A correspondent pointed me to Dr. Professor Mike Adams’ latest attempt to reach out and touch America’s downtrodden with his prehensile sphincter, adding that I might also enjoy, “his column from last week, in which he’s clearly titillated by back tattoos.”  But two Dr. Mike columns in a single week is every bit as punishing as posting consecutive Ann Coulter photos, and it’s especially bad when he’s titillated; so let’s just take a brief inventory of the back tattoo citations:

My Guns Are Pretty (And Safer Than Your Tattoos)

Ordinarily I’d complain that this title made no sense, even by Dr. Mike standards, but last week a tattoo artist at LA Ink accidentally blew his head off, like Hemingway, while cleaning his Bizzy Buzz Buzz.

There’s nothing more annoying than getting a complaint about my gun collection from a feminist with a tattoo on her lower back. I don’t let anyone irresponsible get near my guns so that no one gets killed. When the feminist lets irresponsible men near her tattoos there’s a better chance that someone’s getting aborted.

I didn’t think the needles were that long.

All kidding aside (was I kidding?)

It’s often hard to tell, but since it wasn’t really funny, I’m going to say “yes.”

If this is a problem for the aforementioned feminist then I must remind her that she doesn’t really need a tattoo on her lower back.

Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of guns I can own will cause me to retaliate by a) Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of abortions a woman can have, and b) Lobbying Congress for a limit on the number of tattoos a person can have.

If you want a war, I’ll give you a war.

You know, Dr. Mike can wave his little gun collection around all he wants, that doesn’t scare — Duck! He’s gonna LOBBY!

Just keep tattooing your lower back, sleeping around, and aborting innocent babies.

And keep reachin’ for the stars.

Well.  That was a nice, skeevy warm-up.  Everybody feel like you’ve been inappropriately touched by a whiskery hobo whose nether regions reek of equal parts piss, spilled MD 20/20 and a crust of smegma as thick and moldy as the rind on brie?  Excellent!  Then we’re ready to plunge in…

My Hate Speech Conviction

Over the summer, I was convicted of anti-gay hate speech. The most incredible thing about it was that I never set foot in Canada. The conviction happened while I was in Colorado. But the offense took place almost 15 years ago.

This is just like the opening pages of Les Misérables, where convict Jean Valjean is released from the Bagne of Toulon after serving nearly 20 years for the crime of stealing bread for his starving family, except in the modern retelling, Dr. Mike emerges from the Faculty gymnasium steam room after a long, disturbing, and somewhat tingling schvitz with two muscular, well-groomed young men who weren’t interested in hearing about his gun collection, and he was forced, by society, and by the cruel perversion of justice that is the law, to go home and write “FagGORTS!!11!” in his slam book.

In the 1990s, a friend of mine announced that he was divorcing his wife because he had decided (after a couple of unhappy marriages) to pursue the gay lifestyle.

As we know from close textual analysis of the Adams canon, Dr. Mike’s work is full of mythological creatures — tongue-tied lesbians, easily-flummoxed feminists, time-traveling hippies, gay men turned straight, and women of any orientation who would seriously consider sleeping with him — and like all fictional creations, they are reflections of their author.  Sometimes, however, Dr. Mike’s column is a roman á clef,  the characters thinly veiled individuals from his own life; for instance, there was the time he wrote about his friend, “Scott,” who had left the church, and who Dr. Mike was trying to bring back to Jesus (Scott was his ex-wife’s maiden name).

So here we have Dr. Mike, whose wife divorced him, talking to a “friend” (probably a composite of several guns he owns), who has responded to his failed marriage(s) by going gay.

I think we should take this entirely at face value.

My decision to support him was born out of ignorance.

Say what you like about Dr. Mike’s decision-making; at least he has a process.

Not only was I harboring the illusion that there actually was such a thing as a gay gene. I was also ignorant of the fact that gays could be successfully cured through therapeutic efforts.

So Dr. Mike has actually become stupider than he was in the 90s.  This is an interesting and eloquent refutation of evolution; sort of like if Matt Weiner followed up Mad Men by creating She’s the Sheriff.

