Bill O’Reilly tells his fans about his new book:
A Special Message from Bill on Culture Warrior
In just a few weeks, my fourth non-fiction adult book will be released. As you might know, it’s called Culture Warrior and it chronicles the intense war between my side (traditionalists) and the secular-progressive corps. […]
The media is firmly in the S-P camp and it will be very interesting to see how vehemently this book is attacked. It’s already started in Vanity Fair magazine and in Publisher’s Weekly (whose publisher, by the way, is a major donor to S-P political figures).
Yes, when the Publisher’s Weekly reviewer stated that in this book, Bill’s “populist swagger subsides into kvetching,” and then cited examples of kvetching from the text, he was just doing it because his publisher donates to S-P political causes. That’s how book-reviewing works.
Of course, we will keep score on who is fair and who is unfair concerning the book. I expect to be greatly amused.
No, Bill, you expect to be greatly offended and outraged at any coverage that is less than flattering, and your face will get all red and blotchy, and your blood pressure will rise, and you’ll probably yell “shut up, shut up!” at the unfortunate aide who brings you the Google searches you requested.
You know, Bill, a secure person wouldn’t feel this need to “keep score.” Have you considered getting some therapy?
Also, if you see any cheap shots directed at us—please inform us via the message boards. We always value your input.
Bill, it’s not healthy for your fans to enable you, so you should stop asking them to. You just need to realize that not everyone in the world will like your book, and it’s okay — because it just means that you’re a petty, loudmouthed, close-minded, bigoted, pompous jerk who’s not very bright.
(BTW, I’d report myself for this cheap shot, except that only Bill O’Reilly Premium Members can use the message boards.)
Finally, let me know what you think of “Culture Warrior” and I’ll read some of the letters on the air. This book could very well change the direction of the country. In fact, I can almost guarantee it will.
“Change the direction of the country.” Um, okay. Whatever you say, Bill.
Oh, and Bill’s site is also offering a “Culture Warrior Test” — If you have nothing better to do, you might want to take it:
Are you a “Culture Warrior,” or are you in the secular-progressive (S-P) camp? Take our short test to find out.
1. Do you believe in “income redistribution”–that is, the government taxing affluent Americans at a higher proportional rate in order to fund entitlements to the less well off?
Yes No
2. Do you believe that the USA, in general, is harmful to the world?
Yes No
3. Do you believe that homo nups should be mandatory for all Americans, even dead ones?
Yes No
4. If we had captured an al Qaeda member who knew about a plot to nuke New York City, and we had only one hour to get the information from him before the bomb went off, would you want the authorities to torture him in order to save the lives of millions? Okay, what if instead of plotting to nuke NYC, it was a plan to trash Bill’s book? And what if the bad guy wasn’t a member of al Qaeda, he was a member of Media Matters? Wouldn’t you want the terro-journalist to be tortured until he confessed that he was actually in the pay of George Soros, named the names of his fellow conspirators, and swore undying loyalty to Bill O’Reilly?
Yes No
5. Do you believe it should be a capital crime to accuse somebody of not being born in Levittown, when they really were born there, depending on how you define “Levittown”?
Yes No
6. Are you against states legally mandating that underage girls not be allowed to look slutty in public unless it’s sweeps week?
Yes No
7. Do you believe that the War on Christmas is not only the most profound spiritual issue facing this nation, but also the most important security issue of all time?
Yes No
8. In your opinion, is the ACLU, the most evil organization EVER, using a secret satellite to beam microwave transmissions into the brains of the public, in an effort to make them believe that it’s legal to have a separation of church and state?
Yes No
9. Do you you believe that Mel Gibson was unfairly maligned for saying that the Jews were responsible for starting all the wars, because all the facts aren’t in yet about just who did start all the wars?
Yes No
10. In these perilous times, when terrorists are trying to kill us just because they hate our freedom, and illegal immigrants are plotting to steal our very way of life, don’t you think it’s time we set up some kind of a secret police force in order to monitor those amongst us who might be working to destroy us by saying bad things about Bill’s new book? If so, would you be willing to inform on these traitors in your community, neighborhood, or family, if you came across any?
Yes No
So, how did you do? Are you on Bill’s side, or are you one of those America-hating, anti-god, child-molesting, puppy-killing S-Ps?
In any case, be sure to watch for Bill, who will be flogging his new book on “Leno, 20/20, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The View, The CBS Morning News, maybe Letterman.” And if you happen to be an S-P technical guy for one of those shows, I’ll pay you $10 if you’ll cut Bill’s mic