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Archive for June, 2006

Tonight’s ‘Hannity & Colmes,’ Today!

Posted by s.z. on June 30th, 2006

If you visit the Hannity & Whosit website, you are made privy to the following important announcement:

Friday, June 20

• Exclusive! Terri Schiavo’s former nurse may lose her license for speaking out to H&C

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait an hour or so to rehash the Schiavo case. So, I did a little Googling, and I have trumped Sean’s exclusive.

From the Fair & Balanced North Country Gazette I learned that the nurse in question is Hannity’s favorite medical expert (with the exception of Nobel Peace Prize for Medicine-nominated doctor Hfuhruhurr, the world-famous brain expert featured in the documentary .  Yes, the persecuted nurse in none other than Crazy Carla Sauer Iyer

I also learned that she isn’t in danger of losing her license for “speaking out to H&C,” but for revealing confidential patient and family information to CNN.

Well, “alleged information”. One of Nurse Iyer’s claims is that Michael Schiavo was always yelling stuff like “when is that bitch going to die?” Unfortunately, Nurse Iyer was the only one who was able to hear him do it, since Michael apparently used his freeze-ray to render everyone else oblivious when he’d say such things.

But that wasn’t the most extraordinary of her CNN claims. Here’s more:

Among the facts revealed to the broader public in the CNN interview was that Iyer witnessed Terri say, “Mommy, help me”, and “pain”, and would also interact with the nurses and visitors.

And Terri did all this without any neurons in her brain!  It was truly a miracle!

Iyer maintained that there exists over 4 hours of videotape from ’95 and ’96 proving this, but that it was placed under gag-order, including her own testimony about Michael Schiavo’s treatment of Terri.

Who exactly placed the video under a gag order? I couldn’t find out? But, as you might recall, the Schindlers (who called on just about every crackpot in the state of Florida to bolster their cause) didn’t seek Iyer’s testimony in their case, so maybe it was them.

But although Nurse Iyer may seem to be a tad, well, crazy, she’s still one of Fox News’s favorite guests, as Media Matters reported last year.

On March 22, both CNN’s Live From… and Fox News’ Fox and Friends aired interviews with Carla Sauer Iyer — a former nurse for Terri Schiavo who in 2003 submitted an affidavit with inflammatory accusations against Terri’s husband, Michael Schiavo — but failed to report questions about Iyer’s credibility. Judge George W. Greer, the Florida circuit judge who has presided over several aspects of the Schiavo case, dismissed Iyer’s allegations as “incredible” and noted in a September 17, 2003, order that not even Terri Schiavo’s parents sought her testimony in the case.

Here’s part of what Judge Greer had to say about Nurse Iyer’s claims:

Ms. Iyer details what amounts to a 15-month cover-up which would include the staff of Palm Garden of Lago Convalescent Center, the Guardian of the Person, the Guardian ad Litem, the medical professionals, the police and, believe it or not, Mr. and Mrs. Schindler.

Hey, just because Nurse Iyer is paranoid, it doesn’t mean that the Schindlers weren’t out to get their daughter!

But how much do you want to bet that, just like last time, Sean Hannity doesn’t mention these inconvenient details when discussing the martyrdom of Nurse Iyers?  (I will bet a dollar.)

In any case, the blogger ethics panel has ruled that in order to be fair to Carla, we should report some more of her claims.  So, here you go:

First, from a piece by Rep. Dave Weldon:

She said in a sworn court affidavit that Terri “was alert and oriented. Terri spoke on a regular basis saying things like ‘mommy’ and ‘help me” and ‘hi’ when I came into her room.”

Iyer says Terri would sit up in the nurse’s station from time to time and laugh at stories they told.

Here’s more detail, from that affidavit:

When I told her humorous stories about my life or something I read in the paper, Terri would chuckle, sometimes more a giggle or laugh.

It’s nice that Terri didn’t let the fact that her brain had shriveled to only half its original size diminish her sense of humor.

Iyer also claimed in a radio interview that the nurses had Terri at the front of the nurse’s station, where she would interact with staff and visitors, and was really popular with everyone. Sadly, all of this has been erased by the conspiracy . . .

I made numerous entries into the nursing notes in her chart, stating verbatim what she said and her various behaviors, but by my next on-duty shift, the notes would be deleted from her chart. Every time I made a positive entry about any responsiveness of Terri’s, someone would remove it after my shift ended.

