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Archive for September 1st, 2009

Move Over Mother Mary, There’s a New Madonna in Town!

Posted by scott on September 1st, 2009

atlasFACE.jpgI have to confess, I’m a bit hesitant to take issue with Pamela Geller’s latest contribution to Newsmax, since her bio reveals that she’s “the editor and publisher of the Atlas Shrugs Web site,” which means she outranks me, as I’m just the copyboy around here (although I do sometimes get to fill in on the Miss Lonelyhearts column).  Also — and I know I’ve mentioned this once or twice in the past — whenever I see a picture of Pam, she looks as though she’s surreptitiously removed Jennifer Lopez’s face and glued it to her own skull, but it doesn’t quite fit, and now she’s stretched it all out like a borrowed sweater and Jennifer probably doesn’t even want it back anymore.  The point is, I’m leery of contradicting an experienced and widely-read online journalist who might respond by telling me to “put the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose.”

Still, if I were the editor and publisher of a high profile blog, there are perhaps one or two little things I might change about Pam’s current column.  Not the title, though.  That’s gold…

One Year Later, America Needs Palin More than Ever

It was a year ago last Saturday that Sarah Palin walked onto the national stage and raised us up.

Ephesians 2:6.

Those of us who were fed up with a limp GOP moving center left were thrilled with a principled conservative, a rugged, individualist vice presidential pick. It saved a McCain campaign that had been on life support.

Shhh!  Don’t tell Pam how the election came out.  She might steal your face!

What a year it has been for her and us. Looking back in hindsight, could the differences between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama be more stark? Obama is all artifice. Palin is all real, all that. Obama is all style. Palin is all substance. Obama is anti-American. Palin is all-American. Obama holds the U.S. military in contempt. Palin reveres the military. The military loves Palin. The military is on to Obama. The corrupt activist media loves Obama. The corrupt activist media loathes and libels Palin.

It kind of sounds like she’s writing a kindergarten reader for a violent militia group.

Despite the attacks and lawsuits by freaks in Alaska working for Obama’s hatchet men, Palin perseveres.

Palin’s gonna beat those hatchet-wielding freaks and come out on top, just like Olga Baclanova did!

Hampered by the ethics lawsuits, and attrition, she moved on to take on the enemy within, here, on the front lines.

Okay…But if you find yourself on the losing end of a war of attrition, is that really the best time to start purging your own ranks?

When Palin made her “farewell” speech last month, I wrote in The American Thinker that her speech was no farewell address at all, but a commencement address. “I will fight even harder for you, for what is right and for the truth,” she promised. “And I have never felt I needed a title to do that!”

I admit, the speech would have been funnier if she’d delivered it while wearing a mortarboard.

Her speech embodied what a great American sounds like, and what a president ought to sound like.

A quitter with a fondness for incoherent basketball analogies?

Palin made no apologies.

And no sense.

She said nothing like Obama’s inane drone of “America’s best days are behind us.”

Pam has super canine senses that allow her to hear the subliminal parts of Obama’s speeches.

No tearing down of our nation. Obama ranks on us; Palin raises us up and speaks of national pride.

“You have been raised up from Brutality, to kill the Brutals who multiply, and are legion. To this end, Palin your God gave you the gift of the Gun. The Gun is good!”

Oh wait.  Sorry.  That was Zardoz.

Palin is all content. Obama is all about playing the race card. The Obama mop up will be huge. The Republicans are going to need a “real” genuine article; that’s our girl Sarah, plain and tall.

I’m beginning to think Pam subcontracted this column to Pastor Swank.

Palin has wasted no time in taking on the big boys yet again, and winning.

Remember:  Winners never quit, and quitters never — well, okay, just this one time.

No slave to the leftist feudal media caste system, Palin circumvents the O-propagandists and disinformationalists.

Palin elides the funambulists and circumnavigates the ecdysiasts! She exsanguinates the mammothrepts and defenestrates the fintoozlers!

Palin, alone, with her Facebook page as her unfiltered messenger, calls out the rotting, decaying vultures in D.C. on their death panels — and they recoil to their nests and pull the death panels out of Obamacare legislation.

Wow.  I’ve never once called out zombie carrion birds on Facebook.  All I ever do is send Ivan drinks, and play Scrabble.

Palin, alone, on her unedited Facebook page, declares that there should be no healthcare reform without tort reform, and she gets Howard Dean to confess they won’t take on the lawyers. You can’t make this stuff up.

Actually, given how many drugs I’m on at the moment, I’m not entirely sure I haven’t made Pam up.

She’s a marvel and wonderful to watch. She is a lioness.

She is a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

Many of us saw the divergent paths America would take with the 2008 election of a radical or the election of a patriot. America, in the well-intentioned interest of putting the first black man in the White House, never looked beyond color to content of character.

Oooh, snap!  How do you like that, MLK?

America fell for the smooth talking boulevardier, like an impressionable school girl. But once you’ve had one of those, you run the other way.

I just learned more about the sexual awakening of Pam’s tender girlhood than I ever cared to.

I suspect America will be running far and fast from the destroying Democrats into the arms of the pure and the good. When the pendulum swings, its swings hard and fast.

Sarah possesses all the qualities required of a great leader except a big dick, but Pam feels confident they can make up the difference with innuendo.

The more evil succeeds and overwhelms our foreign and domestic policy, our culture, our discourse and the very social fabric of our lives, the clearer it becomes that Palin is the antidote, the answer to fighting this morally bankrupt sewer in which we find ourselves during the Obama administration.

Happy first anniversary, Sarah. Looking forward to the next four, and especially to the eight after that.

And if Palin ultimately goes weak in the knees like McCain did, then Pam can always filch her face and run for President herself. It’s a win-win.

“One Of These Days, Alan…! Straight To The Moon!”

Posted by scott on September 1st, 2009

Same sex marriage became legal in Vermont as of 12:01 this morning.  To the many gay and lesbian couples who have been waiting for this day, some of whom are undoubtedly tying the knot as we speak — heartfelt congratulations.  And to the multitude of friends and family who have gathered to witness these happy events — please don’t throw syrup.

And although bigotry and fear have delayed similar justice in California, I suppose if there’s any silver lining to be found, it can be said that the repeal of our all-to-brief experiment in marriage equality has also delayed the development of wacky domestic sitcoms in which both spouses are morons.  (Although, now that I think of it, Home Improvement would have been a much more interesting show if Tim Allen had been married to Robert Verdi from Surprised by Design…)

Maggie_Gallagher.jpg

Oh, and to Maggie Gallagher?  Just breath slowly and deeply into a paper bag, and the palpitations should subside.