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Dr. Melissa Clothier, the Chiropractor-Pundit (who was last seen around these parts working herself into a blood-thirsty, seat-dampening orgasm over Inglorious Basterds) is back, and doing what she does best — cracking, twisting, and popping the English language.

Obama’s Big War With Fox News Makes Him Look Small..And Reveals His Relationship With The Press

The interesting thing here is that President Obama has received nothing short of fawning adoration and tenderly delivered, incurious questions from the rest of the press corps save a few notable examples. He probably gets less love from basketball team members.

I think she means…because a lot of basketball players are black?  So they must love him?  But the press corps loves him more…and that’s bad, because…they’re not black?

The press, unfamiliar with physical endeavors and the kinship of teams, takes loyalty to a whole new level.

Because…the press doesn’t get as much exercise as professional athletes, or chiropractor/bloggers?

And then there’s Fox News.

And Maude.

Fox’s collective sin is not loving enough.

They love wisely, but not too well.

Bill O’Reilly makes me throw up in mouth a little

And that’s before he even mentions the vibrator in his ass…

…every time he opines about Obama’s bravery for coming on his show. Puhleeze. And all the round-tables have at least two Obama apologists for their “fair and balanced” coverage.

Roger Ailes, conscious agent of the international Communist conspiracy.  Just out of curiosity, where does one go to keep informed when the left wing tilt of Fox News finally becomes intolerable?  Are the Der Stürmer archives free, or behind a pay wall?

And Shepherd Smith? When he’s not gazing into a mirror, I imagine him gazing at glossy, signed 8x10s of The One.

In her spare time, Dr. Clothier writes the world’s dullest slash fiction.

People who actually watch all the networks know that a roomful of Depression-affected hookers couldn’t give the President more attention than the current press corps.

At first I thought she meant clinically depressed streetwalkers, but then I noticed she capitalized Depression, so I guess she means that strumpets from the 1930s were somehow introduced to the White House Press Room, but the President called on Major Garrett instead.

So his quibbling rings hollow.

But then, quibbling rarely produces a clear, strong tintinnabulation.  Therefore, send not to know/For whom the bell quibbles/It quibbles for thee.

And why do the rest of the press care about this cat fight? Well, it reveals their own bias, for one. By obsessing over Fox News, President Obama, by default acknowledges the rest of the press serves him and serves him well. While that’s the truth, the Press would prefer that it not be so overtly acknowledged. It’s embarrassing. Still, he does love us….sigh.

You’re like one of those people who advise victims of domestic violence to go back to their husbands, because splitting up would be hard on the children.  Listen, Doc, Fox News may say they’re sorry, they may promise things will be different, but they’re never gonna change.  It’s an unhealthy relationship, and I think a clean break is the best thing for all parties.

The press should be more embarrassed. So should the President of the United States. But they’re not.

Tell you what…When Fox News shows a little embarrassment about this:

o-keefe.jpg

…you can lecture the President of the United States on shame.

They’re just a little piqued that other people are seeing the love affair so obviously. They thought they were keeping a secret! Turns out, the joke’s on both of them. Everyone sees the “special relationship” between the press and Obama. Everyone.

Of course, during the run of Moonlighting, Melissa was also convinced that Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd were really doing it off-camera (even after Season 4).

People seek a bit of fairness. That’s why Fox News is doing so well.

But just as Moonlighting showed, once you finally get what you seek, the whole show pretty much goes down the toilet.

15 Responses to “So A Chiropractor Is To A Doctor As Fox News Is To Journalism?”

In her spare time, Dr. Clothier writes the world’s dullest slash fiction.

Zing!

“And all the round-tables have at least two Obama apologists for their “fair and balanced” coverage.”

Would it be more fair and balanced without any Obama defenders?

Obama’s Big War With Fox News Makes Him Look Small.. [the New Two Point Ellipsis™. For the Gal on the Go!]

Y’know, it would raise my tolerance level exponentially if this sort of dog-whistle shit didn’t attract every mangy hound on the Right, every single fucking time. Look, assuming you just had to be the four-hundred-thousandth person to say “makes him look small”, couldn’t you think of any other way to say it? You don’t own a Thesaurus?

Not to mention, of course, that y’all were fine with it when Cheney did it, let alone Nixon, assuming you know who he was, or how you kept playing the marathon $2 hooker bukkake sessions for Reagan and Bush II over and over again in slo-mo. Just once I’d like to see some tiny glimmer of recognition that these are two-edged arguments. That’s all. No way in hell do I actually want you on Obama’s side, let alone my own.

And, please, the President’s attacks on FOX make him look one thing merely: Late to the party.

