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Archive for January 23rd, 2008

Collect Them All! Trade Them With Your Friends!

Posted by s.z. on January 23rd, 2008

If, after reading the story Scott posted about the fun to be had in “spiritually adopting” other people’s fetuses, you want to join in — well, we have good news for you! At this site we found a certicate you can print out so you can officially “spiritually adopt” an imaginary little embryo of your own. In fact, there are four forms on the page, so I guess you should adopt four of them (they’re small).

Remember to give your kids really cool names (we’re naming ours “Arabella Diantha,” “Herbert Hollingsworth,” “Babbitt,” and “Activia). Ours are all blonde, curly-haired moppets who never shriek all night because of colic, who never have poopy pants, and who never actually need food or medical care or anything. They’re so perfect, and require so little care, we can’t imagine why their “real” mother would ever consider aborting them! We often picture them dancing in the sunlight with Jesus. Oh, dear, little Arabella just swallowed a Lego and DIED! I am so traumatized by my imaginary loss that I don’t know how I will be able to go on — for sure, I will not be able to go to work tomorrow. I think I am going to have to start a spiritual/political movement in order to capitolize on my imaginary pre-abortive loss. Anyway, here’s the certificate:

Certificate of Spiritual Adoption

Name Your Spiritually Adopted Baby


We, the undersigned family, willingly and joyfully agree to spiritually adopt this unborn baby and pray the following prayer on Baby’s behalf for nine months. “Heavenly Father, we love you very much. We beg you to spare the life of the unborn baby we have spiritually adopted who is in danger of abortion.” 

Family’s name                     Date _______________________________________

Unborn Baby’s feet at ten weeks