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Archive for August 8th, 2008

Well You See, Billy, When A Low Rent Pundit Loves A Candidate Very, Very Much…

Posted by scott on August 8th, 2008

Kyle-Anne Shiver has been quite prolific this week.  After joining the party at Pajamas Media (“Sending the MSM down the river…Then putting its hand in warm water and freezing its bra…”), she’s back in her usual slot at American Thinker, doing what she does best:  Thinking American:

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If Barack Obama presents a target-rich environment in his inflated balloon of media hype over one non-accomplishment after another, John McCain presents the opposite.  No hype.  No hot air.

Actually, by this point I think he’s mostly filled with sawdust.

No blathering, bloated claims about ethereal change and meaningless hope in government to save us.  None of this Hollywood stuff for McCain.

Except for his appearances in Wedding Crashers and The Tony Danza Show.  But in his defense, he sulked in his trailer most of the time and wouldn’t make small talk at the Craft Service table.

McCain is scrappy.  He’s a scrounger.

In fact, he’s in your garbage can right now, gnawing on an avocado pit.

He’s downright humble.

Unlike Obama, the Harvey’s Bristol Cream of candidates, who’s downright upright.

Rather than touting his formidable experience, or the fact that he has had three sons in the military

While Senator Obama still refuses to send his 7 and 10-year old daughters to fight in Iraq.

…John McCain presents a true model of decency, self-respect and laudable humility, in the same all-male bundle.

Vote for McCain:  He’s like that bandana full of crap that hobos carry on a stick.

The more I read about John McCain, the more I realize that he embodies so much of what we Americans regard as our exceptionalism of character, our grit and determination, our willingness to strip down to brass tacks to achieve a worthwhile goal

While I don’t personally relish the idea of John McCain stripping, I suspect that deep down, Kyle-Anne would enjoy a peek at his masculine bundle.

…our utter disdain for royal celebrity accoutrement in our leaders.  John McCain is American to the marrow of his bones, going back generations, and evidenced in every sphere of his life.

Vote for McCain:  He’s made from generations-old bones filled with marrow in a sphere.

When the chips were down, did McCain call his celebrity pals in Hollywood to ask for advice and a quick, fancy prop-up and money, money, money?

Does McCain even have any friends in Hollywood?

Probably not.  Once you get to his age, most of your friends are dead and buried.

John McCain flew to Iraq to celebrate Independence Day in the privileged company of those he has always loved best, his fellow men and women in America’s Armed Forces.

He loves them so much he’s never called them a cunt.

A fancy gym?  No.

8 houses, but the in-home gymnasia are really quite basic.  Mostly free weights and jacuzzis.

Shopping?  No.

That’s the Sugar Mama’s job.

A bunch of Berliners to cheer him on?  No, no and heck no.

I love this guy!

Why does she suddenly sound like the drunkest guy at a bachelor party?

McCain’s Country-First life is a winner.   I’m not sure we deserve him, but I sure do hope we get him for our next Commander In Chief.

See, I think that’s a mistake.  If we go into this believing we’re not worthy, and wondering why he’s with us when he could obviously do so much better, then he’s just going to smell our low self-esteem and eventually leave us for some younger, prettier country.

My Country Right, Wrong or Decline to State | 14 Comments »

I’ll Have The Stuffed Crab Legs, The Twice-Baked Potato, And The Loaded Questions

Posted by scott on August 8th, 2008

Over at Pajamas Media, Kyle-Anne Shiver has unbuttoned the flap of her feety union suit and unleashed an amazing coil of rhetorical questions:

Can we adopt a more socialist approach to government and transform America into a state not of equal opportunity for individuals to create their own happiness, but a state where a nanny bureaucracy operates for the supposed “good” of its citizens?

You know, I’m generally uneasy with polling questions that contain scare quotes, but I’m sure you’re asking in good faith, so…

Can we accept tyranny by a rainbow proletariat of minorities and special interest groups who wish to mandate permanent entitlements for themselves?

Well I already prayed for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, so I guess if the brown people want my plasma TV I’ll just have to get used to watching Burn Notice through the plate glass window of the appliance store.

Can we, as Americans, vote to hand over a huge chunk of our national sovereignty to international consensus and global taxation?

Yeah, let me get back to you on that one.  Oh!  I see your ride’s here.  Hey, why don’t you grab your stuff and I’ll go tell the black helicopter you’ll be right out…

Can we adopt the Marxist cause of the class struggle, the utopian fix for all that ills us

I sure hope that utopian fix works on grammar.

