the crackpot section of a really gullible portion of the Glenn Beck wing of the wingnuts.

And it’s the gravest nightmare of U.S. citizens and abandonment of our Constitution to date: a presidential assassination program in which U.S. citizens are in the literal scopes of the executive branch based upon nothing more than allegations of terrorism involvement as the branch defines it.

It’s a little known fact that members of the elite Presidential Assassination Program find the executive branch a much deadlier weapon than the AK-47, what with its high-tech literal scope and all.

Of course, the CIA has executed covert assassinations of foreigners for decades. But tragically, Obama is expanding this program to include American, non-Islamic, stateside, homegrown terrorists.

Okay, this is the crux of Chuck’s objection to this imaginary assassination plan: not all of the people on the hit list are Muslims!!!

According to Chuck, the outlines of the conspiracy were first revealed in January, when The Washington Post reported: “As part of the operations, Obama approved a Dec. 24 strike against a (Yemeni) compound where a U.S. citizen, Anwar al-Aulaqi, was thought to be meeting with other regional al-Qaeda leaders. Although he was not the focus of the strike and was not killed, he has since been added to a shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing or capture.”

The horror, the horror!

“A shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing”?

“Or capture” Chuck. Remember to read to the end of the sentence.

That’s right. No arrest. No Miranda rights. No due process. No trial. Just a bullet.

Remember the good old days when conservatives were whining about how liberals were too soft on terrorists, what with the chicken l’orange at Gitmo. (Not to mention the wimpy way liberals were always objecting to water boarding and “24″ and such.) Well, those days are gone, and now the problem is that the Democrats AREN’T Mirandizing al-Qaeda members, which is against everything that conservatives hold dear.

Well, the real new problem is that apparently Obama has decided to kill everybody and let God sort them out. At least, that’s what Chuck has taken from some media stories that somebody in his “Birthers” news list group mentioned, or he heard about through his fillings or something.

The gist of the evidence of this conspiracy is:

A former director of national intelligence, Adm. Dennis Blair, confessed before Congress: “We take direct actions against terrorists in the intelligence community. If we think that direct action will involve killing an American, we get specific permission to do that.”

Meaning that, for instance, a strike is planned against a Yemeni compound where a U.S. citizen is thought to be plotting with al-Qaeda leaders, they need to get permission from the President before sending the missile.

If you are wondering who the “we” are to whom Adm. Blair refers, they are Smith, Wesson and the White House.

Hey, that would be a great idea for a syndicated TV show: “Now, from the producer who brought you Walker, Texas Ranger, watch out for Smith, Wesson, and the White House. They get the bad guys! No due process. No trial. Just a bullet. Coming this fall!”

Now we know what deputy national security adviser John Brennan meant when he admitted in May, “And under President Obama, we have built upon the work of the previous administration and have accelerated efforts in many areas.”

Yes, now we know. That reference to “many areas” tells it all. And it’s more horrible than we could have possibly imagined!

Brennan further explained then that the problem of homegrown terrorists ranks as a top priority because of the increasing number of U.S. individuals who have become “captivated by extremist ideology or causes.” He went on to say, “There are … dozens of U.S. persons who are in different parts of the world and … are very concerning to us.”

Do you think “different parts of the world” doesn’t include their country of origin?

And do you think that “are very concerning to us” doesn’t mean “And so we are planning on shooting them dead in their karate studios or while they sit at their typewriters working on their next Town Hall column, because we hate those stupid Tea Parties SO MUCH!”?

Anyway, there is legislation to legalize all this. As Chuck explains, there was this act, “H.R. 1955,” which was passed in the House but was rejected by the Senate.

Everyone thought that legislation was dead

. . .Cue the ominous music

. . .until the Obama administration resurrected its tenets in its 52-page “National Security Strategy,” released in May.

And because this strategy has 52-pages, no one could possible link to it, quote from it, or even cite some of its horrible tenets. So, just trust Chuck when he says that it’s been assembled from parts of dead legislation, zapped with lightening, and now IT’S ALIVE and spreading terror among the villagers!

So alarming is the feds’ potential abuse of power that officials from London to the Kremlin are recognizing the threat to U.S. citizens.

The European Union Times reported, “Foreign Ministry reports circulating in the Kremlin today are warning that an already explosive situation in the United States is about to get a whole lot worse as a new law put forth by President Obama is said capable of seeing up to 500,000 American citizens jailed for the crime of opposing their government.”

And if we can’t trust the Kremlin to tell us when we should be alarmed, then who can we trust? Well, certainly we can panic when we read an undocumented quote from a European paper stating that unnamed officials from unknown countries are warning that this law is going to cause half a million US citizens to be put in jail for opposing the government.

