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Archive for October, 2006

Stashing the Nation Near Hell’s Lip

Posted by s.z. on October 31st, 2006

Because we don’t want to go to hell with your little satan-worshipping friends, that’s why!

Product Info – Mommy, Why Don’t We Celebrate Halloween

‘But why, Mommy?’ Sarah exclaimed. ‘What’s wrong with Halloween?’ 

‘In many parts of the world,’ Mom answered, ‘Halloween is a religious holiday – a holiday when people worship satan and honor evil. In fact, it is the biggest holiday on satan’s calendar, kind of like Christmas and Easter on our calendar.’

But Mommy, just where are those other parts of the world that worship the devil on the Satanic religious holiday of Halloween?

Sarah, you little twit, obviously we are talking about Iraq, Iran, and North Korea … and San Francisco.  So, just shut your piehole and get back to thanking God that you’re so much better than the little devil-worshipping children in those countries.

Now, for your holiday pleasure, here’s a post largely comprised of recyled material, since old holiday posts, like last year’s Halloween candy, is a little stale, but still edible — and we’re thrifty, and don’t want anything to go to waste.


Ha ha, by accepting my Halloween greeting you have invited demons to possess you, you silly people!   If only you had read this message by Gary and Lisa Ruby, you would have known that Halloween is most evilest night of the year, and you wouldn’t have fallen for my ruse. And even though it’s too late for you, here’s part of their warning:  

Trick-or-treat is a satanic ritual that cannot be sanctified no matter how many rationalizations Satan’s ministers come up with. The trick-or-treat ritual is Satan’s invention, period. Any person, Christian or not, who participates in this ritual is giving Satan an invitation to come into his life and have fellowship with him. Demonic affliction is a heavy price to pay for engaging in what fake Christian ministers call “harmless fun.”

Gary and Lisa rightly condemn the “fake Christian ministries” that claim that trick-or-treating is okay if you choose nice, Christian costumes (like an angel, or Dubya), and give out tracts instead of candy.  The Rubys explain the satanic origins of the holiday, and reveal that its ancient bloodcurdling rites are practiced to this very day.

The trick-or-treat ritual was practiced by the Druids and their followers in medieval times.

Yeah, those Druids of c.1400 AD are well known for their trick-or-treating. 

The Druids went from castle to castle doing exactly the same thing. They also demanded a ‘treat’, however, this demand was for a young woman who could be offered as a human sacrifice in a Satanic ritual.

Since you’re going to hell anyway, this year you might try trick-or-treating for young women instead of candy – but if you get some, just don’t sacrifice them to Satan, okay?

But even treat-or-treating for candy shows your affiliation with Satan, per the Rubys — and if your church says differently, then you can know that its leaders are in the pay of the devil.

Satan’s agents, who represent themselves as Christians, do not want Christians to know that Halloween is about human sacrifice and they certainly do not want them to pray against it. That is the reason they do not mention the need to pray against ritual human sacrifice and instead, urge Christians to participate in a ritual that represents human sacrifice. 

Since the trick-or-treat ritual looks cute on the surface, Christians who have not investigated this matter are entering into this annual custom for a little bit of “harmless fun.” In reality, the trick-or-treat ritual is a culturally and even church-sanctioned way for Satan to gain access to their lives and that of their children.

Yup, every Tootsie Roll or Snickers that you give out tonight is actually a Bite o’ Beelzebub.  Way to let Satan take over children, folks!

But what if you pass out those anti-Harry Potter comics?  Surely they are a holy alternative to the devil’s snacks.

Sadly, nein (to almost steal a phrase).

Surely God is pleased when His people respond to Satan’s prized “trick-or-treat” phrase with some candy and a tract. Right?

No. God will not prevent Satan from taking whatever ground Christians give him if we participate in his demon-infested ritual. When children come to the door saying, “Trick-or-Treat!” evil spirits have permission to access our lives if we respond to those words with a “treat” (even a tract) because to do so is to participate in the ritual. The very phrase, “trick-or-treat,” glorifies Satan. It is his phrase and it is uttered in his ritual.

Yes, giving out those Jack Chick tracts is just as bad as sacrificing virgins to Lucifer.  Believe it … or go to hell!

{NOTE:  About now we would repeat our last year’s recap of some of Jack’s tracts, but he keeps hiding the images to keep us from sharing them with you.  But we can recommend some titles to you: Boo!The Little Princess, The Devil’s Night, and our new favorite, The Trick, which is about how witches put razor blades and poison in holiday candy as part of their special assignment from Satan.]

