As you may not know, (Bill has only mentioned it about 500 times on his program, so you could have missed it), Bill’s latest book, , will be released next month. It’s called and it’s about Bill’s Braveheart-like fight against the ACLU, the anti-Christmas armies, the NY Times, and Media Matters.
Here’s part of the publisher’s description of the thing:
Bill O’Reilly is the very embodiment of the idea of a Culture Warrior—and in this book he lives up to the title brilliantly, with all the brashness and forthrightness at his command.
Translation: “Bill O’Reilly is an asshole.”
He sees that America is in the midst of a fierce culture war between those who embrace traditional values and those who want to change America into a “secular-progressive” country.
Translation: “Like many old fogies, Bill is troubled by the fact that it’s not 1962 anymore, a time when white, Christian males made the rules, minorities knew their place, and it was perfectly okay to talk dirty to your female employees. Also, he is really angry that those damned kids keep throwing their ball into his yard.”
He also shows how the culture war has played out in such high-profile instances as The Passion of the Christ, Fahrenheit 9/11, the abuse epidemic (child and otherwise), and the embattled place of religion in public life—with special emphasis on the war against Christmas.
Sadly, Bill couldn’t call his book “The War Against Christmas” because that jerk Gibson stole the title. But, one day, BAM! Gibson’s going to get a knock on his door and life as he’s known it will change forever. That day will happen, trust me, because Roger Ailes goes after everybody who crosses Bill, even if said person happens to work at Fox News too.
Culture Warrior showcases Bill O’Reilly at his most eloquent and impassioned. He is an unrelenting fighter for the soul of America, and in this book he fights the good fight for the traditional values that have served this country so well for so long.
Yes, this truly sounds like a book you can’t pick up! But let’s see what an actual critic had to say about it:
Editorial Reviews — From Publishers Weekly
In his latest screed, the host of Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor mobilizes fellow “traditionalists” against a “secular-progressive movement” supposedly led by billionaire George Soros (“public enemy number one”) and the liberal rhetorician George Lakoff.
Man, I must be a terrible secular-progressive-fighter-against-all-that-is-good-and-decent, since I haven’t followed even ONE order issued by my master, George Lakoff.
None of this coheres well, but O’Reilly keeps fans stoked with red meat, including tales of ACLU Christmas-bashers who wanted schools to stop teaching kids to sing carols, and permissive judges who go easy on child molesters.
We must never forget the tragic story of the red and green napkins, which sacrificed themselves for your Christmas sins. So, it’s good that Bill wrote this book, even though some people might have thought that there was more important stuff going on in the world right now.
Too often, though, he feuds with personal enemies like “smear-merchant” Al Franken, Hollywood liberals, press critics and unnamed “black-hearted websites.”
Um, those websites would be “Media Matters.” And the MM folks clearly demonstrated the blackness of their hearts by watching Bill’s TV show and listening to his radio program, and then WRITING DOWN WHAT BILL SAID! The bastards!
We think that Sadly, No! is also pretty black-hearted.
But yeah, Al Franken is still Enemy Numero Uno, because he forced (at knifepoint) Bill’s mother to lie to the WaPo about where Bill grew up, and Franken also took away Bill’s Peabody awards and changed them to some other crappy award that Bill didn’t even win.
As a result, his populist swagger subsides into kvetching (“Clooney’s press agent, a guy named Stan Rosenfield, began badmouthing me and Fox News around Hollywood”) and paranoia (“S-P power-brokers… will command their forces to attack me in every way possible”). More resentful and self-pitying than feisty, O’Reilly may be suffering from battle fatigue.
Or from borderline personality disorder.
But hey, here’s part of an excerpt from Bill’s book – YOU be the judge.
Central Command (CENTCOM) Initial Briefing
Uh oh. I hope we don’t get in trouble with the Pentagon for posting this.
At times you have to fight. No way around it. At some point, every one of us is confronted with danger or injustice. How we choose to combat that challenge is often life-defining. You can face difficulties head-on, or run from them, or ignore them until they consume you.
Or you can dream up elaborate fantasies where it’s the Old West and you’re Clint Eastwood, and at high noon you shoot your nemesis right between the head, and it’s so sweet! And then you get your employer to sue your foe. Sure, that’s not a healthy way of dealing with your difficulties, but it works for some people.
But no one escapes conflict. No one.In my experience of more than thirty years of practicing journalism, I’ve found that most people do not like to fight. No surprise there.
So, in Bill’s experience, most people are pussies, except for him.
For a variety of reasons that I will explain, I have chosen to jump into the fray and become a warrior in the vicious culture war that is currently under way in the United States of America.
Wait, before Bill explains his reasons, let’s see if we can guess them! I’m going to say he jumped into the vicious fray because:
* He needs material for his TV and radio programs, and by pretending to be a fighter for the causes which his elderly male audience believes in, he can maintain his ratings, and thereby keep the Fox News loot rolling in.
* Picking fights with everyone keeps him in the spotlight, and he needs the attention to help inflate his sense of selfworth, which is actually quite low due to his feelings that his father never loved him
* He is just naturally pugnacious, and being a bully, getting into fights is what he does
* He has a personality disorder, and whenever somebody believes differently than him, he sees it as a personal attack
* He’s also a big jerk
But hey, you can probably think of other reasons.
