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Archive for June 17th, 2010

This Just In: Obama is a Muslim Nazi

Posted by s.z. on June 17th, 2010

The things you learn from the American Family Association! I was just minding my own business, checking my email for offers from kindly strangers needing assistance moving billions out of foreign banks, when I noticed an email from the AFA’s One News Now proclaiming that “Reports Say Obama Admitted He’s a Muslims.” Wow, first we learn that he’s an alien, and now he’s telling people he’s a Muslim! And the word is spreading in Wingnut World, with outlets as respectable as G. Gordon Liddy and World Nut Daily picking up the story.

So, I went to the One News story, and this is what I learned:

Two media reports are serving to fuel speculation about Barack Obama’s religious beliefs.

Since before he was elected, controversy has stirred over the extent of President Obama’s ties to Islam. During the campaign, he spoke openly of both his Muslim upbringing and his adult conversion to Christianity. But now two major Middle East media outlets — Nile TV International and Israel Today Magazine — are reporting that the president has admitted in recent months that he is a Muslim.

Those outlets say that Obama, in a one-on-one meeting earlier this year with Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboul Gheit, told Gheit that he was still a Muslim, the son of a Muslim father, and the step-son of a Muslim step-father; that his half brothers in Kenya are Muslims; and that he was sympathetic towards the Muslim agenda.

So, “two major Middle East media outlets — Nile TV International and Israel Today Magazine” are saying that Obama told them that he is a secret Muslim!?

Well, actually that isn’t true: the story really came to One News from major Middle East media outlet “Pamela Geller, publisher of AtlasShrugs.com.” Here’s the link to her report,
“I am a Muslim,” Obama Tells Egyptian Foreign Minister Gheit
Islamic Coup on the White House

As Pammy tells One News, “this most recent comment by Obama has been ignored by the mainstream media and should be of great concern to U.S. citizens.” Gee, why would the mainstream media ignore such a not-crazy story as this? And what a scoop for Pammy!

And how did she happen to get this revelation? Well, she cites one Avi Lipkinites. Here’s part of Avi’s story:

Today, the United States has a president by the name of Mubarack Hussein Obama. Until proven otherwise by a real live birth certificate, I would rather believe that according to the US Constitution, this president is ineligible to be president of the US because he was born in Kenya, not the US.

Here is a list of radio/TV/newspaper reports my wife, Rachel, picked up at Kol Israel radio in the Arabic language as a monitor over the last decade:

[...]

6. Finally, during the week of 14-18th of January 2010, just on the eve of my winter tour to the US, Rachel picked up a Nile TV broadcast in which Egyptian Foreign Minister Abul Gheit said on the “Round Table Show” that he had had a one on one meeting with Obama who swore to him that he was a Moslem, the son of a Moslem father and step-son of Moslem step-father, that his half-brothers in Kenya were Moslems, and that he was loyal to the Moslem agenda. He asked that the Moslem world show patience. Obama promised that once he overcame some domestic American problems (Healthcare), that he would show the Moslem world what he would do with Israel.

So, Pammy heard about Obama’s secret Muslimness from Avi, a paranoid birther, who heard it from his wife, who happened to be the only person in the world to catch an Egyptian TV talk show during which the Egyptian Foreign Minister mentioned that the President confided in him, one-on-one, that Obama was a loyal Muslim who was planning on doing ominous things to Israel. Sounds legit to me!

NOTE: Pammy cites Israel Today magazine as the source of the Avi revelation, but we only get the actual story of how his wife Rachel was the only one who heard that Nile TV broadcast at Avi’s “sneak peak” of his piece at the Christian Wingnut site WebToday.

Now here’s some commentary from Avi on Obama’s little slip from his WebToday piece:

We are today on the eve of the commemoration of the Holocaust. I was concerned enough over the last twenty years from the two primary testimonies above relating to non-Moslem allies of the oil cartels before the manipulation that put Mubarack Hussein Obama into the White House. How concerned show I be now if the US President is a Moslem loyal to the Moslem agenda to destroy Israel? […]. It is time to create an awakening amongst are true brethren and allies in the US: the Christians. We must pray for a Christian Revival for Israel’s Survival. We must work together to prevent the Islamic Holocaust staring us in the face.

Now, here’s Pammy’s take on it the third-hand rumor she is spreading:

This is akin to an SS officer getting elected president during WW II. Every country in the free world must be cognizant of such a catastrophic sea change in the leadership of the free world (as witnessed by events over the past year). This changes everything. He took an oath to protect and defend the Constitution, and yet he has gone around the world promoting Islam, the sharia (Islamic law).

