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Archive for May, 2009

Variety: Mop Top Pops Top

Posted by scott on May 31st, 2009

sherzieve.jpg Over at RenewAmerica, Sher Zieve, columnist and star of the hit show, Gentlemen Prefer Stooges, has used her show biz savvy to snag Obama the Gwen Verdon role in a revival of the hit Broadway musical, Damn Yankees, Damn You All To HELL!

Whatever Barry wants Barry gets

Despite his feigned protestations to the contrary, since his usurping of the US presidency Supreme Leader Barack Hussein Obama (AKA “Barry” who said he does not want to run a car company) now owns General Motors and will soon own Chrysler.

Apparently, Obama’s passion for identity politics has led him to revive the naming conventions of the First Nations, as interpreted by Hollywood movies, e.g., “Dances with Wolves,” “Stands with a Fist,” “Barry who says he does not want to run a car company,”  and “Middle-Aged Paranoid with Buster Brown Hair-do.”

He has now — almost single-handedly — destroyed the US auto industry. Obama must be very proud. His dictatorial power (now almost absolute) is growing exponentially and he is getting virtually everything he wants.

Women!  Tinker-Toys!  Thick juicy steaks!

Obama, also, now appears to be unequivocally running the US Department of Justice. The DOJ dropped a voter-intimidation lawsuit against the New Black Panthers…The only reason that currently has any viability is that Obama ordered them to do so. Bear in mind, the New Black Panthers supported Obama for POTUS. Are we on our way to becoming South Africa — or worse?

Worse than white people being ruled by the Sons of Ham??

Note: I use the term ‘usurper’ (“to use without authority or right; employ wrongfully” and “to commit forcible or illegal seizure of an office, power, etc.”) in the truest sense, as virtually all evidence — including Obama’s ongoing lawyer-blocks of any and all attempts to produce a true and original birth certificate — points to this pretender to the throne having been born in Kenya. By the way, never before has a candidate for POTUS refused to produce — when asked — an original and true birth certificate.

And never before has a candidate for President of the United States refused — when asked — to conk his hair so the ladies of the DAR wouldn’t feel quite so tempted to rub his head for luck.

Then, Obama wanted the banks and all of their (actually OUR) money. He now has both the do with as he pleases and is continuing to work at bleeding us dry of the rest of it — into the future.

I never realized before, but Obama is not only the first African-American President of the United States, he’s also pop culture’s first successful supervillain!  He’s stolen more money than Auric Goldfinger, acquired more nuclear weapons than Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and raised a bigger private army than Cobra Commander!  This dude kicks Sauron’s ass!

Under the Obama reign, the persecution of Christians has also begun. An apparent test case in San Diego, CA disallows Christian home Bible studies without a permit! Under the USA’s new Marxist regime, the First Amendment’s freedom of religion is under fire. And to apparently ensure the First Amendment dies an even quicker death, Obama has appointed a “Cyber-Czar” to monitor Internet content.

First they came for the LOLCATS…

As his DHS Chief Napolitano has already warned law enforcement conservatives, pro-life, third party candidate supporters and all other “right-wing extremists” are to be considered dangerous and to be watched by police.

But not watched so closely that police might actually, oh I don’t know, prevent the assassination of a womens health provider inside a church.

This is called — amongst other negative terms — Stalinism.


Yeah.  This is pretty much “Stalinism” the same way The Knack were the “New Beatles.”

Debbie From The Blockhead

Posted by scott on May 31st, 2009


Debbie Schlussel — practicing attorney, semi-professional cable news guest, self-appointed film critic, and talented amateur harpy — added yet another accomplishment to a resume which already reads like Baron Münchhausen’s c.v., when she noticed that Sonia Sotomayor and Jennifer Lopez are both of Puerto Rican extraction.  This penetrating insight inspired Debbie to don the motley of political satirist and scale to such lofty heights of political humor that, ironically, the resulting hypoxia seems to make it impossible to laugh.

I can’t help but notice that the sole reason So-So (my very appropriate name for Sonia Sotomayor) was chosen as Barack Obama’s nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court is that she shares the life story of J-Lo, Jennifer Lopez.

