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Archive for May 2nd, 2009

Remembrance of Thug Heads Past

Posted by scott on May 2nd, 2009

The imminent collapse of the internet has put Pastor Swank in a reflective mood, and he waxes nostalgic about candy, postcards, and seizures.

There are studies “out there” that project that in a year Internet will crash.  Nemertes Research Corp is one of those prowlers. Conclusion:  Internet traffic will make cyberspace travel “unable to keep up with the demand.” Bandwidth will call QUITS.

I will call Bullshit.

Reason would conclude then that with emails going zip via Internet crash, stamp costs should plummet, rejoicing over the upswing in letter and card flow like when we actually used a pen to write on paper.

I’m not quite sure why the pastor is rejoicing over the upswing in card flow; it’s one thing to click on his Townhall blog, but I can’t really see myself sending him a self-addressed stamped envelope for this stuff.  He’s entertaining, but he’s no Pueblo, Colorado.

I heard this morning on a TV commercial the accent of frugality returning to our lifestyles. It’s because of the tight squeeze on the wallet.

Remember when your little body leaned against the candy glass case to pick out your several cents’ worth of bubble gum and Mary Janes?

The other day in the 5 & 10 in North Conway, NH, those eensy yellow-wrapped Mary Janes sold for 10 cents apiece. I about dropped through the case, flopping into an uncontrollable fit.

Ask your doctor if Mary Janes are right for you.  Side effects include tooth decay, epilepsy, and frottage with display cases.

With worldwide present-tense angst, I actually am looking forward to the future.

It may not be a pluperfect future, but it’ll be good.

I know that swine flu beckons and the Iranian thug head threatens to return his messiah via global smoke streams.

Unfortunately, he forgot to keep the receipt.  Stupid thug head.

PS: I just heard on TV that Catholics will not be exchanging the peace via hand shakes in Mass due to swine flu. Also, communion wafers are nix.

I just don’t understand your kooky teen lingo.

Thank you, Jesus, for living in my heart. That will have to suffice—as always.

No, thank you, Pastor Passive-Aggressive.

Again, looking up, I anticipate cheaper stamps and candy sales like unto Miss Daisy’s Candy Store on North Market Street, Frederick, MD—where I twisted those Mary Jane taffies round my taste buds.

And apparently triggered an acid flashback.  Meanwhile, the pastor is still mad about The Boy:

B. H. Obama is proclaimed as the New Messiah who will be crowned king of the One World Order.  Well, devotees, here is your time.

You’ve set yourself up in a pinnacle of the temple, survived a deadly wound, slain Elijah and Enoch, and generally been an abomination that causes desolations.  Now comes Miller Time.

If there was ever an entry into Jerusalem for the Anointed One, it is when the globe drops prostrate before the pig flu.

Raise the palm branches. Let the shawls fling heavenward. The warblers are singing.

Obama, the mystic weaver, the mob hysteria creator, the Marxist Muslim claiming to be Pied Piper of the proletariat, come forth!

The Community Organizer can now go to it. The wordsmith to fool may position center stage. Time to spring forth as the Global Village Networker par excellence.

This is your brain.  This is your brain on Swank.

Revelation 13:1-10 specifically lays out the symbolic detail. What is intriguing is to figure out the literalism behind the symbolism.

Yes.  That should make things more surreal.

But for biblical believers, none of that is fanciful for it is the Christ vision afforded the Apostle John on the Isle of Patmos circa AD 95.

John was actually booked for seven days, six nights on the Isle of Lesbos but his travel agent screwed up the reservation, so he spent most of his time drunk in a beach cabana.

In the meantime, biblical enthusiasts lay the Scriptures down alongside newsfeeds, praying for God’s gift of discernment.

Otherwise known as “Google Reader.”

But now in present-tense it, seems as if, even apart from the discernment gift, one with half a brain tied behind his carbuncles, The Boy is ripe for filling the shoes of the One World Governor—pig flu oinking loudly.

Well.  What can you add to that?

The Golden Bowl Cut

Posted by scott on May 2nd, 2009

Let’s check in with RenewAmerica’s resident urban guerrilla Sher Zieve and see what’s incubating beneath her helmet (cunningly camouflaged as Cousin Oliver’s hair-do from the fifth season of The Brady Bunch)…
sherzieve.jpg As you probably guessed, it appears that Shermp, the Loneliest Stooge, has been busy in her backyard all day, shooting at low-flying U.N. helicopters and screaming “Wolverines!” — in between fielding complaints from her neighbor who seems to think a six-year old’s birthday party is more important that battling Obama’s efforts to “seize and retain — at all costs to humans living within the USA — power over We-the-People.”

Obama to ensure constitutional USA does not return

It seems almost impossible to keep up with the presidential usurper Obama’s actions but, I’ll continue to attempt to do so for as long as is possible.

Yeah, keep pounding that key, Sher, you’re a real goddamn Irving Strobing.

Today, we have Obama taking over the US banks…so that Obama and his fellow anti-USA and globalist buddies will be able to control ALL of America’s funds. No longer being affected under the cloak and dagger of night, this atrocity is being completed in front of us all. So, now he will own the banks — take that Hugo Chavez! Obama will also soon own US car companies — outright…he is taking them over in order that he and his United Auto Workers union can and will soon run them.

Management parasites will be executed by firing squad on the shop floor, while all decisions about production and labor quotas will now be made by the zavodskoy komitet of the UAW.  (Note:  Workers wishing to volunteer for Parasite Liquidation duty will find a sign-up sheet in the break room.)

We-the-People no longer matter. At best, Obama considers us pests and nuisances; at worst opposers to his pretender-to-the-throne status. In fact, We-the-People can go pound sand — or eat cake!

Or eat pound cake!  Mmmmm!

Besides, dismantling and destroying the country appears to have become the most recreational and fun activity Obama, his minions and adherents have ever had.

Then clearly the president has never owned a .

And as Obama continues to seize all of the assets of the American people and more and more power over them, the hammer and sickle of Obama’s totalitarian state will soon be directed at anyone who dares to oppose him and his policies.

So under this particular tyrannical reign, enemies of the state are eliminated by a game of Spin the Bottle played with farm implements?  Kinky.

As his latest Pièce de résistance, Obama has made the decision — unilaterally we assume — to trade US sovereignty for a high seat position on the UN Human Rights Council.

Then, finally, he will manipulate the well-meaning fools into declaring him Chancellor of the Galactic Senate!

One of the things Obama is said to be offering is the relinquishing of US citizens’ parental rights to international bodies. WND reports that if Obama is allowed to hammer

and sickle!

his plan through, parents will no longer have control over their own children — the state, Obama and other countries will.

Just as long as somebody keeps that kid from kicking the back of my seat all the way to Portland.

Left unchecked, Obama’s unrelenting frog-march of the USA and its people toward and into oblivion — until all of us have been successfully retrained or exterminated — will be a fait accompli.  His annihilation of the USA will be complete.

Really?  Geez, we were pushovers.

It IS coming.

This is the worst trailer I’ve ever seen.  I’m gonna hit the concession stand.  You guys want an Orange Fanta, maybe some Good ‘n’ Plentys…?

Those of you who voted for Obama need not even admit it. All you need to do to begin your own redemption is to work with the real freedom-loving people. But, sooner or later you’ll have to face it — you’ll eventually have to admit what you’ve done to yourselves.

Whew, I don’t mind admitting how glad I am that we don’t have to admit it until we have to admit it.  Or maybe I’m just in denial.