But back to the Rubies, for a few more Halloween facts. 

facts. facts. 

Overcoming evil with good will not be accomplished by having a party and celebrating while followers of Satan literally sacrifice human beings on altars all over the world. [...]

Giving any kind of treat when someone knocks at your door on Halloween night is participating in Halloween. Just because you add a tract to the treat (or give only a tract) does not sanctify this Halloween activity. Giving a tract while you engage in the ritual that Satan takes very seriously (the trick-or-treating ritual is a satanic ritual no matter how cute it looks or how much fun it is) will not give your or your child automatic protection from evil spirit contact. You are sinning and thereby breaking God’s protective hedge. The serpent will bite you and your children, tract or no tract. 

And getting bit by a serpent AND having to read one of those crummy religious tracts is more than any one person should have to bear. 

And here’s part of Gary and Lisa’s rebuttal of a Christianity Today article which claims that Halloween is just innocent fun.

Christianity Today Exhorts Christians to Celebrate Halloween With Gusto

Samhain was (and continues to be) celebrated by the Druids and requires human sacrifice. Halloween is the modern term for this satanic highday that hides behind a seemingly innocuous front of fun and games that serves to divert attention from its true purpose: worldwide human sacrifice.

Who knew that Druids still exist, and they are still sacrificing humans every October 31?  Well, Scott C. knew, because he watched the movie.  Especially at this time of year you should read his expose, if you value your soul!  (Oh, and also on this most dangerous of nights you should watch out for Christopher Lamberts!)

Anyway, the Rubys also heap scorn on the author of the Christianity Today piece for quoting ”an author of occult-themed novels (C.S. Lewis).”  I guess they don’t approve of books that feature magic wardrobes, white witches, talking lions, and other occult themes taken from Christianity

In any case, the Rubys do know their Satanic stuff, having  inadvertently belonged to the dark lord’s church for ten years.  It’s all explained on the ”About Gary and Lisa Ruby” page.

Gary and I became Christians in 1982 … Gary and I began attending what appeared to be an independent, fundamental, Bible-believing Baptist church … We remained in this establishment for over ten years.  … We later learned that it was founded and run by followers of Satan who were posing as Christians and even attended a Christian college in preparation for the “ministry.” After we left their establishment, we found ourselves being forced to deal with the evil spirits they sent on assignment to harass our family. 

Yes, evil spirits are everywhere, just waiting for you to celebrate Halloween or to join a Baptist church or something, so they can harass you.  No wonder you keep losing socks, and why the new fall TV shows all suck!

But the Lord is now commanding the Rubys to warn others about the snares that Satan has set for the unwary in the “Left Behind” books, the Terri Schiavo case, and rock music.  I suggest you pay them heed.

Oh, and if you don’t want to be infested by demons, I suggest that you give me all your Kit Kats, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and Mars bars, and that you spend the night worrying about all the young women being sacrificed by Druids and witches.  In return, I will give you the links to a whole bunch of Jack Chick tracts.

Another Wingnut Halloween Horror

Posted by s.z. on October 30th, 2006

Over at Townhall, Nathan “the young Jesse Helms” tells us What’s really scary this Halloween: teaching kids about sex when we could be using the money to put them in work camps instead,

A survey cited by National Public Radio in 2004 showed that 47 percent of schools teach something dubbed “abstinence-plus.” The theory behind this sexual school of thought is that, while abstinence is best, some students will simply refuse to abstain, so schools should teach kids about condoms and contraception as well. But, at a time when technology is advancing faster than our hands can fly across a computer keyboard, should we really be spending part of the school day teaching kids how to put on condoms? If parents are responsible for ensuring that their children are potty-trained by kindergarten, shouldn’t it be up to parents to make sure their offspring learn about the birds and the bees?

Apparently Nathan thinks it’s the parents’ job to teach their kids about potties and condoms (possibly in one lecture to be delivered on the day before the children start kindergarten), but it’s the public schools’ obligation to teach kids that they’ll go to hell if they have sex before they’re married.  Yes, Nathan is a true conservative.

Or consider this: A national poll reported by CBS News two years ago indicated that Americans don’t believe in human evolution. Fifty-five percent said God created humans in their present form, i.e., no apes were involved in the creation of man and woman. And yet, school districts throughout the U.S. continue to waste their precious resources teaching children that man evolved from monkeys. It seems to me that, if a child believes that he or she has an ancestor who’s an ape, he or she is more likely to behave like one.

