A note on (and to) the recent infestation of trolls.  Usually, we take a pretty laissez faire, let jackholes-be-jackholes attitude toward self-expression around here, but just to be clear:  we will delete any comments containing links to white supremacist, or other hate sites.  So you Aryan man-gods might just as well take your adorable chubby feet, glassy orange eyes, and fright wig hair elsewhere.

But, just to show there’s no hard feelings, do you mind if we rub your round pink bellies once for luck before you go?

Now a word from our sponsor | 11 Comments »

Bill O’Reilly tells his fans about his new book:

A Special Message from Bill on Culture Warrior

In just a few weeks, my fourth non-fiction adult book will be released. As you might know, it’s called Culture Warrior and it chronicles the intense war between my side (traditionalists) and the secular-progressive corps. […]

The media is firmly in the S-P camp and it will be very interesting to see how vehemently this book is attacked. It’s already started in Vanity Fair magazine and in Publisher’s Weekly (whose publisher, by the way, is a major donor to S-P political figures).

Yes, when the Publisher’s Weekly reviewer stated that in this book, Bill’s “populist swagger subsides into kvetching,” and then cited examples of kvetching from the text, he was just doing it because his publisher donates to S-P political causes. That’s how book-reviewing works.

Of course, we will keep score on who is fair and who is unfair concerning the book. I expect to be greatly amused.

No, Bill, you expect to be greatly offended and outraged at any coverage that is less than flattering, and your face will get all red and blotchy, and your blood pressure will rise, and you’ll probably yell “shut up, shut up!” at the unfortunate aide who brings you the Google searches you requested.

You know, Bill, a secure person wouldn’t feel this need to “keep score.” Have you considered getting some therapy?

Also, if you see any cheap shots directed at us—please inform us via the message boards. We always value your input.

Bill, it’s not healthy for your fans to enable you, so you should stop asking them to. You just need to realize that not everyone in the world will like your book, and it’s okay — because it just means that you’re a petty, loudmouthed, close-minded, bigoted, pompous jerk who’s not very bright.

(BTW, I’d report myself for this cheap shot, except that only Bill O’Reilly Premium Members can use the message boards.)

Finally, let me know what you think of “Culture Warrior” and I’ll read some of the letters on the air. This book could very well change the direction of the country. In fact, I can almost guarantee it will.

“Change the direction of the country.”  Um, okay. Whatever you say, Bill.

Oh, and Bill’s site is also offering a “Culture Warrior Test” — If you have nothing better to do, you might want to take it:

Are you a “Culture Warrior,” or are you in the secular-progressive (S-P) camp? Take our short test to find out.

1.  Do you believe in “income redistribution”–that is, the government taxing affluent Americans at a higher proportional rate in order to fund entitlements to the less well off?

   Yes   No

2.  Do you believe that the USA, in general, is harmful to the world?

   Yes   No

3.  Do you believe that homo nups should be mandatory for all Americans, even dead ones?

   Yes   No

4.  If we had captured an al Qaeda member who knew about a plot to nuke New York City, and we had only one hour to get the information from him before the bomb went off, would you want the authorities to torture him in order to save the lives of millions? Okay, what if instead of plotting to nuke NYC, it was a plan to trash Bill’s book? And what if the bad guy wasn’t a member of al Qaeda, he was a member of Media Matters? Wouldn’t you want the terro-journalist to be tortured until he confessed that he was actually in the pay of George Soros, named the names of his fellow conspirators, and swore undying loyalty to Bill O’Reilly?

   Yes   No

5.  Do you believe it should be a capital crime to accuse somebody of not being born in Levittown, when they really were born there, depending on how you define “Levittown”?

   Yes   No

6.  Are you against states legally mandating that underage girls not be allowed to look slutty in public unless it’s sweeps week?

   Yes   No

7.  Do you believe that the War on Christmas is not only the most profound spiritual issue facing this nation, but also the most important security issue of all time?

Yes   No

8.  In your opinion, is the ACLU, the most evil organization EVER, using a secret satellite to beam microwave transmissions into the brains of the public, in an effort to make them believe that it’s legal to have a separation of church and state?

Yes   No

9.   Do you you believe that Mel Gibson was unfairly maligned for saying that the Jews were responsible for starting all the wars, because all the facts aren’t in yet about just who did start all the wars?

Yes   No

10.  In these perilous times, when terrorists are trying to kill us just because they hate our freedom, and illegal immigrants are plotting to steal our very way of life, don’t you think it’s time we set up some kind of a secret police force in order to monitor those amongst us who might be working to destroy us by saying bad things about Bill’s new book? If so, would you be willing to inform on these traitors in your community, neighborhood, or family, if you came across any?