What’s getting me is that he’s going after Fox in the way of throwing some red meat to the left, which he will then largely thwart some more. (I know, he’s trying, and he’s probably already clawing at the edge of that damned Overton window to get something accomplished, but still. There’s a reason I own more than one Kucinich t-shirt, and it ain’t because I think Obama’s just too darned liberal.)

So even sucker punching a hippie isn’t good enough for Dr Blogger, he’s got to actually tell us our moms dress us funny first or she thinks we’re getting off too lightly.

Still, if there was ever anything on which we could agree, O’Reilly makes me throw up in my mouth too.

Also, I think my latest meds make me speak entirely in cliche, for which I offer my deepest apologies to Doghouse. They also leave a taste in my mouth much like I imagine John Hurt had after he woke up, so I may have to go poke around and see if there’s some sort of facehuggy thing under the sofa or whatever. Apparently I slept a couple hours yesterday which seems pretty suspicious, to be honest, and there’s probably just enough room for a dead alien behind the dryer so I’m gonna go check.

The press, unfamiliar with physical endeavors and the kinship of teams, takes loyalty to a whole new level.

Dr Mulletissa’s homophobia disturbs me.

People who actually watch all the networks know that a roomful of Depression-affected hookers couldn’t give the President more attention than the current press corps.

Or maybe Mulletissa just has sexual hang-ups. Get the feeling she has a few spandex miniskirts hanging in the back of her closet?

But let me see if I understand her point: Mulletissa is claiming that, because FOX and FOX alone sees the emperor has no clothes, somehow that threatens Obama?

Is that a fair summary?

FOX? And FOX alone? Like, you know, the boy who cried wolf? Chicken Little?

I suspect that this will all end with polls showing widespread public approval for the new White House policy of ignoring the Republican propaganda channel. At that point the people who are now warning Obama (for his own good) will switch to complaining that the WH has stooped to mere crowd-pleasing populism.

Get the feeling she has a few spandex miniskirts hanging in the back of her closet?

Actually, aside from the “Pass the brain bleach” factor, not really. Because the point of that particular simile appears to be that Depression-era hookers were especially likely to feign adoration of dicks in order to not starve. Because, evidently, modern streetgirls–and boys–are all living high on the hog. They’re just selling their bodies to an endless succession of psychopaths and sociopaths and the occasional serial killer because, you know, they dig sex. Not because on the whole they are psychologically mortally wounded homeless dropouts on the run from abusive parents who can’t get a legal job during the school day, or without alerting the police to their whereabouts, or at all due to their age, etc.

I guess it’s been well established at this point that wingnuts really only understand why other people do things when they’re forced into those decisions themselves. So unless she’s a particularly dense specimen who even then hasn’t managed to get a clue, I would guess the closest she comes to understanding what motivates whores is that she watched “Pretty Woman” once and disapproved of Julia Roberts for being a sexual libertine.

“People seek a bit of fairness. That’s why Fox News is doing so well.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Of course Fox News is absolutely ridiculous, but you can’t objectively state that MSN, CBS, ABC, CNN, et al aren’t either.

There is no real news, at least none that is informative, educational, rational, or holds the slightest bit of intellectual thinking.

I don’t believe I have seen any debate on any larger media channel that lasted more than 30 minutes that didn’t consist of childish actions such as; name calling, yelling, cutting of microphones, talking over each other.

It’s a shame our society is not outraged at the ridiculousness or innovative enough to come up with something better.

Just once I would like to hear a serious debate with no interruptions on actual political ideology, so many people are so wrapped up in this right-left paradigm… they can’t even define the difference between a democracy and a republic the very principles they are supposedly defending.

I’m a constitutionalist at heart and I have read about this exact situation and how it has played out the numerous times through history, so I know how our future will most likely pan out. Yet I am still amazed at how easily people can be manipulated.

“And all the round-tables have at least two Obama apologists for their “fair and balanced” coverage…”

As in Round Table Pizza, I assume. Pizza Hut mostly has Liberals putting stuff on their pizzas. And you don’t wanna know how Dominos makes their product.

Won’t somebody please buy this woman her ?

Almost off topic. My partner got Dominoes pizza last night. “They had a sale. Six bucks for a one topping. I got a pineapple and a pepperoni.” I gaze at the pizzas for a while and finally am forced to ask, “So, cheese would have been a second topping?”

Sheesh.

“So, cheese would have been a second topping?”

*WATERSPIT*

Ohmy…

So I don’t get the metaphor about the depressed hookers. The implication seems to be that they would give Obama HUGE amounts of attention (but not as much as the press corps). I guess if they’re being paid, this might be the case, but what the hell does being depressed have to do with anything? Are they depressed because they’re in the employ of a Marxislamofascist Kenyan? Wouldn’t that negatively impact their level of attention? Wingnut metaphor iz making me confused.

Something to say?