…and become part of a unified coalition of socialist countries around the world, in the hope that mankind can find Obama’s “collective redemption”?

I’m beginning to suspect the methodology of this poll may not be wholly sound.

Can we?

Geez, I don’t know, lady!  I just got here!

That’s not the question.

Thanks for wasting our time.

We’re Americans. We are our own government

Hey c’mon, Kyle-Anne, it’s Tuesday — it’s my turn to be the Air Force!  You have to be the Department of Agriculture, or I’m gonna tell Mom!

…and we, the electorate, decide what course we will take.

The last two times we decided to set a course straight down the toilet, but I’m sure we’ll get the hang of it eventually.

No change whatsoever is necessary to effect our own national will.

Not as long as our Green Lantern rings are fully charged!

We are a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Always have been. Since the beginning.

You’re right.  Well…You’re 3/5ths right.

Obama answers the wrong question with his now banal statement: Yes, we can.

I’ll say.  The question was “What two countries are separated by the 49th Parallel?”

Because the question before Americans has never been, Can we become socialists?

The question has always been, can we do it while appealing to males 18 to 34 years of age?  So actually I guess the real question is, can we become socialists and still work in a bit of nudity?  Nothing tasteless.  Side-boob and butt-crack, that’s it.

Not only is Obama slipping in the national polls, but he received no discernible bounce from his highfalutin, very expensive trip abroad.

He acts like he’s so smart and everything, but not once in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Germany did he stay in a Holiday Inn Express.

Candidate Obama used campaign funds to take himself, the press, and a retinue of 700 — count them, 700 — campaign aides, first class all the way, on a trip that was luxurious by any standard, and at a time when many Americans could not even afford a small summer vacation due to very high gas prices.

Do you have any idea how much it costs to drive to Europe these days?

Despite the underreported fact that we have now all but won the Iraq War — the war Democrats prematurely declared lost — we are still at war.

I love the taste of victory.  It tastes like…cud.

Wingnuts | 20 Comments »

It’s Time To Replace Byron York With Dick Sargent

Posted by scott on August 8th, 2008

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If you were wondering whether the reluctance of major news outlets to echo tabloid claims about John Edwards was a demonstration, or a failure, of professional ethics, you’re not alone.  Fortunately, Byron York (last seen tracking down rumors of a Letterman Top Ten List about Edwards with the grim relentlessness of a senile Ahab hunting the white whale in the fishstick section of his grocer’s freezer) has volunteered a few guidelines to help us navigate the terra incognita of internet-era journalism.  In what we might call The York Doctrine, Byron proposes that using tools such as Photoshop to digitally alter an image (say, by adding smoke to a photograph of the Baghdad skyline) is corrupt, and should be considered a firing offense unless it supports a story that might be scandalous enough to bring down the one man in America with a better head of hair than Byron!  In that case, it’s evidence.

By now, it’s well known that the big news outlets — the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, as well as the broadcast and cable networks — have largely ignored the story. Some observers have speculated that those outlets would report the news if the Enquirer published the pictures. And now, sure enough, Perel has published a picture — just one, a fuzzy image the Enquirer calls a “spy photo,” of a man who appears to be Edwards holding a baby.
…

We’ll see if the new photo changes any minds at the big media institutions. It’s more likely that editors and reporters who don’t want to report the story will continue to not report the story, perhaps saying the picture is not clear enough.

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Nitpickers.

Although, to be fair, our go-to expert on all matters Photoshop, Gavin at Sadly, No! didn’t appear impressed by the quality of the workmanship:

For starters, we see clear use of the Reduce Noise filter, apparently with the Remove JPEG Artifact box checked. Woo!

Still, Byron’s not the kind of guy to take Fake for an answer.

But is there anything else? Maybe the Democratic National Convention, coming up in a little more than two weeks?

Or my birthday, coming up next month?  Maybe you could fake a little something for that?  Huh?

So the Enquirer continues to hold off on publication of the Beverly Hilton photos. And the big press outlets continue to stay away from the story, although the local Edwards press, like the Charlotte Observer, are moving closer to the story.

In fact, they sat right down next to it and did that whole “pretend to yawn and stretch and slip your arm around the story’s shoulder” thing.

In any event, more and more people know about it through the Internet — and now, late-night comics have been making their share of jokes about it.

So the Newspaper of Record has no choice now but to devote its front page to the issue; Leno made a quip.

Revenge of the Nerds | 7 Comments »