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Archive for September 29th, 2010

Take a Billionaire to Lunch

Posted by s.z. on September 29th, 2010

Hi, kids. Let’s check out Townhall and find out what Tea Party Command has on its mind today. (Yesterday’s topic was “We know that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are having rallies in D.C. to make fun of us, and while we don’t want to appear to be humorless nuts by complaining about them, we HATE THEM SO MUCH for making fun of us.”)

Hmm, it seems that today’s theme is: “You should be HONORED to pay a billionaire’s taxes for him, after all he’s done for you. So, make the Bush tax cuts permanent, even unto the next life.”

Here’s John Stossel to explain it all to even the most ungrateful of Americans.

Taxing the Rich

Progressives want to raise taxes on individuals who make more than $200,000 a year because they say it’s wrong for the rich to be “given” more money.

Granted, it is wrong to give money to millionaire pan handlers (instead, give them half-eaten sandwiches or some toilet paper, as they will just use cash for hookers and drugs). But I have never heard anybody talking about taxes say that it’s wrong to give the rich more money. Instead, they say stuff like, “The richest 20% of Americans own 85% of all the wealth in America, but they pay only 72% of the taxes. If they were contributing their fair share, they would be paying at least 85% of the taxes, instead of passing on their tax burden to the middle class.” (I don’t know why Stossel got it so wrong — do you think maybe he doesn’t actually know any people, or is he just stupid?)

As I’ve said before, a tax cut is not a handout. It simply means government steals less. What progressives want to do is take money from some — by force — and spend it on others. It sounds less noble when plainly stated.

And what Stossel wants to is force the middle class pay more for the government and its services, a goverment that benefits the rich more than it does them. What Stossel wants is to make the middle class forget about college for their kids so that the rich can buy another private island or luxury yacht. What Stossel wants is for YOU to pay a larger portion of your income on taxes than he does, even though he makes millions for being a jerk, while you have to work for your money. It sounds really wrong and immoral when plainly stated.

But Stossel claims that the rich aren’t in it for the Impressionist paintings or the Ferraris — no, they do it all for YOU, by, um, creating jobs for art forgers or Ferrari mechanics. And if we don’t show our gratitude to the rich by giving them tax breaks, they will just pack up their billions and go home to their private islands, or take their luxury yachts to shack up with their money in Aruba. If you don’t believe Stossel, just ask the revered Donald Trump.

Donald Trump, who knows something about making money, says of course the rich will leave when hit with higher taxes. “I know these people,” he told me. “They’re international people. Whether they live here or live in a place like Switzerland doesn’t really matter to them.”

Personally, it doesn’t matter to me either where they live. But if they make money here or have money here, they should pay their fair share of taxes here. And since America offers a much better environment for making money (and not just hiding money) than does Swizerland, I doubt they will be leaving any time soon. So, I call your bluff, Mr. Trump and Mr. Stossel!

You haven’t left, I told him.

“I haven’t left yet. …

Hey, don’t let the door hit you on your way out, Donnie.

“Look, the rich people are going to leave. And other people are going to leave. You’re going to end up with lots of people that don’t produce. And then that’s the spiral. That’s the end.”

Can we afford to live in a country where nobody produces Trump towers or “The Apprentice”? Look deep into your soul, and then vote to increase Stossel’s income (a stupidity tax?) until he is forced to leave the country.

Now, let’s hear from young Katie Pavlich, who screams Youth of America, Stop Drinking Obama’s Kool-Aid and instead start guzzling from the Townhall teats.

If America’s youth want any chance at having a stable economic future, free from total government control, I suggest they put down the Kool-Aid and start drinking some tea.

Those are your only choices, young people: Total Government Control or joining up with far-right nut jobs.

Katie is also here to speak up for oppressed and disadvantaged rich people, whom the President so cruelly defamed in a recent speech.

President Obama went on to slam big corporations and “rich” people while failing to mention that those evil people and corporations give recent college graduates jobs, a very rare thing this day in age.

