You know, after the ossified certitudes of Coach Dave Daubenmire, I’m in the mood to hear from people whose feet are not wearing a rut in the same narrow path, and whose minds still grapple with the Big Questions in life. So it’s time for our semi-weekly attempt to answer the search engine queries that have lately deposited readers at World O’ Crap, bruised, bleeding, and bewildered like a man who took a wrong step in the dark and fell down his own coal chute.
1. urban combat kung fu for christ for christ:
It’s G.I. Jesus™ with the Kung Fu Grip®. Take on the Money Changers with his 9mm Galilee Glock (shoulder holster included!) and get Pontius Pilate before he gets you, with the Silent But Deadly™ Arrowhead-Shaped Crucifix!
G.I. Jesus™ Secret Headquarters Playset® with Real Combat Lace Curtains® Sold Separately!
And just check out the detail! G.I. Jesus™ comes with pitiless, Thousand Yard Stare, and Real Facial Stigmata Action!
2. married jew women head: Well, it’s a start. But if I were you, I’d make sure she at least threw in the clavicles before I got serious about shopping for a ring.
3. how does boy cats privates supposed to look ? Guest columnist Moondoggie has agreed to handle this one…
“Look on my junk, ye Mighty, and despair!”
4. my gym partner’s a monkey platypus: I hear ya, man. This is why I canceled my membership to Bally’s.
5. kitten diet pepsi: The lesson here is, there are many times when you’re probably better off not reading the ingredients on the label.
“I sense a great disturbance in the Force…As though a million kittehs cried out at once, and were suddenly…carbonated.”
6. A good excuse for anal:
- It’s my birthday!
- It’s your birthday.
- Sorry. Should’a worn my reading glasses.
- “I’m in my third year at St. Hubert Catholic High School for Girls.”
- “I don’t want to cheat on my wife, and Dr. Mike Adams assures me this isn’t actually sex.”
7. legend boner: In the Arkansas woods, down around swamp and river country, folks tell a story. Some call it a tall tale, some call it a mystery, but ’round here, we call it The Legend of Boggy Boner. (CUE BANJO MUSIC)
8. poppin fresh hitler: Now, let me say this up front — we’re not judging you, Googler, far from it. But purely in the interests of helpful good fellowship and bonhomie, I’m going to repeat what I said a couple of weeks ago when we had someone — maybe it was you, I don’t know — not judging! — poking around here, looking for information on “Hitler pee”…
I realize it’s in the nature of niche erotica to narrowcast, but this is a little more…specialized than we’re equipped to deal with. Which is not to imply that we’re dodging the question, but only to remind everyone that, well, you lock yourself in the bathroom with the fetish porn you have, not the fetish porn you wish you had.
Best we could do on short notice. Hope it hits the spot.
Well that’s it for this week, and we leave you now with a knotty, lingering question that that only you, the Wo’C Reader could possibly resolve…
What is a good excuse for anal? (Please explain your nominations in the comments.)
“Turning the lights out was YOUR idea.”
Also, I am judging. I can’t help it. Hitler pee? Hitler pee? Not the other one, they were just looking for Jonah Goldberg mockery. But Hitler pee? Freak.
Left by D. Sidhe on September 19th, 2010