Remember the Post-Abortive Men? Back in 2008 they were featured on the front page of the LA Times, and for those who may have missed it, PAM is both a non-stick cooking spray and a recovery movement for sperm distributors who claim to have been robbed of their inadvertent patriarchy by Planned Parenthood. It involves a lot of activism and role play, such as naming their imaginary children, scheduling playdates in Ramada Inn ballrooms with other ghost dads, and issuing press releases in which the PAMs threaten to sob until abortion is sent back to the alleys and basements where it belongs.

When men are widely recognized as victims [of abortion], Rue said, “that will change society.”

But the activists leading the men’s movement make clear they’re not relying on statistics to make their case. They’re counting on the power of men’s tears.

As you may recall, the Times‘ cover boy was Jason Baier, who now runs the Fatherhood Forever Foundation, and is also a Man from M.A.N. (Men and Abortion Network), which is a super-secret anti-abortion organization that is accessed through Del Floria’s Tailor Shop.

Well the agents of S.P.O.O.G.E. returned just in time for Father’s Day, or as I like to call it, A Bad Day To Go To Claim Jumper. This time, the man who had his fatherhood filched was Jerry DeBin, who “served 17 years for the State of Alabama in senior leadership roles and liaised with the Governor.” Presumably, “liaising with the Governor” is like “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” except you don’t use protection, and then the Governor has an abortion behind your back and you wind up with an empty photo-cube on your desk at the Department of Wildlife and Fisheries. But Jerry’s co-author comes with a much more detailed and distinguished pedigree:

“Author’s note: This piece is co-authored by Jeanne Monahan.”

Jeanne Monahan is the Director of the Center for Human Dignity at the Family Research Council. She researches, writes and speaks on the culture of life, with a focus on the sanctity of human personhood from conception until natural death. Prior to FRC, Jeanne worked for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in the Office of the Secretary. Her federal government experience includes global health policy, as well as domestic and international health care issues.

I’m going out on a limb and guessing this means “working to defund family planning organizations in the the Third World who acknowledge the existence of abortion.”

Before working in public policy, Jeanne worked for the Catholic Church

Quelle surprise.

…in a variety of positions involving educating on life issues, human sexuality, marriage and family. Jeanne has an undergraduate degree in psychology from James Madison University and a Masters degree in the theology of marriage and family from the Pope John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family.

The Pope John Paul II Institute also has a very highly regarded Marine Life Studies program, in which they teach fish how to swim and breath water.

A Woman’s “Choice” That Affects Men: Post-Abortion Trauma

This Father’s Day will be a celebration for dads all over the country, an opportunity for children to thank and honor their fathers. Yet for many men, the memory of involvement in a past abortion, of “cards they will not receive,” will be painful and palpable.

“I didn’t want to marry your mother, or help her raise a child, but I did want to force her to carry one to term in order to increase my annual greeting card yield.”

Granted, Hallmark hasn’t gone out of their way to meet the demand for holiday mementos from spectral zygotes (I’m thinking something simple, but sincere, like “World’s Greatest Condom Forgetter”) but Fantom Fathers Forever has stepped up and offered their own line of e-greeting cards (which will be available on their site as soon as they can figure out the complicated HTML).

Seasonal Abortion Greetings from the “That Bitch!” Collection.

In a debate where the primary focus is a woman’s body and a woman’s right to choose whether or not to carry a child to his or her delivery, the “other partner,” the father of the baby, is rarely given consideration, and is often completely disregarded altogether. The question of abortion is myopically women-centric.

Exactly. And this is a shocking and unforgivable miscarriage of justice, especially when one considers that since 1973, there has not been a single verified case of a man choosing to terminate his pregnancy — even to save his own life — so really, who has the moral high ground here? Maybe it’s about time America put on its bifocals and looked at the question of abortion in a slightly more dick-centric way.

Abortion advocates often mock pro-life men. Men are told they shouldn’t speak out because they can never become pregnant. Yet, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to acknowledge that two women cannot a baby make.

Therefore, in the case of such a tie, only one of the women will be allowed to have the abortion and advance to the evening gown competition. (As a side note, even though a man and a woman joined together to create this article, it seem they cannot an argument make.)

Less acknowledged is the fact that this decision deeply impacts the dad, too.

Suppose a man deposited money in the bank, expecting that it would accumulate interest and grow, and instead that bank just decided to purge his account? Would any customer stand for that? Of course not, and we need to start holding women to the implied contract they sign when they accept a deposit from a man’s testicles, or else report them to the Sperm and Exchange Commission.

This year three Father’s Day cards will stand prominently on Jerry’s kitchen countertop, telling the wonderful story of the lives of his three grown children. But there is an empty space next to the cards which tells another story that continues to grieve Jerry and his wife, Dayna. Over thirty years ago, Jerry and his then high school sweetheart, Dayna, chose to abort two of their children.

Too bad they don’t have access to a time machine. Of course, going back and deciding to have those two children (twins? Two separate pregnancies?) in high school would radically change their lives, causing chrono-ripples and time-space paradoxes, so when they returned to the present they might find they were divorced, never married, and/or their three, grown children were never born, so they’re still short a few cards on the mantle. Of course, this would necessitate another trip back, with Jerry making sure to spread his seed on the nights his present children were conceived — but then Past Jerry would walk in, see Future Jerry copulating with his wife, and shoot him in a jealous rage, or maybe grab him by the throat, starting a chain-reaction like Ron Silver in Time Cop and turning them both into explosive goo.

And no child is going to send a card to goo. So again — bare mantle!

Jerry deeply empathizes with any man who has taken the life of another human and lives daily with that burden and emotional trauma. The negative psychological impact of abortion on women has been well publicized, but less so have been the effects of abortion on men.

There are two primary vectors for PTSD: doing a tour of duty in Falluja, or driving your girlfriend to the Free Clinic.

In researching the topic, we found a variety of books, websites and support groups dedicated to male post-abortion trauma, as well as a number of studies on the issue. One study reported that 82 percent of male parents of a recently aborted baby (ranging from two days to 37 months) experienced depression.

Of course, late term abortions can be medically necessary, but terminating a 37-month old pregnancy just seems a bit callous.

