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Archive for March 20th, 2010

First, I would like to thank Dr. BDH, Inconstant Reader, Heydave, and KWillow for the very kind encomiums to . Your words gave Sheri and I a frankly immodest little boost today when we were on the phone, working out the sequel, and we’re sincerely grateful to everyone who bought the book; your support has meant more than we can say without three or four gimlets, and then we’d probably just say, “I love you, man,” and puke in your laundry hamper.

However, our genuine and deep fondness and appreciation doesn’t mean that I’m not going to subject you to a WorldNetDaily column by Pat Boone.


Political autism

Autism is a tragic malady.

“Now watch me exploit the hell out of it…”

Popular actress Jenny McCarthy

Well, that’s a unique way of describing her. But then, I would expect nothing less from Pat, who is also credited with coining the phrase, “ladies man Dick Morris.”

has just released a book about her previously autistic son – and the amazing progress she’s had in bringing him out of the fog and separation of his malady through controlling his diet.

Proving that autism is just a lifestyle choice, and giving hope that millions of homosexuals may be brought out of sin through the judicial application of persimmons.

Having come to the conclusion that he’d been adversely affected as a baby by some of the normal immunization shots, she put him on a new and stringent organic health diet – which she credits for his being now perfectly normal!

Sadly, Mom didn’t follow the diet herself, and is still a credulous nitwit. Thanks, Carl’s Jr.!

The book is gripping and hopeful, and may point the way to real breakthroughs in treating this awful imprisonment named autism. My daughters and I congratulate Jenny and thank God for her son’s new life.

“And for the opportunity to use it against my enemies.”

My point here? I see striking parallels in our current political scene, today.

We don’t need health care reform. What we need is for uninsured cancer patients to start slathering radish seed butter on their wheat germ flapjacks.

Whatever the cause (and I think I’ve diagnosed it)

“I believe the President and Congressional Democrats are suffering from an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in their stomachs.”

many of our elected leaders in Congress are behaving as if they’ve contracted a kind of “political autism.” They seem strangely divorced from reality, out of touch with the people who elected them, unable to think rationally.

They can’t even seem to conclude, from the obvious facts in evidence, that Barney Frank is a “faggot.”

They’ve collectively abandoned common sense and embarked on some wildly unreasonable courses, seemingly oblivious to the protests and outcries of a majority of American citizens, the very people whom they swore to represent and whose security and well-being they pledged to protect.

I blame the lavish health insurance enjoyed by House and Senate members, which undoubtedly covers immunizations.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi increasingly resembles one of the “Stepford wives” from the wildly popular science-fiction film some years ago. The film depicted the strongly hypnotic derangement and reprogramming of a group of ordinary American wives, who seem outwardly normal but move like robots controlled by a sinister force.

Actually, they moved normally, but acted like soulless robots, possibly because they were robots. Anyway, aside from his apparent gift for deep focus film criticism, Pat has an unerring instinct for the apt metaphor, because really, who more closely resembles a preternaturally docile and mindlessly obedient housewife than the first female Speaker of the House, and the highest ranking woman in the nation’s history? Nice apron, Nance. Is the Beaver home?

In a recent turn – with a wide-eyed, spooky stare and a mechanical, unnatural smile – she’s been cooing, “Just help us pass this bill, and we’ll all find out what’s in it!” Yes, she said that exactly

As you may remember, Pat has an interesting approach to quotations: it’s a sin to bear false witness, but if you deliberately misquote someone, it’s not a lie if your version of the quote is better. And the best part is, there’s no statute of limitations. You can can completely rewrite something a political opponent said less than two weeks ago, or put devastating put-downs and come-backs in your own mouth, thereby retroactively pwning someone who bested you in a Crossfire appearance eight years ago. So when he writes, “Yes, she said that exactly,” even though, at the time she said it, she didn’t, she really did, if we remember that the Nancy Pelosi in Pat’s column is just as real as the real Nancy Pelosi, because the real Nancy Pelosi is a robot! It’s sort of like what Pat did to rhythm and blues back in the Fifties — it’s a cover version of the truth, which makes it easier to sell to the white folks.

…and it’s almost as if she’s admonishing in a maternal way, “Children, just drink this Kool-Aid, and you’ll find out eventually what’s in it – it’s good for you.”

Although, if you misquote someone, and then do a reductio ad absurdum, “in other words,” version of the quote you made up for them, you’re kind of a douche bladder.

She and her cohorts are ladling out a strange “progressive” brew

And available on their new album, Disraeli Gears. $6.95 for records, $7.95 for 8-track or tapes.

concocted by Dr. O, whom they treat as a medicine man with fantastic powers,


In the original version of this column, Pat called Obama a “witch doctor,” but had a pang of conscience and later reworded the passage so as not to offend Dave Seville.

And this on top of $2 trillion already added to the tax burden in the first year of Dr. O’s presidency. Worse than autism … it’s insanity!

Coincidentally, that was Pat’s catch phrase when he was briefly the spokesman for Crazy Eddie discount electronics stores.

Friend, fellow citizen,

Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.

we’ve got to act, to exercise our constitutional authority and create a massive “intervention,” to get help for these deluded, hypnotized representatives and to replace them with sane and reasoned leaders – while we can.


And I think we know just where to look…

Repeatedly telling our representatives what their names mean – that they represent us – doesn’t appear to be working.

And beginning each argument with “according to Websters,” is also, inexplicably, failing to work, even when we use the super snotty voice.

What these “autistic politicians,” these addled and deluded congressmen, pile on our heads and those of future generations can be thrown off and reversed at the polls. Clearly, this is the only way out of the nightmare alley we’ve entered.

So, autism: It’s like being in a Tyrone Power movie with a pile of insane congressmen on your head. Thanks for the diagnosis, Dr. Boone.