My decision to label my own verbal support of his lifestyle choice as “hate speech” makes sense only after one becomes educated about that lifestyle.

And how did Dr. Mike become “educated about the lifestyle,” while simultaneously becoming more ignorant about biology and the patent medicine de-homoizer industry?  Well, apparently he pulled one of those Black Like Me undercover deals, and got right to the bottom of things.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, over 82% of all known sexually-transmitted HIV cases in 2006 were the result of male-to-male sexual contact.

Dr. Mike would also like to round up and quarantine “kissing cousins” after an outbreak of mononucleosis in his home town.

Moreover, gay and bisexual men account for over 60% of all syphilis cases.

That’s a shocking figure, arrived at by including prison populations:  “Additionally, a substantial proportion of early syphilis cases is from correctional facilities, in which high rates of reactive serologies and disease are known to occur, particularly in areas experiencing heterosexual syphilis epidemics.”

Intellectual honesty is all well and good, especially in an academic, but there are times when an intellectual white lie is simply more polite.

Some will say that homophobia is the indirect cause of such numbers. They claim that fear of stigmatization keeps gays from seeking information before they become ill and from seeking medical help afterwards. But, clearly, that is not the case.

I’m beginning to see why that committee at University of North Carolina-Wilmington which denied Dr. Mike promotion to full professor suspected that his Townhall columns may not have always met the strictest standards of peer reviewed sociology.

In cultures where homosexuality is more accepted the numbers are worse.

And which cultures is he talking about, where homosexuality is “more accepted”?  Dr. Mike doesn’t say, so I’m going to guess Culture Club.

Most gays become angry when someone tells the truth about the health consequences of their lifestyle choice.

Since “rolling your eyes” is not necessarily a sign of anger, I’m going to assume Dr. Mike is employing that same facial recognition software the TSA wanted to use to find people thinking about terrorism at the airport.

The reason they get angry over the facts is because their conscience convicts them. When I came to realize that I helped make it easier for my friend to pursue his unhealthy lifestyle my conscience was convicted.

…and sentenced to 25 years to life in solitary confinement at a maximum security facility, which is why no one has seen it since.

No sane person could ever posit that the act of rectal sodomy is safe, normal, or healthy.

So Catholic school girls aren’t just freaky  — they’re psychotic.

The rectum is a one-way street. It is a sewer meant for the expulsion of poison.

I’m still amazed at the speed and precision with which Dr. Mike is able to type while squatting over his keyboard.

Treating the rectum as a sex organ is damaging to the health – especially for the recipient of such abuse. That is why it is an act of hate, regardless of whether some choose to call it “love.”

And don’t get Dr. Mike started on the clitoris!

But the gay lifestyle has never been about love.

The history of poetry from Sappho on, notwithstanding.

It should go without saying that women have greater emotional needs than men

…because if he says it, people might demand that he actually defend it, and that kind of thing rarely goes well, and eventually Dr. Mike will just burst into tears.  And nobody wants to see that.

…while men have greater physical needs than women. They need each other to balance one another out.

He, horny but indifferent; she, needy but frigid.

Dr. Mike pities you homos, with your emotionally low-key partners engaging in constant hot sex.  Life is just one big Brokeback Mountain with Vulcans to you poufs, isn’t it?  ISN’T IT?

And that is why when two men are together the physical aspects of the relationship spiral out of control to the point of compulsion.

Um, Dr. Mike?  These thoughts have escaped your head; we can actually see them.  You might want to back away from the computer until your pulse rate slows a bit.

With Dr. Mike | 59 Comments »

Anti-gay and anti-Muslim, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer is a bit of a Renaissance bigot, as well as being one of America’s leading Peter Graves impersonators.

“Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?  Well I have, and let me tell you, they’re full of gays.  And Muslims.  And gay Muslims.  In fact, those prisons have gotten so gosh-darned gay and Muslim that I’m gonna have to stop going over to Turkey a couple times a year and breaking the law.  Yep, gonna stop completely — go Cold Turkey, you might say — hehe  – right after the first of the year.  Easter at the latest.  I would’ve stopped already, but I’ve got a non-refundable ticket, and I promised a couple of the younger fellows in Cellblock Ğ that I’d smuggle in some cough syrup.”

