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In the comments to this post, Bill the Splut (of the West Egg Spluts), points us to his page-by-page exegesis of the Giant Sized Tod Holton Super Green Beret, Issue 1.  Lovers of porcine rodeos, enchanted haberdashery, and acid flashbacks are advised to click the link.

5 Responses to “Bush’s Latest Plan For Iraq: Tod Holton, Super Green Beret!”

Tod Holton — rhymes with John Bolton.

The GI is depicted killing several VC’s at once, with a facial expression one might expect to see on an eight year old looking through a magnifying glass at a particularly interesting insect.

Remember that song, “Ballad of the Green Berets?” And the parody, “Ballad of the Yellow Berets,” by the Beach Bums, that made fund of pacifists and draft dodgers?
Fun Fact of the Week: Bob Seger was a member of the Beach Bums.

Remember that song, “Ballad of the Green Berets?”

That dude that wrote and sang that song, Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler? That dude was crazy as a shithouse rat. After he got out of the military, he started this series of books that surrounded the adventures of Longinus, the Roman soldier that pierced the side of Christ at the Crucifixtion and, thus, was cursed to be a soldier for all eternity. Apparently, Sadler only wrote the first couple or so, farming the rest out to ghostwriters.

He also served time for involvement somehow or another in a fatal shooting. I don’t have the reference in front of me, so take all this with a grain of salt, but apparently whoever was shot didn’t die immediately. So Sadler’s defense was something along the lines of “I’m a Green Beret. If I wanted him dead, he’d be dead.”

I remember a late-night TV commercial selling the super country hits of the ’70s, stuff like “Rose Garden” and “Walk Through This World With Me” and “The Teddy Bear Song”, you know, the good shit. “The Ballad Of The Green Berets” was also on the compilation, and the commercial had Sadler lip-syncing the song on “Hee Haw” or something. Man’s eyes looked like Ian McShane in Sexy Beast: stone dead, boy.

You can’t go past Stan Ridgway, and ‘Camouflage’.

And I knew there was somethin weird about him,
cause when I turned around,
He was pullin a big palm tree up outta the ground
And swattin those charlies with it from here to kingdom come

I looked around and read about S.Sgt. Sadler and apparently he was shot in the head while spending his retirement years in Guatamala. Some think he was helping to run guns for the Contras.

Oh, by the way, the comic reminds me of the stuff my older brother collected, when I was but a wee one in the late sixties. That newsprint cheap paper, the hand drawn writing. Oh the memories.

Then I came across some parodies of his song, thought I’d share one:
“Boys Who Take Ballet” Parody by David Chrenko

Fighting bullies after school.
Twelve-year olds – can be so cruel.
Words so mean – are hurled your way,
When you’re a boy – who takes ballet.

Silver tights – and satin vests.
These are boys – who pirouette.
On tippy toes – we’ll stand today;
The fate of boys – who take ballet.

Trained to leap – and trained to land,
Catch ballerinas with one hand.
We’re getting buff – Perhaps one day,
We’ll beat up boys – who mock ballet.

Silver tights – and satin vests.
We are boys – lest you forget.
One hundred guys – went out to play,
But only three – had to take ballet.

A year’s gone by – we don’t get creamed,
We’re cooler than – the football team.
We’ve better odds – for meeting babes.
They’re five-to-one – when you take ballet.

The girls all love – Our satin vests.
Our silver tights – make women sweat.
BMOC – that’s what they say.
We are real men – who take ballet.”

Kate, that made me burst right into song. Here at Casa Biscuitbarrel, when I burst into song it is inevitably accompanied by teenage-boy eye-rolling.

The commentary on the comic book not only contained a Monty Python reference (“Cut down this tree with… a herring!”) but also Warren Zevon’s “raspberry beret.” The kind you find at a second-hand store.

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