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atlasFACE.jpgI have to confess, I’m a bit hesitant to take issue with Pamela Geller’s latest contribution to Newsmax, since her bio reveals that she’s “the editor and publisher of the Atlas Shrugs Web site,” which means she outranks me, as I’m just the copyboy around here (although I do sometimes get to fill in on the Miss Lonelyhearts column).  Also — and I know I’ve mentioned this once or twice in the past — whenever I see a picture of Pam, she looks as though she’s surreptitiously removed Jennifer Lopez’s face and glued it to her own skull, but it doesn’t quite fit, and now she’s stretched it all out like a borrowed sweater and Jennifer probably doesn’t even want it back anymore.  The point is, I’m leery of contradicting an experienced and widely-read online journalist who might respond by telling me to “put the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose.”

Still, if I were the editor and publisher of a high profile blog, there are perhaps one or two little things I might change about Pam’s current column.  Not the title, though.  That’s gold…

One Year Later, America Needs Palin More than Ever

It was a year ago last Saturday that Sarah Palin walked onto the national stage and raised us up.

Ephesians 2:6.

Those of us who were fed up with a limp GOP moving center left were thrilled with a principled conservative, a rugged, individualist vice presidential pick. It saved a McCain campaign that had been on life support.

Shhh!  Don’t tell Pam how the election came out.  She might steal your face!

What a year it has been for her and us. Looking back in hindsight, could the differences between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama be more stark? Obama is all artifice. Palin is all real, all that. Obama is all style. Palin is all substance. Obama is anti-American. Palin is all-American. Obama holds the U.S. military in contempt. Palin reveres the military. The military loves Palin. The military is on to Obama. The corrupt activist media loves Obama. The corrupt activist media loathes and libels Palin.

It kind of sounds like she’s writing a kindergarten reader for a violent militia group.

Despite the attacks and lawsuits by freaks in Alaska working for Obama’s hatchet men, Palin perseveres.

Palin’s gonna beat those hatchet-wielding freaks and come out on top, just like Olga Baclanova did!

Hampered by the ethics lawsuits, and attrition, she moved on to take on the enemy within, here, on the front lines.

Okay…But if you find yourself on the losing end of a war of attrition, is that really the best time to start purging your own ranks?

When Palin made her “farewell” speech last month, I wrote in The American Thinker that her speech was no farewell address at all, but a commencement address. “I will fight even harder for you, for what is right and for the truth,” she promised. “And I have never felt I needed a title to do that!”

I admit, the speech would have been funnier if she’d delivered it while wearing a mortarboard.

Her speech embodied what a great American sounds like, and what a president ought to sound like.

A quitter with a fondness for incoherent basketball analogies?

Palin made no apologies.

And no sense.

She said nothing like Obama’s inane drone of “America’s best days are behind us.”

Pam has super canine senses that allow her to hear the subliminal parts of Obama’s speeches.

No tearing down of our nation. Obama ranks on us; Palin raises us up and speaks of national pride.

“You have been raised up from Brutality, to kill the Brutals who multiply, and are legion. To this end, Palin your God gave you the gift of the Gun. The Gun is good!”

Oh wait.  Sorry.  That was Zardoz.

Palin is all content. Obama is all about playing the race card. The Obama mop up will be huge. The Republicans are going to need a “real” genuine article; that’s our girl Sarah, plain and tall.

I’m beginning to think Pam subcontracted this column to Pastor Swank.

Palin has wasted no time in taking on the big boys yet again, and winning.

Remember:  Winners never quit, and quitters never — well, okay, just this one time.

No slave to the leftist feudal media caste system, Palin circumvents the O-propagandists and disinformationalists.

Palin elides the funambulists and circumnavigates the ecdysiasts! She exsanguinates the mammothrepts and defenestrates the fintoozlers!

Palin, alone, with her Facebook page as her unfiltered messenger, calls out the rotting, decaying vultures in D.C. on their death panels — and they recoil to their nests and pull the death panels out of Obamacare legislation.

Wow.  I’ve never once called out zombie carrion birds on Facebook.  All I ever do is send Ivan drinks, and play Scrabble.

Palin, alone, on her unedited Facebook page, declares that there should be no healthcare reform without tort reform, and she gets Howard Dean to confess they won’t take on the lawyers. You can’t make this stuff up.

Actually, given how many drugs I’m on at the moment, I’m not entirely sure I haven’t made Pam up.

She’s a marvel and wonderful to watch. She is a lioness.

She is a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.

Many of us saw the divergent paths America would take with the 2008 election of a radical or the election of a patriot. America, in the well-intentioned interest of putting the first black man in the White House, never looked beyond color to content of character.

Oooh, snap!  How do you like that, MLK?

America fell for the smooth talking boulevardier, like an impressionable school girl. But once you’ve had one of those, you run the other way.

I just learned more about the sexual awakening of Pam’s tender girlhood than I ever cared to.

I suspect America will be running far and fast from the destroying Democrats into the arms of the pure and the good. When the pendulum swings, its swings hard and fast.

