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Due to popular demand (okay, it was only a couple of people, but they seemed really popular) our book, BETTER LIVING THROUGH BAD MOVIES is now available!

Here’s the . Go there and buy several copies (or at least give it 5-star reviews).

Longtime readers will recognize this as the culmination of the Subliminal Cinema: Life Lessons From Lousy Movies project (we changed the title to avoid confusion with Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn). The book contains over 50 abusive reviews of extravagantly bad movies, both famous and obscure, and includes the complete and unabridged Red Dawn, with a new conclusion that reveals why Dick Cheney shot a man in Reno, just to watch him apologize.

Here’s a bit from the Introduction:

President Woodrow Wilson recognized the enormous potential of motion pictures in 1915, when he observed, “It’s like writing history with lightning, and my only regret is that it is all so true.” Of course, he was talking about Birth of a Nation, in which the heroes were Ku Klux Klansmen and the villains were white guys in blackface, so he might more accurately have said, “It’s like writing history in the snow with your own pee, and my only regret is that I didn’t drink more beer.” Still, he makes a good point.

Motion pictures have helped to shape social and moral values since The Kiss (1896) first taught women how to successfully maneuver the tongue past a highly waxed handlebar mustache. Movies have taught us how to love with honor (Casablanca), how to die with dignity (Whose Life Is It Anyway?) and how to sneak our semen into a friend’s beer (American Pie). And yet, most films emerge so muddled from the design-by-committee development process that no matter what message the filmmakers think they’re sending, it’s almost never the same message we, the audience, actually get, assuming their movie says anything at all besides “Enjoy our cross-promotional merchandising deal with Taco Bell.” Because of this tragic miscommunication, legions of filmgoers miss out on the edification to be found in movies like Coyote Ugly, Batman and Robin, and Battlefield Earth.

Anyone who has played Little League baseball is familiar with the dictum, “you learn more from failure than you do from success.” Which means that all those hours spent watching crappy movies wasn’t a waste of your precious and ever-dwindling life span; it was an education. And since each movie autopsied in this book fails on every conceivable level, it follows that you can learn a lot more from a film like Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace than you can from Citizen Kane.

Take the Richard Gere/Winona Ryder romance Autumn in New York, for instance. On the surface, it appears to be the most cynical piece of emotional manipulation since The Triumph of the Will and yet, it contains the secret to forging a love that will last a lifetime (simply put: date the moribund). Indecent Proposal, on the other hand, shows how one can ensure a long and happy marriage through prostitution, psychoanalyzing cinder blocks, and sponsoring zoo animals, while troubled lovers will learn how to bridge the gender gap once they realize that — looked at a certain way —Beaches and Armageddon are exactly the same movie.

I hope you’ll pardon our shameless promotion of the book, but we worked a long time on it, and besides, we’re under orders from Kos to pimp the crap out of it.

Now, if I may add a personal message: blogging about presidenting is hard work. Dang hard work. And it doesn’t pay that well — which is normally okay, since we bloggers don’t really need much in the way of material goods (we have our moral outrage to keep us warm and fed). But I currently have kittens to feed. Adorable, playful, loving, little kittens — and I spent my entire monthly pay check money framing Rush for Viagra smuggling, and so have no funds left for kitten formula. You wouldn’t want these sweet little ones to starve, would you? Well, WOULD you?

So, now is the time to support this blog. If you’ve read even one post and you don’t buy a copy of this book, you’re nothing more than a thief. A common thief!

Seriously, this is an actual book — and for those of you you like this kind of thing, it’s just the kind of thing that you’ll probably like. Please consider going to and buying a copy. It’s the book that NewsMax, Ann Coulter, and Dick Cheney don’t want you to read! But buy a copy anyway, okay?

39 Responses to “We Have Book-Sign!”

I will be honoured to buy a copy of your book, s.z. It’s just a small recognition of all the joy that this craptacular blog has brought into my pathetic, miserable life.

I have akitten. It staved in the head of a starling chick last week.

STARVE the kittens, not STAVE!

Clarifucation: The Crappers are the fools. Unless it was intentional???

Yay!!!! I can say (as one who has the book), it is GREAT!! Gratz!

Where’s the loyal reader discount?
We have to pay list price????

J-just a moment though. Didn’t Michael Medved get started writing about bad movies? Just watch it, that’s all. One minute you’re poking fun at Robot Monster, the next you’re sitting on Hugh Hewitt’s lap.

Yay yay yay! I just ordered my copy!!!

Uh-oh. Now the wingnutosphere knows your real names. That’s the sixth sign of the apocalypse according to Arnold Schwarzenegger in “End Of Days.” Damn, now I’ve got to go stash bottled water and Cheese Nips in my Armageddon shelter in the back yard!


so let’s say some totally random hypothetical early subliminal cinema adopter was wanting to get a copy, like, signed, how would they go about doing that?

will there be sandwiches? could you provide a map to the restrooms, please. will there be non-carbonated drinks? can I bring my dogs? will there be sandwiches for the dogs? I think a lot more people would buy books if the authors would provide sandwiches for the dogs.

I ordered two, and Amazon kept pushing me to have one gift-wrapped. But they’re both for me. I also ordered “Start The Revolution Without Me”. After reading the NY Times editorial re KOS I was hungry for more overblown mixed metaphors.