Yes, this is how we should decide our science curriculum: we should ignore that sciency stuff, and get our facts from public opinion polls (“Where do babies come from? Our survey says: from the cabbage patch”), along with whatever teachings might cause children to behave better (“Class, thunder is God yelling at you for picking your nose”).

Why not spend some of our tax dollars teaching schoolchildren that life really means something—that every child in the womb deserves a chance at life? Let’s face it—if you teach a student that killing an unborn child is acceptable, what’s to prevent that child from growing into a teenager who thinks it’s O.K. to pick up a gun and shoot someone?

Certainly not Nathan’s science classes, which will fail to teach kids that there is any difference between a week-old embryo and their teen-age classmates.

But anyway, I think we can all agree that high school students should neither be gunning down people nor performing abortions.

In the kind of school budget that I’m proposing, we’ve cut out money for condom education, evolution propaganda, liberal indoctrination, and abortion promotion. That leaves quite a bit of money left. And we should be using that money to make schools safer and teenagers more disciplined.


And finally, let’s devote some money for boot camps for teens. It’s the only way to get some teenagers in shape—and out of prison.

Why not just replace public schools with workhouses, and make the brats earn their keep for a change? This will not only reduce our property taxes and help us compete with third-world nations when it comes to making crap for Wal-Mart, but it will also protect the little dears from having to learn anything which might not accord with Nathan’s world view.

Lynne Cheney’s ‘Sisters’ Just Good Friends

Posted by s.z. on October 28th, 2006

The Raw Story brings us the story: 

Lynne Cheney appeared on CNN’s The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer. She dismissed Virginia Democrat Jim Webb as being “full of baloney” but was uncooperative when Blitzer questioned her on her own book.

Here’s part of Raw Story’s transcript:

BLITZER: Here’s what the Democratic Party put out today, the Democratic Congressional — Senatorial Campaign Committee: “Lynne Cheney’s book featured brothels and attempted rape. In 1981, Vice President Dick Cheney’s wife, Lynne, wrote a book called “Sisters”, which featured a lesbian love affair, brothels and attempted rapes.”


BLITZER: “In 1988, Lynn Cheney wrote about a Republican vice president who dies of a heart attack while having sex with his mistress.” Is that true?

CHENEY: Nothing explicit. And actually, that was full of lies.

It’s not — it’s just — it’s absolutely not a…

BLITZER: Did you write a book entitled “Sisters”?

CHENEY: I did write a book entitled “Sisters”.

BLITZER: It did have lesbian characters.

CHENEY: This — no, not necessarily. This description is a lie.

I’ll stand on that.

So, these characters from Sisters are not necessarily lesbians: 

The women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve crossing a dark cathedral stage — no, Eve and Eve, loving one another as they would not be able to once they ate of the fruit and knew themselves as they truly were. She felt curiously moved, curiously envious of them. She had never to this moment thought Eden a particularly attractive paradise, based as it was on naiveté, but she saw that the women in the cart had a passionate, loving intimacy forever closed to her. How strong it made them. What comfort it gave.

See, just because Eve and Eve share a passionate, loving intimacy, they aren’t necessarily lesbian characters — they won’t find out their sexual orientation until John Kerry announces it in a presidential debate.

And this next passage is most likely just describing a slumber party which takes place in a bower:

Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings, I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl.

So, just as her characters aren’t necessarily lesbians, Lynne isn’t necessarily full of crap (or baloney). 

BLITZER: There’s nothing in there about rape and brothels?

CHENEY: Well, Wolf, could we talk about a children’s book for a minute?

A children’s book about rape and brothels??? Lynne, I am shocked, SHOCKED that you would want to talk about such things on public TV, especially after you mentioned that your grandchildren might be tuning in!

BLITZER: I just wanted to — I just wanted to clarify what’s in the news today, given — this is…

CHENEY: That’s lies and distortion. That’s what it is.

BLITZER: This is an opportunity for you to explain on these sensitive issues.

CHENEY: Wolf, I have nothing to explain. Jim Webb has a lot to explain.

BLITZER: Well, he says he’s only — as a serious writer, novelist, a fiction writer, he was doing basically what you were doing.

CHENEY: Jim Webb is full of baloney.

