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True Halloween horror stores that will chill your blood!  (Although I prefer my blood served in an Old Fashion glass over cracked ice, frappé style:

SexyBroomHandler.jpg On this day in 1517, Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses, paving the way for Lutheran Hot Dish Night. Spooky!

On this day in 1846, a heavy snowfall trapped the Donner Party in the Sierra Nevada mountains.  By the time the Spring thaw came, the adorable, tow-headed Perkins Twins were known as the “Jerky Boys.”

On this day in 1986, Dr. Howard Pierson, a resident at Butler Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, was serving a night shift in the Emergency Receiving Room when a patient with multiple gunshot wounds, severe blood loss, and no discernible vital signs was admitted.  The supervising physician was prepared to pronounce the man D.O.A., but Dr. Pierson insisting on attempting resuscitation, and after an heroic effort, and to the surprise of all attending personal, the patient developed a faint pulse.

“I have to admit, for a minute there, I felt like God,” Dr. Pierson recalls.  “Then he jumped off the gurney and bit my nurse, and I realized it was just a zombie.”  But the budding medico did not allow the horrifying events of that Halloween night to sway him from his boyhood dream of helping humanity.  He completed his medical education, and now administers lethal injections to Death Row inmates at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville.

And now you know…the rest of the story.

As for our own Halloween celebration: we live in a neighborhood which is, demographically speaking, fairly young and reasonably gay, so we never get any Trick or Treaters.  Therefore, our plans are simple and earthy, involving Five Spice London Broil with a nice Pinot Noir, and the 1933 Mystery of the Wax Museum (thanks Tivo and TCM), which I’ve never seen, because I spend way too much of my life deliberately watching bad movies just to amuse you people!

Speaking of which, here’s a creepy interview with professional mad scientist and defense contractor, Dr. Erich Vornoff, from the old site.  And, of course, Ann Coulter’s Beauty Secret.  Happy Halloween, fellow Crapiers.*


10 Responses to “Scary…But True!

The jerky boys gag– darkest and funniest ever, Scott.

That said, here in the other Hollywood, East of Highland, I’ve noticed a dramatic decrease this year of front-porch pumpkinage and other halloween decor. It’s weird, and I don’t think it’s one of those things we can ascribe to a depressed work market.

I don’t know what it means.

I’d love your Five Spice London Broil recipe if you’re willing to give it up. Lately I’m a Teriyaki fool with pretty much everything, but it’s starting to wear off.

And incidentally, I’m afraid I haven’t read the book so I don’t know whether it’s ground you’ve already covered, but if it’s mad scientists you’re after, well, “Maniac”‘s Dr Meirschultz is sort of the prototype.

First line in the movie is Meirschultz’s: “Tonight, my dear Maxwell, I am ready to try my experiment on a human.”

Then it gets really crazy. Cats, rats, frogs, yikes!

But of course, I’m willing to give it up! (especially since it’s not *my* recipe, per se…)

Here you go:


1 1/2 teaspoons of chili powder
1/2 teaspoon of paprika
1/2 teaspoon of ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon of ground pepper
1/8 teaspoon of cinnamon

1 pound top round steak (london broil cut as it is labeled at Ralph’s)

(I also add about 1/8 teaspoon of ground cloves because I love cloves)


1. spray a broiler rack with a canola oil non stick spray; preheat the broiler

2. combine the chili powder, paprika, cumin, pepper, and cinnamon (and ground cloves if you choose) in a small bowl. Place steak on wax paper and sprinkle both sides with the mixture. let stand for 15 minutes. (my own tip: I buy the vinal disposable gloves at Ralph’s, so I can really rub that mixture in with out touching the raw meat)

3. broil the steak 5 inches from the heat until an instant read thermometer inserted in the center reads 145 degrees (for med. rare*) 5-7 minutes on each side. Transfer steak to a cutting board and let stand for about 10 minutes. Slice thinly on an angle against the grain into 12 to 16 slices.

*for more well done steak, broil until the thermometer reads 160 degrees-about 6 to 8 minutes on each side.

There you go! I like to serve this with scalloped potatoes, but mashed or baked go well, too.

Happy Halloween, Chris!


We got a total of 5 trick-or-treaters for the night, but at least that means there’s plenty of candy left for me. Now we’re taking a break from horror movies to watch a horror of a movie, Rifftrax’s version of Batman & Robin.

Scott, how do I change the e-mail address associated with my name, so that the server will know that it’s me? They killeded the regular one, y’know.