Iraqis know our departure means a Muslim bloodbath

Here’s something you wouldn’t expect unless you were an Islamorealist (as opposed to an Islamophobe):

I’m more of an Islamo-neorealist, as you can probably tell from my film, The Burka Thief.

President Obama’s surrender in Iraq is more popular in America than in Iraq.

And by a weird coincidence, the country that approves of the President pulling out of Iraq just happens to be the country he’s President of.  Talk about your dumb luck…

According to the latest CBS poll, about 70% of Americans support the president’s decision to concede and pull our combat troops out of Iraq.

You know who wants our troops to stay? The Iraqis! Nearly 60% of them, according a poll conducted by an Iraqi company, don’t think our troops ought to pull out.

They’re just lazy; if we leave, they’ll have to bomb their own weddings.  On the bright side, this is one of the few times when a man who’s promised to pull out has actually done so.  Might set a precedent.

How can this be? How is it possible that the Muslims in Iraq long for a Christian army to stay in their land?  Simple. They know that Islam is a violent, bloodthirsty religion and that their nation will lapse into uncontrollable chaos once Christian America is no longer projecting force there.

In other words, the Iraqis are Islamorealists. They know instinctively, confirmed by long years of experience, that it is impossible to build or sustain a democratic form of government in an Islamic land.

“Again, look at Turkey!  Yes, yes, I hear they have some kind of parliament, but who cares, when you’re just struggling to survive behind bars — your nude body glazed with perspiration as you perform yoga for hours with your strapping, yet flexible Norwegian cellmate, Karl, then take a long, hot, steamy shower, and finally inject each other in the ass with codeine distilled from a smuggled bottle of Robitussin AC…!

What was I talking about…?”

Islam is about domination, control, and tyranny. While Christianity expands through persuasion, Islam — each variant of it — expands at the point of a sword.

Meso-Americans were just lucky their first contact with the Old World was with Cortés and his Spanish Persuadadors, rather than a bunch of musket-toting Muslims.

There is no such thing as “We the People” in an Islamic country. It is “I the Prophet” everywhere. The Prophet and his Qur’an excercises controlling power, not a democratically elected government or democratically adopted constitution.

But despite the totalitarian power of the Caliphate, I remain hopeful that we may one day reconquer Spain.

Iraqis feel that President Obama has abandoned them to Iran, and indeed he has. It is inevitable that the Persians in Iran will take advantage of the societal meltdown that will follow our departure to establish as much control as possible in the land of their Arab neighbors.

I’m beginning to think Obama’s invasion of Iraq in 2003 played right into the hands of the Achaemenid Empire.

Obama’s falling poll numbers in Muslim lands will rapidly drop into the basement, since most Muslims don’t want an empowered Iran any more than smart thinking Americans do. Ceding Iraq to Iran will not make the president any friends in the rest of the Islamic world.

Well we’re not going to just give them Iraq.  I figure we’ll probably follow the Louisiana Purchase model and sell it to Iran for 3¢ an acre.  We’ve got to do something to recoup that $3 trillion we spent on the war.

Iran’s Ahmadinejad believes that Allah has called him to create worldwide instability in order to prepare the way for the 12th Imam. He’ll start in Iraq, then direct his attention to Israel, then to the U.S.

So get used to the taste of chickpeas, everybody.

Iraq is simply the first domino to fall, and Iraqi Muslims know that if they do not have a Christian army to protect them, they will soon see the disappearance of any semblance of freedom.

Screw Iraq, how about getting a Christian army to protect us?  We got a 12th Imam coming!

Is Islam a religion of violence and war while Christianity is a religion of peace and stability? CBS asked the Iraqis, and they just gave us the answer.

The answer, oddly, was “Reykjavík.”

Can I Peek Under Your Hood? | 28 Comments »

Riley:

“I do it all with static electricity.”

Moondoggie:

“When life gives you a mouthful of acrylic blanket, you’ve gotta make blanket-ade.”