And they tried to remove Nurse Iyer herself, possibly! She claimed that people were watching her.  She saw cars parked at her house. And worse than that, Michael intimidated her with his menacing body language!

I became fearful for my personal safety. This was due to Michael’s constant intimidation, including his menacing body language, vocal tone and mannerisms.

But despite all the trials which Nurse Iyer suffered for the truth, now the state is trying to revoke her nursing license because she violated her professional ethics (or, as the Gazette claims, for exercising her first amendment rights). She holds that since everything she told CNN was already part of the public record, in that she had already shared her rumors, stories, and allegations with whoever would listen to her, she was free to speak to CNN (and presumably even to Sean Hannity). I guess we’ll see what the licensing board has to saw about this, though.

But you know, the thing that bothers me about this case is that Nurse Iyer has been allowed to keep her license all this time, despite the fact that she’s several donuts short of a dozen.  However, I bet you a dollar that Hannity will accuse the life-hating, baby-killing, terrorist-loving liberals of trying to crush this noble woman, just for having spoken out about Michael Schiavo’s numerous attempts to murder his wife.

I will use the dollars I win to buy copies of my book for the poor.

You’re So Money Baby And You Don’t Even Know It

Posted by scott on June 30th, 2006

Well, I’m off to Vegas to attend a friend’s nuptials, and to compete in the 17th Annual Clark County Biathalon, Sponsored by NordicTrack (do 5 miles on the cross-country ski machine, then hop off, shoot a man just to watch him die, then back on the elliptical for another 5).

Have a great weekend, and if you have a chance to peruse your copy, please let us know what you think of the book.  See you Sunday night.

Rush’s Impotence Just Makes Him More Attractive to Elderly Women Who Hate Sex

Posted by s.z. on June 29th, 2006

Via RushLimbaugh.com Home, here’s Canada’s answer to Peggy Noonan, Crazy Judi McLeod, with ”Being Rush Limbaugh“:

The whole world, it seems is into Viagra.

The romantic days of Rudolph Valentino and his dark eyes to swoon for are ghosts of the past. The days of being old at 40 have come to stay.

I guess what Judi is trying to say is that things were better in her day (the 1920s), because back then, men had the decency to die young, and so they never needed impotency drugs.

With everybody on Viagra, who wants to kiss and tell?

Tittering tattletales at international airports, when they catch radio giant Rush Limbaugh, that’s who.

Caught with “Cialis Levitra” in his luggage on the way back from the Dominican Republic at Palm Beach International Airport, held for three hours but never charged, Mr. Rush got rushed into the news by smarmy little guys who get to take their Viagra secrets all the way to the grave.

Yes, anybody who said anything about Rush’s latest violation of the state’s drug laws is small, smarmy, and a secret user of Viagra. It’s the old “It takes one to know one” law.

As Radio’s number one personality, Rush didn’t think to hide his Viagra pills in an aspirin tin, like his detractors surely would have done.

I personally hide my Viagra in my maid’s Oxycontin tin, because I believe no one would think of looking there.

But Judi is right about one thing: as “Radio’s” biggest “personality,” Rush thought he was above the law — and it’s a sad commentary on modern society that he was wrong about this.

An icon of the right, lefties would be gunning for the great Rush everywhere, even when he was in back-from-vacation relax mode.

It’s wrong, WRONG of lefties to gun for the great Rush when he was in back-from-the-sex-tour-post-coital relax mode.

For the tell-it-all enemy, Rush is big game.

It’s not as if a Hillary Clinton or a Nancy Pelosi could sneak his diary off a bedside table, where Rush only keeps copies of the Bible and books like Help! Mom! There’s a Liberal Under My Bed! And Rush doesn’t wear a toupee.

Judi has documentary evidence that Hillary and Nancy have tried many a time to sneak Rush’s diary off his bedside table, but were foiled by the fact that Rush is functionally illiterate, and doesn’t have any hair.

They wouldn’t dare to make fun of his hearing problems. That would be too politically incorrect.

Opiate-induced hearing loss is one of the PC-movement’s most sacred of cows.

Straight as the proverbial arrow, and rumoured to be even something of a womanizer, there’s not much gossip in the romantic department about Rush Limbaugh, no blue dress stuff.