Sarah possesses all the qualities required of a great leader except a big dick, but Pam feels confident they can make up the difference with innuendo.

The more evil succeeds and overwhelms our foreign and domestic policy, our culture, our discourse and the very social fabric of our lives, the clearer it becomes that Palin is the antidote, the answer to fighting this morally bankrupt sewer in which we find ourselves during the Obama administration.

Happy first anniversary, Sarah. Looking forward to the next four, and especially to the eight after that.

And if Palin ultimately goes weak in the knees like McCain did, then Pam can always filch her face and run for President herself. It’s a win-win.

25 Responses to “Move Over Mother Mary, There’s a New Madonna in Town!”

It’s hard to say which is more painful to regard with my face eyes (TOTH), the drooling declarations or the ill-fitting mask.

“rotting, decaying vultures”

Man, Geller mixes metaphors better than Swank! I particularly like “the leftist feudal media caste system”. It’s positively Goldbergian. The Rajput is the Jew of liberal feudalism!

Okay, first of all, YAY!!! for the “FREAKS” ref… “One of us, gabba gabba one of us gabba gabba one of us… Yup, you are well and truly marked now, sonny. Let yer freak flag fly!

Secondly:

‘ …Obama is anti-American. Palin is all-American. Obama holds the U.S. military in contempt. Palin reveres the military. The military loves Palin. The military is on to Obama. The corrupt activist media loves Obama. The corrupt activist media loathes and libels Palin.’

“It kind of sounds like she’s writing a kindergarten reader for a violent militia group.”

DOOOOOOOOD. She is SO cribbing from her “Crazy White-Bitch Militia Etiquette Guide & Talking-Points Mantras” volume! She couldn’t “teach” a dog to take a dump, she is CLEARLY still a student at the feet of some batshit master… but which one? Swagster? Pat Boone? Please say that it’s not Pamela No-Ass Snuggie!!! That’s an inverse proportional nightmare, when you consider THAT MUCH of teh LETHAL STOOPID in ONE ROOM!!!

Hmmm… mebbe they’ll sit around one night, drinking their dinners of vodka and virgins’ blood, and babble themselves into a little min-vortex of teh stoopid so powerful, it will form a BLACK HOLE, or, considering that face, a WORM HOLE, and rocket those useless twits off into a whooooole other dimension, like collapsing and/or exploding from the vacuum of outer space.

“Actually, given how many drugs I’m on at the moment, I’m not entirely sure I haven’t made Pam up.”

That is SO fucking unfair.

How come YOU get to be on teh stoopid drugs (I’m assuming painkillers) and still get to be smart and funny an’ stuff lak dat? NOT FAIR!!!

And to whip-out DESIDERATA quotes like a razor-sharp lash — dude, if I should, through some MASSIVE failing in evolution, manage to outlive you, I am SO kidnapping your brain!!!

“She is a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.”

And yet, even in that classic “FREAKS”, I never once saw anybody who couldn’t talk gooder Englishesque rhetorick dan dis hyear brillyunt edumacated Bride of Frankenstein wommenfolk.

Seriously. Knock that shit off, bitch. Just trying to MANEUVER ***THROUGH*** those clips was worse than trying to find The Lost Ben-Wa ball with no flashlight OR another set of helping hands. But then to have to retrace the staggering, bewildered linguistic steps and try to make it somehow turn into cogent sentences and make it make some kind of SENSE — that bitch owes me money for this. Srsly. Wayyyyy too many of my fragile & dying brain cells took a very vicious gut-shot (how’s THAT for a fucked-up metaphor?) for me not to dun this illiterate white-trash-with-money hausfrau at LEAST a hundred bucks for the time it took me to restrain myself from reaching through the innernet tubes to peel off her J-Lo mask and beat her to death with it. No, I don’t care if it’s Tutankhamen or Dick Nixon on there, IT NEEDS TO DIE.

Pam’s column is such a warehouse of crazy-stupid I’d have found it exhausting to pick apart. That you managed to do it while on painkillers is truly impressive.
But if I were to pick from Pam’s Pile Of Literary Piles, I guess I’d ask why she’s actually PRAISING Sarah Palin for the “Death Panels” thing, when it was obvious she was LYING HER ASS OFF, although for some reason, nobody had the balls to call her on it (except Fred Clark at Slacktivist. I’d find the link but I’m feeling really lazy at the moment).
Then there’s the “race card” bullshit. Isn’t that something only racists believe exists? And wasn’t Sarah’s gender and “hot librarian” look the only reason McCain selected her to be his running mate? It certainly had nothing to do with her intellect, or her “principles”(did Pammie actually use that word with a straight face?)
Who’s dumber-Sarah Palin, or the people who worship her?

Who’s dumber-Sarah Palin, or the people who worship her?

Bill, that’s like asking “Looking back in hindsight, which came first, the Chicken or the rotting, decaying, dead corpse of the deceased Chicken?”