Yes   No

So, how did you do? Are you on Bill’s side, or are you one of those America-hating, anti-god, child-molesting, puppy-killing S-Ps?

In any case, be sure to watch for Bill, who will be flogging his new book on “Leno, 20/20, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The View, The CBS Morning News, maybe Letterman.” And if you happen to be an S-P technical guy for one of those shows, I’ll pay you $10 if you’ll cut Bill’s mic

Uncategorized | 31 Comments »

I hope that your special day isn’t too crappy, and that all goes well with the kitty, the neurologist, and the birthday festivities.

And speaking of anniversaries, It was just one year ago yesteray that Barbara Bush the Elder gave us this gracious pronouncement about Hurricane Katrina evacuees:

“And so many of the people in the arena here, you
know, were underprivileged anyway, so this — this (she
chuckled slightly) is working very well for them.”

We need more of that kind of compassion these days!

And D., since it sounds like your’re having a trying day, I thought that a photo of Bar might cheer you up (you know, more than a photo of Ann Coulter would).  And since we’re coming up with books for son George to read on his next vacation, I went the extra mile and found a book for George that also features a photo of Mother Bush for you.  And the good news is that it’s being remaindered everywhere, so George should be able to pick up a copy pretty cheaply!

‘,’http://shop.com.edgesuite.net/ccimg.shop.com/220000/228400/228487/products/19099188.jpg’,560,800,0,’no’);return false;” href=”http://shop.com.edgesuite.net/ccimg.shop.com/220000/228400/228487/products/19099188.jpg” />‘,’http://shop.com.edgesuite.net/ccimg.shop.com/220000/228400/228487/products/19099188.jpg’,560,800,0,’no’);return false;” href=”http://shop.com.edgesuite.net/ccimg.shop.com/220000/228400/228487/products/19099188.jpg”>

The First Mom: Wit and Wisdom of Barbara Bush
by Barbara Bush, Bill Adler (Editor)From the Publisher

A collection of stories, advice, and self-deprecating wit from former first lady and current “first mom” Barbara Bush.

[...]

Over the years Barbara Bush’s wit and wisdom have amused, enlightened, and touched even the most jaded among us-Republicans and Democrats alike.

And D., you’re one of the most jaded among us Democrats alike, so this sounds like the book for you.  Happy birthday!

Birthdays | 39 Comments »

Human Events Online in featuring a great little piece entitled “Top 10 Books President Bush Should Read on His Next Vacation.”  Let’s take a minute to go through their list, won’t we?

10. by Dale Carnegie

So, even the HEO editors believe that Mr. Bush is losing friends, both internationally and domestically, and alienating people right and left (and Right and Left).  I guess they’re not as stupid as I thought.

9.  edited by Kiron Skinner, Annelise Anderson and Martin Anderson

President Reagan was known not just for his remarkable speeches, but also for his ability to write well. He was able to clearly communicate his conservative beliefs because he truly believed them—they were a part of him.

I think that what HEO is trying to say is that George Bush can’t communicate well because he doesn’t truly believe in the principles and policies that Dick Cheney is trying to get him to sell us.  This is fairly astute analysis from the wingnut set.

8. Men in Black by Mark R. Levin

The President probably would enjoy the story of Johnny Cash, Zorro, and Jean-Paul Sartre, and how they saved Christmas.

7. Godless: The Church of Liberalism by Ann Coulter

The greatest danger America faces is not the external Muslim threat but the internal moral terrorists destroying our culture and teaching people to blame the West for everything. 

When the President begins the War Against Moral Terror and Liberals, I bet Ann Coulter will be our new Secretary of Inquisition.

6.  The Heritage Guide to the Constitutio edited by Edwin Meese, Matthew Spalding and David Forte

In order to better protect and defend the Constitution during the last two years of his presidency, Bush needs to fully understand what our Founding Fathers put in there.

Um, okay, but wouldn’t it have been a good idea for the President to read the Constitution during his first six years in office?

5. The Big Ripoff by Timothy P. Carney

I hear it’s not as gripping as Clifford the Big, Red Dog or The Pet Goat.

4. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam (and the Crusades) by Robert Spencer

The President has learned a lot since his statements immediately after the 9-11 attacks that “Islam is peace.” Spencer’s book could teach him a few more things.

You know, any of the books from the “Politically Incorrect” series make great companion volumes to Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

3.  by Calvin Coolidge and Peter Hannaford

I’m guessing this is a really short book.

Everyone would profit from reading the words of this conservative President who opposed big government and signed the 1924 Immigration Act, limiting the number of immigrants per nation of origin.

Like Silent Cal said (or mimed, or something), “America must be kept American.”  Racism: It’s what’s for dinner.

