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Archive for December 21st, 2010

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Look

Posted by s.z. on December 21st, 2010

With the repeal of DADT, I think we need to go to Robin of Berkeley for a little perspective on what it all may mean to a member of our armed forces: it means that a gay person might look at him or her!

Here’s Robin’s story of how she was raped hit on by a lesbian:

The debate about repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” now passed into law, has triggered a long-repressed memory of mine from the ’70s. It was when I was hit on by a woman. I was around 20 and taking a women-only martial arts class.

I was changing in the locker room when one of the women in the class, Judy, stared at me lasciviously. I automatically turned away and got the heck out of there.

That’s the entire incident. A woman looked at Robin in a locker room. Only in Berkeley!

Happy REAL Birthday, Mr. Riley

Posted by s.z. on December 21st, 2010

I don’t mean to one-up Scott, but here are TWELVE conservative “babes” for your special day, Doghouse.


Sure, one of them is Ann Coulter, but another one is Michele Bachmann (or Michelle Bachman, as they refer to her for legal purposes). And another one is Michelle Malkin. And another one is Michelle Duggar! Yes, it’s all the conservative babe Michelles you’ll ever need, all in one convenient calendar.

Here’s the press release from Human Events Online:

Dressed in black and packing fashionably smart gazes at the camera’s lens,

Well, Michelle Malkin’s gaze looks kinda dazed and dopey to me, but whatever, I’ll accept your contention that these women are smart enough to look at a camera.

…12 high-profile ladies from the right—including one well-known power mother of 19—

That would be Clare herself, well known for her maternal attributes.

…have earned spots in the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s 6th annual “Great American Conservative Women” calendar, available for purchase this week.

Last year, the vaunted Herndon, Va., women’s institute, which promotes leadership and brings conservative speakers to college campuses, garnered wattage with then-newsmaker Carrie Prejean, the controversial Miss USA who rose to the spotlight amid much praise and intense criticism with her unabashed pageant defense of traditional marriage.

Wow, so last year’s calendar featured some of those “controversial” porn photos of Carrie?!? How very vaunted!

This year, another beloved but decidedly less showbiz figure, Michelle Duggar, American’s unapologetic turbo-mom, makes an appearance on the monthly pages. [...]

“We picked Michelle Duggar not because she is political at all but because she represents our ideals,” [Clare spokesmodel Alyssa] Cordova said. “She is devoted to taking care of her family, to doing her own thing, devoted to her faith. She represents a lot of things our people look up to.”

“Our people” apparently look up to women who give birth to lots and lots and lots of children they can’t give much attention to, but make up for that fact by letting TV audiences watch them on a regular basis.

But this is why you should objectify these women for their looks, such as they are:

“I think the Left always makes it seem that being pretty is mutually exclusive to being smart,” she [Cordova] said. “It’s appalling and a total double standard for conservative women.”

Damn that Left, always ruining things for pretty girls like Duggar by insisting that she is just a piece of meat, when clearly she must be smart to have figured out how to get pregnant every 6 months.

” If you go to the women’s center on campus, they are trying to stifle any traces of femininity. We like to highlight that these women have great looks and also intellects.”

And that’s why its so great that they feature Bachmann, who is a rocket scientist as well as being easily as pretty as Ruth Buzzi’s famous character “Gladys Ormphby.”

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Doghouse. You are one of my heroes. And everyday I am amazed that a man of your vast intellect consents to hangout with ne’er-do-wells and riffraff like us! So, have a great day and never desert us, or we will have to publish even more photos of Ann Counter!

Random Scenes of Holiday

Posted by scott on December 21st, 2010

Christmas is fast approaching, and as I’m not a Christian, I always like to solicit some expert advice on the True Meaning of the Day before I bake my cookies and trim my tree.  Usually I consult with Linus Van Pelt, but he’s in Branson performing his one man show, “Lights, Please” so this year I’m stuck with Matt C. Abbott.

You may remember Matt as the “Catholic columnist” for RenewAmerica whose columns largely consist of material written by other people — often emails from arch-conservative clerics who delight in feeding Matt table scraps of crazy, outraged but obscure laypersons, or citations from distinguished anti-semites.  He’s actually more of a conduit than a pundit, a sort of urethra for the golden wisdom that showers down upon us from the religious right.  But when on occasion Matt does write an original sentence, he makes the most of it, such as the opening to this week’s piece:

Sad to say, I’m afraid Congress has just infected our military with “spiritual AIDS,” if you will, by repealing DADT — much to the delight of the homosexualists in our midst.

Ordinarily I’d be tempted to respond to this sort of thing, but I dislike kicking a man when he’s down, and later in the column Matt confesses that he’s recently been diagnosed with a “moral hemorrhoid.”

But speaking of rectal decorations — or rectorations, as they now call them in the military — I’ve waded into the shit to take some recon photos of the War of Christmas.  And the first combat zone visited was the IMAX theater at Universal Studios.

However, judging by the landscape and architecture, it’s apparent that even after the War on Christmas turns hot, the holiday itself will survive in a futuristic, post-Apocalyptic environment from which the mutated remnants of humanity will emerge.

I also noticed that it’s helpful when the hectoring admonitions from Big Brother, and the warm, yet urgent suggestions that we pull up stakes and enjoy the good life in the Off-World Colonies is delivered by a floating, 15-foot high Tori Amos:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go celebrate both the passage of DADT repeal and this happiest time of the year by spreading some Holiday Herpes.