Yeah, if anybody thinks that Lynne Cheney, author of Sisters, The Republican VP Who Died While Cheating On His Wife: A Cautionary Tale, and A Republican Child’s Book of Wholesome, Uplifting, White American History is a serious writer, they are full of baloney.  Thanks for making that point clear, Lynne.

P.S.  I’m really hoping that Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel will weigh in on this story, because she’s America’s preeminent Lynne Cheney sleazy novel scholar.  She is also an expert on the smutty novels written by such other prominent conservatives as Scooter Libby and Bill O’Reilly, and has written scholarly Amazon book reviews about Laura Bush porn.


Posted by s.z. on October 27th, 2006

While I’m not skilled enough (or awake enough) to compose the tribute that my friend Scott deserves, let me just say that he is undoubtedly the smartest, wittiest, kindest, funniest, most talented person I know who was ever part of the Coffee Achievers. 

(Speaking of which, look what I found for you: .

But that’s not your birthday present, Scott.  No, you get these lovely photos of Rush Limbaugh:

And here’s a quote from Rush to go along with the photos:

Cigars relax me. They help me to think. I only recently began smoking them while doing the radio show, and just having one in my hand seems to lower whatever inhibitions I have just a bit and bring out the expressiveness of my personality.

Of course, by “cigars,” Rush means “blue babies.”

And speaking of Rush, he used most of yesterday’s radio program to claim that he did not make fun of Michael J. Fox (Correcting the Record: One More Time: I Did Not Make Fun of Michael J. Fox“).  No, Rush was just trying to accurately impersonate Fox for the benefit of his radio listeners, who probably had never seen Michael J. Fox before.  For Rush would NEVER make fun of anyone with a disease.

That is beneath me and there’s no evidence and history of it on this program at all or in my behavior as a human being.

And as there is no evidence of Rush being a human being, I guess that technically he’s not lying.

Rush used the rest of the program to try to make the Dittoheads believe that it was the Democrats who were abusing Michael J. Fox, and Rush was just trying to help the poor little guy.  But sadly, instead of applauding Rush’s humanitarian efforts, they were savaged by the media (“America’s Anchorman: Drive-By Media Carries Democrat Water, Lies About Anyone Who Gets in Their Way“), since the media hates Rush because he is beautiful.

If they [the media] really cared about Michael J. Fox as they pretend, to they would be denouncing the manner in which he has been used and exploited for their purposes. They would be attacking the manner in which scientific research is now being politicized. There’s been a tradition in this country of bipartisan approaches to the cure and research into diseases. That has now been turned upside down when it comes to Parkinson’s disease or close to it on Alzheimer’s and with spinal paralysis.

So, it’s the media that’s politicizing science, and thereby ending this country’s proud tradition of bipartisan medical research? Damn those journalists, who are keeping our politicians from doing their life-saving Alzheimer’s research!

Anyway, Rush did admit that he got it wrong when he said that Fox didn’t take his medication so he would look really pathetic when he filmed that commercial. Yes, Rush is now claiming that Fox took extra medication so he would look really pathetic when he filmed that commercial:

They [the Democrats] work with Michael J. Fox on deciding how he will appear in the ad. Make no mistake about this, because he has a choice.

He just said in the sound bite he was actually overmedicated when he did the ads. I leave the conclusion and meaning of that to you. I’m through speculating on this. I’ll I’m telling you is I know how campaign ads are put together. The Democrat campaigns decided for whatever reason they wanted Michael J. Fox to appear the way he does in the ads and the same way he appeared when he testified before the Senate

You know, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Fox didn’t contract Parkinson’s under the direction of the Democrats, just so he could try to make Republicans look bad during this critical election period.  Don’t let him get away with it, America!

Happy Halloween From Pastor Swank

Posted by s.z. on October 26th, 2006

I’m dressing up like a homo nup for Halloween this year — THAT should scare a lot of people!

It’s Halloween Horror if Dems Win

It’s going to be horrific if Dems get control of government. In fact, there are no words to describe how horrible it will be to live in America if the irreligious Dems gain the driver’s seat.

Dems are anti-God, anti-family, anti-morality, anti-Judeo-Christian heritage, anti-unborn children, anti-decency, anti-reason. They are, in short, basically demonic.

Yes, we are.  And when we win back the Senate and the House, we are going to have wild orgies in the Capitol, and we won’t invite you.  We are also going to eat your babies, marry your sons (unless we are female, in which case we will marry your daughters and/or box turtles), and force you to listen to the that HeadOn commercial nonstop for hours.  That’s just how evil we are.