Here’s my best translation of the above: “Sure, Rush may be a dirty, old horndog, but at least he’s not gay, like Bill Clinton, who used to wear Monica’s blue dress when she wasn’t looking.”

Skeletons in Rushes’ closet don’t get to hang in the back with the musty clothes; they’re dragged out to dance happy jigs on the blogosphere.

If airport authorities had clocked any other Romeo with Viagra in their luggage, there would be no news to leak.

But Rush Limbaugh is “that capitalist pig Rush Limbaugh”.

Yes, the news media hate Rush because he’s a capitalist, and therefore one of their sworn enemies.

Judi, Judi, Judi, you ignorant slutt. Did you miss the part where the blogosphere was calling him not a capitalist pig, but “that drug-addicted hypocrite, Rush Limbaugh”?  The Internet works even in Canada, Judy.

So the guy who coined the term “FemiNazis” would be open game for politically correct malcontents.

Lefties and their running dogs would go to most any length to embarrass Limbaugh. How many of their heroes smile at you from behind their latest dose of Botox?

Botox prescribed for somebody else’s face, even!!!

So Rush Limbaugh had a bottle of Viagra apparently prescribed to someone else in his socks and bvds.

The drugs were hidden in his briefs and socks?  How does Judi know this detail?

(But yeah, so what if the drug was prescribed for somebody else? It’s not like we should expect a womanizing straight arrow like Rush to get his own sex drugs.)

He later joked on his popular radio show that the pills came from the Clinton Library and he was told they were blue M&Ms.

It’s funny because Bill Clinton was caught will illegal Viagra in his possession ALL THE TIME!

Meanwhile, we don’t know what Viagra’s done for Rush Limbaugh, but we do know what Rush has done for Viagra. Now that Rush has been caught with it, Viagra sales are bound to soar.

Because all women want Rush, and all men want to be like him (sweaty, pudgy, impotent, and unappealing). Like I said before (in a post that the forces of capitalism made me delete), Rush IS the prototypical Viagra user, and no doubt Pfizer will soon be paying him several million a year to endorse their product.

There goes Rush Limbaugh, a capitalist even when coming off vacation.

It really was nice of him to spare a thought for the pharmaceutical industry at a time like that, even though their product apparently didn’t work all that well for him, since he was returning with 29 pills. Buy hey, the working girls of the Dominican Republic probably thanked him for his support of capitalism too, even if he couldn’t seal the deal.

All The News That’s Fit to Blow Up

Posted by s.z. on June 29th, 2006

Before I start another round of kitten feeding, I think I have time to check my NewsMax email.

Hey, this looks important:

Coulter: N.Y. Times Committed ‘Treason’

Ann Coulter once said that her “only regret with [Oklahoma City bomber] Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.”

Her acid comments about America’s most influential newspaper no doubt found new meaning in the wake of the Times’ decision to disclose top-secret programs the U.S. government is using to capture terrorists.

Yeah, she now wishes that McVeigh had kllled all the men, women, and visiting grade-school children in the building TWICE!

Coulter was writing about what she called “the latest of a long list of formerly top-secret government antiterrorism operations that have been revealed by the Times,” noting that “last week the paper printed the details of a government program tracking terrorists’ financial transactions that has already led to the capture of major terrorists and their handmaidens in the U.S.”

To Coulter, a lawyer, that amounted to nothing less than treason, and she wants the newspaper punished for betraying a vital antiterrorism operation meant to prevent future 9/11s.

Remember, Ann is a lawyer (don’t let the pretty face fool you)!  So, let’s allow her to explain the laws of the land to us.

Liberals, she wrote, invoke ‘freedom of the press’ like some talismanic formulation that requires us all to fall prostrate in religious ecstasy. On liberals’ theory of the First Amendment, the safest place for Osama bin Laden isn’t in Afghanistan or Pakistan; it’s in the New York Times building.”

Freedom of them press, she explained “does not mean the government cannot prosecute reporters and editors for treason — or for any other crime. The First Amendment does not mean Times editor Bill Keller could kidnap a child and issue his ransom demands from the New York Times editorial page.

He couldn’t?  Damn it, I guess that kid is doomed now, since Bill can’t issue his ransom demands.

He could not order a contract killing on the op-ed page.

That kind of thing is reserved for Ann. (Will NOBODY rid her of this turbulent NY Times building? She’ll make it worth your while.)