2. On Classical Economics by Thomas Sowell

This is probably the best book on the market about the economics of human organ sales, and the benefits they offer to both the desperate poor and the worthy rich. 

1. State of Emergency by Patrick Buchanan

If the U.S. does not enforce its borders and immigration law, we will not be able to withstand the onslaught of multiculturalism combined with mass immigration that is sure to come.

Unless the President heeds Pat’s advice, our country is doomed to extinction via multiculturalism onslaughts, which pose our most pressing national problem, next to moral terrorism.

Anyway, that was the HEO list.  But we think it omits the book that would be most valuable to President Bush: .  This handy, timesaving book details the life-lessons contained in literally dozens of bad movies, making it perfect for an on-the-go, bike-riding, prezel-swallowing-and-then-choking kind of guy like the President.  And in light of current events, we think that at least he should read the chapter on “Surviving the Apocalypse.” 

The chapter on Weird Sex might also be of interest to him. 

So, that was our idea of how the President could begin to recover from funtional illiteracy.  Now, we want to know what books YOU think Mr. Bush should read during his next vacation.  (For the duration of this exercise you must accept the premise that he actually reads actual books when not busy presidentin’.)   Remember, reading is fundamental — and we all know how popular fundamentalism is with the Bush administration these days.

 

 

Uncategorized | 25 Comments »

Here are some things to think about while Scott decides which movies we will wasting our beautiful minds on in the near future.The first one comes from Doug Giles:

Am I to create a Haitian voodoo doll, conjure up some wicked curse and level it at the bloggers who are having fun at my expense?

I’m gonna have to say “no” to this one.

Thankfully (because we hates us those Haitian voodoo doll curses), Doug agrees.

Absolutely not. It’s a difference of opinion that makes a horse race. Anyway, most of their quips are hilarious . . . and being the narcissist that I am, I appreciate the attention be it good or bad. Since I dish it out on a regular and prolific basis, I should be a good sport and not wince when I get it.

We’re glad to hear you say that, Doug — because we just have to pay some attention to this line from your column:

When you take the accounts of Christ’s life straight (as I do my whiskey)

“The name is Giles.  Doug Giles.  And I like my nature dead, my metaphors tortured, and my Jesus shaken, not stirred”

 

Our next question comes from the talented Kevin McCullough (whom you probably best remember as an extra in My Best Friend’s Wedding and Logan’s Run), who asks “Why did Wal-Mart go gay?“

The answer to this one seems to be, “Just to piss off Kevin.”Here’s part of Kevin’s soul-searching column:

There is something simple, familiar, inexpensive, and friendly at a Wal-Mart. During college basketball days when the team would be on the road, we never felt far from home if we could load up on CD’s, Slim-Jims (the beef snack – not automobile door openers), and Mountain Dew, and zip through the smiley face check-out lane.

Good times, good times!

But let’s all take a minute to pity Kevin, for whom home is a “box store” full of cut-rate crap made in China, and for whom love is a never-ending supply of Slim Jims, Mountain Dew, and Shanaia Twain CDs. 

And now Kevin has discovered that home is gay!

Wal-Mart stores have now signed on to an agreement with the “National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.”

Leaving me to ask the question – WHY?

The angst-ridden cry of a wingnut who has just learned that his department store had gone gay is one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard

Wal-Mart never excluded anyone from being employed there based on their sexual preference. To them, and more importantly to the consumer – it didn’t matter. Homosexuals got hired, fired, paid, and promoted in the exact same fashion everyone else did. In fact to be honest, unless the employee came in bragging about his conquests from the night before – the subject never came up.

And that’s how it should be. It’s not my business if you’re shacking up with your girlfriend but you don’t have the chutzpah to marry her. It’s God’s business – but not mine. If you’re openly cheating on your married spouse – you are the one who will have to pay the price for that knowledge being public. But then again, who would benefit if you did? Whatever your appetite in sexual desire, men, women, pets, and blow-up dolls – in a civilized society – it should never be in good taste to discuss it publicly.

Now, to illustrate Kevin’s point, let’s listen to an imaginary exchange between two Wal-Mart employees.

Jim:  So, Bob, how was your weekend?

Bob:  It was okay.  The wife and I . .

Jim: I don’t want to hear about your heterosexuality, Bob!

Bob:  Hey, I was just going to say that Yvonne and I went to the movies.

Jim:  It’s really uncouth of you to come in bragging of your conquest of the night before.  I mean, you’re a man, Yvonne is a woman — could you make things any more graphic!?   Remember, in a civilized society, it’s never in good taste to mention one’s sexual desires, and your obvious preference for women is something that should never be brought into the workplace.

