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Archive for January 9th, 2008

Townhall Choice

Posted by s.z. on January 9th, 2008

Well, you can’t chose NOT to have any Townhall, but there appears to be an abundance of wingnut riches over there today and I don’t feel like reading any more of it than I have to. So, let’s pretend this is a democracy, and you can VOTE for the column that you want me to read and report on.   Hey, vote for two — they’re small.  At least, that’s what their girlfriends say!  (Zing!)

Here are your options, along with a few liner notes: ==================

1.   The Clintons in Crisis By Michelle Malkin

Okay, Michelle is no Dick Morris, but she’s probably sucked a toe or two in her time.  So, she must might have some inside info on the Clintons, as well as some sharp comments for the Spears sisters

.2.  Matt Barber : Who’s the Worst Person in the World? 

Is it Matt “Boom Boom” Barber, the guy whose only claim to fame is getting fired by Allstate Insurance for defaming gays?  No, he’s too obscure for that. So, does anybody care what he thinks?  Vote for him if you do! 

3.  Janice Shaw Crouse : Never Underestimate the Power of Tears

In this column, does Janice ”Mad at My Mop” tell those post-abortive men to stop their sobbing and help some orphans in India or something?  We’ll have to read it to find out — but only if Janice is one of our finalists. 

4.  Janet M. LaRue : Are Connecticut Justices, Hartford Courant Courting Same-Sex Marriage?

Well, ARE they?  Jan, the Concerned Women of America’s expert on porn, will certainly know the inner workings of the CT judicial system, as well as the secret intents of the judges’ hearts.

5.  Austin Bay : Speedboat Bluff in the Persian Gulf

This sounds like the title of a Hardy Boys knock-off  to me, but I’ve been assured that Austin Bay claims to be a real person

6.  Paul Greenberg : Happy Endings All Around

Or, what happened after the GOP delegates came to the big city and got massages. 

7.  Paul Greenberg : What’s Old? A Visit With Pierre Cliche

We can’t remember who this Paul Greenberg is, but he does seem to be trying to edge out Dr. Mike in the “how many times a week can I get Townhall to pay me for a column” department, and you have to respect that. 

8.  Mike S. Adams : ENG 317: “How Not To Be Gay” 

You KNOW we have to do this one – unless you’re all getting sick of Dr. Mike, that is.  (And it’s not like he doesn’t try to alienate everyone around him, so he’s probably be proud and happy if we all ignore him.)  

9.  John Stossel : Live and Let Live, Says One Candidate

But Stossel says that such an attitude isn’t what the invisible hand that governs the supply and demand of politicians would want, so this candidate should be forced to drink tap water and abolish the FDC.  Or something Libertarian-esque like that.  Frankly, we don’t think there’s anything that Stossel says that interests us anymore, but we could be wrong, I guess.

10.  Kathleen Parker : That Obama Feeling

11.  Terence Jeffrey : Obama is the Most Pro-Abortion Candidate Ever

We’re gussing that “That Obama Feeling” is the one you have as you conduct a post-birth abortion. 

12.  Jonah Goldberg : Voting in the Age of ‘Dr. Phil’

With this one, I’m sure we’re in for many witty observations on pop culture and liberals who “feel” about voting instead of thinking,  I can hardly wait.  Yeah. 

13.  Maggie Gallagher : The Left’s Ronald Reagan?

Is he a dream?  (Ahhh!) Or a dud? (Ewww!)  Open the door to YOUR mystery candidate!

14.  Brent Bozell III : The Media’s Double-Standard On Civility

“Media Mom!  You let Keith Olbermann be all uncivil and stuff, but when Rush Limbaugh innocently makes a non-PC joke, like that he hopes that all black kids die of AIDS, then you ground him.  And it’s just not fair!”


There are more (so many more!), but that’s enough to pick from for today.  Choose two, and we’ll read them.  We can’t be any fairer than that.  Not without some bribe money, that is.

The Wo’C FAQ For Trolls

Posted by s.z. on January 9th, 2008

1.  Yes, we are liberals and yet we write sarcastic, unkind things (about stuff that we think deserve a little snark).  But you thought that liberals were supposed to be nice and to hold hands and teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, and so this has caused you to rethink everything that you once thought to be true?  Well, sorry to burst your pretty balloon, but as Steve Martin once said after seeing Ann Coulter at a RNC fundraiser, “Comedy is not pretty.” 

2.  You can’t shame us by telling us that we aren’t helping the cause.  We didn’t sign up for the cause.  The cause isn’t our raison d’etre.  We’re not even sure which cause you are referring to.  See, OUR cause is to poke gentle fun at stupid stuff.  If this disappoints, maybe you have us confused with with some other World O’Crap?

3.  We think it’s great that men have feelings (well, feelings other than contempt for women and foreigners, and love for their gun collection).  And we think they probably should feel something when their partner has an abortion — we’re not going to tell them how to feel, but we think this is a significant enough event to warrant some emotion.  However, we don’t think that the use of ”post-abortive men” as a political movement to counter legal abortion is a good thing.  You are free to disagree with us, but please try to do so in an honest manner.  Or, at least be entertaining — no posting of pro-life boilerplate, okay?

 4.  If you say that your feelings have been grievously wounded by all the mean people here, and so you are going away, then you have to leave.  That’s the law.  Thank you.

 5.  We really like D. Sidhe.  We admire her courage, intelligence, and literary skills.  But we feel we should warn you that you had better put a little thought into your replies to her, as she is a pretty sharp cookie, and will have you for lunch if you enter a war of wits with her unarmed.  And several other metaphors.  Just FYI. 

6.  TBD.