Another study found that men experienced anxiety, helplessness, guilt, and a dual sense of responsibility and regret during an abortion.

Which is often why you’ll see men weeping and pounding on the walls of the waiting room, although sometimes they’re just trying to dislodge a package of Nutter Butters stuck in the vending machine.

According to Guy Condon and David Hazard, authors of Fatherhood Aborted: The Profound Effects of Abortion on Men, post-abortive men suffer from a whole host of problems, including relationship struggles, inability to trust friends, rage, addictions and sexual compulsions, sleeplessness, bad dreams, nightmares, sexual dysfunction, depression, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and loneliness.

I’ve experienced a lot of those conditions myself, but I never knew they were signs of being a Post-Abortive Man — I thought they were just symptoms of living in America during the previous Administration. Now I realize — and am only just beginning to wrap my head around the implications — that Dick Cheney aborted our child.

Having found hope in their grief and regret, [Jerry and Dayna] deeply wanted others to avoid making these same mistakes. They felt the best way they could do so would be to support young people facing similar tough decisions, and decided to start a pregnancy resource center in Prattville, Ala.

Quelle friggin’ surprise.

Jerry and Dayna helped to start Grace Place to share truth about abortion

It’s tearing the heart out of America, and American Greetings®.

An estimated 50 million abortions have been performed in the U.S. since the Supreme Court decision in Roe v. Wade. For each of those 50 million babies, there is a father.

Some men take the responsibilities of raising a phantom blastocyte seriously, and work hard to emulate their own fathers. But a word of warning: while you may consider it “just a friendly game of catch with my boy,” to the passerby it more closely resembles, “heaving a baseball at a woman’s abdomen.”

Even adjusting those numbers to allow for men who father more than one aborted child, the count of post-abortion men in America is easily 30 million. This Father’s Day let us honestly engage men in the conversation about abortion and its impacts on everyone involved. There remain significant, long-term consequences of Father’s Day cards that will not come this week … all across America.

We must ask ourselves if a woman’s right to control her own body is worth the grief and loneliness suffered by the millions of men who do not receive enough mail.

UPDATE: Amanda has provided some additional greeting card options for the holiday shopper.

Why Can't A Woman Be More Like A Man? | 73 Comments »

I was surfing around and happened to stumble upon this ad:

I didn’t actually click on the link, because it might be haunted, but it did make me wonder about the kind of paranormal activities that could change my life — and my afterlife!

1. Dragging ’round the chains you forged in life is a great way of firming your biceps and triceps.

2. Being able to walk through walls means no more waiting behind the velvet ropes at clubs!

3. Haunting: It’s basically like being a paparrazo, but without having to lug around all that heavy, expensive camera equipment.

4. Ghosts lower the temperature in any room they’re in, so no need for the AC on hot days! Ka-Ching!

5. Being able to float will cut your commute time in half!

6. Transmigration of souls is a green alternative to traveling by car.

7. Being Touched by an Angel leads to very ethereal games of Duck Duck Goose.

8. Having an “Out of Body” experience can be used to get out of jury duty.

9. As a ghost, you can talk to Jennifer Love Hewitt whenever you want! (But tell her to SPEAK UP, for the love of god!)

Crap, that’s only nine, and I’m afraid mournful, keening spectres will torment me if I don’t collect the whole set. So what do you guys think? What sort of paranormal activities would change your life forever?

For No Good Reason | 18 Comments »

As a small — very small — token of gratitude to the many wonderful World O’ Crap readers who’ve responded to the Beg-A-Thon this week, we wanted to offer up something a little different: our first ever Beast Blogging Multimedia Spectacular.

If you’ve been following the weekly photo series, then you probably know Riley and Moondoggie pretty well. She’s an aspiring supervillain, full of disdain and world-beating ambition, while he’s a laid back dude without a mean bone in his body or a thought in his head. But what you probably don’t know is that Riley is also an extraordinary deviant, and among her milder perversions is a fetish for wearing Mary’s clothes (which I suppose makes her a sort of transpecies transvestite).

Now, generally speaking, Mary doesn’t mind sharing her wardrobe with a girlfriend (unless Riley stretches her sweater, or pits it out), but for Riley this isn’t simply a fashion statement, it’s a kind of circus act — a daring and death-defying display of nerve, agility, and cunning intelligence in the manner of Houdini. Therefore, we ask that you please direct your attention to the center ring, where The Amazing Riley will escape from Mary’s shirt before your very eyes!

Click for larger version.

Wild Things | 14 Comments »

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, my activities with animal rescue don’t allow me to keep up with wingnuts too much anymore. (For those who might be interested, here’s a roster of the current foster pets: one bossy and hyper terrier-mix dog, two 3-week-old orphaned kittens, four elderly cats who will probably never be adopted, six foster cats with medical needs who will probably never be adopted, three under-socialized cats who will probably never be adopted, one cat who is just plain mean and will never be adopted, and a bunch of nice, adoptable cats who are just waiting for good homes.)

So, usually I only have time for the current events covered by Keith Olbermann, the local paper, and World o’Crap. (Which reminds me: if you send in a small donation to Scott and Mary, not only can you feel good about helping some nice, talented people who could use a hand right now, but you’ll also get a FREE CAT as a pledge gift. Don’t delay too long, or you may wind up with Crabby Abby as your prize.)

Anyway, fortunately for me, the local rag always features as many wacky right-wingers and clueless Tea Partiers as anyone could ever wish. More even. A whole lot more. In fact, the local John Birch Society (or JBS, as it’s been rebranded for the new, hip generation) teaches weekly classes on Commie spotting, and its members regularly write letters to the editor identifying which local and national officials are the spawn of Stalin.

But recently the paper covered an incident here that was SO stupid that I truly believed it was either parody or performance art. It turned out to have been neither. So, let me recount it for you now.

It all starts in 2009, when Salt Lake City passed legislation prohibiting housing and employment discrimination against gay and transgender people. As the pits of hell didn’t open up and swallow the city, last month the town council here in Logan debated passing a similar law. Its passage was uncertain … until America Forever showed up. Here’s a bit about that from the Herald Journal.

Proposed anti-discrimination ordinance draws protesters
A group of forthright outsiders is working to stir up locals against Logan’s proposed laws aimed at protecting gay people from discrimination.

