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Archive for May 31st, 2009

Variety: Mop Top Pops Top

Posted by scott on May 31st, 2009

sherzieve.jpg Over at RenewAmerica, Sher Zieve, columnist and star of the hit show, Gentlemen Prefer Stooges, has used her show biz savvy to snag Obama the Gwen Verdon role in a revival of the hit Broadway musical, Damn Yankees, Damn You All To HELL!

Whatever Barry wants Barry gets

Despite his feigned protestations to the contrary, since his usurping of the US presidency Supreme Leader Barack Hussein Obama (AKA “Barry” who said he does not want to run a car company) now owns General Motors and will soon own Chrysler.

Apparently, Obama’s passion for identity politics has led him to revive the naming conventions of the First Nations, as interpreted by Hollywood movies, e.g., “Dances with Wolves,” “Stands with a Fist,” “Barry who says he does not want to run a car company,”  and “Middle-Aged Paranoid with Buster Brown Hair-do.”

He has now — almost single-handedly — destroyed the US auto industry. Obama must be very proud. His dictatorial power (now almost absolute) is growing exponentially and he is getting virtually everything he wants.

Women!  Tinker-Toys!  Thick juicy steaks!

Obama, also, now appears to be unequivocally running the US Department of Justice. The DOJ dropped a voter-intimidation lawsuit against the New Black Panthers…The only reason that currently has any viability is that Obama ordered them to do so. Bear in mind, the New Black Panthers supported Obama for POTUS. Are we on our way to becoming South Africa — or worse?

Worse than white people being ruled by the Sons of Ham??

Note: I use the term ‘usurper’ (“to use without authority or right; employ wrongfully” and “to commit forcible or illegal seizure of an office, power, etc.”) in the truest sense, as virtually all evidence — including Obama’s ongoing lawyer-blocks of any and all attempts to produce a true and original birth certificate — points to this pretender to the throne having been born in Kenya. By the way, never before has a candidate for POTUS refused to produce — when asked — an original and true birth certificate.

And never before has a candidate for President of the United States refused — when asked — to conk his hair so the ladies of the DAR wouldn’t feel quite so tempted to rub his head for luck.

Then, Obama wanted the banks and all of their (actually OUR) money. He now has both the do with as he pleases and is continuing to work at bleeding us dry of the rest of it — into the future.

I never realized before, but Obama is not only the first African-American President of the United States, he’s also pop culture’s first successful supervillain!  He’s stolen more money than Auric Goldfinger, acquired more nuclear weapons than Ernst Stavro Blofeld, and raised a bigger private army than Cobra Commander!  This dude kicks Sauron’s ass!

Under the Obama reign, the persecution of Christians has also begun. An apparent test case in San Diego, CA disallows Christian home Bible studies without a permit! Under the USA’s new Marxist regime, the First Amendment’s freedom of religion is under fire. And to apparently ensure the First Amendment dies an even quicker death, Obama has appointed a “Cyber-Czar” to monitor Internet content.

First they came for the LOLCATS…

As his DHS Chief Napolitano has already warned law enforcement conservatives, pro-life, third party candidate supporters and all other “right-wing extremists” are to be considered dangerous and to be watched by police.

But not watched so closely that police might actually, oh I don’t know, prevent the assassination of a womens health provider inside a church.

This is called — amongst other negative terms — Stalinism.


Yeah.  This is pretty much “Stalinism” the same way The Knack were the “New Beatles.”

Debbie From The Blockhead

Posted by scott on May 31st, 2009


Debbie Schlussel — practicing attorney, semi-professional cable news guest, self-appointed film critic, and talented amateur harpy — added yet another accomplishment to a resume which already reads like Baron Münchhausen’s c.v., when she noticed that Sonia Sotomayor and Jennifer Lopez are both of Puerto Rican extraction.  This penetrating insight inspired Debbie to don the motley of political satirist and scale to such lofty heights of political humor that, ironically, the resulting hypoxia seems to make it impossible to laugh.

I can’t help but notice that the sole reason So-So (my very appropriate name for Sonia Sotomayor) was chosen as Barack Obama’s nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court is that she shares the life story of J-Lo, Jennifer Lopez.

In fact, the lyrics of the cheesy “Jenny From the Block” are basically the reason “Sonia from the Block” was chosen for the highest court in the land (minus the part about “put[ting] G-d first.” It’s just frankly, hilarious.

As you can see, even though Debbie’s glamour shot is 15 years out of date, her comedy is cutting edge and topical.

Our President chose this chick because like, J-Lo, she’s a Puerto Ricana from South Bronx who went from rags to semi-riches. And that’s it. That’s the whole reason. What a joke.

Say what you like about Debbie, she knows how to construct a rational, compelling argument.  It’s easy to see why she was attracted to the law, what with it’s plentitude of de jures, ipso factos, and ad hominems.

Guess I’m gonna have to refer to her as “Justice J-Lo,” once she gets confirmed by the Democrat dominated Senate. After all, neither J-Lo or So-So have set any remarkable legal precedent in their lives. Neither have achieved legal greatness, and one of ‘em is about to become a legal Supreme.

While liberals may give lip service to notions of equality, Debbie reminds us that it’s conservatives who truly cherish the ideal that all brown women with foreign names are equal (to each other).  Regardless of differences in education or professional stature, as long as they’re brown, be-bootied, and smelling faintly of salsa, a Circuit Judge of the United States Court of Appeals is the moral equivalent of a Fly Girl.

Here are the “Sonia From the Block” Lyrics. Obviously, I’ve substituted her name for “Jenny” and So-So’s “robe” for J-Lo’s “rocks.” She might as well sing this at her confirmation hearing, as it’s basically the Cliff’s Notes version of what we’ve heard from and about her so far this week:

I’m not going to repost Debbie’s entire parody here, for pretty much the same reason I don’t dump used motor oil in our flowerbed, or empty the catbox into the vegetable crisper.  But hey, if you’ve ever been curious to see what a SuperFund site looks like, but have no plans to visit New Jersey in the near future, by all means, click on through.  And on your own head be it.

I’m goin’ to bed.