But Pastor Swank does ask a good question:

Where is the sterling Republican leadership in Congress? It’s not.

Um, okay, he doesn’t answer that question coherently, but it is a good one.

Anyway, he concedes that the Republicans haven’t done that great of a job since they took power, but hey, at least they have the grace to be hypocrites, and so are better than the alternative.

However, the alternative re: moving for Dems is to stash the nation near hell’s lip. Certainly anyone in his right mind and clean heart would not want to live one day in that climate. Yet that could happen. In a few days, the US will know.

So, if the Dems do win, I guess Pastor Swank will move to somewhere father away from hell’s lip — but not Canada, since that’s Hell’s eyebrow, nor Mexico, which is Hell’s kneecap.

Seriously, I don’t know where the Pastor would be happy — anybody have any ideas?

This nation is in an extremely sorry state. Sorry sorry state. If there are any out there with prayer faith, let them act on it for there is little else to turn to.

Illegals mount higher.

Maybe it’s just because I’ve been focused on the dogs this week, but to me the Pastor’s last line conjures up some interesting imagery.

Iraq wallows in more blood fountains.

And those blood fountains weren’t built for wallowing, Iraqis!  Just take a brief dip in the blood, and then move on.

Those are two major items that blemish the Republican program. Illegals who are blatantly just plain not legal have been defended by President Bush.

Illegals who are blatantly just plain not legal are the worst kind of illegals!

Iraq is President Bush’s last ditch doctrine for “staying the course.” Both of these conclusions by President Bush are not right.

Nothing that is illegal should be tolerated by anyone in the US, particularly the President.

Um, Pastor Swank, didn’t the wiretapping, torture, and detention without trial teach you that the President can declare ANYTHING legal, and then it’s not illegal anymore?

And as far as Iraq is concerned, Islamic theology should have been studied prior to Operation Iraqi Freedom. If it had been studied, Islam would have been revealed as a killing and maiming cult, not a “religion of peace.”

And then we would have never taken than harpy Ann Coulter’s advice, and we would instead have just nuked the whole Middle East.  And so now we wouldn’t be wallowing in this blood fountain quagmire, just because we didn’t know that all Muslims are Satan’s action figures.

Nuts. Nuts for sure.

Yet for the Dems to attempt to rescue this confusion is only a deep slide into The Pit.

Yeah, we’re totally screwed, no matter who wins the election.  Happy Halloween, kids!

Scott adds:  While I may disagree with the pastor on one or two points, one does have to admire the tidiness of his prose.  How does he manage to achieve this taut, clean voice when churning out 5 or 6 columns per day?  Well, he’s good enough to walk us through his personal Elements of Style:

God help us. Republicans were cowardly to the nth degree in that last Congress. Cowardly, actually, is too kind a term. But for the sake of not wanting to get verbally messy, let’s stay with “cowardly.”

Mel Gibson: At Least There Were No Jews in Chichen-Itzá

Posted by scott on October 25th, 2006

Louis Farrakhan Sings! 

Our friend Simon at The Fifth Estate offers a sneak preview of Mel Gibson’s new project, Apocalypto, courtesy of a movie-reviewin’ Catholic priest.  Read it and weep.

Dignity. Always, Dignity.

Posted by scott on October 25th, 2006

As actor212 points out in the comments, Tristram-Shandy caught Dan Riehl making with the puns…

Shake, Rattle and Rolling Into November

Yes, one of the Jerky Boyz, Michael J. Fox supports McCaskill. Allah has the video and Dean Barnett weighs in here. Hell, I’m not even opposed to stem cell research, however I am against public funding because I respect people who see it as a valid moral issue. What I can’t respect is displacing science with emotion on issues of national import, something Fox deliberately set out to do – so I don’t feel a need to worship at his scientifically shaky position, just now.

See, it’s funny because it’s true.  Although not quite as funny as sticking the phrase “I respect people who see it as a valid moral issue” in the midst of three jokey references to the symptoms suffered by the victim of a catastrophic illness.  Now that’s comedy gold.

A Gift Of 100 Cranes

Posted by s.z. on October 25th, 2006

I am posting this to tell D. Sidhe how her lovely box of cranes was a dove of hope on what has to have been one of the worst days of my life. For the rest of you, here’s a recap of the horrible 24-hour period in question.