“They’re (the Logan Municipal Council) going to give them (homosexuals) freedoms and take away freedoms from others. We should have the right to not associate with someone who is homosexual,” said 55-year-old Sandra Rodrigues, of Sandy, speaking by phone from Angie’s Restaurant early Monday. “I don’t want to be served by someone with AIDS in the kitchen – I mean, I have those worries. I’m sorry.”

And, of course, if the law passed, then homosexuals who were denied housing would never get AIDS and then seek work as cooks, so Sandra could eat at Angie’s without fear of contracting the disease via gay cooties.

Rodrigues leads a group calling itself America Forever, which dispatched a dozen agitators, all from the Salt Lake area, to Logan on Saturday – that day they protested near the homes of Councilwoman Holly Daines and Councilman Herm Olsen. On Sunday, members of the group showed up outside the church that Council Chairman Jay Monson attends.

Signs they hoisted read: “Shame on Holly Daines for becoming a gay activist,” and “Sexual Orientation is not a class” and “Jay Monson hates children.”

Later Sunday, members of the group distributed door-to-door in Monson’s neighborhood a flier reading: “Shame on Councilmen Olsen, Monson, Daines for joining hands with the gay movement and becoming homosexual activists to oppress religious citizens freedoms.”

I have to say, that last snappy slogan should be recycled into a bumper stick for somebody’s senate campaign or something.

On Monday afternoon, Rodrigues and her team held a “town hall” meeting in a conference room at The Crystal Inn in south Logan. No visitors were on hand while she had it out with someone on the phone at about 4 p.m. No one showed up all afternoon, but the group did receive upward of 50 phone calls and e-mails from locals arguing against their message and tactics. Rodrigues ditched the town hall and ended up demonstrating at City Hall late in the afternoon, drawing stares, jeers and reprimands from passers-by.

[…]

Rodrigues, who described gay people as “conniving,” said the Logan ordinances and similar ones in other cities are part of gay peoples’ agenda to “flaunt” their lifestyle, to forcefully expose straight people to homosexuality, say at the office Christmas party where a gay couple “would kiss and hold hands and nobody would be able to say anything”

The horror, the horror! And thanks to those conniving gays, the door will be opened for heterosexuals to do the same thing … and the next thing you know, men will be holding hands with their wives, and then office managers will hit on secretaries, and interns will have sex in the supply closet, and society will be doomed, DOOMED!

… or in the workplace lunchroom where they might openly discuss sexual activity.

And then all the straight people will feel bad, because they won’t have anything to add to the conversation.

Homosexuals want to be in a position to entice children to try out being gay, she said.

“This is what the gays want,” she said. “It’s really insane if you think about it.”

Yes. Yes it is. And remember, if we aren’t allowed to discriminate against homosexuals, then they will soon RULE THE WORLD!

So, did America Forever’s tactics work? Was Daines run out of town for becoming a gay activist? Did Olsen’s wife divorce him for holding hands out of wedlock? Was Monson spit on by neighbors for hating children? And what about the law???

Well, let’s flash forward a couple of days and find out.

Logan OKs measures: Anti-discrimination ordinances approved after spirited hearing

Earnest Cooper stood at the door of the chamber weeping as the Logan Municipal Council approved ordinances banning discrimination based on sexual orientation Tuesday night.

“I’ve never felt like I’ve loved Logan more,” said Cooper, a gay 27-year-old Utah State University student. He said he works only university jobs because he’s scared to venture into a less-tolerant off-campus environment. “For the first time I feel like I am treated as a human being. I feel like a man who belongs.”

The council, on a 4-0 vote with one abstention, passed the ordinances, similar to ones previously passed in Salt Lake City and West Valley City, among others, that make it punishable, as a civil matter, to hire or fire someone or to deny housing to someone based on sexual orientation or gender identity.

[…]

Logan resident and known-Constitutionalist Michelle King spoke against the ordinances, arguing they interfere with private property rights.

“Creating a law telling people how to use their property doesn’t inspire compassion,” she said.

I’m sure Michelle voiced a similar argument on behalf of bus companies and water fountain owners when the government told them they couldn’t use their property in only the ways they wanted.

Joshua Frazier told the council: “I don’t want the government to determine what is moral and what is not.”

Yeah! It should be up to just the individual to determine if murder, theft, and child molestation are something that society should discourage.

Council Chairman Jay Monson largely restricted the hearing to Logan residents but toward the end did allow testimony from people in the Sandy-based group America Forever who protested the ordinances at City Hall and in council members’ neighborhoods in the three days leading up to the meeting.

Sandra Rodrigues, the group’s 55-year-old leader, told the council that by passing the measures they were endorsing and validating homosexual conduct. She said gays are working to create a society where they can flaunt their lifestyles and influence children.

And, of course, gays shouldn’t be allowed to even HAVE lifestyles, let alone have any influence on children. I mean, we let Socrates get away with it, and before long the kids were thinking and stuff!

“It’s part of a movement,” she said. “This law is a backdoor for all they want to do.”

And you know what they say about gays and backdoors!

In the hall after the vote, Rodrigues repeatedly called out to others filing out, “We know what you’re up to. Boo.”

What a burn!

But the law passed, the Herald Journal attributed much of the support to people who were put off by America Forever and their tactics. Thanks, AF! So, let’s jump forward to this week for the REST of the rest of the story:

Anti-Gay ‘America Forever‘ Group Disbands

An anti-gay group that has become a fixture at the Utah Pride Festival and legislative debates on gay and transgender-related bills has closed up shop, due to what its website calls “unspeakable circumstances.”

“Thank you for your support. Please keep America a Nation [sic] under God. God bless America,” the front page of the site, located at americaforever.com, now reads.

America Forever has given no official reason for disbanding. A request for an interview sent to administrative contact Jonas Filho had not been answered by press time.

Well, they did have a good run. Despite apparently consisting of only members of one family, (I think they were inspired by the Westboro Baptist Church and all the media attention those inbred morons get) they did manage to make a spot for themselves on the Southern Poverty Law Center’s list of anti-gay hate groups. And at one time they had enough money to take out full-page anti-gay ads in the major Salt Lake papers. And even though the group has disbanded, I’m sure that one day, inspired by the Michelle Bachmans and Sarah Palins of the world, Sandra Rodrigues will run for public office as a Republican.