Bob:  Sorry about that.  Anyway, how was your weekend, Jim?

Jim:  Pretty good, actually.  I killed a drifter and buried his body in the basement. 

Bob:  That sounds like fun.

But back to Kevin, who is still in a full-fledged attack of apoplexy.

Why will a Wal-Mart Vice President now sit on the NGLCC task force?

Why will Wal-Mart spend monetary resources to help fund conferences that promote same gender sexual behavior? Would they do the same for adulterers? Pedophiles? Men who like sheep?

Rick Santorum, Kevin is on the line — he says he’ll match your man-on-dog sex line, and raise it by a pedophile, a blow-up doll, and a herd of sheep.

And then Kevin goes on to explain that it wasn’t really Wal-Mart’s fault it went gay, it was just led astray by bad companions.

I know it wasn’t their idea. But in not fighting it, by succumbing to the threats of the community that likes to identify itself based on what type of sex they have in the bedroom, Wal-Mart has taken a turn in an incredibly stupid direction. 

See, Kevin is part of the community that likes to identify itself by the kind of sex it doesn’t have in the bedroom: anything other than dutiful, procreative, missionary-position sex!

 

Our last really deep question comes from Jeff Jacoby:

If you were one of the journalists kidnapped in Gaza last month and ordered at gunpoint to become a Muslim, what would you have done?

I don’t really know, Jeff, never having been kidnapped, terrorized, and threatened at gunpoint.  But please, tell us what YOU would have done?

Fox News reporter Steve Centanni and photographer Olaf Wiig announced their acceptance of Islam on a videotape released by their kidnappers — ‘‘because they had the guns,’’ Centanni later said, ‘‘and we didn’t know what the hell was going on.’’

Whether their acquiescence was an act of cowardice or of prudence, reasonable people can debate. Clearly it wasn’t their only choice. If I were ever told, with a gun to my head, to recite the shahada or die, I hope I would have the courage to take the bullet.

What a nice thought, Jeff. 

And speaking of courage and standing up to terrorists and stuff, how are those enlistment papers coming?

Uncategorized | 26 Comments »

On Customer Appreciation Day, Scott and I announced that as a small token of appreciation and stupidity, we would view, summarize, and draw life-changing lessons from whichever two movies received the most votes from you, the Better Living Through Bad Movies buyer (and also from you, the Wo’C reader). 

But this offer is due to expire soon: you only have until midnight on Sunday, Sept, 3, to finish identifying worthy movies, making your case about why they deserve the BLTBM treatement, and voting for the ones you most want to force Scott and I to suffer through.

On Monday, I will ask Scott to use some kind of a scientific method to pick the movie that each of us will be learning the character-building lessons from.  (And it’s no fair for him to pick the easiest one for himself)

So, fans of bad cinema (and people who just hate Scott and me), have at it!  But remember, I know where some of you blog. 

Movies, The Book | 47 Comments »

A semi-occasional feature where I respond to comments about my last post about my pets. (Or maybe I’ll let the pets respond — after all, it’s about time they didn’t something to help out around here.)

1. Reader Tony noted that ”you have broken the first rule of pets, which is: never have more animals in a house than humans. It is your own damn fault!”

Too true, Tony. I think it all started to go wrong when I was thinking how nice my semi-feral kittens Zigra and Tibby had turned out, and how rewarding and noble it would be to take in a dog that nobody wanted, and give it a good home, and take it for walks and stuff.

And so I got Yodie, who was way more than I could handle, and so I got Flossie, to help me manage his energy. The kittens Torgo and Bix were an accident.

So, while it is all my own fault, I think Tibby and Zigra must also share some of the blame.

2. CS Lewis Jr. quipped ”Clearly you need a Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure. “

It’s sad how much that figurine resembles me. Thanks, CS, for showing me how pathetic my life has become. (Just joking, CS — I already knew).

3. Anntichrist S. Coulter (who, btw,  has a new blog called Mark Of The Beast — CHECK IT OUT OR BE SQUARE) said:

If I could have cats in my current shoebox, I’d have adopted every feral in the neighborhood, which would not only make me the official Crazy Cat Lady for the entire PARISH, but would ensure that I would be able to teach myself how to make yarn & knit sweaters from pet hair.

 Thanks, AC, for the kind thoughts. And you know, I’ve always thought that there must be something constructive I could do with all the cat hair. Maybe use it for insulation or something. I wonder if the Bush administration would give me a grant to determine if it could be used as a faith-based energy alternative.

4. Ciocia sympathized and indicated that:

In the last year, I’ve ponied up for: hyperthyroidism, tooth extractions, chronic irritable intestinal syndrome, festered wounds (like Zigra gets), allergies and chronic renal failure in my cats. It’s nice to know that veterinarian’s kids can get a decent shot at attending an Ivy League school.