Nor can he take out a contract killing on Americans with a Page One story on a secret government program being used to track terrorists who are trying to kill Americans.

Yeah, telling the terrorists that we are monitoring their (and a lot of other people’s) banking matters is “taking out a contract killing on Americans” because, um, … well, it just is. Ann is a lawyer, and so she knows about this kind of thing.

Well, the kittens are demanding sustenance, so that’s it for the NewsMax email for right now. Tune in later for such exciting missives as “Sen. Jim Bunning: NY Times Committed Treason”; “Rush Limbaugh’s Favorite Political and Pharmaceutical Ads”; and “V.P. Dick Cheney to Shoot Superman in the Face.”


Posted by scott on June 28th, 2006

In going through my Coulter material I came across s.z.’s first published piece on Ann, a story about the pundit’s upcoming children’s book (years before The O’Reilly Factor for Kids) that appeared in Salon.  We never linked to it from W’oC, since s.z. was still under deep cover, so for those who may have missed it, please enjoy “R is for Rabid”

We Have Book-Sign!

Posted by s.z. on June 27th, 2006

Due to popular demand (okay, it was only a couple of people, but they seemed really popular) our book, BETTER LIVING THROUGH BAD MOVIES is now available!

Here’s the . Go there and buy several copies (or at least give it 5-star reviews).

Longtime readers will recognize this as the culmination of the Subliminal Cinema: Life Lessons From Lousy Movies project (we changed the title to avoid confusion with Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn). The book contains over 50 abusive reviews of extravagantly bad movies, both famous and obscure, and includes the complete and unabridged Red Dawn, with a new conclusion that reveals why Dick Cheney shot a man in Reno, just to watch him apologize.

Here’s a bit from the Introduction:

President Woodrow Wilson recognized the enormous potential of motion pictures in 1915, when he observed, “It’s like writing history with lightning, and my only regret is that it is all so true.” Of course, he was talking about Birth of a Nation, in which the heroes were Ku Klux Klansmen and the villains were white guys in blackface, so he might more accurately have said, “It’s like writing history in the snow with your own pee, and my only regret is that I didn’t drink more beer.” Still, he makes a good point.

Motion pictures have helped to shape social and moral values since The Kiss (1896) first taught women how to successfully maneuver the tongue past a highly waxed handlebar mustache. Movies have taught us how to love with honor (Casablanca), how to die with dignity (Whose Life Is It Anyway?) and how to sneak our semen into a friend’s beer (American Pie). And yet, most films emerge so muddled from the design-by-committee development process that no matter what message the filmmakers think they’re sending, it’s almost never the same message we, the audience, actually get, assuming their movie says anything at all besides “Enjoy our cross-promotional merchandising deal with Taco Bell.” Because of this tragic miscommunication, legions of filmgoers miss out on the edification to be found in movies like Coyote Ugly, Batman and Robin, and Battlefield Earth.

Anyone who has played Little League baseball is familiar with the dictum, “you learn more from failure than you do from success.” Which means that all those hours spent watching crappy movies wasn’t a waste of your precious and ever-dwindling life span; it was an education. And since each movie autopsied in this book fails on every conceivable level, it follows that you can learn a lot more from a film like Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace than you can from Citizen Kane.

Take the Richard Gere/Winona Ryder romance Autumn in New York, for instance. On the surface, it appears to be the most cynical piece of emotional manipulation since The Triumph of the Will and yet, it contains the secret to forging a love that will last a lifetime (simply put: date the moribund). Indecent Proposal, on the other hand, shows how one can ensure a long and happy marriage through prostitution, psychoanalyzing cinder blocks, and sponsoring zoo animals, while troubled lovers will learn how to bridge the gender gap once they realize that — looked at a certain way —Beaches and Armageddon are exactly the same movie.

I hope you’ll pardon our shameless promotion of the book, but we worked a long time on it, and besides, we’re under orders from Kos to pimp the crap out of it.

Now, if I may add a personal message: blogging about presidenting is hard work. Dang hard work. And it doesn’t pay that well — which is normally okay, since we bloggers don’t really need much in the way of material goods (we have our moral outrage to keep us warm and fed). But I currently have kittens to feed. Adorable, playful, loving, little kittens — and I spent my entire monthly pay check money framing Rush for Viagra smuggling, and so have no funds left for kitten formula. You wouldn’t want these sweet little ones to starve, would you? Well, WOULD you?

