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While at the State Fair, Senator Al Franken appeared on Minnesota Public Radio, and during the segment, drew a map of the United States. Free hand. From memory.
I’ll tell you one thing — if the junior Senator from Minnesota ever invites me to play a friendly game of Simon, I’m going to politely decline.
Yes, early December is clearly peak season for the parents of future liberals to Get Busy, considering how many members of the World O’ Crap community (or crapiers, as I believe Julia once described us) were born in the first part of September. Today we’re pleased to honor D.Sidhe — insightful and eloquent commenter, polite but pitiless scourge of trolls, and accomplished zombie whisperer. And to properly celebrate this august milestone, we’ve seasoned the tradition offering of Ann Coulter with a tangy dash of Pam Geller.
Notice how their eyes seem to follow you, no matter where you go? Just one sec — STOP LOOKING INTO MY SOUL! — Okay. Back. Where was I…? Oh, right…! D., as one would imagine, shares her birth date with a vast and multifarious collage of the immortal and the infamous, including:
John Cage (Occupation: Composer)
Jack Daniel (Occupation: Moonshine magnate)
Werner Erhard (Occupation: Mediocre Cult Leader)
Freddie Mercury (Occupation: Singer/Songwriter/Lapsed Zoroastrian)
Louis VIII and Louis XIV (Occupation: Inbreeders)
Victor Davis Hanson (Occupation: Loincloth Fetishist)
As an early September baby, D.Sidhe is a Virgo who is ruled by Mercury, but I’m sure it’s all just consensual roleplay. Here’s your astrological forecast for the remainder of the year:
SEPTEMBER:
LOVE: Your pride will make you behave in an unpleasant way and this will lead to competitiveness. Try to be more cautious and not so cocky towards those who love you.
WORK: You won’t even listen to people you usually trust and this could lead to huge errors.
Hmm. Seems the heavens are making you act like a bit of a douche.
HEALTH: Watch out for temperature highs and lows as there are lots of colds around.
The celestial bodies that control our fate don’t believe in viruses or germ theory. The Black Death that decimated the population of Europe in the 14th century is considered by most scholars to have been caused by an insufficient faith in astrology.
OCTOBER:
LOVE: Those around you will appreciate your loyalty and trust you. Your partner will think you are really very special.
And that you’re really giving out mixed signals.
WORK: Your capabilities will be put to the test. Try to control your temper as you risk making the situation worse.
Given your slipshod, error-prone, and irrational behavior at work over the past two months, maybe reconsider your career path as a nuclear energy plant safety inspector.
HEALTH: Slow down as your nervous system is reaching breaking point.
Maybe just don’t answer the door on Halloween. It’s not worth an aneurysm.
NOVEMBER:
LOVE: You’ll tend to keep yourself to yourself and won’t allow anyone to console you, not even your partner. You’ll continue to worry about problems, making mountains out of molehills.
Apparently the stars think you’re kind of a bitch.
WORK: New opportunities will come your way although you’ll hesitate as timing and deadlines are not clear. Seek advice.
From the stars! They seem eager to help.
HEALTH: Your legs will feel heavy and sluggish
…according to Venus, but Pluto disagrees, and predicts you’ll have “laughing hands.”
DECEMBER:
LOVE: Fair weather friends will give some wrong advice; be careful as you could live to regret this.
Tell your friends to fuck off. Horoscope.com is the only one who really loves you!
Follow your instincts and make your own decisions : they’ll be the right ones!
But you should listen to Uranus, because he has a wonderful plan for your life.
WORK: A punctilious superior will instruct you to re-do a task from scratch although you’d believed it was almost finished. Make your point calmly.
Then rethink your decision to join the cast of Dilbert.
HEALTH: Avoid spicy food or you could suffer later.
Also avoid bullets, gangrene, and Komodo dragons, for pretty much the same reason.
And with that, let me just say: Happy Birthday, D.Sidhe! Thanks for sharing the wingnutty world with us.