Atlas Hurls: America fell for the smooth talking boulevardier,…

[putting on straw hat]
Thaaaaaaank heaven for crazy girls,
For crazy girls each day they get more wack;
Thank heaven for crazy girls,
Who write like schizophrenics smoking crack;

Those wand’ring eyes,
so scarily unseeing,
One day will flash and send Lawn Guyland neighbors fleeing;

Thank heaven for crazy girls;
Thank heaven for them all,
No matter where the hell they’re at:
More crazy than a shit house rat.

Chris, that was loverly.
And Doghouse-you mean, as opposed to decaying corpse of the LIVE Chicken?

Pammie is just hoping for an open seat on Sarah’s Griftboat to personal fame. Little does she realize the real grifter goes with a classier wardrobe and more subtle plastic surgery.

If Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and Pam Juggs were sealed in a room had to out-crazy each other to survive, Highlander-style, I think my vote would be on Pam. Michelle might be able to turn people to stone with those bug eyes, but that only works on sane people. Sarah is just a con-man, -woman, -person, and no match for the truly insane.

Obama is all artifice. Palin is all real, all that.

Ohno, she din’t!!!!!

Hampered by the ethics lawsuits, and attrition, she moved on to take on the enemy within, here, on the front lines.

I believe the term of art is “filed for change of venue”.

“And I have never felt I needed a title to do that!”

But endorsed her likeness to fight for the TNA Knockouts championship…

No slave to the leftist feudal media caste system, Palin circumvents the O-propagandists and disinformationalists.

You think Pastor Swank could write this, Scott? Me, I think it’s Selwyn Duke. He’s probably getting a hummer from her for his efforts.

Palin, alone, with her Facebook page

You could have put the period right here, babe.

Palin, alone, on her unedited Facebook page

Or here.

Many of us saw the divergent paths America would take with the 2008 election of a radical or the election of a patriot.

Wait. McCain was a Patriot? Why did she endorse Mitt, then?

America fell for the smooth talking boulevardier, like an impressionable school girl. But once you’ve had one of those, you run the other way.

I concur. I stay far away from school girls now.

Sarah possesses all the qualities required of a great leader except a big dick, but Pam feels confident they can make up the difference with innuendo.

Scott. I’m surprised you’ve never seen a pendulum dildo…of course, it does go innuendo.

I thought of They Live. With the glasses. Or maybe that’s what happens to you when your soul gets sucked out through your nose. Facebook is a more effective platform than the governorship of Alaska? Well, she may have a point there.

she looks as though she’s surreptitiously removed Jennifer Lopez’s face and glued it to her own skull
Kinda like the bug in MIB?

Seriously, to me she looks more like the model for “The Scream”…

I’m with Thorlac - Pam can outcrazy Palin and Bachmann. Or at least, she’s more prolific in her Crazy Output (those of a brave disposition may choose to sample her output at word salad site Pam Shrieks).

Curiously, in the photo above, her cheeks and upper lip remind me more of the late M Jackson.

A more recent photo (http://www.motivationtruth.com/2009/08/palinistas-take-manhattan.html) suggests Pam’s having a bad face year.

Scott, it did take a while.

To whom did you graft her forehead down to her nose to?

Palin’s gonna beat those hatchet-wielding freaks and come out on top, just like Olga Baclanova did!

So we can blame it on the Baclanova?

*groan*

Wow. I’ve never once called out zombie carrion birds on Facebook. All I ever do is send Ivan drinks, and play Scrabble.

I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.

I also see the Michael Jackson resemblance.

Caption Contest entry for Pam’s photo:

“Miracle Polymers make it possible!”

I thought it was Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Hampered by the ethics lawsuits, and attrition, she moved on to take on the enemy within, here, on the front lines.

Toss in a few, more, commas, and it would be off-meds Swank for sure.

How can someone who hunts be committed to the “sanctity of life”? She might want to reword that.

So we can blame it on the Baclanova?

I thought I was the oldest one here. For you kids, “Blame it on the Bossa Nova” came out in 1963, a big hit for Eydie Gorme. I was a freshmen in high school then.

Trench,

I’m barely old enough to remember it, but my mom insisted on listening to AM radio…

The partner took one look at that face and said “TG.” Naturally, I took umbrage (yaknow that whole thing of dissing women (and TG/TS folks) with snide remarks about their sexuality) , whereupon he explained that she had five o’clock shadow. And by gum, he’s right. Something is very seriously wrong with Pammy’s face. And, secretlysomeoneelse, I did go look at your linky, and that face has the same problem too. It’s like someone grafted skin from a differently-tinted face onto Pammy’s. What, she can’t afford a decent plastic surgeon?

“DOOOOOOOOD. She is SO cribbing from her “Crazy White-Bitch Militia Etiquette Guide & Talking-Points Mantras” volume! She couldn’t “teach” a dog to take a dump, she is CLEARLY still a student at the feet of some batshit master… but which one? Swagster? Pat Boone? Please say that it’s not Pamela No-Ass Snuggie!!! That’s an inverse proportional nightmare, when you consider THAT MUCH of teh LETHAL STOOPID in ONE ROOM!!!”

She is a student of the Beckster and his BFF Chuckie.

(By the way, loved your comment!)

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