So, now is the time to support this blog. If you’ve read even one post and you don’t buy a copy of this book, you’re nothing more than a thief. A common thief!

Seriously, this is an actual book — and for those of you you like this kind of thing, it’s just the kind of thing that you’ll probably like. Please consider going to and buying a copy. It’s the book that NewsMax, Ann Coulter, and Dick Cheney don’t want you to read! But buy a copy anyway, okay?

Ann Coulter vs. RuPaul and Jesus

Posted by scott on June 27th, 2006

The Ultimate Smackdown:  Mano a Mano, Man to Manhands!

Recently, bestselling author Ann Coulter revealed that “Christianity fuels everything I write.”  Like St. Paul and St. Augustine, two sinners who found salvation in Jesus and went on to exert a profound effect upon Western civilization, Ann has also evolved into an influential religious thinker, but without all that weepy repentence and redemption baggage that frankly makes the saints come off a bit like girly-men.  Fortunately for their posthumous reputations, the two First Century church fathers have now been joined by a sleek and sassy blonde chick, forming a sort theological Mod Squad.

In Coulter’s latest effort, GODLESS, her “Christianity is somewhat more explicit.”  But just how explicit is the brand of Christianity practiced by Ann?  Explicit enough for an R rating?  She doesn’t say.  But a comparison to the beliefs of another devout entertainer should provide us with a helpful frame of reference.  And so as to avoid the logical fallacy of comparing apples to oranges, we will juxtapose Ann’s religious convictions against those of another tall, lanky blonde personality of indeterminate gender with a to promote:  RuPaul.

Ann’s remarks are culled from her columns and various interviews.

RuPaul’s thoughts were taken from interviews, and her blog.  In the event of a tie, we’ll bring in Jesus and the Apostles to cast the deciding vote.

RUPAUL:  I just feel really blessed…I know that God has not lost my file, that I’m always being taken care of.

COULTER:  Don’t pray.  Learn to use guns.

RUPAUL:  I needed to remind myself to let people be and think however they wanted to.  There is no such thing as right and wrong, just love and fear.  And today I choose love.

COULTER:  My book makes a stark assertion:  Liberalism is a godless religion.  Hello!  Anyone there?  I’ve leapt beyond calling you traitors and am now calling you GODLESS!

RUPAUL:  I am not a Christian (and by the way, neither was CHRIST) but I dig JESUS like nobody’s business.

COULTER:  Hey–where’s Max the grenade-dropper?  Let’s keep this diaper fest going all summer.

RUPAUL:  Figuratively, the meaning is that JESUS transcended death because his true self was not his body.  The body can perish, but the soul (the truth self) is eternal, which is true for all of us…That’s why he is alive today in spirit.  He is the example of the potential we all have to transcend the limitations of our bodies.  We are all GOD’S children, no one is special.

COULTER:  This is no time to be precious about locating the exact individuals directly involved in this particular terrorist attack.  Those reponsible include anyone anywhere in the world who smiled in response to the annihilation of patriots like Barbara Olson.

Well, it seems that while RuPaul is clearly a deist who is receptive to the teachings of Christ, she isn’t a Christian, and thus is disqualified from fighting in Ann’s weight class.  Looks like she’s going to have to tag Jesus to finish the match:

(Luke 18: 32-33)  Then Pilate took Jesus and had him scourged.  And the soldiers wove a crown out of thorns and placed it on his head.  For he shall be betrayed to heathen men, and he shall be scorned, and scouraged, and bespat; and after that they have scourged him, they shall slay him.

COULTER:  I have to say I’m all for public flogging.  One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention.  And it might not be such a cool thing in the ‘hood to be flogged publically.

JESUS:  Suffer ye children to come to me, and do not ye forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

COULTER:  …a cruise missle is more important than Head Start.

JESUS:  Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.

COULTER:  If they have the one innocent person who has ever to be put to death this century out of over 7,000, you probably will get a good movie deal out of it.

JESUS:  You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”  But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.  If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

COULTER:  If you’re upset about what I said about the Witches of East Brunswick, try turning the page.  Surely, I must have offended more than those four harpies.  Wait until you get a load of what I say about liberals in the rest of the book!  You haven’t seen the half of it.

JESUS:  But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you.

COULTER:  We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity.

Billy, Have You Ever Been in a Turkish Prison?