College graduates finding employment is very rare “this day in age”? That is indeed troubling. I guess illegal immigrants from Mexico have stolen all the entry-level positions that the young people of other days in ages used to get, leaving today’s graduates no choice but to work for Evil, Inc. as an Assistant Editor (especially if their editing skills aren’t all that great).

Katie Pavlich, a May 2010 journalism graduate of the University of Arizona and former Townhall.com editorial intern, is Assistant Editor at Townhall.com.

But Katie does have statistics to support her claims about how rare it is for other recent college grads to find work.

According to the Economic Policies Institute, unemployment among people 16-24 years old is 18.9 percent

Personally, I will not rest until every 16-year-old has at least one full-time job, so that they can help pay the taxes of those billionaires who are counting on them.

But, hey, let’s look at Katie’s stats again: apparently over 80% of people 16-24 ARE employed. So, if Katie is telling the truth about how rare it is for college grads to get jobs, then once you graduate from MIT and turn 24, you are either fired or send to the Carousel from Logan’s Run, and then executed. And the news gets even worse!

. . . and on top of that, a majority of college graduates have been so discouraged looking for full employment that they have stopped looking altogether.

So, over 50% of college graduates not only don’t have jobs, they aren’t even looking anymore, due to clinical depression or something (their ennui undoubtedly caused by the knowledge that any day now Donald Trump will be fleeing the country, taking with him such jobs as “Toupee Maker For Dorks.” Things are much worse than I even imagined!

Youth fortunate to actually land a job after graduating may not have one on January 1, 2011, due to President Obama and Nancy Pelosi’s refusal to extend the Bush tax cuts, leading to the biggest tax hike in American history. More taxes equal less money to pay workers, especially in the middle of a recession.

Katie, if you had taken a job somewhere other than Evil, Inc. you might find that “More taxes equal less dividends for the share holders,” or “More taxes equal a million dollar pay cut for the CEO” or even “More taxes equal we fire a few Washington lobbyists.”

Without this tax-cut extension, employers will be forced to cut employees along with salaries, and lucky recent graduates will be first ones the chopping block.

Katie, is that what the Senior Editor told you? But here’s an idea you can pitch to the Town Hall Board: Instead of firing the recent grads who make the least, fire the senior employees, who make the most. That’s the evil thing to do. Or, just fire John Stossel, since he’s a douche bag.

Wit is the Soul of Brevity

Posted by scott on September 29th, 2010

As you probably know, raconteur and ace commenter Jay B. hobnobs with (and occasionally pinch-hits for) the cream of snark society — your Tboggs, your Edrosos.  But even though he hangs with the habitués of the modern Algonquin Round Table, he’s not above visiting the Algonquin Kids Table, with our paper plates, folding chairs, and sippy cups of Hawaiian Punch, and very kindly invited me to a publishing event he helped put together in honor of the sublimely strange Awkward Two.

A book of weird, funny, and astonishingly short stories (the theme of the volume is “brevity”), Awkward Two is the second in the Awkward series from Awkward Press (the guy in charge of naming things at Awkward Press previously worked thinking up song and album titles for the group Talk Talk).  I haven’t read the book yet, but I heard several authors read from it last night, and saw a number of micro-movies adapted from the stories, and I’m recommending it on that basis.  It was richly wordy, subversively funny stuff that started off lightly, teasingly kissing your brain, then got overly aggressive and wouldn’t stop until it gave you a cerebral hickey.  Which, frankly, is just my kinda thing.

Awkward is available from Amazon, but if you order through their website they’ll throw in a DVD of the short films.  (Reportedly, the soon-to-be-available iPad version will come with the movies embedded in the text, but that strikes us as unholy sorcery.)

Random Scenes of Hollywood

Posted by scott on September 29th, 2010

Even if your doctors are baffled, there is hope.  Come to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital…

…where you will enjoy the benefits of state-of-the-art medical technology and a skilled, caring staff, including world renowned diagnostician, It.