And that’s my local news report. And now that I know that Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D, is currently residing in my general geographic area (as he says in a recent column, “On May 10th, I’m moving to Manitou Springs, Colorado, to teach all summer at Summit Ministries. I’m living in a cabin at the base of Pikes Peak, studying the teachings of the Unabomber, and planning to wreak vengeance on my colleagues, women, hippies, gays, minorities, shih-tsus, and everybody else who has wronged me”), I check the paper regularly for more local items of interest.

Teh GAYZ! | 17 Comments »

Back toward the end of May we had the honor of meeting Bruce Walker, who you may remember as the author of Sinisterism: Secular Religion of the Lie, a tome which “has been ranked among the most essential books of our times” by three readers on Amazon. Well, Bruce has just discovered a group of people he hates even more than “feminist cleaning ladies”…

Lawyers, like community organizers, argue — and Obama is both lawyer and community organizer. These professional advocates view the folks who really do things in life — oilmen, farmers, drug manufacturers, retailers, and such — as the cause of our problems. Lawsuits, agitation, regulation, and other sorts of constrictive and punitive actions are the solution proposed by people like Barack Obama, Esq.

This proposal of regulations to constrict and penalize the oil industry, our hormone farmers, and our purveyors of fine narcotics threatens to tarnish our silver spoons and take the gilt off our Age!

The Democratic Party is increasingly The Lawyers’ Party. Not only are Barack and Michelle lawyers, but Harry and Nancy are too, as are many other Democrat leaders. Democrats, led by Barack, are approaching the oil spill as if an Esquire, an attorney representing a client.

Some people might argue that it’s not entirely inappropriate for the President to approach BP as though representing a client — in this case, the interests of American citizens whose homes and livelihoods have been harmed or destroyed, but those people are probably lawyers. In reality, of course, Obama should approach the corporation as a duck, represented by the oboe.

British Petroleum, viewed through the prism of The Lawyers’ Party, is a rogue corporation whose sin is putting profit above the public interest. But, of course, this is nonsense.

Why, BP has been “rated by professional reviewers from three continents as among the essential corporations for our time.”

BP is intensely concerned with how the public perceives it. BP spent hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising to convince the public that it cares about the environment. The heart of its ad campaign is that BP means “Beyond Petroleum.”

Exactly. Obama and his lawyerly ilk are talking as if there were a fundamental difference public relations and the public good. BP spent millions to convince you it cares! You can’t buy that kind of sincerity.

Aside from the loss of oil in the Gulf, aside from liability issues for BP, the corporation has just lost all the time and money invested in consumer goodwill as a “green” energy producer.

Sure, the Gulf fisheries are dead for a generation or more, but BP has lost — perhaps forever — some of the nation’s most beautiful and pristine advertising expenses!

Corporate executives in general are viewed by Barack Obama, Esq. as mercenary plunderers of American society.

Yep, Obama’s got some nutty ideas all right. On the other hand, Mercenary Plunderers of American Society is one of my favorite serials, just behind Lass of the Lumberlands, Radar Patrol Vs. Spy King, and Commando Cody: Sky Marshal of the Universe.

Their ability to successfully organize private resources to make companies productive and profitable is just another trick of the rich exploiting the poor. This is silly; free competition punishes businesses which harbor motives other than efficiency. This reality seems to elude Obama and his pals.

Obama is taking it upon himself to punish a business that was too efficient in its cost cutting, and that’s blasphemy! For according to the Good Book (The Wealth of Nations), “Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Invisible Hand.”

But whatever the leader of the Lawyers’ Party’s illusions about the rough-and-tumble world of big business, he even less understands the work of those who heal us. Physicians, according to Barack Obama, Esq., perform unnecessary amputations or tonsillectomies just for the fee.

Which is a load of crap, because my doctor unnecessarily extracted my uvula just for the thrill! (Of course, the only approved primary care physician in my PPO network was Dr. Giggles.)

Just as he cannot view the free market as a self-correcting mechanism, Obama cannot see doctors as people, like public interest lawyers and such, who actively seek to do good in the world.

Unlike you and me, Obama sees doctors as a series of Ones and Zeroes…

Instead, Barack Obama, Esq. views all producers in our economy as avaricious, roaming vandals.

Except for actual vandals, which he views as businessmen.

Then he and his party can perform the only service which politicians, lawyers, and community organizers can provide: punitive taxation, draconian regulation, huge lawsuits, and screeching condemnations.

Well, give the public what they want, and they’ll beat a path to your door.

Most problems we face really do not require more laws, more lawsuits, and more taxes.

“More American Thinker columns” is usually the answer to an environmental catastrophe.

The executives at BP, like your family doctor, understand how to actually do stuff, like extract and refine oil or diagnose and cure ailments.

And when your doctor hits an artery, and blood gushes at an alarming rate from your body, your GP — like BP — knows how to low-ball the blood flow estimate.

These producers make all the good things in life which we desire and consume. What about the harpies who assume bad motives in every unfortunate situation? What good do they really do for us?

“I know! It’s like you harpies want to hamstring the free market!”

The constant frothing of moral indignation as the tonic for every difficulty we face becomes, over time, simply tired sloganeering by people who cannot do anything but blame others.

Gran Moff Tarkin had to put up with a lot of this same sort of carping, when people incessantly complained that the post-Death Star Alderaan was “a little on the gritty side.”

Waaah! | 14 Comments »

The things you learn from the American Family Association! I was just minding my own business, checking my email for offers from kindly strangers needing assistance moving billions out of foreign banks, when I noticed an email from the AFA’s One News Now proclaiming that “Reports Say Obama Admitted He’s a Muslims.” Wow, first we learn that he’s an alien, and now he’s telling people he’s a Muslim! And the word is spreading in Wingnut World, with outlets as respectable as G. Gordon Liddy and World Nut Daily picking up the story.

So, I went to the One News story, and this is what I learned:

Two media reports are serving to fuel speculation about Barack Obama’s religious beliefs.