Wild Things | 10 Comments »

Flayer of trolls.  Purveyor of fine comments.  Fish-fancying film critic, and one sharp cookie.  D.Sidhe is all this and more, so please join me in wishing her the happiest of birthdays.

(I know s.z. would have wanted me to uphold our sacred traditions, but frankly, she has a stronger constitution than I do, and one Ann Coulter pic per week is about my limit.  So please accept this photo of Aishwarya Rai for some reason.)

Now let’s check your horoscope, and see why the stars keep glancing over here while snickering and elbowing each other.

You possess a more unique manner of expressing and asserting yourself this year.

Because a unique manner of expression is no longer enough.  Changing times demand that you be even more uniquer, while striving to become the uniquiest.

Suppressed anger is more effectively released in creative ways.

Like a genetically-engineered army of winged, urethra-seeking candiru that will darken the skies and spread terror and despair amongst those who doubted and wronged you.  Or maybe a slam book.

Venus conjunct Mars in your Solar Return chart this year points to creative energy, romantic excitement, and playful competitiveness in relationships. Romance is in the air

Along with flying candiru.

…as this aspect increases your sensuality, sex appeal, and animal magnetism.

So remember at the end of the day to check yourself before you go inside; you may have chipmunks, marmots, and mountain beavers stuck to your pants.

Jupiter joined with Uranus is also found in your Solar Return chart

This was pretty embarrassing, and Jupiter promised that next time they’d get a room.

Thanks for hanging out here, D., for making us laugh, and for so often saying what I didn’t even know I wished I’d written until I read it.  You are indeed the keenest cookie in the jar.

Happy birthday!

Birthdays | 18 Comments »

We have a fresh new Toni Home Pundit for you today — meet RenewAmerica’s Robert Meyer. Granted, Mr. Meyer has the look of a high mileage wingnut, and he’s been seeding the Internet with his opinionated emissions since at least 2003, but he’s new to WO’C.  Oh, I’ve been tempted by him before, I won’t deny it, but something about his byline makes my back ache; perhaps it’s his headshot, which puts one in mind of a bus bench ad for a louche local chiropractor.

Ground Zero mosque not about religious freedom The Ground Zero mosque controversy has been erroneously portrayed by certain news pundits as being an issue about religious freedom.

It’s about the right of a free people to exercise their sacred liberties in the shadow of Ground Zero, and more specifically in the New York Dolls Gentlemen’s Club, the OTB parlor, or Thunder Lingerie (“come for the slutty nurse costumes and penis-shaped candles, stay for the Taste of Freedom, one of five flavored lubes available at the cash register”), without a bunch of bearded killjoys looking down their bluenoses.  For was it not Jefferson in his Letter to the Danbury Baptists who said that, “religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should ‘make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,’ thus building a wall of separation between Church & Strip Club.”

Of course this is another red herring designed to demonize those protesting against locating the mosque at ground zero — as if those opposing it want to deny a segment of Americans equal access to the First Amendment.

Anyway, it’s not a question of flat-out denial so much as it is a matter of competitive pricing.  Conservatives think of the Bill of Rights in much the same way that Google and Verizon regard the internet; preferred customers deserve superior access.  Muslims have the exact same rights as other Americans, they just have to wait a bit longer for them, and occasionally the First Amendment returns a 404 error.

Is it not ironic that only a few years ago we were told that dissent was the highest form of patriotism.

Now — at least judging by that Glenn Beck rally — it’s the highest form of paleness.  If only Bull Connor had lived long enough, he’d be a Constitutional expert on Fox News, or at least have his own show on the National Geographic Channel, The Dog Shouter, (Fridays at 8 P.M.) where he would offer tips on training your Dobermans, Rottweilers, and German Shepherds to detect black racism.

Now that those people are in power we have an Orwellian reversal and dissent is again unpatriotic, with the added feature of being bigoted and phobic.

Bigotry: it’s not a bug, it’s a feature.  Anyway, I don’t want to accuse Mr. Meyer of lacking a sense of proportion, but maybe a war of aggression launched on the basis of a counterfeit casus belli is slightly more Orwellian than a pissing match with the New York City Landmarks Preservation Commission (although I’ve heard that Community Board 1 is pretty Kafkaesque).