So, you heard it here fifth or sixth: Obama is a Muslim Nazi who is planning an Islamic Holocaust. Beware, beware!

Uncategorized | 12 Comments »

Preparing for Hard Times & Water Worlds

Posted by s.z. on June 17th, 2010

Hi, everybody! (“Hi, Dr. Nick!”) It’s me, the loveable s.z.! I’ve missed you all a lot! What’s up with me, you ask? Well, I am now the Vice President of the United States the animal rescue group Four Paws, which takes about all of my time, money, and energy (and paper towels). Ands, sadly, dealing with pea-brained dachshunds and gangs of surly cats leave me with little time for wingnuts these days. You know, except for the local wingnuts, which make up for their total lack of importance by their scary stupidity. It’s like living in Wasilla, Alaska!

But more about that later. Today I just wanted to offer Scott and Mary some support. Well, maybe not financial support, but certainly some commiseration, some encouragement, and maybe some wise counsel. From a wingnut. Yes, Scott and Mary, this Chuck Baldwin is for you!

A suggested survival list

One does not have to be a prophet to know that we are on the precipice of some potentially catastrophic — or at the very least, challenging — days. In fact, most of us are already in challenging days, and some are already enduring catastrophic events. That is, if one would call being out of work, losing one’s home, facing life-threatening medical conditions without any prospect of medical insurance, several families being forced to live in one house due to homes being foreclosed, etc., catastrophic.

I think Scott and Mary are certainly facing challenging days. And if one would call being forced to live in one house with a plethora of cats “catastrophic,” then my life certainly qualifies. So, let’s see what hope for the future that Chuck has to offer to us all.

The potential for an escalation of cataclysmic events, however, is very real. […] For example, can one imagine what would happen if terrorists nuked a major American city or cities? (Once again, I encourage readers to go get the videos of the CBS TV series “Jericho” to get an idea of how quickly life, and even civilization, could change.)”

And can one imagine what would happen if reptilian alien invaders decided to harvest humans for food? (I encourage readers to get the videos of the mini-series “V” to get an idea of how quickly humans would have sex with the evil aliens if the monsters were really attractive.)

Imagine if there was another 9/11-type event. What would happen if some form of Zimbabwe-style inflation hit the US? What would happen if anything disrupted the distribution of Welfare checks, or food to local grocers?

What would happen if a busload of “Jerry Springer Show” guests was stranded in your hometown? Scary, huh?

As a result, people from virtually every walk of life have recently been asking my thoughts on how they should prepare.

But it’s the people from the “can’t walk and chew gum at the same time” walk of life for whom these thoughts are intended.

First, a disclaimer. I am not an economist; I am not a survival expert; I am not a firearms expert; I am not an attorney; I am not a physician. In fact, I am not an expert in anything!

But he does have a regular column at Renew America, so I have a good feeling about using Chuck’s guidance to plan my future.

Location:

First, analyze your living conditions. Where do you live? Do you live in an urban or rural environment? Is it a big city or small town? Do you live in an apartment or condominium?

And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?
And you may tell yourself this is not my beautiful house.
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

How close are your neighbors? Do you even know your neighbors? Would you trust them if the electricity was off and they were hungry?

Hell, no! And as we have learned from our viewing of “V,” they are probably hungry for human flesh. So, you should probably kill them now, before the power goes off. And this is good advice no matter where you live.

Over the past several decades, masses of people have migrated into large metropolitan areas. More people live in urban areas than at any time in American history. While this may be well and good for times of prosperity, it is an absolute nightmare in any kind of disaster. […] If you live in the inner city, I suggest you consider moving to a more rural location. Obviously, now is a very good time to buy property (especially rural property), but the downside is, selling property is not as favorable. If you can afford it, now is a great time to buy a “safe house” outside the city

But, as we have learned from our viewing of numerous sci-fi movies, after the apocalypse most of humanity will be dead, resulting in a “buyers” real estate market. So, you might want to wait on purchasing that rural cottage until after the current owner falls victim to radiation sickness or zombie attack.

Provisions:

During a major disaster, food will quickly disappear. […] The water supply is compromised. Bottled water becomes more valuable than bank accounts. Dehydration becomes a very real and present danger. I remember witnessing a man offer an ice vendor $100 for an extra bag of ice during Hurricane Ivan.