Since before he was elected, controversy has stirred over the extent of President Obama’s ties to Islam. During the campaign, he spoke openly of both his Muslim upbringing and his adult conversion to Christianity. But now two major Middle East media outlets — Nile TV International and Israel Today Magazine — are reporting that the president has admitted in recent months that he is a Muslim.

Those outlets say that Obama, in a one-on-one meeting earlier this year with Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboul Gheit, told Gheit that he was still a Muslim, the son of a Muslim father, and the step-son of a Muslim step-father; that his half brothers in Kenya are Muslims; and that he was sympathetic towards the Muslim agenda.

So, “two major Middle East media outlets — Nile TV International and Israel Today Magazine” are saying that Obama told them that he is a secret Muslim!?

Well, actually that isn’t true: the story really came to One News from major Middle East media outlet “Pamela Geller, publisher of AtlasShrugs.com.” Here’s the link to her report,
“I am a Muslim,” Obama Tells Egyptian Foreign Minister Gheit
Islamic Coup on the White House

As Pammy tells One News, “this most recent comment by Obama has been ignored by the mainstream media and should be of great concern to U.S. citizens.” Gee, why would the mainstream media ignore such a not-crazy story as this? And what a scoop for Pammy!

And how did she happen to get this revelation? Well, she cites one Avi Lipkinites. Here’s part of Avi’s story:

Today, the United States has a president by the name of Mubarack Hussein Obama. Until proven otherwise by a real live birth certificate, I would rather believe that according to the US Constitution, this president is ineligible to be president of the US because he was born in Kenya, not the US.

Here is a list of radio/TV/newspaper reports my wife, Rachel, picked up at Kol Israel radio in the Arabic language as a monitor over the last decade:

[...]

6. Finally, during the week of 14-18th of January 2010, just on the eve of my winter tour to the US, Rachel picked up a Nile TV broadcast in which Egyptian Foreign Minister Abul Gheit said on the “Round Table Show” that he had had a one on one meeting with Obama who swore to him that he was a Moslem, the son of a Moslem father and step-son of Moslem step-father, that his half-brothers in Kenya were Moslems, and that he was loyal to the Moslem agenda. He asked that the Moslem world show patience. Obama promised that once he overcame some domestic American problems (Healthcare), that he would show the Moslem world what he would do with Israel.

So, Pammy heard about Obama’s secret Muslimness from Avi, a paranoid birther, who heard it from his wife, who happened to be the only person in the world to catch an Egyptian TV talk show during which the Egyptian Foreign Minister mentioned that the President confided in him, one-on-one, that Obama was a loyal Muslim who was planning on doing ominous things to Israel. Sounds legit to me!

NOTE: Pammy cites Israel Today magazine as the source of the Avi revelation, but we only get the actual story of how his wife Rachel was the only one who heard that Nile TV broadcast at Avi’s “sneak peak” of his piece at the Christian Wingnut site WebToday.

Now here’s some commentary from Avi on Obama’s little slip from his WebToday piece:

We are today on the eve of the commemoration of the Holocaust. I was concerned enough over the last twenty years from the two primary testimonies above relating to non-Moslem allies of the oil cartels before the manipulation that put Mubarack Hussein Obama into the White House. How concerned show I be now if the US President is a Moslem loyal to the Moslem agenda to destroy Israel? […]. It is time to create an awakening amongst are true brethren and allies in the US: the Christians. We must pray for a Christian Revival for Israel’s Survival. We must work together to prevent the Islamic Holocaust staring us in the face.

Now, here’s Pammy’s take on it the third-hand rumor she is spreading:

This is akin to an SS officer getting elected president during WW II. Every country in the free world must be cognizant of such a catastrophic sea change in the leadership of the free world (as witnessed by events over the past year). This changes everything. He took an oath to protect and defend the Constitution, and yet he has gone around the world promoting Islam, the sharia (Islamic law).

So, you heard it here fifth or sixth: Obama is a Muslim Nazi who is planning an Islamic Holocaust. Beware, beware!

Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

Hi, everybody! (“Hi, Dr. Nick!”) It’s me, the loveable s.z.! I’ve missed you all a lot! What’s up with me, you ask? Well, I am now the Vice President of the United States the animal rescue group Four Paws, which takes about all of my time, money, and energy (and paper towels). Ands, sadly, dealing with pea-brained dachshunds and gangs of surly cats leave me with little time for wingnuts these days. You know, except for the local wingnuts, which make up for their total lack of importance by their scary stupidity. It’s like living in Wasilla, Alaska!

But more about that later. Today I just wanted to offer Scott and Mary some support. Well, maybe not financial support, but certainly some commiseration, some encouragement, and maybe some wise counsel. From a wingnut. Yes, Scott and Mary, this Chuck Baldwin is for you!

A suggested survival list

One does not have to be a prophet to know that we are on the precipice of some potentially catastrophic — or at the very least, challenging — days. In fact, most of us are already in challenging days, and some are already enduring catastrophic events. That is, if one would call being out of work, losing one’s home, facing life-threatening medical conditions without any prospect of medical insurance, several families being forced to live in one house due to homes being foreclosed, etc., catastrophic.

I think Scott and Mary are certainly facing challenging days. And if one would call being forced to live in one house with a plethora of cats “catastrophic,” then my life certainly qualifies. So, let’s see what hope for the future that Chuck has to offer to us all.

The potential for an escalation of cataclysmic events, however, is very real. […] For example, can one imagine what would happen if terrorists nuked a major American city or cities? (Once again, I encourage readers to go get the videos of the CBS TV series “Jericho” to get an idea of how quickly life, and even civilization, could change.)”

And can one imagine what would happen if reptilian alien invaders decided to harvest humans for food? (I encourage readers to get the videos of the mini-series “V” to get an idea of how quickly humans would have sex with the evil aliens if the monsters were really attractive.)

Imagine if there was another 9/11-type event. What would happen if some form of Zimbabwe-style inflation hit the US? What would happen if anything disrupted the distribution of Welfare checks, or food to local grocers?

What would happen if a busload of “Jerry Springer Show” guests was stranded in your hometown? Scary, huh?

As a result, people from virtually every walk of life have recently been asking my thoughts on how they should prepare.

But it’s the people from the “can’t walk and chew gum at the same time” walk of life for whom these thoughts are intended.