In fact, the lyrics of the cheesy “Jenny From the Block” are basically the reason “Sonia from the Block” was chosen for the highest court in the land (minus the part about “put[ting] G-d first.” It’s just frankly, hilarious.

As you can see, even though Debbie’s glamour shot is 15 years out of date, her comedy is cutting edge and topical.

Our President chose this chick because like, J-Lo, she’s a Puerto Ricana from South Bronx who went from rags to semi-riches. And that’s it. That’s the whole reason. What a joke.

Say what you like about Debbie, she knows how to construct a rational, compelling argument.  It’s easy to see why she was attracted to the law, what with it’s plentitude of de jures, ipso factos, and ad hominems.

Guess I’m gonna have to refer to her as “Justice J-Lo,” once she gets confirmed by the Democrat dominated Senate. After all, neither J-Lo or So-So have set any remarkable legal precedent in their lives. Neither have achieved legal greatness, and one of ‘em is about to become a legal Supreme.

While liberals may give lip service to notions of equality, Debbie reminds us that it’s conservatives who truly cherish the ideal that all brown women with foreign names are equal (to each other).  Regardless of differences in education or professional stature, as long as they’re brown, be-bootied, and smelling faintly of salsa, a Circuit Judge of the United States Court of Appeals is the moral equivalent of a Fly Girl.

Here are the “Sonia From the Block” Lyrics. Obviously, I’ve substituted her name for “Jenny” and So-So’s “robe” for J-Lo’s “rocks.” She might as well sing this at her confirmation hearing, as it’s basically the Cliff’s Notes version of what we’ve heard from and about her so far this week:

I’m not going to repost Debbie’s entire parody here, for pretty much the same reason I don’t dump used motor oil in our flowerbed, or empty the catbox into the vegetable crisper.  But hey, if you’ve ever been curious to see what a SuperFund site looks like, but have no plans to visit New Jersey in the near future, by all means, click on through.  And on your own head be it.

I’m goin’ to bed.

Limbaugh The Lesser Speaks

Posted by scott on May 29th, 2009

David Limbaugh is best known as the younger brother of the conservative radio host and putative head of the Republican Party, although this isn’t strictly true, since David’s birth was actually a result of parthenogenesis, causing him to spring full grown, like Athena, from the pilonidal cyst on Rush’s ass.  But he’s carved out a distinguished career for himself, separate from his brother’s fame, in a field so new and bold it doesn’t even have a name yet; perhaps his role can best be described as that of the guy at the Suicide Hotline who, rather than enabling his crybaby callers with empathy, offers detailed instructions on tying a noose, or helpfully rates the relative toxicity of various household cleansers.


I see “pragmatists” everywhere I look in the Republican Party

Like the people glimpsed by Haley Joel Osment’s character in The Sixth Sense, these Republican pragmatists are also dead, but tragically don’t realize it.  David’s here to straighten them out.

Most recently, of course, the Republican branch of the political correctness sect insists that we must not oppose Judge Sonia Sotomayor’s nomination for the Supreme Court because her confirmation is inevitable and by opposing it, we’ll gratuitously alienate Hispanics and women — as if they haven’t already been conditioned by the liberal press to believe conservatives are ogres regardless.

Little known fact:  Before moving on to bells and canine saliva, most of Ivan Pavlov’s early experiments in conditional reflexes involved exposing Hispanics to a copy of the New York Times Op-Ed page.

What’s missing from this analysis is that one of the main reasons Republicans have lost favor of late, reflected in their trouncing in the 2006 congressional elections and in shrinking GOP party identification percentages, is their alienation of the conservative base.  The best-kept secret is that with 60 percent of Americans still considering themselves conservatives, Republicans only need to be true to their conservative principles to win again.

I think this is a brilliant plan, and cannot possibly fail.  And I also think that David Limbaugh is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

Beltway Republicans, with notable exceptions, spend half their time groveling to the forces of political correctness, conceding the ideological turf wars to liberal Democrats and agreeing to operate within the four corners of the liberal- and relativist-dominant media culture without a fight.

Is being dominated by relativists bad?  It depends…

Take, for example, the Republicans’ approaches to Obama’s newly announced Draconian CAFE standards and his cap and trade proposal. In response to both, they virtually concede the cultish dogma that man-made global warming is destroying the Earth, rendering them powerless to battle to save capitalism.