Now, back to Bill:
And war is exactly the right term. On one side of the battlefield are the armies of the traditionalists like me, people who believe the United States was well founded and has done enormous good for the world. On the other side are the committed forces of the secular-progressive movement that want to change America dramatically: mold it in the image of Western Europe.
And in the middle are those folks who really don’t care if the K-Mart clerk wishes you a “Merry Christmas” or a “Happy Holiday.”
Rather surprisingly, at least to me, one result of my decision to fight in this war has been financial success. Another result has been a measure of fame.
Yes, imagine Bill’s surprise when he discovered that you really can’t go broke underestimating the intelligence of the average Fox News viewer!
The culture war has also made me perhaps the most controversial broadcaster in the country. That hot-button label “controversial” gives my enemies, they think, the right to attack me and my enterprises ceaselessly, unfairly, even dementedly. I truly drive the opposing force nuts! As you may know, I’m engaged in fighting them on a daily basis,
By calling them names during the “Most Ridiculous Item of the Day” part of his program.
and that warfare is the subject of this book.
Maybe it helps that many of my Irish ancestors were warriors.
It doesn’t help me any, Bill. I don’t think it does much for your ancestors either.
They lived in County Cavan and fought Oliver Cromwell when he devastated Ireland in the name of the British Commonwealth. They lost that fight. Later, some of them emigrated to America during the great famine of the 1840s.
No, Bill, they emigrated FROM Ireland, and immigrated TO America. You should have paid more attention to the nuns during English class.
More came later. My paternal grandfather fought in World War I, then became a New York City police officer. He was one tough SOB. I have his billy club in my desk drawer. It was well used. Come to think of it, maybe I was named after that club.
Or maybe Bill was named for granddad’s dildo, which Bill also keeps in his desk drawer.
In any case, Bill comes from a long line of obnoxious, misguided SOBs, and so some of his problem might be caused by genetics.
In the next generation’s world war, my father was a naval officer and was on the scene during the occupation of Japan. He was by nature a warrior but, in an interesting contradiction, was also frightened by the unknown, the Great Depression having imposed upon my father a fear that he never defeated. Even so, his instincts were to combat injustice and scorn those who ran from necessary conflict. But his reluctance to challenge authority and take chances in his career and life would stifle his potential. I watched throughout my growing years as he was slowly beaten down by the system.
I think that what Bill is trying to say is that his father had the bellicose O’Reilly temperament, but he let his bosses push him around at work, and then came home and took out his aggression on his wife and kids. And Bill is never going to be like him, in that he fights the systen by taking out his agression on everyone, not just family members.
The problem was that Dad was very bright and creative, but his job converting foreign currency into dollars was pure drudgery. My father died young, at age sixty-two. Observing him, I vowed never to allow the “system” to beat me or to let any individual push me around as his direct superiors did him.
So far, I’m ahead on that score.
Yup, while Bill’s Naval Officer father served only after the defeat of Japan in WWII, Bill actaully saw combat! So, Bill has posthumously bested Dad. Too bad it doesn’t bring Bill the gratification he thought it would.
The next section can be summarized as follows: “I am so great! I am so great! Everybody loves me, I am so great!” (It helps if you imagine him wearing a diaper and banging two pans together while he sings this.) So, let’s skip over the grandiosity, and jump to the paranoia:
In fact, not since the late Howard Cosell has an American broadcaster been so roundly vilified in print as I have been over the past decade. “Gasbag,” “blowhard,” “demagogue”–these are common adjectives used when newspaper writers refer to me. I’m not whining, just stating a fact.
Bill, it’s not really vilification if what the newspaper writers are saying is true. I’m just stating a fact, so quit your whining!
Because of the very personal nature of the battle I have chosen to fight, this is a difficult book to write. I don’t like to sound bitter, but the truth is, I am bitter to some extent.
And also mean-spirited, querulous, and cranky. I think somebody needs a nap!
Although I have won far more battles than I’ve lost, my life has changed drastically. I am routinely threatened with physical harm and have to employ security.
Bill’s head cracking Irish cop grandfather would be so ashamed of Bill’s lack of self-reliance!
I have to absorb rank defamation in the press, with no legal recourse because I’m a “public figure.”
And it’s just so unfair that Bill, who has made millions by saying mean things about other people, can’t have journalists killed for saying mean things about him. We really need to change the laws in this country.
My family has also been threatened and I’ve had to change every aspect of my life. No longer can I behave as a “regular guy” and go out and cut loose with my friends.
I personally consider it a tragedy that Bill had had to change his very way of life, and can no longer go out with his buddies and strong-arm the first-graders for their lunch money like he used to.
No longer can I even engage a stranger in conversation–there are too many crazies out there. At work, every call I receive is monitored and every interaction I have has to be witnessed.
Bill, honey, that’s not because of your valiant fight against the evil “S-P’s,” it’s because you sexually harass your female employees and your network is tired of paying them off.
I am never off the job and am always on guard. Would you want to live that way?
Let’s all spend the rest of the day pitying Bill, who is probably the most poorly treated person in the world. And even if you’re a child in Africa who is dying of AIDS, or an Iraqi civilian whose house was just blown up by American troops, I’m sure you’ll thank God that you don’t have to live the always-on-guard-for-lawsuits life of a Bill O’Reilly.
TOMORROW: Bill quotes from the The Godfather II …