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Archive for September 19th, 2010

A Postcard to My Friends

Posted by s.z. on September 19th, 2010

Hi, everybody! Sorry to be MIA for so long, but between aging (and ailing) parents; the never-ending supply of pound puppies, orphan kittens, and unwanted pets in general; and my general lack of time and engery, I haven’t had a chance to even power up the ol’ 1990′s computer for two weeks. So, let me take a moment now to thank everyone for the very kind birthday wishes (special thanks to Scott for the wonderful tribute and that lovely photo of Ann Coulter – and a reminder to him that HIS birthday is coming up next month. . . ). And happy birthday to M., D., Ann, and everyone else I missed. (I promise to make it up to you by finding those elusive nude photos of Ann Coulter. Or maybe the very popular “Sarah Palin breast implants” that Google has heard do much about.)

Anyway, I only have a few minutes before I have to do various disgusting things (and I have no time at all to edit, proof, or spell check), but here are a few odds ‘n ends that may prove enlightening. Or not.

First, some notes I made while persuing Town Hall a couple of weeks ago. (Sure, the info is now passe, but it does have nostalgia value.)

Remember Little Ben Shapiro, who was once the Jimmy Osmond of Town Hall? I didn’t think so. But he does ask an important question: “Is Barack Hussein Obama a Muslim?”

So, take it away, Ben!

Is Barack Hussein Obama a Moslem?

No.

Good job, Ben! Best column you ever wrote! We’ll try to check back with you in another decade or so and see how the career is progressing.

Now, let’s hear from the lesser Limbaugh:

My new book, “Crimes Against Liberty,” has just been released, and in many of my radio interviews, hosts have been asking me whether I believe Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim. Though I don’t address that subject in my book, I’ll take a stab at it here.

The book I wrote with Scott was released a while ago, and so many of my imaginary friends have been asking me if I believe that the Tea Party set actually believes in that silly “freedom of religion” thing. And although I don’t address that subject in my book, I just wanted to mention that I wrote one. And you can still buy it!

And now, an important notice from Dr. Mike:

This coming year I am planning a series of legal challenges to universities that have launched “Queer Resource Centers” and “LGBTQIA Centers” on campus. The goal is not to shut the centers down but, instead, to force them to present issues in a more balanced fashion.

By “balanced,” Dr. Mike means “Force them to say that gays are perverts who are goiung to hell, and that trangendered individuals are somehow responsible for ruining my life.”

When I launch these challenges the “liberal” blogs will say I am secretly gay. That is the way they always respond. It’s a silly personal insult revealing nothing more than the unfortunate fact that many gays secretly hate themselves. I will simply ignore such insults and proceed with the lawsuits.

So, Dr. Mike reads “liberal” blogs like this one that poke fun at him! My life’s work has been all worth while!

Now, just a snippet from a column that should have been must-snark reading for everyone when it came out a couple of weeks ago: Thomas “Kidney’s R’ Us” Sowell on why insurance is immoral.

The gist of his arguement is that when people have insurance, they are motivated to do stupid stuff, like buy houses near water or get brain tumors.

Television reporter John Stossel has told how he got government insurance “dirt cheap” to insure a home only a hundred feet from the ocean. Eventually, the ocean moved in and did a lot of damage, but the taxpayer-subsidized insurance covered the costs of fixing it. Four years later, the ocean came in again, and this time it took out the whole house. But the taxpayer-subsidized government insurance paid to replace the whole house.

And the moral of this story is that Stossel should reimburse the American tax payers for every dime he took from them … unless he wants to be known as a big, greedy hypocrite.

Well, Thomas says that the moral is that by insuring Stossel’s house, it encouraged him make stupid choices, thus leading to his career in moralizing and porn. Per Thomas, this is the same reason that we have poor people (because welfare encourages them to not to be born into the Bush dynasty) and why there is a homeless problem (because life on the streets is made so very tempting by, um, the fact that we have streets).

We also hear a lot of talk about “the uninsured,” for whose benefit we are to drastically change the whole medical-care system. But income data show that many of those uninsured people have incomes from which they could easily afford insurance. But they can live it up instead, because the government has mandated that hospital emergency rooms treat everyone.

All of this is a large hazard to taxpayers. And it is not very moral.

And that is why we should, in fact, just do away with insurance for everyone. Because smart people will never face a disaster big enough to wipe out their savings, and good people will never need medical care. That’s the only moral way you can look at your neighbor bleeding in the gutter and just walk over him.

And now, a quick look at the latest big news in publishing:

And here’s a bit of the

Written in her own refreshingly candid voice, AMERICA BY HEART will include selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her-from the nation’s founding documents to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.

Yes, AMERICA BY HEART will include the nation’s founding documents, written in Sarah’s refreshingly candid voice. Plus, the plot of “Red Dawn,” as only Sarah can tell it. Anyway, if you have the inclination, share with us what you think some of these documents, songs, movies, etc. will be like. Maybe you’ll get published too!

Happy Birthday, M. Bouffant!

Posted by scott on September 19th, 2010

Today’s the natal anniversary of our fellow Angeleno and blogger M. (the M. stands for Mystery!) Bouffant, who admits to being born in 19XX, which is obviously a clue, and which I believe means he’s “as old as Dos Equis.”  Since the brand was founded in 1897, this would make him one hundred and thirteen years old.  However, using the little gray cells, we note that Dos Equis was not imported into the U.S. until 1973!  And since “imported into the U.S.” is a euphemism employed by first generation immigrants to describe how their pregnant mothers snuck across the southern border to give illegal life to them on U.S. soil, we can deduce that M. (the M. stands for Monsieur — he’s that classy!) Bouffant is thirty-sevens year old, and the Most Interesting Anchor Baby in the World.

M. Bouffant in undated file photo.

A list of historic coincidences and slightly less interesting people who were also born this day can be found on M.’s blog.  (Could he actually be the head of Britain’s MI6, which would make him James Bond’s superior, and currently a woman?  Click the link to find out!  Then come back and tell me, because I couldn’t actually find that information there.)

Happy birthday, M.  You’re kind, generous, and wise beyond your years (unless you’re actually a 113, in which case, would you like some apple sauce?  And a straw?).

Top 8 Google Searches

Posted by scott on September 19th, 2010

You know, after the ossified certitudes of Coach Dave Daubenmire, I’m in the mood to hear from people whose feet are not wearing a rut in the same narrow path, and whose minds still grapple with the Big Questions in life.  So it’s time for our semi-weekly attempt to answer the search engine queries that have lately deposited readers at World O’ Crap, bruised, bleeding, and bewildered like a man who took a wrong step in the dark and fell down his own coal chute.

1.  urban combat kung fu for christ for christ:

It’s G.I. Jesus™ with the Kung Fu Grip®.  Take on the Money Changers with his 9mm Galilee Glock (shoulder holster included!) and get Pontius Pilate before he gets you, with the Silent But Deadly™ Arrowhead-Shaped Crucifix!

G.I. Jesus™ Secret Headquarters Playset® with Real Combat Lace Curtains® Sold Separately!

And just check out the detail!  G.I. Jesus™ comes with pitiless, Thousand Yard Stare, and Real Facial Stigmata Action!

2.  married jew women head: Well, it’s a start.  But if I were you, I’d make sure she at least threw in the clavicles before I got serious about shopping for a ring.

3.  how does boy cats privates supposed to look ? Guest columnist Moondoggie has agreed to handle this one…

“Look on my junk, ye Mighty, and despair!”

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