David has a point.  A battle to save capitalism just doesn’t get the old juices flowing — I mean, it’s not like a handful of doughty pilots going up against the Death Star, or the Rohirrim riding hell for leather to lift the siege of Helm’s Deep — but it’s an entirely different story if the battle to save capitalism is fought after the Apocalypse!  Think about it — precious little oil, like in The Road Warrior, catastrophic flooding, like in Waterworld, a poisonous atmosphere like in Robot Holocaust — now that’s the kind of setting that can add danger and excitement to your whinging white papers about the flat tax; and if we add some mutants and a few neo-feudal flourishes to our quest, we’ll wind up with a summer tentpole franchise that’ll be more thrilling than an Invisible Handjob from Adam Smith.

Likewise, how many of them fight for nuclear energy instead of knuckling under to the left’s destructive fear-mongering on this no-brainer alternative energy source?

While nuclear energy does seem like a concession to the anti-CO2 treehuggers, it has the virtue of producing amazingly toxic waste that contaminates everything it touches for millennia, so at worst it’s like a waiter forced to placate a rude, demanding diner, who later takes a moment to season the soup course with a lung oyster.

Similarly, on Obama’s obsession with consummating the already-started process of socializing American medicine, many Republican leaders are talking about massaging his plan at the margins rather than challenging its inevitability and opposing it head-on. The only thing inevitable about nationalized health care is that it would destroy the best medical system in the world. Yet where are the GOP Paul Reveres?

GOP Paul fell off his horse, fracturing his skull, and at the moment he’s lying on a gurney in a corridor outside a crowded E.R., waiting to be seen by a nurse-practitioner.  Did you want to leave a message in the unlikely event he regains consciousness?

Another example is the Guantanamo Bay prison. When President Bush said he’d like to close the prison if and when feasible, he opened the door for President Obama to press forward with this insanity. Republicans have boxed themselves in on the issue and have less credibility to challenge the anti-war leftist propaganda that we grossly abused prisoners there, when the evidence shows the opposite.

The prisoners abused us!  Republicans should rise as one and demand that Obama release the photos showing incarcerated terrorists pulling a train on the warden.

Instead of leading, Republicans are allowing themselves to be led, lest they be singled out for special ridicule by liberals for telling the politically incorrect truth.

Yes, the biggest thing holding Republicans back from electoral dominance is their highly developed sense of shame.

Nor do many Republicans have the temerity to dispute the patently absurd leftist dogma that Gitmo is the terrorists’ greatest recruitment tool because otherwise-peaceful Muslims will be so outraged at mild mistreatment of war prisoners — in those exceptional cases in which mistreatment occurs — that they’ll join the beheading movement.

Photographs of naked, bloody Iraqis abused and ritually humiliated by laughing American soldiers clearly aren’t enough to inspire a co-religionist to pick up a gun.  On the other hand, you have to admit that filing a writ of habeus corpus is so vile a provocation that Ralph Peters is emotionally justified in calling for the summary execution of all prisoners.

Now, with Obama’s nomination of Judge Sotomayor, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs tells us we have to tread lightly in daring to oppose her. You’d expect His Shillness to take that position

“His Shrillness?”   Is he talking about Robert Gibbs, a man who sounds like John Henry Faulk after an overdose of cough syrup?

Why do we have to tread lightly at the prospect of the appointment of a radical leftist activist judge who believes in rewriting the Constitution on the fly to achieve the policy results that she and the Appointer in Chief desire?

“Appointer in Chief?”  Isn’t that what the president is when it comes to, you know, appointments to the Supreme Court?  Is that meant to imply that Obama usurped the legal right to appoint justices from, I don’t know, Newt Gingrich, or is it simply a placeholder left over from the first draft that Limbaugh the Lesser forgot to replace with an actual insult?

Just what would Obama have to do to warrant our criticism? Just how radical and in your face would he have to be before people quit falling for his empty bipartisan rhetoric?