First, a disclaimer. I am not an economist; I am not a survival expert; I am not a firearms expert; I am not an attorney; I am not a physician. In fact, I am not an expert in anything!

But he does have a regular column at Renew America, so I have a good feeling about using Chuck’s guidance to plan my future.

Location:

First, analyze your living conditions. Where do you live? Do you live in an urban or rural environment? Is it a big city or small town? Do you live in an apartment or condominium?

And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?
And you may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

How close are your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbors? Would you trust them if the electricity was off and they were hungry?

Hell, no! And as we have learned from our viewing of “V,” they are probably hungry for human flesh. So, you should probably kill them now, before the power goes off. And this is good advice no matter where you live.

Over the past several decades, masses of people have migrated into large metropolitan areas. More people live in urban areas than at any time in American history. While this may be well and good for times of prosperity, it is an absolute nightmare in any kind of disaster. […] If you live in the inner city, I suggest you consider moving to a more rural location. Obviously, now is a very good time to buy property (especially rural property), but the downside is, selling property is not as favorable. If you can afford it, now is a great time to buy a “safe house” outside the city

But, as we have learned from our viewing of numerous sci-fi movies, after the apocalypse most of humanity will be dead, resulting in a “buyers” real estate market. So, you might want to wait on purchasing that rural cottage until after the current owner falls victim to radiation sickness or zombie attack.

Provisions:

During a major disaster, food will quickly disappear. […] The water supply is compromised. Bottled water becomes more valuable than bank accounts. Dehydration becomes a very real and present danger. I remember witnessing a man offer an ice vendor $100 for an extra bag of ice during Hurricane Ivan.

And I remember Town Hall pundits claiming that profiteers who would try to sell ice for $100 a bag are honest capitalists and American heroes. Ah, good times!

Get a generator. Keep a supply of fuel on hand. Stay stocked up on batteries, candles, portable lights, first aid supplies, and personal hygiene items — especially toilet paper. Trust me, during times of intense and prolonged disaster, toilet paper could become more valuable than money.

But if you stock up on paper currency, you could use it for both toilet paper AND money! Just something to keep in mind.

Obviously, you need to take stock of your clothing. Do you have clothes suitable for extended outdoor activity? What about boots? During a disaster, you would trade your best suit from Neiman Marcus for a good pair of boots. Do you have gloves? Insulated underwear? What about camouflage clothing? These could become essential outerwear in the right conditions.

For instance, in “Red Dawn” conditions.

And in those kinds of conditions, you would trade your best suit from Neiman Marcus for some deer blood to drink, maybe garnished with some $100 ice cubes. Yes, the living would envy the dead, but at least the living would be snappy dressers if they had planned appropriately.

Anyway, all of this is giving me Kevin-Costner-end-of-the-world flashbacks, so let’s just skip ahead to the real raison d’être of Chuck’s column:

Self-Defense:

Face it, folks: in any kind of disaster, you must be able to defend yourself, or you and your family will be meat for these animals of society that will quickly descend without mercy upon the unprepared, unsuspecting souls around them. This requires that you be armed! It also requires that you be skilled enough to be able to efficiently use your arms.

[…]

I believe every man (along with his wife and children of adequate age) should be proficient with the following weapons: a handgun in .38 caliber or above, a .22 rifle, a center-fire hunting rifle, a semi-automatic battle rifle, and a shotgun.

Sure, you might be out of work, losing your home, facing life-threatening medical conditions without any prospect of medical insurance, several families being forced to live in one house due to homes being foreclosed, etc., but that shouldn’t stop you from spending several hundred dollars on guns and ammunition. For it’s only through major firepower that you can protect yourself and your family from a terrorist nuclear attack, another 9/11, major inflation, or from the bloody revolution that will surely result if welfare checks are ever late.

So, dear reader, if you value Scott and Mary’s work and you can afford it, send them a couple of dollars so that they can get the firearms they will need to protect their toilet paper and ice from their dishonest Hollywood neighbors.

Uncategorized | 26 Comments »

Welcome to Day 4 of the World O’ Crap Beg-A-Thon (guilty with an explanation here). We’ll be wrapping things up on Saturday, and hope to have one or two nice surprises for you. In the meantime, our deepest thanks to the folks who’ve contributed to keeping us going (and if you haven’t yet, but don’t think it’s the worst idea you’ve ever heard, you can do so through the PayPal button on the top left, or email me — scott.clevenger-at-gmail.com — for our snail mail address).

Do you remember Barry Farber, the “pioneer in talk radio” who “speaks dozens of languages fluently,” and blames Hitler for America’s opium habit?

Well, he’s back.

A stalwart member of ‘demented fringe’

Seldom does something I read cause my head physically to snap backwards as though I’d taken a good punch.

Really? That’s weird; I regularly get pummeled by my reading material. Not to complain, but Leaves of Grass crushed my septum and The Mill on the Floss broke my jaw in two places. I finally had to stop taking magazines into the bathroom with me because I wound up using all the toilet paper staunching the bloody noses I got from Macworld and Cat Fancy.

A column by Dorothy Rabinowitz did it. If it had been boxing, it would have been the end of the fight for me.

Well, Dorothy did star in Million Dollar Bubbe.

Understand, please; I adore that woman’s writing

“…but it punches me in the face!”

And she’s been doing it and I’ve been adoring it since long before the name “Obama” rang any bells.

Specifically, the bell signaling the end of the round. Get this woman’s words off me!

Once, Dorothy walked into the Christmas banquet of the Heritage Foundation where I was a guest. I sort of shriveled and shrank off to one side. It’s a Southern thing.

Below the Mason-Dixon line or below the waist, Dorothy can shrivel it.

Although I knew I was basically good, I didn’t think I’d done anything good enough to deserve to meet Dorothy Rabinowitz.

She writes for the OpinionJournal, Barry. No one deserves that.

Her column that punched me out raised and sustained the theme that President Barack Obama is simply not one of us.

He’s clearly neither a sucker-punching editorial writer nor a shrunken, shriveled Southerner.

She called him “the alien in the White House” and then artfully elevated that phrase from what might sound like a barroom jape into an unassailable geometrically proven truth.

She originally called him “the alien in the woodpile,” but she worried that only pruney Confederates would get it.

