This week, in a little didactice essay entitled “Blurting with Disaster,” Dr. Mike shares some of his stories with us in order to teach one of his students why he or she shouldn’t interrupt Dr. Mike during class. And while we don’t find fault with Dr, Mike’s goal, we do feel that his methodology is suspect, mainly because, as usual, Dr. Mike’s stories reveal a little too much about Dr. Mike’s thought processes for comfort. (It’s always hard to learn moral lessons from a guy who makes you want to smack him.)
Anyway, Dr. Mike first recounts three incidents where four of his stupid, obnoxious students (three of them being women, but only one specifically identified as a feminist) blurt out inappropriate comments in class, and then go on to live lifes of failure, dishonor, and despair (and spinsterhood). Dr. Mike then tells us about three instances where stupid, obnoxious, smelly students annoy Dr. Mike, but he refrains from telling them just how much they disgust him (saving that for this column), and Dr. Mike wins their hearts and minds, which he then tosses in the crapper, because hey, they were just idiot liberals, after all.
So, let’s learn about the dangers of blurting by first meeting Goofus (who will be played by one of Dr. Mike’s students):
*Once, I did an interesting exercise on self-report studies of criminality. I was teaching students about the evolution (but certainly not the creation) of self-report studies, some of which were not-so-intelligently designed. The students were all required to write a brief anonymous account of their most serious criminal act. I then read some of the highlights in class accompanied by my usual sarcastic commentary.
I read one account of a female student chasing a woman down a residential street with a machete after she caught her in bed with her boyfriend. I then joked “They’re doing great things with anti-depressants these days.” I even offered directions to the office of the university psychiatrist.
But the girl didn’t think it was so funny. She thought “But that bitch was sleeping with my boyfriend.” And, simultaneously, she stood up and shouted “But that bitch was sleeping with my boyfriend.” She blew her anonymity and thereafter had a difficult time finding a good study group.
It would have been better if the young woman just learned to control her blurting.
Yes, it certainly would have. But before we move on, let’s take a closer look at Dr. Mike’s teaching technique: He requires that his students write about their most serious criminal act. Then he reads their confessions out loud to the class, adding satirical commentary. And when this provokes one young woman into an incriminating outburst, SHE’s the jerk.
While some might think that this exercise was simply a way for Dr. Mike to salivate over the depravity of his students, while at the same time sadistically mocking and demeaning then, it was, in truth, a lesson on the unintelligence of self-reporting criminology studies. Socrates would be proud.
Now, on to Gallant (played today by Dr. Mike), who will teach us about not blurting.
*I was giving a lecture at a leftist university in the northeast. A Muslim student was whining about how he was “offended” that he was (supposedly) targeted by airport security agents. He also said the First Amendment was not there for powerless people like himself. It was there for white people only. The Muslim fellow smelled so badly I was choking from about twenty yards away. I thought to myself:
“Yes, but you haven’t showered in a month. And, come to think of it, you smell bad enough to knock a buzzard off a turd wagon. That really offends me so sit down and stop whining.”
But I didn’t say it. Instead, I talked about poor powerless Martin Luther King, Jr. and all he accomplished with the First Amendment. And I asked the kid to reflect on the number of countries where such great achievements might be duplicated.
We concluded our exchange with nods of mutual respect, largely because I was able to control my impulses.
Yes, because Dr. Mike was able to control his impulse to mortally insult a student at a public gathering, Dr. Mike was able to teach the stinky Muslim that if racial profiling was good enough for Martin Luther King, Jr., it should be good enough for him. And the kid respected Dr. Mike, all because Dr. Mike didn’t tell the kid (and the rest of the world) just how stinky the non-Christian bastard really was – well, until now.
Anyway, I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson today, and I hope we can all try to emulate Dr. Mike when it comes to decorum, tact, and self-restraint.
With Dr. Mike | 27 Comments »
