Yes, today is the birthday of Ivan G. Shreve, Jr., proprietor of the indispensable blog Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, your one-stop shopping place for all things of a vintage entertainment persuasion, be they Golden Age movies, old time radio, or classic television (we share a fondness for the Neville Brand oater Laredo). Additionally, Mr. Shreve is one of the Internet’s leading purveyors of fine serial synopses (come for the G-Men Never Forget, stay for The Jungle Queen).
In light of his many meritorious services to ephemeral media, we will dispense with the traditional photo of Ann Coulter, and will instead present Ivan with this color portrait of Anne Francis as Honey West.
As befits a man of his eclectic tastes, Ivan shares his birth date with an usually varied group of luminaries, including:
Barbara Jo Allen (Occupation: “Radio Personality”)
Cleveland Amory (Occupation: “Author”)
President Daniel arap Moi of Kenya (Occupation: “Father of Barack Obama”)
Rich Boy (Occupation: “Rapper”)
Marge Champion (Occupation: “Dancer”)
Amadou Diallo (Occupation: “Victim”)
Keanu Reeves (Occupation: “Actor” — I’ll double check, but I’m pretty sure that’s a typo)
Dan White (Occupation: Assassin”)
According to your horoscope:
Both the Sun and Mercury oppose Uranus.
So don’t try to tan Uranus, or send it a Pick-Me-Up Bouquet.
As well, the Sun and Mercury form a pleasing sextile to Jupiter.
I’m assuming “sextile” is some kind of strip Mah Jong, so take a condom.
A Jupiter-Uranus trine in your Return chart suggests that an enterprising spirit this year can really take you places.
Such as to the doctor, for a colonoscopy.
Saturn opposes Neptune at the time of your birthday this year. Saturn asks you to be responsible, hard working, dutiful, and serious. Neptune, on the other hand, places a veil over your eyes, and seduces you into believing what you want to believe rather than what really is.
Saturn will encourage you to reach your full potential. Neptune will surprise you with a chlorofoam-soaked handkerchief, and you’ll wake up four hours later in the trunk of its car, hogtied with pantyhose.
So Happy birthday, Ivan, and many more. And pay whatever Neptune asks to get the Poloroids back.