On Friday, I took TorgoKitten to the vet, who gave him a large dose of a sulfa medicine to kill the internal parasites that might or might not be causing his diarrhea – in any case, the antibiotic did cause the worst bout of diarrhea yet. T-Kit ran from room to room, leaving a trail of, um, filth, throughout the house. I gave him a bath (which is not fun, trust me), and then spot cleaned, used the enzyme cleaner to get out any remaining odor, then got out the Hoover Steam cleaner and cleaned the carpet in every room to make sure the rug was clean and fresh. This took about 3 hours.

And then he had another attack . . .

Anyway, after I got that cleaned up, I was beat, but the dogs were bouncing off the walls, and so I decided to take them for a walk before I crashed. So, we went for a walk in the freezing rain, and they were happy. I left them in the backyard to run around a bit more while I threw a load of laundry in the washer, so I could rest in good conscience. However, I had just got downstairs when I heard one of the dogs yelp loudly in pain. I ran in the backyard, and noticed with dread that the gate was open (apparently ice had kept the latch from closing securely even though it looked like it shut), and both dogs were missing. Just then, one of my neighbors pulled in my driveway and told me that he had just hit Flossie when she ran from my yard right in front of his car. I went the direction he told me she went, calling her name as I ran, but neither saw nor heard her. After about ten minutes I came back to get a flashlight and a coat, and just then the phone rang – it was somebody who had found Flossie! Apparently the lady heard scratching on her door, and when she opened it, there was a scared and wet Flossie! She found my phone number on Flossie’s tag.

The lady told me where she lived (it was the opposite direction from where I was looking), and I hurried there and picked her up. She was shaking, and had tire marks on her face and head, and some scrapes on her bottom, but otherwise looked unhurt. I took her home, wrapped her in a blanket, and then went out to look for Yodie. After covering about a mile on foot with no results, I went home to get my car. When I got inside, I realized that Flossie was in shock – her shivering was much worse, she was almost non-responsive to me, and just didn’t look good. I wanted to believe that none of this was real, because it didn’t seem right that everything could change in just a matter of seconds.

Anyway, I called my family for help. As soon as I told them what had happened, they were on their way to assist me.

My mother, my sister, my brother, and my brother’s dog looked for Yodie, while I held Flossie and waited for the vet to call me back. During that time I was worried that I was going to lose Flossie, because she was just so out of it. After about 30 minutes, I called another veterinary clinic – that vet was very helpful, asked me questions, and then told me that Flossie didn’t have a concussion, and was going to be okay. My own vet called me about ten minutes later, asked me even more questions, but gave the same diagnosis.

Flossie had come out of shock by then, and just had a headache and some bruises. That was like a miracle! But Yodie was still lost. My family had covered a lot of ground, but didn’t see hide nor hair of him. (My mother took a spotlight and looked in ditches and under cars for dog carcasses.)

Anyway, we all looked for him for another hour, but didn’t find him. We told each other that he was safe in somebody’s house, but Yodie is mistrustful of strangers, so I didn’t really believe it. I couldn’t stand the idea of him being out alone and scared on such a cold night, so I went out looking several more times during the night. I didn’t sleep in hopes that he would show up on the doorstep, and bark for admittance. (But he didn’t.)

Saturday morning, as soon as it was light, I went out looking some more. After I had been everywhere I could think of, I went home and starting making lost dog posters and flyers. I called Animal Control, all the vets’ offices, and the newspaper, which said that a Lost and Found ad wouldn’t appear until Tuesday’s paper. Anyway, I was sick from over-exertion, lack of sleep, and worry — and then the doorbell rang. It was the mail lady, with a package for me — a large box filled with dozens of colorful, beautiful origami swans. I cried. But my heart lifted, and I knew that somehow things were going to be okay.

About 20 minutes later, a neighbor named Joe called and asked me if I owned a Pomeranian. It seems that he saw Yodie running on the busy street in front of his house (which is about 2 blocks from where I live), dodging cars and barely missing getting hit, Joe was concerned, and followed Yodie as he frantically for about a half a mile, rendering his tired enough to be picked up. Joe took him home, and not seeing a tag (apparently Yodie’s collar came off some time during his adventure), kept him for the night. The next day he called various people he knew owned dogs, and finally the people across the street from me said that the description sounded liked Yodie. I raced over to Joe’s, where Yodie covered my face in kisses, but didn’t seem to be otherwise effected by his experience.