This sentence suggests the author is deranged, until you remember that he’s writing about the President Obama from the Star Trek Mirror universe.  It’s easy to get them confused, but remember, in the Mirror universe, Republicans can always be relied upon to set aside partisan advantage and seek compromise in order to promote the national interest.  Oh, and they all have face mullets.


But the only chance we have for a Republican resurgence is if Republicans return to their conservative roots and offer a real, stark alternative to the unfolding Obama destruction.

Stark alternatives are the most appealing.  I’ve always thought that, rather than “We try harder,” Avis’ slogan should have been, “We’re the stark alternative.”  I sincerely hope the RNC will see the wisdom of adopting these words as part of their re-branding initiative.

The Last Temptation of Limbaugh

Posted by scott on May 28th, 2009

Lars Larson. Erik Erickson. Douchebag Douchebageson. It’s a thing now.
Jay B.

I was up all night with a bad cold, so it’s possible my reading skills have been impaired by sleeplessness and the ghost of a NyQuil hangover, but it seems that over at Red State, Erick the Pantomime Viking has just appointed Rush Limbaugh the new Son of Man, and dismissed Simon Peter as a pussy.  Also, we must never forget that David Frum is a carrion bird, while Erick himself is a beautiful swan.

Peter, under pressure and fear, denied Christ not just once, but three times. Peter, though, feared death. The strain on Peter was great. The rest of us, though, typically fear the opinions of others.

There are those who like it when we feel guilty for associating with someone. More troubling, in the conservative movement and in the greater right-of-center coalition, there are many, many fellow traveller who would rather spend their time throwing their own under the bus than fighting the left.

Guilt is for Christian martyrs, not manly commanders of virtual Strike Forces.

Their typical means of ostracism is to condemn the rest of us for daring to say nice things about them. Reasons abound for this. Many of these weak minded fools are not really fellow travelers. Like a vulture flying in flock with swans, they benefit from the work the rest of us are doing to gain themselves credibility. The media plays along calling the vultures swans so others, they hope, see ugly ducklings around the vultures instead of swans.

I’m not exactly sure what Erick is trying to say here, but I’m fairly certain that if you exhumed Hans Christian Anderson right now, you could use his corpse as an industrial lathe.

The incidents of late with Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Dick Cheney, and others is why I raise this. Putting it bluntly, were these guys on the left, their fellow leftists would at best be cheering them on and at worst silently nodding along. There wouldn’t be any on that side rushing to the nearest microphone to condemn them.

Yeah, remember when constant pressure from the media finally forced Obama to denounce Reverend Wright?  Of course you don’t — because it didn’t happen!

Compare that to the right, where they actually are. A large number of us are standing up to express our support for them and we’re met by derision from our own side. “Are you supporting what Mark Levin said to that woman?” one might ask derisively. Whether I am or not is not the point. The point is Mark Levin does a hell of a lot more for the cause than pretty much anyone asking the question, so shut the hell up and leave him alone.

Well, every Brittany needs a .

As an aside, perhaps an even greater bother are the high minded types on our side who condemn any level of aggressive activism because it is icky, mean, or beneath us. There is a war going on. We fight. Suck it up.

You know, I never thought of it that way.  But I guess this really is a war.  And writing bum-sucking apologias about talk radio celebrities qualifies as combat in pretty much the same way that finishing the last level of Medel of Honor: European Assault entitles me to take a salute from a general officer.

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23 reminds us. We are all apt to say something or do something on occasion we may later regret. Those who deny this are the ones we should not listen to. That there are those on the right willing to ignore this for personal gain by pushing aside faithful warriors in the fight for freedom should make us all cringe. That we ourselves are sometimes apt to do it should make us shudder.

I guess I’d be more inclined to think of you guys as “warriors” if you weren’t always cringing and shuddering like Don Knotts in The Ghost and Mr. Chickenhawk.

Peter denied Christ three times. Our goal should be to not deny Christ and also to not deny the valuable members of our own movement.

For as we read in John 7:53:

And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.  Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

And Jesus said, Answer me this, are you a married woman? Yes or no?

And the woman said Yes, Lord.

And Jesus said unto the Woman, Well I don’t know why your husband doesn’t put a gun to his temple. Get the hell out of here.