With what I’ve been paying lately, my vets (who are married to each other) will be able to endow a whole new library at Harvard, to help their kids get admitted. (I think it should be called the “Zigra Festering Neck Wound Library and Blogging Center.”)

5.  Doghouse Riley, who runs the blog preferred by 4 out of 5 cats) advised, “You’re probably okay treating the abscesses yourself.”

I had thought about skipping the vet’s visit this time, but since this wound was on an artery and was about the size of a plum, I thought I’d better go the vet route, so that Ziggy could get some antibiotics. And while the vet didn’t seem too impressed by it, since it’s still draining and still pretty large (and it’s been almost a week now since it burst), I may be taking him back on Monday — especially since follow up checks are free, and I want to get my money’s worth from this infection, damn it!

Mr. Riley added:

It’s sexual fights that cause real damage.

Hmm, like BeginningToWonder said, ”No shit. Oh, you were talking about cats?”

But, yeah, I don’t know why Ziggy keeps getting bit on the throat I’d think the dogs were doing it, since they’re the ones I always see mouthing the cats there, but the vet said the wound didn’t look like it was made by dog teeth. So, maybe it was a vampire.

6.  Marq said:

Hopefully, the doglets will outgrow the chewing phase. […] Try to keep as much destroyable stuff as you can out of their reach. It’s a pain, but it reduces temptation.

Thanks for the commiseration, and for the advice. I do want to note, however, that the CDs WERE out of the dogs’ reach, so I suspect one of the cats (most probably Jet Jaguar) knocked one down for the dogs to destroy. It’s like the al Qaeda/Saddam terrorism connection.

7.  D. Sidhe said.

I sympathize completely. In the last couple of months, my thirteen year old has lost six pounds while not apparently dieting and not apparently barfing. […] So we drag her into the vet Saturday, and they take some blood, and suggest it could be diabetes. […] Then they start going on about rapid weight loss and fat migrating into her liver, and I pretty much freak out, which I’m still doing. I suck, and I should have noticed her losing weight faster, and I damned well should have gotten her to the vet faster, and I just want her to be okay.

Aw, I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this, D. That’s very similar to the situation I faced with the first cat I ever lost, the sainted George. His problem turned out to be a tumor in his throat that was keeping him from eating. But before the x-rays revealed this, I worried about tons of stuff, and read those same scary websites, and beat my self up for not noticing anything sooner (I still do).

But the bottom line is that George didn’t suffer, loved me no matter my failings, and had a pretty darned good life during the 15 years that he shared with me. And it does help me to remember that I my best for him as soon as I knew there was a problem.

So, I wish you all the best, D. — please feel free to vent here whenever you want, and know that all of our thoughts and good wishes are with you and your cat.

8. Charlotte Smith Says:

I, for one, love the animal stories. Assuming your animals don’t come up with witty bon mots like the Gurdon kids, which would undoubtedly earn them many, many swirlies if they were not homeschooled.

Thanks, Charlotte. And while my pets frequently do say the wittiest, cutest, most politically apt things in the whole, wide, world, I respect their privacy enough not to repeat them.

9. Cynthia asked:

What’s this about leaving food everywhere? One dog training book (The Dog Listener) that I’ve read says that you shouldn’t do that. As the pack leader you’re supposed to pretend to eat first to show the dogs who’s boss, then feed them. Seems to work with our dogs.

The advice to have lots of small bowls of kibble is supposed to help Flossie learn that she can’t control the entire world’s food supply, and so she will relax and just eat her own damned food, and not worry about everybody else.

 I have been doing the “pack leader eats first” thing ever since I got the dogs, and while I don’t know that it helps them to respect mah authoritay, it does mean that I always have their full attention for a few minutes each day, since they are always hoping I’ll choke to death on my pizza so they can finish it for me.

However, the cat’s a different story. We feed him whenever he decides he needs food because otherwise he’ll trip us and bite our ankles. We bow to our Cat Overlord.

I am happy to recognize another member of the cult! My cats always have bowls of dry food available, but out of the reach of the dogs, but somehow I fell into the trap of giving them canned food twice a day also. This catalicism is a harsh religion sometimes!

10. David in NYC said:

I don’t know about 100x, but it is true that cats shed much more when stressed (as in a trip to the vet). According to my vet, it’s actually a defense mechanism similar to a porcupine dropping quills.

Hey, now it all makes sense!  See, after the cat releases a couple of inches of cat hair onto my black clothes, it seems to disappear into the background, leaving it free to make its escape. (”Dr. Smith, I don’t know what happened to Ziggy — he was here a minute ago, but now I can’t find him. Um, I guess you won’t be able to give him his injections today.”)