Anyway, Flossie is fine now, and other a tendency to bark at everything (even more than he did before), Yodie is fine too. I am still feeling sore and fatigued, though, so I guess it affected me more than it did them.

I spoiled the dogs rotten, even though they are brats who would undoubtedly run away again if they got the chance, but I bot a padlock for the gate so they can never get the chance.

So, in conclusion, thanks, D. Sidhe — I really believe that those cranes brought me peace and good luck, and I will always remember your kindness.


Tim Graham Takes Fox Palsy Personally

Posted by scott on October 24th, 2006

Via Wolcott, we see that the Corner’s Tim Graham is also in a tizzy about the Michael J. Fox ad.  According to Tim, Fox’s statement that stem cell research offers “hope” is a cruel joke, on a par with Ashton Kutchner’s efforts to convince Michelle Trachtenberg that she broke a water pipe in a parking garage with her car.

Punk’d by Parkinson’s [Tim Graham]
J-Pod, in an age when reporters routinely pick apart ads for being untruthful or misleading, this ad should be scorned in the press for making claims that are not yet scientifically accurate.

The right wing’s newfound passion for rigorously peer-reviewed 60 second political commercials that reflect a consensus view of scientific research is refreshing, to say the least.  I guess this puts an end to that whole “the jury is still out on global warming” business, not to mention deliberately misleading, industry-funded campaigns, like that ad touting the life-giving benefits of carbon dioxide.

Claiming conservatives oppose “life-saving” stem-cell research is, at the moment, completely unsubstantiated.

Uh-huh.  Did you happen to catch this piece in the Washington Post: In Heartland, Stem Cell Research Meets Fierce Opposition?  Just curious…

Life-saving? Right now, it’s in danger of looking like the embryo-destroyer’s version of WMD intelligence.

Oooh, SNAP, Timster!  Way to turn a frown upside down!

Aside from the factual flaws, it has the sickening usual liberal flaw of leading with the Unmockable Victim, and thinking the facts don’t matter, especially with those emotional chicks.
“I love the ladies, but you gotta admit they’re apt at any moment to take a plunge off the hysterical high dive.  They can’t help it; it’s a well-known fact that the uterus and yellow wallpaper drives ‘em batty.”
Wow, that damn-those-liberal-crips-we’re-not-allowed-to-mock meme has really taken off.  Ann Coulter ought to be collecting royalities.
(Oh, the liberal consultant smirks are everywhere, no doubt.)
Um…sure, Tim.  Like the Chesire Cat’s smile, the liberal consultant’s smirk remains behind, floating in the air, long after the consultant has faded away to K Street.  (But shhhhh!  Only Tim can see them!)

But blaming Bush or Steele or Talent for Parkinson’s disease is akin to John Edwards claiming in October 2004 that Christopher Reeve would walk again “when John Kerry is president.” This ad is shameless, uncivil, unproven, and a very personal attack.

shameless…uncivil…unproven…  Tim, Tim, take a breath and unbunch your panties.  I think the words you’re groping for are “frank,” “unsparing,” and “effective.”  But a “personal” attack?  In fact, a “very personal attack”?  Timmy, as I think your old friend Lassie would agree…it’s not all about you.

In other news, “Democrat” has ceased to be a member of a political party, and has become, apparently, a species.  At least, judging by this oddly worded headline on Rush’s website:


MARLIN PERKINS:  The Democrat, native to the Northeastern United States, was once common throughout the Lower 48 states.  As recently as the 1970s, the Industrial cities of the Midwest were black with thundering herds of Democrats, who thrived on the region’s good manufacturing jobs, collective bargaining agreements, and high rates of home ownership.  Alas, in recent years, the outsourcing of the Democrat’s native habitat has lead to a decrease in its numbers.  As you can see, we’ve baited our trap with a Barbra Streisand CD and a UAW card…yes, here comes one now, emerging cautiously from the underbrush.  I’ll scramble into the helicopter with the film crew while Jim nets the Democrat and wrestles it to the ground…

Anyway, back to Rush:

RUSH: One of the big issues in the Missouri Senate race — as you know, we touched on it yesterday — is the Michael J. Fox which is entirely misleading and which is in itself an attack ad, and it is filled with disinformation about embryonic stem cell research and how Jim Talent wants to criminalize it. Embryonic stem cell research — and, by the way, Fox is doing similar commercials in Maryland now for Ben Cardin against Michael Steele. But embryonic stem cell research is currently legal and completely unrestricted in both Maryland and Missouri and in the vast majority of other states. It’s largely personal and institutional ethics that keep scientists from cloning research.