The vultures in our mist are typically the ones squawking loudest about other conservatives instead of the leftists out to destroy the country.

Even Dian Fossey, who studied and loved the Vultures in the Mist, was irritated by their willingness to throw Mark Levin under the bus.

If I Didn’t Care

Posted by scott on May 27th, 2009

Well, it’s been a big day in jurisprudence, what with the failure of the California Supreme Court to overturn Proposition 8, and the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor to the United States Supreme Court.  I’m still too irked about the former to comment, and not really qualified to remark on the latter.  Fortunately, there’s no shortage of lawyers in Right Blogtopia to whom we might appeal for guidance and analysis, but they all seem to be hammering the same rhetorical points, in a manner that evokes an image of all Three Stooges attemping to simultaneously drive a single nail.  So I thought I’d check in with a few wingnuts who come from different disciplines and professional backgrounds, in the hope of obtaining a fresh perspective.  First up, we’ll consult with Dr. Melissa Clothier to learn how the nomination of the first Hispanic to the U.S. Supreme Court is affecting our nation’s osteopaths.

I’m Gay! I’m Hispanic! I’m Female! Meanwhile…..

So the Supreme Court of California upheld a law thus reinforcing the will of the people and that’s noteworthy only because the court has made such a consistent practice of making laws rather than interpreting them. There will be lawsuits. There will be outrage.

I don’t care.

Ah.  I see I’ve come to the wrong person for commentary.  Sorry to bother you.

So President Obama was utterly predictable and picked a Supreme Court nominee driven by identity politics that, SURPRISE!, helps him in his quest to mollify Hispanic voters since sweeping amnesty might be a tough sell since he’s also in bed with the unions–a triangulation that I’ve seen as a Democrat problem for quite some time.

Forget triangulation — you need a GPS just to find your way to the end of that sentence.

He was going to nominate a looney lib and she fits the bill quite nicely. It’s not about the law. It’s about me. Wheeeee!

Okay, enough for you, Doctor.  I’m not handing your keys over until you sober up.

I don’t care.

It sounds like Dr. Melissa is suffering from the same condition that plagued young Johnny in .

North Korea flexing it’s mentally ill muscle and conducting a sophisticated display of weaponry as a sales job on Memorial Day while the President plays his fiddle, I mean, plays a round of golf–now that I care about. A lot.

That doesn’t really trouble me, but I am worried that secretly my chiropractor believes the brain is actually a muscle.  Of course, the ability to think with one’s gluteus maximus would go a long way toward explaining the output of Jonah Goldberg.

Iran sending a fleet of ships out while while the President plays a round of golf–now that I care about. A lot.

Whereas I don’t care about that at all.  Now watch this drive!

In the midst of this haggling, the world is on the edge of conflagration. Meanwhile, the president plays golf and issues weak statements. Who ever thought that a Supreme Court nominee could be a diversion but damn skippy if that’s not the case today.

I understand that you’re upset about golf, but I don’t see what good blaming the peanut butter will do.

When I look at the frenzy swirling around, I can’t help but to wonder about the confusion.

I’m afraid we’ve only got the swirling frenzy.  Confusion’s on back order.

I fear that looking back, we’ll see the this time as a steady march toward chaos with the most important concerns ignored.

Don’t look now, but Swine Flu is spreading.

I don’t care.

Here, let me see that camera for a second…

And Moondoggie:
Stay sleepy, my friends.

Twitternalia – Volume The First

Posted by scott on May 22nd, 2009

Jane Austen brings her biting social commentary to Twitter.  (h/t The Bloggess)

We’ve Got A Substitute Teacher Today

Posted by scott on May 21st, 2009

Once again, feeble apologies for goin’ rogue the past week or so.  I’m still mired, but at least I’ve stopped fighting it, and am now allowing the tar pit to peacefully suck me down into its bone-preserving depths.  Unfortunately, I’ve still got to turn this mess in tomorrow — at the latest — whatever its condition, so I should be back in the afternoon, with saberteeth and mammoth tusks for everyone.