Posted by scott on June 27th, 2006


A Customs inspector going through the baggage of conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh on Monday afternoon found 29 small blue tablets — a supply of the impotence drug Viagra.

Isn’t swallowing a condom full of erectile dysfunction pills kind of redundant?

Limbaugh, 55, arrived on a private plane at Palm Beach International Airport from the Dominican Republic

Popular national destinations for sex tourists include Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Cuba, and several countries in Southeast Asia, including India, Thailand, and Cambodia.

s.z. adds:  If Scott is right, and Rusty did go to the Dominican Republic for a sex tour, how sad is it that he came home with 29 pills left unused? 

Last month, Limbaugh cut a deal with prosecutors that would dismiss the prescription fraud charges in 18 months if he continued treatment for his painkiller addiction, submitted to random drug tests, and did not own a gun.

Well…he was obviously allowed to keep his love gun

He did not, however, have to admit guilt.

Because havin’ a Love Gun means never having to say you’re sorry.

I’m a sex shooter
shootin love in your direction
I’m a sex shooter
come on play with my affections
come on kiss the gun

Begin the Ledeen

Posted by scott on June 26th, 2006

Matt Yglesias at TMP Café (try the Orange Cappuccino) alerted us to Michael Ledeen’s Final Solution for the New York Times:

[Executive Editor Bill] Keller et al have confirmed yet again that they don’t care about national security, at least in this war (sorry, the current circumstances; they don’t think we’re at war). What they really want is the defeat of George W Bush, and the devil take the consequences.

They have forgotten that the terrorists love to behead journalists. But Daniel Pearl, well, it’s such a long time ago, you know…

Because terrorists murdered an American journalist in Pakistan, the New York Times should stop investigating a potential abuse of power by the executive branch of the U.S. government.  I just want to be clear—is that the message?  Because that would seem to turn Daniel Pearl’s death into quite the little windfall for the Administration.  A few more decapitated reporters and the president could look forward to a remaining term of office wholly untroubled by investigative journalism.

Maybe it’s just me, but I was under the impression that by beheading Daniel Pearl the killers were trying to intimidate the American people, not hand Michael Ledeen a prop that he could grab by the hair and brandish in Bill Keller’s (so far still attached) face, in order to quash any press inquiries into potential criminal activity by the Administration.  Personally, I’d prefer to believe that the gruesome execution of a journalist only underscores the importance of a free press to a free society, since these crimes seem most often to occur in places were the rule of law is least respected, and where public scrutiny is least tolerated by those in power.  Because the alternative is to accept that the terrorists did Michael Ledeen and his ilk a favor 

The next point is: Who leaks? The answer is, enemies of the president’s policies leak. His supporters don’t.

Yes, we really need to get this straight, people!  What Rove and Libby did in the Valerie Plame case was not leaking, since the classified intelligence they exposed was intended to support the president’s policies.  That falls under the honorable and patriotic category of micturition.

That basic rule…

(that when you do it, it’s leaking, when we do it, it’s a transurethral intelligence emission.  And please stop calling at the front door; we have a tradesman’s entrance for a reason)

…helps understand both the background and the current state of play regarding the classified document that Hoekstra and Santorum are trying to get declassified. The media reaction is twofold: First, to pooh-pooh its significance (the kind of stuff I might find under my sink, the drooling Jane Harman says).  Second, to ignore it, to bury it in distant pages of the paper, to touch on it lightly in the evening news.

Honestly, Michael…What do you expect the NYT  to do, when even Fox News couldn’t trowel enough Clarins-Rouge Laque Lip Glaze on this razorback to tart it up?  We found some surplus artillery shells left over from the 1980-1988 Iran-Iraq War, which makes this degraded ordnance older than most of our own troops; they predate not only this war, but the first Gulf War.  I mean, come on, they’re still finding unexploded Luftwaffe bombs in London; my dad unearthed a musket ball from a Civil War battlefield when he was a kid, but that didn’t make page 1 above the fold either.   

The NYT and its ilk pound their chests about the revelations of the successful search of financial data to catch terrorists. They declare they are acting because of the public’s right to know. But in the matter of WMDs found in Iraq, the public’s right to know is totally dissed.


There is NO call for the declassification of that document

And NO need, since Senator Rick Santorum thoughtfully flashed it to the world on Fox News.   (At his last public appearance I almost got him to flash me the nuclear launch codes too, but I didn’t bring quite enough beads.)