And I remember Town Hall pundits claiming that profiteers who would try to sell ice for $100 a bag are honest capitalists and American heroes. Ah, good times!

Get a generator. Keep a supply of fuel on hand. Stay stocked up on batteries, candles, portable lights, first aid supplies, and personal hygiene items — especially toilet paper. Trust me, during times of intense and prolonged disaster, toilet paper could become more valuable than money.

But if you stock up on paper currency, you could use it for both toilet paper AND money! Just something to keep in mind.

Obviously, you need to take stock of your clothing. Do you have clothes suitable for extended outdoor activity? What about boots? During a disaster, you would trade your best suit from Neiman Marcus for a good pair of boots. Do you have gloves? Insulated underwear? What about camouflage clothing? These could become essential outerwear in the right conditions.

For instance, in “Red Dawn” conditions.

And in those kinds of conditions, you would trade your best suit from Neiman Marcus for some deer blood to drink, maybe garnished with some $100 ice cubes. Yes, the living would envy the dead, but at least the living would be snappy dressers if they had planned appropriately.

Anyway, all of this is giving me Kevin-Costner-end-of-the-world flashbacks, so let’s just skip ahead to the real raison d’être of Chuck’s column:

Self-Defense:

Face it, folks: in any kind of disaster, you must be able to defend yourself, or you and your family will be meat for these animals of society that will quickly descend without mercy upon the unprepared, unsuspecting souls around them. This requires that you be armed! It also requires that you be skilled enough to be able to efficiently use your arms.

[…]

I believe every man (along with his wife and children of adequate age) should be proficient with the following weapons: a handgun in .38 caliber or above, a .22 rifle, a center-fire hunting rifle, a semi-automatic battle rifle, and a shotgun.

Sure, you might be out of work, losing your home, facing life-threatening medical conditions without any prospect of medical insurance, several families being forced to live in one house due to homes being foreclosed, etc., but that shouldn’t stop you from spending several hundred dollars on guns and ammunition. For it’s only through major firepower that you can protect yourself and your family from a terrorist nuclear attack, another 9/11, major inflation, or from the bloody revolution that will surely result if welfare checks are ever late.

So, dear reader, if you value Scott and Mary’s work and you can afford it, send them a couple of dollars so that they can get the firearms they will need to protect their toilet paper and ice from their dishonest Hollywood neighbors.

Uncategorized | 26 Comments »

Assault and Flattery

Posted by scott on June 17th, 2010

farber.jpg

Welcome to Day 4 of the World O’ Crap Beg-A-Thon (guilty with an explanation here). We’ll be wrapping things up on Saturday, and hope to have one or two nice surprises for you. In the meantime, our deepest thanks to the folks who’ve contributed to keeping us going (and if you haven’t yet, but don’t think it’s the worst idea you’ve ever heard, you can do so through the PayPal button on the top left, or email me — scott.clevenger-at-gmail.com — for our snail mail address).

Do you remember Barry Farber, the “pioneer in talk radio” who “speaks dozens of languages fluently,” and blames Hitler for America’s opium habit?

Well, he’s back.

A stalwart member of ‘demented fringe’

Seldom does something I read cause my head physically to snap backwards as though I’d taken a good punch.

Really? That’s weird; I regularly get pummeled by my reading material. Not to complain, but Leaves of Grass crushed my septum and The Mill on the Floss broke my jaw in two places. I finally had to stop taking magazines into the bathroom with me because I wound up using all the toilet paper staunching the bloody noses I got from Macworld and Cat Fancy.

A column by Dorothy Rabinowitz did it. If it had been boxing, it would have been the end of the fight for me.

Well, Dorothy did star in Million Dollar Bubbe.

Understand, please; I adore that woman’s writing

“…but it punches me in the face!”

And she’s been doing it and I’ve been adoring it since long before the name “Obama” rang any bells.

Specifically, the bell signaling the end of the round. Get this woman’s words off me!

Once, Dorothy walked into the Christmas banquet of the Heritage Foundation where I was a guest. I sort of shriveled and shrank off to one side. It’s a Southern thing.

Below the Mason-Dixon line or below the waist, Dorothy can shrivel it.

Although I knew I was basically good, I didn’t think I’d done anything good enough to deserve to meet Dorothy Rabinowitz.

DorthRab.jpg

She writes for the OpinionJournal, Barry. No one deserves that.

Her column that punched me out raised and sustained the theme that President Barack Obama is simply not one of us.

