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Archive for May 5th, 2009

The Best And The Blightest

Posted by scott on May 5th, 2009

Most people are cowed by the subjects of race and gender, and even people who are ordinarily rewarded for the pungency of their opinions have learned to issue odorless, colorless platitudes when the subject turns to identity politics.  But not NRO’s Andy McCarthy.  Like Lenny Bruce, he throws out the polite euphemisms, and dares to call a spade a spade, exposing this crazy vogue for diversity with the kind of cutting edge humor not seen since 1983, when Reagan’s Interior Secretary James Watt humorously reduced a coal-leasing review commission to its component elements: “a black, a woman, two Jews and a cripple.”

Will a Lesbian Do, or Does It Have to Be a Trans-gendered Muslim Lesbian of Color?   []

We’ve gotten by fine with just the two flavors: White and Male.  What’s with the sudden yen for Tutti-Frutti?

At Contentions, Jen Rubin notes Politico‘s report, “Lesbian Lawyers Eyed for Supreme Court” (the headline has since been changed to the tamer though less alliterative, “Groups push for first gay justice”).

Less alliterative and, I guess for Andy, more difficult to wank to.  Anyway, the Politico piece describes a gay rights group recommending an out lesbian for Souter’s seat on the Supreme Court, just as Hispanic rights groups have lobbied the president to appoint the first Hispanic justice, and feminist groups have urged him to redress the Court’s continuing and shameful imbalance between the sexes.  And while the thought of throwing any one of these alien spices into the bowl of lukewarm Cream of Wheat that is the current Supreme Court is laughable, nothing, apparently, would tickle Andy more than a twofer.

I was on the Lars Larson show last week right after the Souter announcement, so naturally the question of what we should expect in an Obama nomination arose. I answered, “I’m thinking a left-handed lesbian paraplegic.” I thought I was joking.

Sort of like when a man trips over a patio chair and falls off his hotel balcony, plummets eight stories, bellyflops into the pool, and — when fished out by the hotel staff and revived via CPR — remarks, “I thought I was diving.”

Speaking of deep thinkers, Joe the Plumbler has delivered his Sermon on the Septic Tank to Christianity Today, and one or two ex cathedra statements stood out:

People don’t understand the dictionary—it’s called queer.

Merriam has gay-married Webster!

Queer means strange and unusual. It’s not like a slur, like you would call a white person a honky or something like that. You know, God is pretty explicit in what we’re supposed to do—what man and woman are for.

Well, what women are for, anyway (hint: the nasty)

Now, at the same time, we’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.

I sympathize, Joe, because I wouldn’t trust you to don a clip-on tie without lynching yourself.

We’ve lost our American history. Every state has “In God we trust” or “With God’s help” in their constitution. God is recognized as, if you will, America’s religion.

America:  Worshipping the God of Tautology Since 1789.

Who do you see as the emerging Christian leaders?

James Dobson. I love Dobson.

Yeah, you mark my words, that Dobson kid is goin’ places.  ‘fore you know it, every man in this country is gonna be punchin’ out dachshunds and takin’ his kids into the shower and waggin’ his papa-pipe at ‘em.

I heard some stories about George Bush, and how he wrote an original letter to each and every soldier that died. And his prayer life was listed to be pretty intense.

Of course, all those letters were returned, marked DECEASED, but you don’t get your prayer life on the A-List by doin’ things the easy way.

That kind of thing, it’s awesome. I would love it to be true. I would love to hear our leaders actually check with God before he does stuff.

“Are you there, God?  It’s me, George.  Listen, should I put a stop to this needless war of choice, and all the wanton slaughter I’ve caused, or should I just write thank you notes to the corpses?  Column A?  Column B?  B?  Awesome.  Good talkin’ with ya, Stretch.”