Earlier today, when I glanced at the Site Meter, I saw that some questing soul had been dumped on our doorstep in response to the following search:
“Burt Prelutsky dickhead”
Now, this isn’t really a question, and not just because it lacks the requisite punctuation. In fact, I don’t even think you can phrase this as a question, which is probably why it’s never been a popular category on Jeopardy! But it got me to wondering how Burt’s career as a professional coot was going; and as it turns out — not so good.
As you might recall, Burt was a “humor” columnist for the Los Angeles Times many years ago; and many years before that, he was a writer on M*A*S*H, before experiencing a conservative epiphany. Like Roger L. Simon of Pajamas Media, Burt was disowned by his so-called friends in Hollywood for this heresy, and found himself reduced to the Grandpa Simpson beat at Townhall, where he was tasked each week with finding new and interesting ways to tell you kids to get off his lawn. How the Mighty have Fallen, eh? Well, as it turns out, the Mighty have Fallen and they can’t get up, because Burt has now hung out his shingle at World Net Daily, where he writes a column whose title evokes the mingled fragrance of failure and hamster urine.
Judging by Burt’s current offering, it seems that just as his status as an internet pundit has slipped, so has his interest in masking his hatreds and phobias. In Liberalism is a cult, he begins by comparing progressives to the “flock of deranged sheep” who followed Jim Jones to Guyana and ultimately committed suicide en masse. But complaining about liberalism is too vague and unsatisfying, and with no Hugh Hewitt around to worry about maintaining plausible deniability, Burt can finally tell us what really bugs him:
Black people.
Another thing about which all liberals agree is that America is a racist nation. Up to a point, I happen to agree with them. But, unlike Henry Gates and the Obamas, I think it’s black America that’s racist.
That’s the dirty little secret that nobody is supposed to mention. White Americans are so terrified of being labeled bigots that even most conservatives are loath to speak honestly about something that the majority of us believe.
But once you’ve reached the point where your column appears between advertisements for colon cleansing and secret martial arts techniques, you can afford to be a bit more candid with your opinions.
Blacks have been riding the gravy train of racist politics for years now. For the sin of slavery, which ended over 140 years ago, long before the invention of the electric light, the automobile or even the basketball
Yeah, yeah, we get it, Burt. We get it.
they’ve received trillions of dollars in the form of welfare checks, small business loans, affirmative action, Operation Headstart and food stamps. In return, the community, as they like to call it, has given back to America a record number of illegitimate children, violent crime totally disproportionate to their numbers, an academic dropout rate that guarantees the cycle of ignorance and violence will continue unabated, and a constant clamor for more and more in the way of city, state and federal handouts.
Come on, Burt — tell us how you really feel.
If blacks aren’t demanding reparations for the evil done to their great-great-great-great-grandparents, they’re demanding that our presidents constantly apologize for past mistakes.
Maybe I don’t hang out in the right circles, but I’ve actually never had a conversation with a black person in which the subject of reparations even came up, let alone was a constant refrain. I did however work on a movie in Alabama, and had to spend an entire dinner break listening to a white A.D. insist that William Tecumseh Sherman should be tried posthumously for war crimes.
The fact that we now have a black president and that two of the last three secretaries of state were black doesn’t count for anything.
African-Americans, as it turns out, don’t have a quota system. Talk about irony…
They’re like those bratty little children we’ve all encountered in supermarkets who demand every piece of candy in the place and won’t stop screaming until they get it.
Struggling against four centuries of dehumanizing racism and social injustice = ill-mannered toddler on a sugar rush. You know what, Burt? I’m pretty sure your former Hollywood colleagues aren’t shunning you because of a mid-life political conversion; I’m don’t think they ever liked you. Because I don’t believe it’s even physically possible to write something like that unless you were born an asshole.
It’s not just white people and white cops they despise, either. Any black person who doesn’t have one hand out demanding a payoff and the other hand holding a club, comes in for their collective outrage.
Sorry black folks. Panhandler or mugger, those are your only two career options. On the bright side, you don’t have to agonize all sophomore year about picking a major.
They will celebrate when O.J. Simpson gets off for butchering two white people and go into collective mourning when a freak like Michael Jackson dies of a drug overdose…
Fear of a…Actually, sort of Beige Planet
It seems that if you’re not a race hustler like Al Sharpton, Kweisi Mfume, Charles Rangel, Denny Davis, John Conyers, Barbara Lee, Maxine Waters, Henry Coates, Earl Ofari Hutchinson, Jesse Jackson, Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan or Henry Gates, out there getting rich by promoting black victimhood, you’re an Uncle Tom. For what these so-called leaders are doing to the black psyche, to ensuring that future generations of American blacks continue to grow up with a chip on their shoulder and nothing but a sense of perpetual grievance in their heart, these people should rot in hell.
Burt dreams of a day when people will be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the perpetual sense of grievance in their heart.
I can hear a chorus of people saying, “But surely you’re not talking about all blacks.” Well, of course not. Unlike blacks, I would never generalize about an entire group of people that way. However, when 90 percent of black Americans trooped out and voted for Sen. Obama when he was running against a person with the liberal credentials of Sen. Clinton for no other reason than Obama’s race, it’s safe to assume I’m talking about 90 percent of them.
When you get right down to it, the worst thing about cults is that, unlike the Jonestowners, they so rarely drink the right blend of Kool-Aid.
So to sum up, Burt proves that white people are free of racism by calling for the poisoning of every black American except Clarence Thomas. Oh, and I’ve also learned that as reasonably effective as my cocktail of painkillers is proving to be, it was never designed to handle something like this. Time for go to bed.