He’s clearly neither a sucker-punching editorial writer nor a shrunken, shriveled Southerner.

She called him “the alien in the White House” and then artfully elevated that phrase from what might sound like a barroom jape into an unassailable geometrically proven truth.

She originally called him “the alien in the woodpile,” but she worried that only pruney Confederates would get it.

And then came the killer-clause: “He is the alien in the White House, a matter having nothing to do with delusions about his birthplace cherished by the demented fringe.”

Coincidentally, I just finished writing a spec slasher script that takes place in an isolated, snowbound toy workshop filled with sexy, but defenseless dwarves, entitled Killer Clause.

Ouch, Dorothy!

Dude, stop reading her! Or at least just skim her until the swelling goes down.

I guess that sums me up: demented fringe! What have I got wrong here? Football players like to score touchdowns. Baseball players like to hit home runs.

If Barry had warned me he was going to break into “Corner of the Sky” from Pippin, I would’ve had the taped cued up.

Obama could instantly chimpanzify millions of Americans who dislike him and galvanize his supporters to standing applause if he were ever to say, “By the way, I understand many of you would like to see this document. Here it is!”

And C-SPAN was !

Whereupon the president would unfurl and brandish a kosher long-form hospital-originated birth certificate indicating he was, indeed, born in the state of Hawaii

…under strict rabbinical supervision.

Who can explain why that performance has not yet taken place? There is doubt in the land that the president is eligible to hold that office. If proof exists, a simple showing would blow that doubt away and boost Obama’s sagging ratings.

Give in to the lunatic demands of the demented right wing fringe, Mr. President. It’ll show the liberal base that you’re serious about their issues.

Instead, derision is pressure-pumped upon the doubters like Gulf oil. And many of the president’s detractors oppose those of us in the “demented fringe” as vehemently as they oppose the president himself!

“You know, I could’ve stayed home to eat feces. I didn’t have to bring a box lunch down here to show support for your Tea Party, and to talk to these reporters about the inherent recyclability of corn!”

I suspect a strange kind of elitism. Sometimes an alcoholic can best be reached by another alcoholic

Specifically, around, from behind, in a very exciting way that both of them will pretend not to remember in the morning.

I think I understand that kind of elitism. In college, I spent a summer term at the University of Oslo, Norway. Classes were in English, and most of the other American students learned only enough Norwegian to ask for sex and beer. I really got into it. Let me tell you how good I got in Norwegian. I learned it.

Wow. That is good.

I spoke it well enough to knock their socks off.

But only their socks, so I never actually got any sex. Maybe I should’ve learned that beer phrase.

You could pinpoint my whereabouts by noting where the cloud of flying socks began in downtown Oslo!

Barry began to work in league with the coin-op dryers at the Oslo Launderette!

But toward the end of the summer, the Norwegian socks quit flying. The fall-off in crowd-love of me and my spoken Norwegian was palpable and troubling.

I assume this is the point in the story where your accent had improved enough that the Norwegians could actually understand what you were saying, and began to replace the flying socks with shoes.

I remember my disdain, even contempt, for my fellow Americans who never went beyond five or six words of Norwegian. When they greeted me on campus in Norwegian, I’d answer them in English. I didn’t want to “play” with them. They weren’t in my league.

It’s the same with Obama, who stubbornly refuses to provide a Norwegian translation of his birth certificate.

Writers like Dorothy Rabinowitz are capable of writing toweringly brilliant essays that stagger the reader.

It’s either brilliance, or the way her essays rabbit-punch her readers in the kidneys.

We (the hordes) embarrass them (the Dorothys)!

The Heathers also hate you, but The Donnas are lukewarm.

As a lifelong and well-briefed anti-Communist, I recall viewing the John Birchers as a “demented fringe.” Whether Birchers or Birthers, don’t forget the sociology that became apparent in the lifeboats of the Titanic where, according to the famous song, “The rich refused to associate with the poor.”

Certain Johnny-Come-Lately, crappily-briefed anti-Communists may carp, “What the hell does that mean?” but personally, I can’t think of a more apt metaphor for Barry’s writing than the Titanic.

Speaking for my little corner of the “demented fringe,” I would welcome being smashed into silence by the appearance of a real Barack Obama birth certificate.

Because Mistress Dominique has raised her rates again, and this would be kind of a freebie.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go put a raw steak on my eye. Yeah, sure, I’ll have a shiner in the morning, but I’ll bet you The House of Mirth knows it’s been in a fight!

No Country For Old Men | 15 Comments »