In the meantime, I’m passing along a pre-Post-Friday Beast Blogging beast post, borrowed from my friend Laura’s late lamented blog.  Enjoy…

“It’s like looking into the eye of a duck…” – Black Books

So the other morning my mom is like “there’s a duck in the yard.” I go, “What? Why?” And she goes, “It’s a mallard.” (Thanks for clearing that up.) Neighbors were consulted, rescue organizations were contacted, google searches for duck feed were initiated, and an area at the Fort for stray waterfowl was discovered. I even called a friend going, “Ducks in suburbia, what the hizzle?” and she basically said she saw one once and in mid-plotz it flew away and scared the crap out of her. I tried to ask the duck if it was okay and it made grumbly half-quacky noises and started to march around in a little circle. I didn’t know what that meant and my mom and a neighbor had left it water and anchovies so I left. That evening, I drive up and Pinky the Cat is laying down on the sidewalk looking at the duck.

Pinky the Cat: So what’s this shit?

Sam the Cat (from porch): Hi!! There’s a duck in the – I don’t get it – should there be a duck here? Anyway I’ll be over here.

Me: Mom, Pinky’s watching the duck.

Pinky the Cat: That is crazy. It’s like a big bird.

Me: Pinky come here. Let’s go inside. Kitty!

Mom (coming out of house and stepping over Sam): Where’s the duck? Why’d it move?

Duck: Just moving a bit away from this cat. Don’t mind me.

Pinky the Cat: It’s like a big… bird thing.

Mom: Pinky! Leave the duck alone.

Me: Come on, Pinky. Inside.

Sam the Cat: Yeah. Inside. I am so hungry.

Pinky the Cat: I am going to eat this huge bird thing.

Me: Pinky! No. Get away from Hedwig!

Pinky the Cat: The bird is mine! Banzai!

Duck: Oh shit Run away! Run away!

Me: Pinky no!

Mom: Catch her!

Pinky the Cat: This is going to be the best thing I’ve ever eaten!

Teddy the Cat (running toward duck from two doors down): DOGPILE ON THE DUCK!

Mom: What’s Teddy doing here?

Me: Teddy! No!

Duck: I will fly away! I really mean it this time!

Sam the Cat (from porch): Are we not going inside to eat?

Pinky the Cat: Two words: foie gras!

Teddy the Cat: This is awesome! Serpentine!

Me: Teddy, no! Go home, Teddy!

Teddy the Cat: (grumble, grumble, stomp, stomp, stomp)

Duck (flying into middle of street): My feet feel funny!

Sam the Cat: I’m starting to taste metal!

Pinky the Cat: This is like a million times bigger than a hummingbird. Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you! Hey! Let go of my neck skin!

Me: Stop struggling. We’re going inside.

Duck: Whew, grass. AAaahhh better.

Mom (to Duck): Eat the pellets. You’re fine.

Pinky the Cat: Let. Go. Of. My…. HEY! I can’t get the big bird from inside the house, you tool.

Sam the Cat: (takes Xanax)

Deadline? I Didn’t Even Know It Was Sick

Posted by scott on May 13th, 2009


Apologies for leaving the place unchaperoned the past few days (although you kids have been remarkably well behaved — I expected to find a pizza affixed to the ceiling and a hairline crack in my Steuben glass egg).  The week is turning into an Interstate 5-style pile-up of meetings and deadlines, and my efforts to get Pastor Swank to guest blog have so far been unsuccessful, so posting may be light for the next few days.

And now, in accordance with our laws and our traditions, I have left an example of vintage typewriter-related erotica below the fold.  Enjoy.


First They Came For The Beauty Queens…

Posted by scott on May 9th, 2009

Bill O’Reilly has started a new program, much like Amnesty International, but a bit more narrowly focused: Prisoners of Conscience With Implants.


This segment of the Factor was originally titled Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, but Jared-Syn, as it turns out, had rather disappointing hooters, so it was renamed Metalstorm: The Destruction of Miss California.  But then it turned out that Metalstorm was the name of a concert event, sort of like Lilith Fair, but for German cover bands, and the Amon Düül II tribute group (Amon Düül II-7/8) threatened to sue, so Bill just wound up calling it Funbags sans Frontieres.

Checked on your freedom of speech lately?