Yeah!  I don’t know where this goofy idea that research and funding were somehow related came from.  The only thing preventing advances in stem cell science are the ethical qualms of scientists, most of whom are morally uneasy with this whole “research” fad.

The debate we’re having is almost always about governmental funding

 Oops.  Okay, scratch that ethical crap.

We will address that, but Michael J. Fox entered the political arena long ago. He became a US citizen in 2000.   He’s from Canada.

And that’s germane to this discussion because…uh…

Rush?  Help me out here…

He was active in the Kerry campaign in 2004

Got it!  So clearly, he deserves a catastrophic disease.  Shaky, saw-offed little Socialist.

One of the tactics the Democrats have — and they’ve used this consistently. They bring forth people who they think are victims for the purposes of exploiting them, and when you bring forth — for example, if you’re talking about embryonic stem cell research, and you want to convey the notion that the Republicans are opposed to it, and in effect they’re for people having Parkinson’s Disease. Make no mistake that’s what the intent is.

Okay, I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but this sounds awfully familiar.  It’s almost as if there were a series of talking points issued, and everybody was told to repeat them ad nauseum.  Hey, I know that sounds crazy, you don’t have to tell me

Then you bring forth a person who’s suffering the disease, and you illustrate the disease and the ravages and the suffering on TV to create sympathy and infallibility, because you’re not supposed to be able to attack somebody or criticize somebody in any way or in any regard if they suffer from the disease.

Wow!  That’s almost word for word Ann Coulter’s complaint about “the doctrine of liberal infallibility”!  What are the odds?  If I didn’t know better, I’d think they almost coordinated these spontaneous bursts of moral outrage.

It’s considered cold-hearted and cruel

It’s not, of course, but certain hysterical chicks consider it that. 

I would argue that Mr. Fox is damaging what has traditionally been a bipartisan effort at addressing and curing illnesses

Or at least, it was until Bush declared researchers could only use the 60 extant stem cell lines tainted with mouse DNA.  Because there’s no worse illness than Ennui in the Base.

Democrats are politicizing diseases and illnesses.

Alzheimer’s is a perfect example of corrupt machine politics.  Why do Democrats have to politicize disease?  We’re only politicizing the research that might lead to a cure for disease!  Geez!

The Breck Girl, John Edwards, promising, if John Kerry is elected, that Christopher Reeve and others with spinal paralysis would walk, when there’s no such is evidence that any research into embryonic stem cells will create any immediate cure toward anything.

Huh.  Seems like I’ve heard that bit before too.  Either there’s an RNC blast fax making it’s way around town, or the right wing pundits have beaten the Borg to the deployment of a working hive mind technology.

It is irresponsible to mislead victims of people suffering from these horrible diseases in such a fashion. But that’s exactly what has happened.

Wait.  We’re misleading the victims of people suffering from horrible diseases?  I wouldn’t have thought that a guy with advanced Parkinson’s could beat you up for your lunch money, but I stand corrected.

It’s no different than the way they do it in the environmental movement. They talk about dirty water and dirty air, and if you oppose the environmentalists, why, you must be for dirty water and dirty air!

Yeah!  Everybody talks about dirty water and dirty air, but nobody does anything about it!  Oh.  Wait.  Some people actually did.  That’s why we hate them.  Sorry!

Well, that’s about all the Rush I can take for the moment, since everybody in the Wingnutosphere is starting to melt into Ken Mehlman’s gooey, runny face, and I prefer my extremist hacks hardboiled, or at least al dente.

The President Uses The Internets To Get On The Googles

Posted by scott on October 24th, 2006

Per Crooks and Liars, President Bush likes to Google his ranch.  He still refuses to send or receive e-mail, because it’s not as easy to shred, and sometimes copies can get stuck in the tubes and come back to haunt you later.  But he does enjoying using Google Maps to look at aerial photographs of brush, often pausing to remark, “Heh heh, that Barney Google’s come a long way.”

This development has been welcomed by First Lady Laura Bush, a former librarian, who believes that Google and similar search engines represent a revolutionary advance in information retrieval technology, and because she’s getting tired of jangling her keys everytime the President gets bored.