But I guess there is different legislation that allows the President to deal with the really annoying people via the “No due process. No trial. Just a bullet” option. Here, let him explain it himself.

President Obama explained in an often overlooked statement within the “National Security Strategy”: “We are now moving beyond traditional distinctions between homeland and national security. … This includes a determination to prevent terrorist attacks against the American people by fully coordinating the actions that we take abroad with the actions and precautions that we take at home.”

Could it be any clearer? Right out of the horse’s mouth. Or do I need to spell out what “fully coordinating the actions that we take abroad with the actions and precautions that we take at home” means?

Damn it, you heard him yourself! The President just admitted that he plans to “Fully coordinate, with extreme prejudice, the actions that we take to blow up terrorist headquarters in Afghanistan, with missile strikes at home, in downtown Los Angeles, if we feel this will prevent an attack on the American people by someone disagreeing with White House policy.” Could it be any clearer? COULD IT???

Remember the words “a shortlist of U.S. citizens specifically targeted for killing”?

That’s right. No arrest. No Miranda rights. No due process. No trial. Just a bullet.

. . .And a grave. In the Non-Islamic part of the cemetery. But no flowers. And a cut-rate funeral. With a really bad eulogy given by Pastor Swank. That’s what those on the shortlist of half a million will get. Unless somebody does something!

In Part 2 next week, I will give further evidence of “Obama’s U.S. assassination program” and explain why I say the administration is going after non-Islamic stateside radicals.

Next week is already here, and Part 2 is equally compelling. I will address it later today, or maybe tomorrow. Unless they get me first. With no arrest. And no trial. Just a bullet. And no health care. Just a Band-Aid. A generic one, from the Dollar Store.

Law & Order: Tea Party Unit

Posted by s.z. on July 22nd, 2010

First of all, let me add my birthday wishes for somebody I’ve long admired and liked. So, happy birthday, Emma Lazarus! No, seriously, I want to wish a very happy birthday to Preznit, and when I am Ruler of the World, he will win the lottery or be made the nation’s Secretary of Comments or something. But for now, accept this humble link as a token of my affection. It’s something you’ll really like. You can trust me.

Anyway, on to today’s lecture. (This will be on the test, so you might want to steal a copy of somebody’s notes.)

As you know, probably, the long-running cops & DAs series Law & Order has ended, due to diminishing ratings and the fact that every single actor in NY has appeared on the show at least twice (per Scott). This fall Law & Order: Lindsey Lohan Division will be on the schedule, so it’s not like Dick Wolf is leaving us to face headlines on our own.

And while we will still have Law & Order: Lurid & Over-the-Top Unit and Law & Order: Basic Cable Division, I see the need for cops who cover the Wing Nut world. (Hey, that could be the alternate title if Dick Wolf doesn’t want to give me a producer credit: “I Cover the Wing Nut World.”)

Here is my proposal for the first episode. It all starts with a ripped-from-the-headlines rendition of the Sherrod matter. You know, an African-American woman is accused of being a racist on a wingnut site. Fox News takes up the story and repeats it all day in order to embarrass the Obama administration. The woman gets fired. Next day, a legitimate news source does some research and reports that the whole thing was taken out of context, and woman is actually working against racism and is a really good employee (and a good person). Then Fox and Brietbart et. al. claim that they are the victims, and says that the NAACP and the White House are the real bad guys for believing Fox and Brietbart.

Okay, then we start to see evidence of a conspiracy. A ripped-from-the headlines Ann Coulter makes the first accusation while guesting on the ripped-from-the-headlines Sean Hannity program.

“The whole key to this story is that Andrew Breitbart was set up. He was sent a tape that, as we now know, was massively out of context. [...] I think Breitbart ought to reveal his source, because he was set up. This was a fraud. The person who sent the edited tape has to know what the full speech said, and whomever sent only that segment to Andrew Breitbart is the one who should apologize to Shirley Sherrod.”

Then Ripped-Ann is murdered!

Okay, so the cops start an investigation and find that while millions of people found Ann annoying and appalling, nobody really cared enough to kill her. So, they decided to see if her accusations about Ripped-From-the-Headlines Brietbart having been set up by shadowy forces might have something to do with her death. But when they arrive beneath the bridge where Brietbart works and lives, they find that he has been murdered too!

The case becomes even more compelling when loony Ripped-From-the-Headlines Glenn Beck gets involved.

Glenn, a Sherlock Holmes-like amateur detective, has more information on the conspiracy within an enigma within a scandal, all covered with chewy caramel and creamy filling. It gets complex here, so maybe this should be a “DaVinci Code” parody instead of “Law and Order.” But try to follow along as Glenn invites the cops into the Accusing Parlor for a shocking allegation and some root beer.