Uh, no, actually.  I left it in front of the TV with a juice box and some Arrowroot cookies, but I’m sure it’s fine…

If not, consider the plight of 21-year-old Carrie Prejean, a student at San Diego Christian College who was selected first runner-up in the Miss USA pageant last month.

I’m not sure “plight” and “first runner-up in the Miss USA pageant” can legally be used in the same sentence.

Prejean was asked whether every state should legalize gay marriage. Smiling brightly, the young woman said: “I think that I believe a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there.”

Saying certain people should be treated unequally before the law is generally considered a bad thing, unless you smile when you say it (also, the disenfranchised group will be more likely to accept their second class status if you used a good tooth-whitener beforehand).

MSNBC allowed a guest to call her vile names, and the far-left cast of characters on that cable network has delighted in mocking and demeaning Prejean almost nightly. The left-wing blogs have been especially vicious

Oh God no, not the blogs!  This is going to be like when J. Edgar Hoover drove Jean Seberg to suicide all over again, except this time with obscure guys posting mildly snotty things for their dozens of readers!

She’s being investigated for possibly violating pageant rules by giving unapproved interviews. Of course, she gave those interviews trying to defend herself against media assaults.

Or maybe the pageant officials thought that Carrie cutting an advertisement for Maggie Gallagher’s National Organization for Marriage (“National Organization for Marriage and Carrie Prejean Launch New Ad Showing Intolerance of Gay Marriage Activists, Illustrating Threats to Religious Liberty”) was a bit pissy of her, considering.

This is a disgraceful exposition with wide implications for all of us.

Bill’s dreams of entering a beauty pageant have been shattered.


“I feel fucking pretty…And now I got nowhere to take it!”

Here we have an American citizen answering a direct question respectfully and honestly and being punished for it. You don’t get more un-American than that.

Hm.  Well, how about an American citizen being subpoenaed by Congress and interrogated about her personal political convictions, then jailed when she refused to implicate her friends and colleagues?  That’s maybe a skosh more un-American, don’t you think, Bill?  No?  Okay, tell you what, let’s compromise: I’ll weep for Carrie Prejean when she’s hauled before the House un-Pageant Activities Committee and cited for contempt of Swimsuit.

Where is the American Civil Liberties Union on this?

Laughing their asses off because you think this is a legal issue?

Once again, the ACLU displays its biased hypocrisy like a giant float-balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Because there’s no greater example of false piety than a helium-filled Underdog.

And where is the National Organization for Women?

Saying, “We told you beauty pageants were stupid and demeaning and you were wrong to take them seriously in the first place”?

A young woman is being victimized by hate speech, actually being called a “b*tch” on a variety of television programs, and NOW has no comment? Again, the hypocrisy is breathtaking.

When will these so-called “feminist” organizations stand up for the right of our beauty contestants to advocate denying equal rights to homosexuals without the gays getting all up in her silicone grill?

Finally, where is the homosexual community?

Oh darn, did they get out of the closet again?  I thought you were going to fix that latch…

Do they not respect freedom of speech? They don’t want to be punished for their expression, right?

Oh, no need for threats, Bill.  Miss Prejean felt free to say she doesn’t believe gays are entitled to the same rights she has, and some gays felt free to call her a bitch.  The system seems to be working.

It would be incredibly smart for a gay leader to pull a Voltaire and publicly state, “I don’t agree with what you say, but I defend your right to say it.” So, who’s going to be courageous and step up on this one?

Except Carrie’s right to spout antediluvian bias isn’t threatened, while equal treatment under the law for gays and lesbians is.  So maybe at this particular point in our social development, it shouldn’t really be up to them to defend her constitutional liberties.

Gay marriage has been defined by some of its supporters as a civil rights issue. Isn’t freedom of speech a civil rights issue? Therefore, let’s call this Miss California deal exactly what it is — a gross violation of the spirit of America.

If America means anything, it means the right to treat certain of your fellow citizens as slightly less human, without having to hear them complain about it.

If a 21-year-old pageant contestant can be persecuted for uttering an opinion based upon a sincere belief, then all of us are at risk, as well.

Or as Bill once memorably said, “I have a dream that my two little children will one day live in a nation where you people will shut up!  Shut UP!  Cut their mic!    Fucking thing SUCKS!