We have a couple of commenters from New York who experienced the horror of 9/11 first hand, and yet don’t seem eager to void the First Amendment, so I’m wondering where Mr. Meyer lives, that he feels entitled to stand athwart Lower Manhattan and shout, “No Paseran!”  Let’s check his bio, shall we?

Robert Meyer is a hardy soul who hails from the Cheesehead country of the upper midwest. Robert is known by his opponents as a “clever rhetorician”

Apparently I’m one of his supporters, then.

who often exposes the fallacies of knee-jerk arguments presented in local papers.

So he’s a crank who spends the long winters writing outraged letters to the editor of the Lake Koshkonong Advertiser-Pantagraph.

Seeking to develop precepts for every aspect of life — based on a conservative Christian worldview — Robert often gleans inspiration from looking off his back deck, over the scenic Fox river and recalling the wise counsel of those who mentored him.

Robert was abandoned in the woods as a child, and raised by shrews.

Muslim’s are certainly within their constitutional rights to build a mosque there if they desire. The question is whether they ought to. The issue is one of propriety, not religious freedom. Until pro-mosque apologists get past that fact they have yet to make a legitimate counter argument.

“According to Earl Warren, Negroes are within their constitutional rights to attend the same school as my children if they desire.  The question is whether they ought to.  The issue is one of propriety, not equal protection.  Until integrationists get past that fact they have yet to make a legitimate counter argument.  Also, we have William F. Buckley on our side.”

Of course, it’s a community center, not a Crystal Cathedral-like mega-mosque, but Robert makes a good point.  For instance, I’m opposed to our apartment building putting a Babylonian Water-goat in the jacuzzi at some point, but so far the management company has never apologized to me.

That we are endowed with certain rights is granted by our national charter. How judiciously we are stewards of those rights will determine whether we can keep them and maintain our freedoms.

Apparently the Declaration of Independence is the law of the land now; no wonder these teabaggers are so desperate to “restore” the Constitution.  Maybe we should split the difference and just go back to the Articles of Confederation.

What is the motivation behind placing the mosque there if doing so causes so much public grief, considering that the Imam behind the project, Feisal Abdul Rauf, has indicated he wants to build bridges? Interesting, that in the discussion, the most obvious thing that could be done to facilitate a peaceful resolution is scarcely mentioned. The Imam could just decide to build the mosque elsewhere.

Yes, you rarely hear folks say, “you people can live in the city, it would just be more tasteful and less offensive to us if you lived in your own little special section.”  At least, not since the heyday of Venetian Ghetto.

In fact, were I a Muslim, this is what I would be calling on my leadership to do.

Appease your enemies?  Too bad the project isn’t being run by Imam Chamberlain.

Some might argue that we must show the world that we are tolerant. Of course, according to the enlightened commentators, allowing the mosque to be built on the designated site is just the medicine we need to establish that impression.

It’s not oppression if people voluntarily give up their rights, and besides, the golf courses at most black country clubs are nicer than Augusta anyway.

But are not Muslim nations the ones suffering from the image problem? When we consider the austerity and human rights abuses within Muslim nations, shouldn’t they be trying to demonstrate that they are tolerant?

Robert will stop beating his wife the second it’s no longer legal in Saudi Arabia.  That’ll show ‘em.

There are parallels between this issue and the soldiers’ funeral picketing performed by Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church congregants, a story which has popped up in the news again.

God Hates Fags.  And cooking schools, photography classes, and daycare centers.

If those in charge moved the mosque to another location, think of the public relations bonanza it would be for Islam.

If Vivian Malone and James Hood had just paused outside Foster Auditorium, listened for a moment to all the jeering bigots, and thought, “You know what?  They make a good point,” and then turned around and walked away, imagine what a PR coup that would have been for the civil rights movement.  George Wallace would have been left just standing there in the schoolhouse door with no one to block, and I bet after awhile he would have started feeling kind of self-conscious, and like he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

It would put egg on the face of those who claim Islam is intolerant, it would silence the people who think the mosque construction is an effort to pour salt in the wounds of 9-11 survivors. and it would shut up the people who are claiming that building the mosque at ground zero coincides with the Islamic tradition of triumphalism(building mosques at the locations of great conquests).

