• Hey! We're on Twitter!

  • Buy The Book!



    Click to Buy The Mug

    Buy The Book

Raw Story brings us a piece about a line of e-greeting cards featuring prominent Democrats in virtual fetish gear:

This Valentine’s Day, one of the nation’s largest greeting card companies is circulating a satirical online greeting card that depicts “Love Democratic Style” as “throw[ing] family values out the window” and depicts House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) dressed as a dominatrix and Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) as a maid. RAW STORY could not locate a similar “Love Republican Style” card at the company’s website.

Let me be the first to say it…as an example of digital image manipulation, this just flat out blows donkeys (Registered Trademark of Doghouse Riley, LLC).   And it’s all the more shameful when you realize that somebody actually got paid for that.  Now, as I have amply demonstrated on this blog, I have no Photoshop skills to speak of, but even I can play in that league.   For instance, let’s take this photo of Josef Mandalbaum –

– who oversees Blue Mountain, the subsidiary of American Greetings that produced the e-cards.  And combine it with, Oh, I don’t know…

– this picture of the Village People…

 – mix and match…and come up with…this. 


Sure it blows donkeys, but is it really any worse than this:

So, here’s the thing:  While William Donohue’s recent bout of explosive priapism may have discouraged presidential candidates from hiring bloggers, I think it’s clear that Blue Mountain Greeting Cards is in desperate need of the kind of Photoshop chops that, ironically, only a blogger can supply. 

Anyone have Sadly No’s number?

Personally, the idea of Democrats, especially boring, stodgy Democrats (as though there were any other kind these days) trussed up in bondage gear seems less risible than counterintuitive, since subs are usually sexually repressed.  While Democrats, on the other hand, are ruthless sybarites commited to the spread of “San Francisco values.”  At least, that’s what Bill O’Reilly told me breathily over the phone as he diddled himself with a chickpea delivery device.

Still, the kind of middle-aged people who go in for hired humiliation usually have an (R) after their name

Mistress Natasha, 29, a striking black-haired dominatrix in a midtown dungeon, had just finished flogging one of her clients when they began chatting, as they often do at the end of a session. “I mentioned that I had seen Fahrenheit 9/11 the other night. He asked me what I thought of it, and then he said he was voting for Bush again. It always surprises me how many of my clients are not just Republicans but Bush supporters. I think, You wanted me to force you down to your knees when you’re in a pink tutu, but you support Bush? Maybe that should be part of my punishment: ‘You’re going to vote for Bush? Now you’re really going to get it!’ ”

Like many sex workers in Manhattan, Mistress Natasha is anticipating a dramatic upswing in business late this month as 5,000 delegates—and an entourage of 45,000 others—arrive for four days of work and play. “August is usually slow, but I think I’ll be rather busy,” she says, planning to increase her hours. “I’ve already gotten several e-mails from men who say they’re coming into town that week.”

Transsexual escort and adult-film star Allanah Starr, 26, is even more confident: “I’m sure business will pick up for strip bars and escorts.”

In contrast, I seriously doubt that Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi goes to bed with a copy of Slave Girl of Gor.  But perhaps Anntichrist Coulter will give us the benefit of her experience in personally whipping cringing and diapered conservatives?

The bottom line, of course, is that these cards exist because a market exists for them:  conservatives who lack the fortitude or wherewithal to actually engage a dominatrix, but who still find in these images a titillating, juvenile thrill, harkening back to those middle school days when nervous, squealing laughter was one’s only avenue of sexual release.

13 Responses to “4 Out of 5 Republicans Recommend The Penis Gag”

I dunno. I’m expecting business to rise quite a bit for me during YearlyKOS this year I’m not gonna be in Colorado at all in ’08.


And none of that sick-disgusting-narcissistic “Adult BABY” shit, either!!!!!!!!!



I’m gonna have to hurt you for this one, Scott.