11.  Dalton Periphery said:

And dear D.Sidhe (another love) when i have to give one of the cats (The Boys) a pill or two, i crush the pill, mix it with water and draw it up into a (needle-less) syringe, then wrap the little guy in a thick towel with just his head poking out, and squirt the pill-water into his mouth- they always get enough of the medecine to make a difference, and i don’t need stitches.

That sounds like good advice. Thanks! After much practice and many scratches, I am able to pop a pill down a cat’s throat fairly effectively, but Ziggy’s current medication is a liquid, and I end up getting about half of it on my clothes (which, sadly, aren’t Pepto-Bismal pink, to match the antibiotic). So, I’ll have to try your method.

12. rimone said:

One thing i’ve learnt about my kitties: never, but never feed ‘em wet food in the morning. i dig sleeping late and them being accustomed to their fave wet food first thing in the AM just ruins my sleeping w/the constant wails of ‘feed me! NOW!’ (despite the dry food always in the bowls but totally disdained in the morning).

Tell me about it! I think I started when I had to give somebody medicine twice a day, and the only way to get them to show up for it was to get out the canned food. That was probably three years ago.

Having to hand-feed the kittens only made things worse, since the older cats were willing to wait for the canned food until I got up, while the kittens insist on being fed as soon as they are hungry, which seems to be at sunrise. I’ve tried to teach them how to work the pop-off can lids themselves, but to no avail. (I’ve also tried to teach them to develop opposable thumbs, but they just won’t listen!)

 

Anyway, thanks, everyone, for all your comments, advice, sympathy, and pet stories of your own. Please join us again in a while for another edition of “Meet the Pets.”

Wild Things | 17 Comments »

Okay, so some right-wing bloggers decided to have a get-together.  Fine, more power to them. It gives them something to do on a Friday night, and gets them out of Mom’s basement so that she can clean up the Cheetoh crumbs and Mountain Dew cans.

But then some ”studly and talented” guy podcasts the thing for Michelle Malkin’s Windbag Media empire, and then Michelle and others hype the event in terms that make it sound, well, really lame. And then this lefty blogger (a man whom all women want, and all men want to be, and some men also want, and some women also want to be) happens to note this.  So, the videoblogger guy (who must Google his name every hour or so) makes this comment on the lefty’s blog [Note: comment edited to protect the children]:

Dude. You’re a mid-fifties Kristofferson wannabe throwing around “nerd” comments.

On your blog.

Oh, the flipping irony. So rich I can practically taste the nougat!

Aside from the fact that nougat, which is made from whipped egg whites and sugar, isn’t particularly rich, I don’t think that somebody who posts this photo of himself should be making any aspersions about someone else’s wannabe-ism. 

 

 

(I’m not quite sure who he wants to be.  My first guess is Dustin Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy, but I’m probably wrong.  So your ideas are welcomed.)

P.S.  “Sister Toldjah” adivses that she hasn’t seen the video yet, but she’s “sure it’s good – the comments are already rolling in to confirm its bloggy goodness [Smiley Face].”

Now, I haven’t seen it yet either (I also avoid “American Idol,” because watching sad and pathetic people humilate themselves doesn’t do anything for me), but I did read the comments.  Here are some that confirm Jeff’s bloggy goodness:

love the drink count. kennedy-esque was my favorite. But jeff, don’t ‘cha think comparing the blogging phenom to martin luther and the protestant reformation is a bit of a stretch??

The drink count was classic. I am glad he never got to the “anti-semitic level”. Another stellar report, Jeff.

When I grow up I wanna be just like Jeff.

5 year anniversary of 911 coming up and the bloggers are in a drunken stupor playing kissy kissy with each other! Great! Looked like fun!

5 year anniversary of 911 coming up and the bloggers are in a drunken stupor playing kissy kissy with each other! Great! Looked like fun!     You’re right. We should maintain mournful silence for weeks, or even months, before the anniversary. Or FOREVER!
– Allahpundit

First: Great CJR, though I miss the yellow teeth and cut-offs. And a shout-out to my former LADN colleague, Linda Seebach.
Second. To the critics, thanks for the feedback. But this site is not just MMTV. It never was and never will be. This is Hot Air, a full-service Internet broadcasting network and blog. You will still have me Venting, but we are seeking out the widest variety of talented vloggers, Citzen Journalists, and creative conservative producers and providing them a revolutionary platform made possible by the Internet revolution. And my credit cards.
I’m honored to have Jeff and DaF on board. Someday, when they have their own cable TV show, you’ll be able to say you saw them here first. If CJR is not to your liking, here’s a handy piece of advice: Do not hit the play button on the video. 
 – Michelle

When Jeff has his own cable TV news show, then I will be the first to toast him with rich, eggy nougat. 

