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Ah, the holidays.  Where I grew up (a little beach town in Southern California), we had to do without weather, so one of the most poignant signifiers of the season was a perennial series of commercials for crappy vintner Paul Masson, done by Orson Welles (who apparently really, really needed the money to finish Don Quixote).  Even as a kid, I wondered what a smooth character like him was doing, drinking the white man’s T.J. Swan.  Well, these outtakes answer that burning question, while simultaneously ushering in a frost-and-topped frisson of the holiday spirit.  We give you:

Orson Welles.  Assailed By Wassail:

12 Responses to “Because The Wine…Forgot”

I would just like to say, that is one of my FAVORITE clips of Orson Welles, EVER!

I’m very disappointed. From the still there, I thought the guy with the bottle was Columbo, which for some obscure reason made me quite happy.

There, but for the grace of God, goes God, as Herman Mankiewicz once said.

“We will sell no wine before it’s time!”
How I loved that phrase, still use it. I never saw the “vintage dated” commercial. Now I can die happy. But not right away. (I bought a bottle of Moet & Chandon for hubby & I to drink whilst watching the little one decorate the tree, but HE drank it all one Saturday afternoon. Just as well, Champagne, even French (tho not vintage dated) gives me a headache).

Okay, so exactly how many cases of the stuff had he sampled (just to make sure it was palatable, of course) before he started shooting? This is truly, TRULY special!!

Wow! He must have been fermented in the bottle. I like the looks on the other actor’s faces, too – like they are afraid that Welles will smack them if they say or do anything.

There used to be a liquor store in San Francisco whose ad space for specials read WE WILL SELL NO WINE BEFORE IT’S TIME.

Under that, it read, OPEN 9:30 A.M.

Both funny AND grammatical!

I’ve never been sure if it’s “We will sell no wine before ITS time,” i.e. the _wine_’s time, or “We will sell no wine before IT’S time,” i.e. we decide that the time is right. Both are grammatically sound. Which is it? Or is it deliberately ambiguous?

I need to get out more.

Flip, print ads as well as onscreen text at the end of Paul Masson commercials all use “its,” and you need to get out more in any case, as do we all.

And of course, for anyone who missed it check out the the widely circulated mp3 of Mr Welles’ bad day in the recording studio, which was faithfully reproduced as a Pinky and the Brain episode titled “Yes, Always.” Not quite word for word, and you’ll see why when you hear the tape.

C’mon fellas, you’re losing your heads!

Chris, that’s a load off my mind.

For a while, a competitor – don’t recall who – had a series of ads that used a Welles impersonator and the slogan “We will sell no wine…until you pay for it.” Sadly, they pulled the campaign under pressure, but it was hilarious while it lasted.

Something to say?