You won’t know when, you won’t know where, but you’ll definitely know WHO. My ninja mormon missionaries NEVER release their prey until the conversion is complete…

And you keep forgetting — MY very limited experience as a “dom” was in dealing with drunk, sweaty, obnoxious, sexist-pig neanderthal yuppie-scum fucking TOURISTS — who neither understood the “Story Of O” heirarchy, nor the style and panache with which one should drape one’s naked buttocks when submitting to the requested treatment.

They were nasty little pieces of shit who groped the pretty girls and nearly went home missing their little twigs & berries on many an occasion for their impudence/assaults/attempted assaults/sexism/mouth-breathing and/or LOUSY FUCKING TIPS.

They didn’t even understand the very simple concept that the DOMinatrix is in CHARGE. Silly boys thought that THEY got to hold the whip at some point… You can imagine how that went… Keanu Reeves’ band was fun, though — those guys were a HOOT! Keanu sat in the bar and sulked, the big puss.

So no, unlike the lifestyle people and those lucky girls who work in NYC, I’ve never had the thrill of extracting wads of cash from pompous, repressed republicunts’ orifices.

But I do have a collection of photographs that could come in very very handy someday, if any of those drunken, drugged, and dumbass frat-boys try to seek public office… But the pretty girls, I will protect those photos…

I’m gonna have to hurt you for this one, Scott.

I assume you take Mastercard?

(or is it Mistresscard?)

And yet, for all the Great Men of Science (you and s.z., Roy, TBogg, the men and half-men at Sadly No! Labs) who regularly pin this stuff to the specimen tray and dissect it, we’re no closer to understanding why anyone over the age of 9-1/2 would find this sort of thing funny, or why anyone under that age wouldn’t understand they could get four times the humor, at half the price, and a stick of gum thrown into the bargain, over in Aisle 5.

I was reminded, though, of the old John Leguizamo show on Fox, where he played the sixth Village Person, the Knight (“I always wanted to be a Plumber, but they thought that was too much like the Construction Worker”) who was fired before they hit the big time and was now performing solo (in suit of armor) in hotel lounges. God I miss the 90s.

If Kerry actually was that much fun, he would have won the Presidency !

this just in ann coulter waz banned from the fox news circle jerk club sean hannity said today.. we love ann but we just cant handel her haveing a bigger dick than us orilley is just muffed about the hole thing saying late today cant we all just cum togeather in in a unifyed jizzed filled celebration to our glorious leader dick cheney

A few weeks ago, Doug Giles had that weird article about why there were no good conservative comics. His reason was, I think, that they were too nice. This,if we consider this an example of the new conservative comic, more or less explains the problem alittle more accurately. As everyone so rightly puts it, this “just flat out blows donkeys.”

“I assume you take Mastercard?

(or is it Mistresscard?)”

Y’know, I’d smack you again for that one, but you’d just enjoy it, which would remove all pleasure from the experience for ME.

And, sad to say, I never got to hit the level of “dominatrix” success where I could take credit cards.

Those huge five weeks of slinging leather at the Dungeon, I was working for TIPS.

Go ahead, laugh until you piss yourself, I knew that you’d enjoy that.

But that’s exactly how fucking broke that I was at the time — have I mentioned how much New Orleans radio sucks?

I did once attempt a “substitute” (not the same as “sub” in BDSM, btw, for you newbies) gig for a “pro” dom who was heavily pregnant and couldn’t keep up her regular clientele, but after she sent her “slave” to clean my house, and he did such a shitty job, and then wanted to gratify himself with my SHOES, it all kinda fell apart right there.

The things that I have done to avoid housework… *sigh*

blowing dinkeys? i was always under the impression that one sucks donkeys and blows goats

You’ve never been to Tijuana, have you Ichomo dear…

Man, Annti, it’s no fun having a masochist as a slave, is it?

Nope, they just slobber all over everything and do a crappy job of the housework anyway…

Sounds like you’re talkin’ ’bout Ted again, Annti (shut yo’ mouf!).

Something to say?