And when HotAir (“A full-service Internet broadcasting network and pancake house”) is actually mistaken for MTV, I will buy Michelle a 3 Musketeers bar.

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Amidst such urgent communications from NewsMax as “The Oil Stock That PAYS YOU!,” “Selling Out Fast: Dick Morris,” and “Pat Buchanan Goes Bananas Ballistic,” there was one that I had to read: “Alan Keyes Asks for Your Immediate Help.”Even though Alan and I aren’t exactly close, if he was asking for my immediate help, I felt the least that I could do was to read his urgent appeal, and then ignore it. But, to my shock and amusement, I found that it was a request for financial donations for old friend and current state senate candidate RANDALL TERRY (probably the only guy who could make Caligula look like the better choice). I was also surprised to learn that Randall’s little race was, like, the most important battle in the nation, for it was who not merely a Florida state senate Republican primary, it was actually a cosmic battle between Good and RINOs!

So, I had to do more than just read Alan’s plea, I had to mock it.  Please join me.

This is a SPECIAL MESSAGE from Dr. Alan Keyes, on behalf of Randall Terry:

Dear Fellow Conservative:

TODAY, I will board a plane and fly into the epicenter of one of the most critical and hotly contested campaigns in the nation.

And I’m asking you to join me.

Okay, you can either join Alan in flying to wingnut central to help stump for Terry “Scary Crazy Guy” Randall, or you can help me mock Alan’s email. Which offer sounds more appealing?

I’m talking about the race between nationally known conservative leader Randall Terry, and the ultra left-wing State Senator Jim King.

Yes, Randall is nationally known for being the nut who advocated the death penalty for abortion providers (and who had an associate who took such words seriously and actually murdered a doctor; he is known most recently for being the “advisor” to the Schindler family who made the whole thing so much more ugly that it would have been otherwise.

And as for Jim King, while I don’t know anything about him, I have to say that anybody would seem ultra left-wing compared to Terry.

Both are Republicans — Randall Terry in heart and soul, Jim King in name only.

If anybody ever asks you what the heart and soul of a Republican looks like, point out Randall Terry to him (it’s less messy than vivisection, although probably just as unsettling).

Before I say one more word in this urgent letter, I beg you to make a critical gift RIGHT NOW of at least $15 or more to help my good friend Randall Terry crush his liberal opponent in a vital political campaign in Florida:

Yes, Alan and Randall are good friends – good friends who sell their mailing lists to each other, who send fund-raising letters on each other’s behalf, who run for political office so they can pay themselves from the donations from the rubes, and who have each disowned a homosexual child.

Anyway, if you’re done donating that $15 to Randall, let’s get back to Alan.

This race is so critical that it could literally be a turning point for good or for ill for conservative politics and policies, as well as the Republican Party coast-to-coast.

Wow!  So, if Terry doesn’t win this election, it could actually bring down the whole Republican Party?!? Where do we sign up to help the other guy?

As you and I both know — the rank-and-file of the GOP are Ronald Reagan Republicans.

Yes, the rank-and-file of the GOP died of Alzheimer’s several years ago — and it to those Americans whom Alan is appealing, as they are the ones most likely to send Terry some money in the belief that it will mean an end to abortion, homosexuality, and taxes.

But on to why YOU should give money to Randall Terry:

Randall Terry has stood fearlessly for Life and Truth — through death threats, through bankruptcy brought about because of his pro-life work, and through unthinkable false accusations. He has stood through it all, consistently and fearlessly proclaiming the truth of the Declaration of Independence, the principles of Ronald Reagan and the Republican Party platform, the value of human life, the sacredness of marriage.

Um, see, this is where I have some real trouble with this missive. Randall Terry’s bankruptcy was brought about because HE BROKE THE LAW AND VIOLATED THE RIGHTS of other people during his anti-abortion escapades.  So, he was sued, lost the court case, and declared bankruptcy instead of paying the damages to those he had wronged. (And since he then bought a $432,00 house with the money he wrung from the faithful after Alan’s last appeal on his behalf, I really have very little sympathy for Randall’s financial state -and I have less than zero interest in giving him any money now.)

And while Terry may proclaim the sacredness of marriage, you might want to ask the ex-wife whom he deserted what she thinks of how he puts his beliefs into practice. (You could also ask the current Mrs. Terry, the former personal assistant whom he married seven months after the divorce, when he was 41 and she was 22, but she’s probably currently barefoot and pregnant, and thus unavailable for comment.)

I must make one more observation about the war for the heart and soul of the Republican Party.