Glenn begins with etymological evidence:

So, we will have a root beer summit to see what we can learn from the mess with Sherrod.

Has it — has it hit anybody else that’s the way the English say charade? Sherrod. Hmm. Just like the lady’s name in this. Sherrod.

So, there’s the first hint: Sherrod’s name is pronounced the same way the British say “charade.”

Next, there’s the matter of motive:

In an effort to discredit Fox News, and the media, they have made a huge mistake. But I think that is option number one.

Now, who would want to discredit Fox News? Obviously, FOX NEWS THEMSELVES, since they are the ones doing a pretty good job of it. But maybe I’m getting ahead of Glenn.

The NAACP immediately said they were snookered by Fox. First of all, who uses the word “snookered”? Who does that? They were snookered by Fox News.

Now, I have to ask you, doesn’t the NAACP own the tape? Didn’t they have the whole thing? How were they snookered on this one?

So, using his little gray cells, Monsieur Beck has started to unravel the plot.

Since nobody uses the word “snookered” except for actors in a British farce from the 1930s, the NAACP must be part of the “charade.” And since each and every member of the NAACP must have been present for Sherrod’s speech and must own a copy of the tape, they are obviously players in this fraud perpetuated on Fox News.

And yes, the victim here is Fox News, not Ms. Sherrod.

And I keep hearing from the White House and everyone else that Fox News isn’t a real news network. It’s practically the Cartoon Network. Really?

So then really, how were you snookered by the Cartoon Network? I thought for sure the invisible plane was real! That doesn’t make sense.

Is it possible maybe you want people to walk away and say see, you can’t trust Fox News. It’s the fixed news channel. Is it possible?

Now, who is it that wants people to mistrust Fox News, the most trusted name in “journalism”? Yes, per Glenn, it’s the White House! This conspiracy gets bigger and more scary by the minute!

And Fox isn’t the White House’s ultimate target . . .

Uh-oh, did I at 5:00 yesterday make that? It’s almost like someone is playing three-dimensional chess. Uh-oh! Yes, the guy with the chalk and the chalkboard. And you got all these brains and all this money working against poor little us at 5:00. How do you sleep at night?

Okay, that sounds kind of, um, crazy, but remember, Sherlock Holmes did cocaine, so just because Glenn Beck is addicted to warm root beer, it doesn’t mean that he’s wrong about stuff. And, if what I think he’s saying is true, then he is the one being targeted by this conspiracy. See, President Obama, a Master of Changing Reality, is playing Star Trek-eque 3-D chess with Glenn’s life, making Glenn believe stories about racist FDA employees, and then ripping the rug from under Glenn’s feet to make him look like a nut.

And why does the White House want to discredit humble Glenn Beck, the poor guy with the chalk and the chalkboard? The conspiracy gets even more sinister!

The other thing this thing is about is incompetence. I mean, how many terrible decisions has this administration made? I mean really — ones that are destroying the country, it’s almost like they’re intentionally trying to destroy it? Oh, did I say that? I better take another swig of root beer.

Yes, the President is intentionally trying to destroy the country, and only Glenn Beck can stop him! So, the President gets with the NAACP and Ms. Sherrod, and together they make a doctored tape of Ms. Sherrod’s remarks. The NAACP sends the tape to Brietbart, knowing that Brietbart will have no choice but to post it without doing any research, and that Glenn will have to use the story on his program. And then, once Glenn is discredited, Obama can destroy the country without fear!

Oh, and the media (which doesn’t include Fox) is part of it all.

The incompetence is not just in the White House. It is in the press. They are not incompetent. They’re complicit.

Now, here’s what they say about me: Glenn Beck just does nothing but smear campaigns. Glenn Beck takes things out of context. Glenn Beck distorts things. Glenn Beck jumps to conclusions.

Really? Would you like the come over for a hot root beer summit with us? Because I think we could level those same charges that at this administration. What do you say?

Anyway, at about this point, Glenn starts to froth at the mouth and falls down dead. The cops ares stunned! The coroner says his death is from an accidental root beer overdose. The young, passionate cop doesn’t believe it, saying that it’s all a little too convenient, and that obviously Beck was killed to keep him quiet. The old, sardonic cop says, “Yeah, we were snookered, but what you going to do about it? It’s Wingnut Town, Jake.”

And then the DA’s office tries some low-level person at the FDA for the murders and everything, and he is found innocent, and then Sean Hannity takes a gun to the court house and shoots the FDA employee to avenge Glenn. The End.

I hope you have enjoyed the pilot for this new production, but if you haven’t, then have another swig of root beer and just forget about it.