I’m sure once American Muslims surrendered to the demands of Pam Geller’s Stop Islamization of America, she would accept it gracefully and move on.  She looks like a reasonable person.

But we can offer them good advise and bank on the presumption they will ignore it.

Or at least misspell it.

If you believe that the bombing of the World Trade Center in February of 1993 was a test of Bill Clinton’s resolve, and the 9-11 plane crashes were a test of how George W. Bush would react, then you have to wonder if terrorists don’t view Obama as an absolute pushover. In that case a more violent approach is unnecessary. Of course this is all speculation — but prudent speculation nevertheless if one is to be vigilant.

So in your analysis, Bob, we can either let them build Park51 and live in peace, or prevent them from building it and get bombed?  Decisions, decisions…

No doubt we will be told that protesting the mosque only results in a motivating factor for terrorist recruitment. But if the Imam is merely a moderate, how does he have so much influence on militants? That sort of assertion is easily reversible. A lack of resolve might well embolden the terrorists to be more daring. Are we supposed to capitulate to every demand under the threat of reprisals?

Ironically, the Cordoba House people have been asking themselves that same question.

Recall that during the Cold War, we often heard the phrase “by conquest or consent,” indicated there was a stealth method of socializing America without a bloody revolution or all out military conflict, but America’s fall was surely inevitable.

This sinister phrase comes to us by way of James Paul Warburg, who was a member of the Council on Foreign Relations.  He also wrote the lyrics for the hit 1930 musical, Fine and Dandy.

One should hardly suppose that militant Islam does not likewise countenance both revolutionary and evolutionary strategies in their plans of conquest.

Granted, the Soviet Empire, allied with the subversive influence of the International Communist Conspiracy could achieve neither our conquest nor our consent, but there is an even greater danger than America will be seduced by porklessness.  As goes the Carl’s Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburger, so goes Western Civilization.

Noticeably absent in all the furor are the champions of religious suppression, crying for expanded “separation of church and state.” It seems that some of these secularist organizations are little concerned if the religious persuasion at issue is in conflict with the advancement of Christianity.

That’s the great thing about being a First Amendment absolutist; we don’t have to take sides in your doctrinal mud-wrestling.

If the mosque issue has the result of being politically polarizing, I hope that isn’t the only positive outcome when the dust finally settles at Ground Zero.

A pogrom would be nice too.  Just for old time’s sake.

Troll (Concern) | 16 Comments »

It’s the High Birthday Season here at Wo’C, so we’ve got to grab all the gusto, and cram in all the Coulter we can!  (Fig.1:  Skeletor prepares for a night of festive line dancing at one of Snake Mountain’s many fine, Country & Western-themed bars and discotheques.)

Today our September-born luminary is longtime fellow Crapper AnnPW, proprietrix of the delightful blog, Beginning to Wonder.  Visit it, and Prepare to Ponder!

This Date in History:

1260 – The Mamluks defeat the Mongols at Palestine, thanks to their mukluks.

1777 – American Revolutionary War: during the Battle of Cooch’s Bridge, the Flag of the United States is flown in battle for the first time.  Washington Irving later immortalized the battle in a short story published in the Massachusetts Federalist, entitled, A Bridge Called Vagina.

1783 – American Revolutionary War: the war ends with the signing of the Treaty of Paris by the United States and the Kingdom of Great Britain.  Benjamin Franklin quietly commemorates the occasion by catching syphilis.

1803 – English scientist John Dalton begins using symbols to represent the atoms of different elements, and to confuse his enemies when making out his grocery lists.

1967 – Dagen H in Sweden: traffic changes from driving on the left to driving on the right overnight.  The Archbishop of Uppsala, Primate of the Church of Sweden declares, “We’re Lutherans — this is about as big as our miracles get.”

Now let’s check out non-evil Ann’s horoscope and see what the cosmos has in store for her this year!

Luckily for you, the closest aspect in your Solar Return chart is a harmonious trine between Venus and Pluto.