NO investigative action to discover why this information was suppressed, NO curiosity about how Hoekstra and Santorum found out it existed.

They made it up?  (Somebody check the kerns!)  Perhaps they subcontracted the same fine Italian craftsmen who produced the Yellowcake Forgery.  If you mention Michael Ledeen’s name, you get the 10% Frequent Forger discount. Or maybe Libby passed it to Santorum during a conjugal visit.

And above all , NO concern, despite the clear statement in the document itself, and despite the explicit statement from Rumsfeld yesterday

RUMSFELD: They are weapons of mass destruction. They’re harmful to human beings.

Which makes the asbestos curtain at the Liberty Theatre on 42nd Street a weapon of mass destruction.  Also methane gas.  And Adam Sandler.  But I repeat myself.    


These people are not acting like journalists at all. They are acting as a fourth branch of government, co-equal with the others.

Yeah, almost like some sort of…of…Fourth Estate!  Damn that flaming leftist, Edmund Burke!

They arrogate to themselves the power to classify and declassify

I remember during the 1986 World Series when the Times arbitrarily classified the box scores.  MAN, that was arrogant.

They aren’t journalists at all, they’re pols. And they should be treated that way.

We should buy them golf trips and hookers?

But they are not yet being held accountable for their actions, as elected and appointed pols are.

Um, apparently Michael is speaking to us from another planet.  SETI for the win!

They should be. The other branches of government should fight them with every weapon in their arsenal

Well, that would include actual weapons, wouldn’t it?  Sounds like things are about to get a lot more interesting on West Forty Third Street.   I wonder if you’ll be able to see the white phosphorous rounds hit the City Desk from that choice front window in the ESPN Zone in Times Square…?

And we should demand they honor their calling, we should demand that the whole document be declassified and released, so that we can evaluate it ourselves, and decide how important it is or isn’t.

Wait, I’m confused.  We should demand that the Times declassify the whole document?  Is that before or after we roast them alive with thermobaric bombs for printing actual information in a newspaper?

Because we know that the fourth branch isn’t going to give us the facts, unless they fit their agenda.

The snark fails.

Declassify the WMD document now. We’ll tell you what it means.

Okay, so the WMD document is like a Rorschach blot?  And if I look at the black, redacted parts, and see, say, a Venus flytrap (not that I do!), that means I have unresolved erotic feelings toward my mother, right?   

And while you’re at it…

Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Skippy.  I am not your personal amanuensis.  Take a number, I’ve got other customers who need fake documents too, you know.

…how about producing the other Iraq documents—the stuff from Saddam’s files—that you promised to give us? We haven’t seen much of that of late, have we? I wonder why…

Oh, Mikey.  Why don’t you ask your buddies in the Administration to give you a peek if you’re so anxious?  Or better yet, just make ‘em up yourself.  You’re good at that.

The Kitten Project: Phase Two

Posted by s.z. on June 25th, 2006

Time for another kitten update (whether you like it or not). 

The kittens, who are 3-1/2 weeks old, are now using the litter box (hooray!)  However, they refuse to acknowledge the existance of any other food substance except kitten formula served in a bottle. They are active and playful, and have started to climb up the baby gate that is supposed to keep them contained in the bathroom.  (Tibby and Zigra enjoy trying to swat the kittens through the openings in the gate; I guess it’s their version of “Whack-a-Mole.”)

They are very eager for human contact, and climb up my legs (which is slightly painful when I am barelegged) whenever I enter the bathroom.   

So, get your kitten points in order, because the prizes will be awarded in just three weeks or so!

Now, some photos (you’ll have to excuse the quality; my cheap digital photo just isn’t up to the task of wildlife photography — but trust me, these kittens are WAY adorable).

First, here is the Siamese-esque kitten, snuggling alongside the girls, Celine and Lupita.  He is the largest of the litter, and really nice.  I am open to naming suggestions.  In fact, I would welcome them.  I considered “TV’s Frank,” because of the white hair, but I don’t know if it suits him.


And here is Bix Dugan (AKA “Wheezy”), who has regained all the weight he lost while he was sick, and has also regained his title as “The Cutest Kitten in the World.”


And here is a pile o’ kittens.


Anyway, my plans are coming along nicely.  Once the kittens are weaned (and stage three is accompished), we will be ready for stage four: RULING THE WORLD!