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Archive for September 7th, 2010

Have You Ever Seen a Grown Homophobe Naked?

Posted by scott on September 7th, 2010

Anti-gay and anti-Muslim, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer is a bit of a Renaissance bigot, as well as being one of America’s leading Peter Graves impersonators.

“Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?  Well I have, and let me tell you, they’re full of gays.  And Muslims.  And gay Muslims.  In fact, those prisons have gotten so gosh-darned gay and Muslim that I’m gonna have to stop going over to Turkey a couple times a year and breaking the law.  Yep, gonna stop completely — go Cold Turkey, you might say — hehe  – right after the first of the year.  Easter at the latest.  I would’ve stopped already, but I’ve got a non-refundable ticket, and I promised a couple of the younger fellows in Cellblock Ğ that I’d smuggle in some cough syrup.”

Iraqis know our departure means a Muslim bloodbath

Here’s something you wouldn’t expect unless you were an Islamorealist (as opposed to an Islamophobe):

I’m more of an Islamo-neorealist, as you can probably tell from my film, The Burka Thief.

President Obama’s surrender in Iraq is more popular in America than in Iraq.

And by a weird coincidence, the country that approves of the President pulling out of Iraq just happens to be the country he’s President of.  Talk about your dumb luck…

According to the latest CBS poll, about 70% of Americans support the president’s decision to concede and pull our combat troops out of Iraq.

You know who wants our troops to stay? The Iraqis! Nearly 60% of them, according a poll conducted by an Iraqi company, don’t think our troops ought to pull out.

They’re just lazy; if we leave, they’ll have to bomb their own weddings.  On the bright side, this is one of the few times when a man who’s promised to pull out has actually done so.  Might set a precedent.

How can this be? How is it possible that the Muslims in Iraq long for a Christian army to stay in their land?  Simple. They know that Islam is a violent, bloodthirsty religion and that their nation will lapse into uncontrollable chaos once Christian America is no longer projecting force there.

In other words, the Iraqis are Islamorealists. They know instinctively, confirmed by long years of experience, that it is impossible to build or sustain a democratic form of government in an Islamic land.

“Again, look at Turkey!  Yes, yes, I hear they have some kind of parliament, but who cares, when you’re just struggling to survive behind bars — your nude body glazed with perspiration as you perform yoga for hours with your strapping, yet flexible Norwegian cellmate, Karl, then take a long, hot, steamy shower, and finally inject each other in the ass with codeine distilled from a smuggled bottle of Robitussin AC…!

What was I talking about…?”

Islam is about domination, control, and tyranny. While Christianity expands through persuasion, Islam — each variant of it — expands at the point of a sword.

Meso-Americans were just lucky their first contact with the Old World was with Cortés and his Spanish Persuadadors, rather than a bunch of musket-toting Muslims.

There is no such thing as “We the People” in an Islamic country. It is “I the Prophet” everywhere. The Prophet and his Qur’an excercises controlling power, not a democratically elected government or democratically adopted constitution.

But despite the totalitarian power of the Caliphate, I remain hopeful that we may one day reconquer Spain.

Iraqis feel that President Obama has abandoned them to Iran, and indeed he has. It is inevitable that the Persians in Iran will take advantage of the societal meltdown that will follow our departure to establish as much control as possible in the land of their Arab neighbors.

I’m beginning to think Obama’s invasion of Iraq in 2003 played right into the hands of the Achaemenid Empire.

Obama’s falling poll numbers in Muslim lands will rapidly drop into the basement, since most Muslims don’t want an empowered Iran any more than smart thinking Americans do. Ceding Iraq to Iran will not make the president any friends in the rest of the Islamic world.

Well we’re not going to just give them Iraq.  I figure we’ll probably follow the Louisiana Purchase model and sell it to Iran for 3¢ an acre.  We’ve got to do something to recoup that $3 trillion we spent on the war.

Iran’s Ahmadinejad believes that Allah has called him to create worldwide instability in order to prepare the way for the 12th Imam. He’ll start in Iraq, then direct his attention to Israel, then to the U.S.

So get used to the taste of chickpeas, everybody.

Iraq is simply the first domino to fall, and Iraqi Muslims know that if they do not have a Christian army to protect them, they will soon see the disappearance of any semblance of freedom.

Screw Iraq, how about getting a Christian army to protect us?  We got a 12th Imam coming!

Is Islam a religion of violence and war while Christianity is a religion of peace and stability? CBS asked the Iraqis, and they just gave us the answer.

The answer, oddly, was “Reykjavík.”