I am a Republican by conviction. That means that I believe that true Republican values are better than the principles of the Democratic Party.

And apparently, per Alan, Randall is an exemplar of true Republican values. So, read this summary (Media Matters – Who is Randall Terry?) of Terry’s career, and you will see true Republican values in action.

 

P.S. If you want to learn more about true Republican values, here’s a portion of a recent news story:

Orlando Sentinel :State race turns nasty in final lap

The Republican primary battle between veteran state Sen. Jim King and anti-abortion activist Randall Terry has taken on a nasty and personal tone in the final days.

[…]

Until recently, the campaign has been dominated by debate over Terri Schiavo, the severely brain-damaged woman who died after her feeding tube was removed last year.

Now Terry’s children are speaking out.

“It’s like pointing out the splinter in someone else’s eye when you have a log in your own,” Jamiel Terry said of his father’s attacks on King.

Meanwhile, Tila, 21, who was also adopted by Randall Terry, said she asked her father for help with her child, but he turned her down.

“He told me he couldn’t help me because he was running for office and he had his own baby on the way,” Tila Terry said. “That’s not how a father is supposed to treat his daughter.”

Well, Alan Keyes probably finds it a fine way to treat a daughter.

And here’s part of another news story:

Mudslinging Intensifies In King-Terry Florida Senate Race

With less than two weeks until the Sept. 5 primary, the mudslinging is intensifying in the Florida Senate race in District 8 between incumbent Jim King and anti-abortionist Randall Terry.

Terry has been waging one of the most negative political campaigns in the state of Florida but took offense when a group which calls itself the North Florida Leadership Coalition Inc. lashed back with a TV commercial and a flyer mailed to some 40,000 registered Republican voters.

[…]

Terry claims all of the accusations are false but didn’t deny having been arrested 40 times, primarily as the result of anti-abortion protests. While he claims he paid his child support, what he doesn’t say that payment was made only after a court order was issued for failure to pay.

Terry paid for political advertisements which accused King of receiving over $20,000 in contributions from gambling companies and strip clubs, of regularly patronizing strip clubs and claims a female dancer had accused the former Senate President of offering money to expose herself

King filed a civil complaint against Terry, attempting to have him removed from the primary ballot because of what King labeled as “distortions of fact” in Terry’s ads. King says that the video released by Terry against him falsely accused him of patronizing a bikini bar and that he didn’t accept campaign contributions from persons, which he knew to be associated with strip clubs. King claims he has never visited Wacko’s, the bikini bar and denied the dancer allegation.

A judge dismissed King’s complaint.

So, yeah, tell me about Republican values, and how they’re way better than Democratic principles.

And citizens of Florida, vote for whichever Republican candidate you feel best represents you. (But if I were you, I’d go for the bikini bar guy – he sounds sleazy, but probably won’t be trying to pass a state law allowing for the stoning of disobedient children.)

A verbose rebuttal letter to the Coalition’s flyer has been issued by Gary McCullough of Ponte Verda, editor of the Christian Wire Service, part of a public relations group known as the Christian Communications Network and “media advisor” for Terry, listing himself as Terry’s “best friend”.

You recall Gary McCullough, anti-abortion extremist, don’t you? Well, he’s Terry’s best friend. ‘Nuff said.

Campaign funding has become an issue with Terry having to return money to about 65 contributors who had exceeded the maximum $500 limit. King has also filed a complaint about Terry’s financial disclosure forms filed with the state elections office, saying that Terry had failed to disclose ownership of four condominiums valued at $140,000

Wow, the value-voter sheep must have been generous if poor, bankrupt Terry could afford not just that $400,000 house, but also four condos. Take that as a sign that he doesn’t need your $15, folks.

Voters are becoming aggravated with the telephone campaigning tactics of Terry, placing automated phone calls in which he impersonates people such as former President Bill Clinton or Father Frank Pavone of Priests for Life. Some voters say they get as many as five calls a day from the Terry camp and complaints have been filed against Terry with state consumer groups.

Hey, it’s just true Republican values in action.

In 1992, Terry arranged to have a dead fetus presented to Clinton at the 1992 Democratic National Convention and has described Planned Parenthood’s founder, Margaret Sanger, as a “whore” and an “adulteress”.

It’s likely he would take his circus-like performances and antics into the Legislature if he were elected.

But it’s just the state senate, and it’s not like they aren’t used to circuses in Florida. But, if you do happen to live in this district, I urge you not to vote for Terry, since if he gets more than 1% of the vote, it will just encourage him to run for President in 2008 (for the Wingnut Party). Besides, he’s making a very comfortable living as a candidate (a trick he presumably learned from his friend Alan), and so it’s not like winning the election is his real goal.

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