And then came the killer-clause: “He is the alien in the White House, a matter having nothing to do with delusions about his birthplace cherished by the demented fringe.”

Coincidentally, I just finished writing a spec slasher script that takes place in an isolated, snowbound toy workshop filled with sexy, but defenseless dwarves, entitled Killer Clause.

Ouch, Dorothy!

Dude, stop reading her! Or at least just skim her until the swelling goes down.

I guess that sums me up: demented fringe! What have I got wrong here? Football players like to score touchdowns. Baseball players like to hit home runs.

If Barry had warned me he was going to break into “Corner of the Sky” from Pippin, I would’ve had the taped cued up.

Obama could instantly chimpanzify millions of Americans who dislike him and galvanize his supporters to standing applause if he were ever to say, “By the way, I understand many of you would like to see this document. Here it is!”

And C-SPAN was !

Whereupon the president would unfurl and brandish a kosher long-form hospital-originated birth certificate indicating he was, indeed, born in the state of Hawaii

…under strict rabbinical supervision.

Who can explain why that performance has not yet taken place? There is doubt in the land that the president is eligible to hold that office. If proof exists, a simple showing would blow that doubt away and boost Obama’s sagging ratings.

Give in to the lunatic demands of the demented right wing fringe, Mr. President. It’ll show the liberal base that you’re serious about their issues.

Instead, derision is pressure-pumped upon the doubters like Gulf oil. And many of the president’s detractors oppose those of us in the “demented fringe” as vehemently as they oppose the president himself!

“You know, I could’ve stayed home to eat feces. I didn’t have to bring a box lunch down here to show support for your Tea Party, and to talk to these reporters about the inherent recyclability of corn!”

I suspect a strange kind of elitism. Sometimes an alcoholic can best be reached by another alcoholic

Specifically, around, from behind, in a very exciting way that both of them will pretend not to remember in the morning.

I think I understand that kind of elitism. In college, I spent a summer term at the University of Oslo, Norway. Classes were in English, and most of the other American students learned only enough Norwegian to ask for sex and beer. I really got into it. Let me tell you how good I got in Norwegian. I learned it.

Wow. That is good.

I spoke it well enough to knock their socks off.

But only their socks, so I never actually got any sex. Maybe I should’ve learned that beer phrase.

You could pinpoint my whereabouts by noting where the cloud of flying socks began in downtown Oslo!

Barry began to work in league with the coin-op dryers at the Oslo Launderette!

But toward the end of the summer, the Norwegian socks quit flying. The fall-off in crowd-love of me and my spoken Norwegian was palpable and troubling.

I assume this is the point in the story where your accent had improved enough that the Norwegians could actually understand what you were saying, and began to replace the flying socks with shoes.

I remember my disdain, even contempt, for my fellow Americans who never went beyond five or six words of Norwegian. When they greeted me on campus in Norwegian, I’d answer them in English. I didn’t want to “play” with them. They weren’t in my league.

It’s the same with Obama, who stubbornly refuses to provide a Norwegian translation of his birth certificate.

Writers like Dorothy Rabinowitz are capable of writing toweringly brilliant essays that stagger the reader.

It’s either brilliance, or the way her essays rabbit-punch her readers in the kidneys.

We (the hordes) embarrass them (the Dorothys)!

The Heathers also hate you, but The Donnas are lukewarm.

As a lifelong and well-briefed anti-Communist, I recall viewing the John Birchers as a “demented fringe.” Whether Birchers or Birthers, don’t forget the sociology that became apparent in the lifeboats of the Titanic where, according to the famous song, “The rich refused to associate with the poor.”

Certain Johnny-Come-Lately, crappily-briefed anti-Communists may carp, “What the hell does that mean?” but personally, I can’t think of a more apt metaphor for Barry’s writing than the Titanic.

Speaking for my little corner of the “demented fringe,” I would welcome being smashed into silence by the appearance of a real Barack Obama birth certificate.

Because Mistress Dominique has raised her rates again, and this would be kind of a freebie.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go put a raw steak on my eye. Yeah, sure, I’ll have a shiner in the morning, but I’ll bet you The House of Mirth knows it’s been in a fight!

No Country For Old Men | 15 Comments »

Before we begin, a heartfelt thanks to all the wonderful people who’ve contributed to the World O’ Crap Beg-A-Thon. (For the no doubt also wonderful but slightly confused folks who may be tuning in late, we’re having a fund raiser this week. Why? That’s a good question, and I feel like you deserve to know, so here’s a brief, if whiny précis of our situation.)

Matt C. Abbott, as you may recall, is a “Catholic columnist” for RenewAmerica who has broken with the stodgy old norms of punditry, developing a syncretic form of new New Journalism that is relevant to the hip hop, mash-up generation. By that I mean that he doesn’t actually write his columns, in the manner of his dinosaur predecessors, but produces a sort of decoupage of Vatican talking points out of bits and pieces he scavenges from email, orthodox Catholic newsletters, and other peoples’ articles. But even though he’s young, Matt’s technique allows him to speak with authority, since most of his sources are dyspeptic older clerics who seem fed up with the wishy-washy modern laity, and would rather be manning the front counter of their local AutoZone-da-fé.

This solution to the age-old problem of journalism, or “having to write stuff down,” is efficient, but not without its pitfalls. Sometimes, for instance, you wind up quoting the authoritative voice of an anti-Semite with ties to Holocaust deniers, because he believes that the birth control pill turns black men into gangsters. But hey, when in Rome…And Matt must be doing something right, because he has quite a fan base in the Rhythm Method Nation. The last time we talked him up, it made the front page of a Catholic news portal, and was a hot topic on Angelqueen, a forum for the ultra-doctrinaire Catholic community, where one commenter remarked: “No offense meant to the poster of this thread, but does anyone else find the word ‘disses’ to be somewhat crude for the nature of this forum? (Methinks it is not an english word, moreso the use of eubonics, which isn’t appropriate for this forum; Just a thought).”

Later, Matt himself showed up and thanked the forum members for their “comments in defense of me (and the Church)!” So he’s both highly admired and connected. But I have to wonder if perhaps it’s all beginning to go to his head, because this week he deviates from his tried and true formula, and actually writes almost four of his column’s twelve paragraphs.

