I’m now two days into some sort of Iditarod-style endurance headache, and since I can’t possibly feel any worse, I might as well take this opportunity to poke around World Net Daily…
You may remember Robert Ringer from his classic study of douchality, Winning Through Intimidation, or you may recall him as as the cheerful bigot who likes to befriend radicals when they’re dead and can no longer defend themselves.
Today, Sanity’s Voice is back to whisper in your ear about how God created communism before Adam and Eve, and that’s why the Flintstones were cannibals.
The last communist
I recall when I was a teenager asking the question, in a civics class, “What’s to stop the president or Congress from ignoring the Constitution and doing whatever they please?” Predictably, the class laughed and the teacher patronizingly explained to me that our system of “checks and balances” made such a scenario impossible. I clearly remember that I was totally unconvinced by his dismissive answer.
Segue to 2010, and, by golly, we have a president and a Congress that ignores the Constitution and does whatever they please! Darn it – where’s your high-school civics teacher when you need him most?
In the event of fascist coup by a sitting President, America’s high school government and civics teachers are expected to form the backbone of the Resistance by raiding police stations and National Guard armories before melting away into the woods and mountains, leaving nothing behind but the fading cry of “Wolverines!” and the great smell of Brut.
“They may take our lunch money…but they will never take…our freedom!“
“Be honest — am I wearing too much blue eye shadow?”
How can this be happening in America?
I guess it depends what you mean by “this,” since, broadly speaking, this goes on all the time in American. Well, this and that. Grab some of those and let’s figure it out.
Let’s back up a few steps and get some background on the matter. For years, the clueless media loved to refer to Fidel Castro as “the last communist.” This perplexed me no end, because history has made it clear that communism has always existed and will continue to exist until “life after people.”
Physicists theorize that in the first moments following the Big Bang, the universe consisted primarily of a quark-gluon plasma, with a scattering of other elementary particles such as leptons, gauge bosons, and communists.
A belief in communism is an envy-based flaw that is programmed into the human psyche.
…and often leads to genocide, or at least the Blue Screen of Death. I recommend downloading the patch.
Fortunately, through education, logic and a sound moral structure, a majority of people in modern, civilized societies are able to overcome the serpent-like temptation of “to each according to his need.”
St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland mostly because they were really into social justice, and it was making Glenn Beck uncomfortable.
But early man had no formal education and, one would assume, had no time to reflect on philosophical issues. The evidence suggests that savages lived communal lives where the individual was sacrificed to the “collective good.” Often, this even resulted in cannibalism. Satisfying one’s appetite by munching on a fellow tribe member’s arm must have seemed quite natural to men who, like animals, spent most of their time hunting for food.
We may have backed up more than “a few steps” here. Nevertheless, there is a clear through line from the barbarism of Cro-Magnon anthropophagy to the dangers of health insurance reform.
With the advent of the Agrarian Revolution in the Neolithic Age, however, civilization advanced, and the individual gradually gained in importance.
In this era, mankind produced such significant developments as projectile weapons, domesticated animals, and semi-permament settlements. Cannibals still existed, but were now called “libertarians.”
The culmination of this evolution was the great American experiment that began with the Declaration of Independence and ended with victory in the American Revolutionary War.
At last, in 1783, our struggle against Czar George III and his flesh-eating troglodytes came to an end.
Nevertheless, communism has never been eradicated, because there are always plenty of people who cannot repress their envy. Thus, throughout the 20th century, communism reared its ugly head in such disparate places such as Russia, North Korea, North Vietnam and Mozambique. And now, in the 21st century, it’s bringing down Venezuela, with the U.S clearly the next big target of those who yearn for “social justice.”
Like the Vatican. Those Reds have been living off the labor of others for two thousand years now. Castro will be “the last communist” only if he manages to outlive Pope Benedict.
Even so, after the fall of the Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall, communism became kind of passé. As the economies of Western countries boomed, many of those who were most susceptible to the allure of the communist fantasy of wealth without work
Quit sitting around in your housecoat all day and get a job!
(On a side note, I had this exact same cowboy hat when I was six.)
became distracted by the good life handed to them by their thriving semi-capitalistic systems.
So what, exactly, is communism?
Apparently it’s a semi-capitalistic system that lets you thrive and live the good life. Let’s destroy it.
Communism is technically defined as “a theory advocating elimination of private property; a system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed; a totalitarian system in which a single authoritarian party controls state‑owned means of production with the professed aim of establishing a stateless society.” Swell.
You shouldn’t read the dictionary, Bob, it always depresses you. Here, you can borrow my copy of The Lovely Bones — despite the title, it’s largely cannibalism-free.
But what about socialism? Well, if you look it up, you’ll find that the only significant difference between the definitions of socialism and communism is that socialism is referred to as “a transitional stage of society between capitalism and communism.” Which means, according to Newsweek (“We Are All Socialists Now”), that the U.S. must be on its way to communism.
And yet it’s Newsweek that’s headed for the ash heap of history. Oh, irony, you tickle my despair bone.
But many countries, particularly in Europe, try to stop at socialism and not finish the journey to pure communism.
Historically, this is no more feasible than eating only some of the Früsen Glädje.
So, is Chairman Obama a communist or a mere socialist? No one can say with certainty what’s in his heart, but my own feeling is that he would quite enjoy establishing a totalitarian government where the state owns all means of production with the aim of establishing a stateless society.
So, is Mr. Ringer a mesolithic bigot driven to outlandish fantasies of persecution by Merriam-Webster and Fear of a Black White House, or merely a sociopathic douche-flume? No man can say.
I believe that one of the mistakes well-meaning but naïve folks unwittingly make is buying into “the last communist” myth, which causes them to become lax.
Robert fell into that same trap himself once, but has since repented, and is now ex-lax.
Which means that even if true libertarian-centered conservatives were to take control of both houses of Congress and the White House, eternal vigilance would be required to stave off the misguided (evil?) people who cling to their Little Red Books and guns.
I admit, I’m getting a little sick of all these doctrinaire Marxists at gun shows.
Remember, these are the individuals who get their inspiration from M.M.M. (Mass Murderer Mao)
(Nowadays he goes by his hip hop name, 3M.)
and the barrel of a gun as the final arbiter is ingrained in their twisted minds.
It’s hard to believe Robert used to write books, and now he just gives this stuff away. But then, “from each according to his inabililty, to each according to his need for schadenfreude and unintentional comedy.”
Don’t allow your logic to get sidetracked by oil spills, union-inspired riots in Arizona, or BHO’s wisecracks at elegant media functions about his birth certificate and his socialist policies. What is happening in Washington is not just another little shift to the left. It’s a prelude to the coming insurrection.
According to the dictionary (hey, this is great! I think I’ll subcontract all my posts to the OED), insurrection is defined as “an act or instance of rising in revolt, rebellion, or resistance against civil authority or an established government.” So someone should probably tell the President he’s doin’ it wrong.
If you don’t believe me, by all means feel free to join the walking dead and cheer on BHO and his comrades as they continue with their plan to nationalize whole industries and collapse the U.S. economy through deficit spending.
Coincidentally, Zombie Cheerleaders is the title of the new horror film I’m writing. Timely!
Make no mistake about it: Criminal government in Washington is on a roll and moving forward at full throttle – and its momentum can be stopped only by a defiant and vigilant populace, a populace that clearly understands there is no last communist.
Our only hope is to bring some cannibals in for an All You Can Eat communist buffet.