It’s good they get along, because it’s hard for an armless woman to discipline a dog; she usually has to get down on her knees, a rolled up newspaper gripped in her teeth, and swipe at the dog with her whole head.

This could be a year when you fall in love, and this could be with a person

Mannequins are less likely to cheat or borrow money, but hey, to each his own.

Both the Sun and Mercury oppose Uranus.

They’re just jealous.

Your creativity is stimulated this year, but so is your excitability and your need for freedom!

But please don’t join a Glenn Beck rally.  Uranus will thank you.

As well, the Sun and Mercury form a pleasing sextile to Jupiter.

I believe this means you’ll be immortalized in a naughty mosaic.

Mars in square to Pluto around the time of your birthday this year suggests that you possess powerful, transformative energy, and much will depend on how you handle it. Channeled positively, you could move mountains when it comes to moving your projects ahead. If mishandled, however, you could be argumentative, stressed, and hell-bent on having your way!

Although if you combine the two, and transform into a woman hell-bent on having her own way who just happens to be so powerful she can move a mountain, then you could become a world-conquering supervillain!  We suggest you practice saying, “You will kneel before me, Son of Jor-El” into the mirror 30 minutes each day, just in case Mars and Pluto aren’t completely bullshitting you.

Saturn asks you to be responsible, hard working, dutiful, and serious. Neptune, on the other hand, places a veil over your eyes, and seduces you into believing what you want to believe rather than what really is.

Personally, I’d go with Neptune, but agree on a safe word first.

And that’s it from the stars this year.  And from all of us, have a great day, Ann!

Birthdays | 17 Comments »

I apologize for not posting earlier, but this week has been treating me roughly the way Ernest Borgnine treated Frank Sinatra in the last third of From Here to Eternity.  However, if I hustle, I can just hit Publish before midnight (Pacific), so join me in wishing a very happy birthday to our good friend Ivan Shreve, Jr., the Bard of Broadcast Ephemera, and author of the Must Read Daily blog Thrilling Days of Yesteryear.

To paraphrase Ivan, he’s seen more ancient TV shows, forgotten films, and Old Time Radio programs than you’ve had hot dinners (he’s also uttered more folksy Appalachian sayings than I’ve had kosher dills) and he writes about them with wit, insight, and pizazz.  I mean, where else are you gonna get a thoughtful, yet impish, disquisition on the films of Zasu Pitts, or the jazzy John Cassavetes detective drama, Johnny Staccato?  Plus two side dishes, and your choice of beer, wine, or sangria!

Naturally, a Date in History like this has been fraught with stuff:

1752 – Great Britain adopts the Gregorian calendar, nearly two centuries later than most of Western Europe, which they would’ve realized if they’d just had a calendar.

1859 – A solar super storm affects electrical telegraph service.  A prairie lawyer named Abraham Lincoln is endowed with super powers, and goes on to win the 1860 Presidential Election.

1990 – Transnistria is unilaterally proclaimed a Soviet republic; the Soviet president Mikhail Gorbachev declares the decision null and void because Transnistria “sounds like one of those fake countries in spy movies,” and he “finds it irritating.”

Happy Birthday, Ivan!

Birthdays | 10 Comments »

UPDATED BELOW

This week is proving to be a bit crazy, but it may — and I stress may; I don’t want to get ahead of myself, events, or the vengeful Fates which seem to be in constant pursuit lately — lead to some actual work.  Time will (shortly, I hope) tell.  Meanwhile, enjoy some juvenile tittering over Old Albion foodstuffs from a U.K. import shop I wandered into last night.

“Don’t pay her.”  Oh wait — that’s not the right set-up…

It’s both a Delightful Taste of Home, and a sign that your bedbug problem may be getting out of hand.

They mean…to win…Wimbledon!

UPDATE:  Our good friend heydave reminds me that I am not “the only one who uses his cell phone camera at the grocery store!”  And he provides irrefutable evidence that there are indeed other people who take an infantile delight in certain labels:

Kids Come Runnin’ for the Great Taste of Polygons!

Extra Vertices Mean Extra Crunch!

For No Good Reason | 21 Comments »