‘The Impact of Homosexual Parenting’

I recently had the pleasure of having a lengthy telephone conversation with Dawn Stefanowicz, author of the book Out from Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting.

Dawn has an important story to tell, particularly at a time when the homosexual lobby is making significant inroads into family life. Yes, there are, sad to say, a number of bad parents who are heterosexual. But homosexual parenting, like homosexual “marriage,” is not a good thing.

Matt himself is unmarried and childless, so you can’t say he doesn’t have the courage of his convictions. (Not to imply that he’s gay, just that he’s clearly made a commitment not to contribute to things that are not good.) Moreover, Matt doesn’t reserve his fire solely for the homosexuals. Recently he sniped at Rush Limbaugh on the occasion of his fourth nuptials: “[A]s a pro-life, pro-family Catholic, I’m disappointed in Rush. He just got married for the fourth time and even paid Elton John, the anti-Christian queen of pop-rock, a reported $1 million to perform at his wedding.”

This tongue-lashing didn’t go over terribly well with the base, and Matt was forced to defend himself and Canon Law, which still applies to you Protestants and atheists, even if you don’t believe the Pope is the boss of you!

Even though Rush is not Catholic, it doesn’t exempt him from the moral law. We’re not talking about Catholic discipline here; we’re talking about the Church’s moral teaching on divorce and remarriage. A non-Catholic probably won’t accept that teaching, but it still applies to him or her, as does the intrinsic immorality of abortion, contraception, fornication, adultery, sodomy and masturbation.

So allowing gays to marry and raise children causes Rush to commit sodomy. Q.E.D.

Anyway, back to Dawn (not Dawn Eden, who Matt quoted last time, and who wrote a DIY book about building yourself a brand new virginity out of old, cast-off hymens you find around the house.)

The Introduction to Out from Under is chilling:

It’s as if a cold, clammy hand was tickling your armpits.

‘Will you come with me to the end of the pier?’ Dad asks. Ordinarily there is nothing I long for more than times alone with this man I too rarely get to be with. But tonight his question fills me with foreboding. The old wooden pier stretches out into the inky blue lake to a depth where the water that laps against its weathered posts is well over my head. I’m a pretty good swimmer, but even so, his request unnerves me. It would be one thing to walk out there with a father who loved me unconditionally and could be depended on to protect me, but more and more I am coming to understand that this is not the kind of father I have.”

If your father is a homosexual, then he’ll mostly likely drown you, because that’s what Montgomery Clift did to Shelley Winters in A Place in the Sun, and he was gay!

I am nine years old, and our family is staying for a week in mid August at the cottage of some friends…While Dad helped bring us all up here and he is here this last night of our holidays, most of this week he has been unwilling to stay with us. It hasn’t been work that has called him away, but pleasure. The hard truth that all of us struggle to understand is that Dad prefers the company of other men to that of his wife and children.

Maybe it’s because the other men are less jumpy and don’t immediately assume Dad is going to kill them every time he wants to take a snapshot. But as it turns out, the joke’s on them!

A few of the transitory and violent relationships he has had with these men have ended in their suicides.

I totally believe you, Dawn. Why, add in a couple of Hairy Navels and the Collector’s Edition DVD of Liza with a “Z”, and that’s your average weekend on Fire Island.

Though I cannot help but love him, I am starting to see that my father is a very dangerous man. If he can behave so abominably toward those men he professes to love, then what might he do to those he does not love, like us?

Well, he might not drive you to suicide. In fact, if everyone my father loved offed themselves, I might consider taking a break from our relationship and seeing other Dads.

‘Dawn, will you come with me to the end of the pier?’ he asks again. ‘So I can get a picture?’ I hadn’t noticed the camera before.

Water…Camera…Run, Dawn! It’s An American Tragedy all over — but gayer!

We proceed along the boardwalk of sun-bleached boards, and about three-quarters of the way out he stops and waves me out to the very end. Out this far the boards don’t feel as solid as I’d like, but I want to please him and so I go out to perch on the very last one and turn around to face him. ‘That’s fine; stay there,’ he calls, framing the shot as I gingerly kneel down on one knee, holding the front paws of our Chihuahua, Skipper, who — just as nervous as I am — carefully balances on his hind legs. The picture taken, Dad immediately and wordlessly turns and walks away, leaving me alone and afraid in this precarious place to which he’s invited me. This is the story of my life.

Wow. And I thought I’d had an abusive childhood. Anyway, Matt is so moved by Dawn’s story that he actually writes some more.

And it’s been a difficult life for Dawn — then and now. She has to face the wrath of gay activists

…who get irrationally angry when you suggest that gay parents neglect their children in favor of using an Instamatic and fornicating with the suicidal.

…and a less-than-friendly government (she resides in Canada). But she’s up to the task.

You know, I’ve liked almost every Canadian I’ve ever met, but maybe we’re building that border fence in the wrong place.

In her book’s Preface, Dawn writes: “The purpose in writing this book is to deliver an open, honest, and balanced account of what it was like growing up with a homosexual father and a weak, subservient mother.

If only her mother had been a bull dyke, Dawn’s home life probably would have been much more stable, and Mom would have seen that she got a real dog instead of that Chihuahua.

As a child, I struggled to deal with all the vivid and explicit sexual experiences, conflicts, and confusion I faced within this family setting.”

I would have been fine if my dad had been gay, but I would have drawn the line at him having sex on my Twister set with men who’d later go hang themselves in the bonus room.

Despite the many troubling and emotionally damaging situations she encountered while growing up, Dawn writes that she “will always love” her father, who died in 1991.

…thus neatly avoiding some awkward, post-publication silences at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

“In writing this book, my aim is not to hurt his name or reputation in any way.”

Well, you did imply he raised a panicky nitwit.

“Rather, I would like to honor him”

Mission Accomplished, honey.

Teh GAYZ! | 31 Comments »

In comments below at the Boone Bootycall, the always brilliant and highly perceptive BillS had this to say:

For those pictures, you owe us a pic of Bradley Cooper in all his furry-chested glory.

I agree, but since I can’t get my hands on any pics of Mr. Cooper, here is the less furry chested, but always gloriously gorgeous, Nathan Fillion:

People We Like, You Asked For It! | 7 Comments »