And btw, DAMN, WE’RE GETTING OLD. The steak & wine & taters sound wonderful, but dammit, I needed to be on TOULOUSE STREET tonight, hell, for the past three days! Nope, if you live in New Orleans, you NEVER have to “outgrow” Halloween. I’m surprised y’all didn’t have a parade or something in your neck o’ the woods. Me? Sitting on my re-broken ass, watching THE WORST MOVIES THAT MGM HAS EVER MADE OR DISTRIBUTED, via “THIS!” TV channel. The movies are so bad, some of ‘em aren’t even FUNNY.

Right now, it’s Amityville 3-D, *yawn* but I’m hoping that they’ll re-run the one with Peter Lorre & all the ol’ boys, “Tales of Terror.” Granted, they’ve Bowdlerized the tits off of all these movies, literally, but I still love the old classics. Bela, preferably, but I like Boris, too, and of course, Vincent Price. If it doesn’t come on after this 3-dud, I’m just going to put in RHPS and sing along/shout back while I do the dishes.

I am SO fucking OLD.

And thank you for those lovely little walks down memory lane, though I already had the mAnn Coultergeist bit memorized… I’ll always love the Dr. Vornoff material. Though, as further proof of my severely-lacking film “education,” the zombie reference went right over my pointy little head.

I’d have to say, of all of the bad flicks, badly hacked-to-bits by a one-armed, one-eyed “editor” who should be shot for the sake of the public good, that I’ve seen today, “Dracula V. Frankenstein” is the topper. I mean, c’mon, how many times are you going to see a “Dracula” who looks like one of Frank Zappa’s slow cousins, minus the long hair AND the talent? And poor Lon Jr., lost his puppy and THEN they shoved him off the roof, the poor axe-wielding maniac — and with no dialogue! Poor fella.

And on THAT lovely note, the next flick is “DEMENTIA 13,” which I have, un-Bowdlerized, on DVD, (y’all would be amazed @ what you can find on $1 DVDs these days!) so it’s time for Frank! G’night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Annti writes: I mean, c’mon, how many times are you going to see a “Dracula” who looks like one of Frank Zappa’s slow cousins, minus the long hair AND the talent?

Um, “Manos: Hand of Fate.”

Karloff’s birthday was Friday, and TCM came through with a dayfulla Karloff, most of which I missed ’cause I had to work, but I did manage to catch “Mask of Fu Manchu”– oh brother, was Karloff on fire, and cool special effects (mostly involving lightning-spewing weapons).

No atomic supermen, mind you, but, well, he probably would’ve gotten around to that after wiping out all the non-chinese folks on the planet.

Thanks for that, Mary: looking forward to the next time Von’s marks London Broil down to a couple bucks a pound so I can try this.

What, am I the ONLY person around here who’s never seen “MANOS: Hand Of Fate”???

I know that Scott has used it brilliantly in a couple+ different pieces, but no, I still haven’t seen it. Sue me. You can’t find EVERYTHING in the buck-a-disc DVD bin. I keep trying, though. Got “White Zombie” that way. So nyeh.

And if you haven’t seen “Dracula V. Frankenstein,”, see if you can find the actual version. It won’t restore the Russ Tamblin storyline (it was originally supposed to be a sequel to some B-grade biker flick he did, and then they smoked some different weed and decided to go thrift-store-goth with it), but it will doubtlessly look a helluva lot better (okay, maybe “better” isn’t the right word… less hacked?) than the edited-for-PAX version that *I* saw. With or without herbal hors d’ouvre, you’ll laugh yer ass off.

And belated happy birfday to “Boris”/Billy. Still prefer Bela, though. And no, still don’t have my own copy of “Plan 9,” either. I’ll get there someday.

He was, after all, born right on the borderline of Hungary/Transylvania, at least that what I’ve read over the years, though I’m worse than “spotty” on the geography. And I dunno what’s in the water over there, but real-life Transylvanians (transvestite or otherwise) are, well… shall we say, evolution has been very, very kind to the menfolk. Dunno if it applied to Bela, but there’s a Transylvanian in Miami Beach… *sigh* (picture me with a very contented, Cheshire-style smile, if you can)

Hey, I’m old & retired, allow me my memories.

Your steak recipe sounds great, Mary! I’ll be sure to give that one a try. As for me, I spent last night at a friend’s in Hancock Park handing out candy to approximately 300 kids (and some adults). They get boatloads of trick or treaters every year.

We got seven. My standards have fallen so low that seems good. Well, it just means they get boatloads of treats from us.

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