Yay! I broke my “Teh Money It Is Not For Shopping” policy for the first time in months, which inspired me to also order the “Serenity” DVD, which I have coveted, but have not purchased because of Teh Policy. So now your book is coming too, with free shipping!

I want your book tour to include the independent store Book Passage in Corte Madera, California. I will attend and then you can buy me a drink!

Ooh, shopping….

Congratulations! And don’t worry about them knowing your names, it just means you can no longer be accused of petty thuggishness through anonymity.

Give me a couple hours to sort out some bankish stuff, and I’ll order my copy. I might even pay for shipping for it.

Hate to tell you, but Wilson probably never said that about “Birth of a Nation.” According to an eyewitness account, he was silent the entire time, and he wadded up his program into a little ball and tossed it aside (I’ve held the program, one of his friends there picked it up and saved it). Racist southerner that he was (no doubts there) he thought the “Lost Cause” myth was crap and was pissed at Dixon for not telling him what the film was about in the first place, and felt as if he had been used (he had been).

that said, your book is now on my Amazon Wish List for Xmas!

Does every blogger have to have a book now?…

Then I guess I need to start typing faster. World o’ Crap has a book out now. You know you want it: Better Living Through Bad Movies(amzn/b&n/abe/pwll)…….

I’m waiting for the opportunity to acquire a copy signed by the authors. (hint, hint)

For those who’d like a signed copy of the book, let me just say…Really?

We’ll have to mail it between ourselves and then to you, but we’re more than happy to work that out for the cost of shipping. Just drop us an email and we’ll set it up.

Who knew you (and Scott) were blonde? Anyway, I ordered the book, but not from Amazon because I read somewhere they were owned by malignant trolls, but Barnes & Noble, because who can fault nobility and barns?

I ordered a copy this morning and already I hunger for the sweet, chewy pages. Someone said I should try reading books now and then, but I know everyone lies.


With all apologies to Steve Martin (or not)…

The new WoC Book is here!! The new WoC Book is here!!

As for autographed copies… I know where you both live. I think a Road Trip this summer may be in the works. Maybe I’ll drag a few fellow of our fellow MSTies along.

P.S. Ordered three. Now where’s my cookie?


I couldn’t resist. And if it’s as every bit as good as I think it will be (THREE DAYS?!?! HOW CAN I SURVIVE?!?!?!) I will probably buy more and send them as gifts.

Until then, I will probably be obsessively checking my order until it arrives.

DAMN YOU, and your liberalblogofascisthippiecommie influence!

Well, I think one thing everyone can do is…(and apologies to Best Brains and their Episode Guide Book)…

Buy one copy and put it in plastic, so it will be in mint condition, then buy another copy for your reading pleasure, and then 2 copies for everyone you know. :)

Seriously, I plan on buying them as gifts, and I will use the link here on WoC, so you guys get not only possible best seller listing, but a little kick back in the affiliate department. :)

just did a quick surf around the blog-o-sphere, and everyone is really buzzing about “Better Living Through Bad Movies”! Looks like you guys really DID win the Essay Contest!


Uh-oh. Now the wingnutosphere knows your real names.

It’ll make it less fun to laugh at them when they say, “that guy Zoll who runs Pandagon.”

This book looks exciting, but I want to know how progress is going on The Sexy Life of a Naked Blogger? I can’t wait around forever to do the remake of the movie of that one…

What we need now is a Tbogg book on Bassetts, so Amazon can pair the two. (Customers who bought x also bought y)… (And of course Sadly No!S book on killer kittens… for a 3-fer)

‘Sheri Zollinger’… That’s what ‘SZ’ stands for? All this time, I thought you were really S.Z.Sakall… I am so embarassed. Still, I’ll try and make amends by buying a copy of your book right away.

This book looks exciting, but I want to know how progress is going on The Sexy Life of a Naked Blogger?

Well, right now we’re having a dispute about the title. Wal*Mart has informed us that they won’t stock anything called The Sexy Life of a Naked Blogger, they think it’s suggestive. They sent us a list of acceptable alternative titles, and right now we’re leaning toward Naked Came the Blogger

Amazon says they’ve shipped my copy already. Hooray!

Congratulations on publishing. I’ll buy a copy.

Well, all I can say is it’s about damn time this magnus opus was released to the public (namely, us proles). I will hie thee hence to Amazon and, verily, purchase a copy.

Wal-Mart thinks “Naked Came The Blogger” isn’t “suggestive”? I guess, for your average Wal-Mart shopper, “suggestive” is defined by anything containing the word “sex” or any derivative thereof. Well, congratulations to you two on the publication of your book. I plan on buying several copies and giving them as gifts, and I can’t wait for “Naked! Came The Blogger!”

“…Who knew you (and Scott) were blonde?…”

Oh lord, you mean the cover photo is an actual real photo of the actual true authors? I assumed it was a pair of models posed by whoever had the contract for the cover art or some such.

I’d been thinking, “Wow, could they have found any *blonder* models…”

Am I being witless? I often lack cluefulness….

“…Who knew you (and Scott) were blonde

Actually, the people who were kind enough to pose for the cover art are a couple of dear friends of ours, Chris and Janice Clipart.

“Actually, the people who were kind enough to pose for the cover art are a couple of dear friends of ours, Chris and Janice Clipart.: And the person who was kind enough to pose for the cover art of Ann Coulter’s “Godlessness” was Ru Paul.

“Clevenger & Zollinger” sounds like a folk duo from the ’60′s.