We recently learned that Wo’C favorite heydave hates the TV series “Bones” with “the burning fury of a bazillion evil suns scorching the surfaces of a gadzillion dead planets.” Good call, heydave!
So, question to the rest of you is: what television program do you dream of cutting to pieces with a machete, dousing the remains with jet fuel, lighting them on fire, and then flushing the ashes down the toilet?
My pick would have to be “CSI Miami,” partly because it tries to be super trendy, sexy, and edgy, but is really just dumb — and still gets in the top ten, ratings wise, every week. It’s just not fair! But the main reason I hate it is because of David Caruso. It’s obvious that the writers have specific instructions to make his character Horatio Caine (or Ho Canine, as I like to call him) the most knowledgeable, sensitive, macho, intelligent, desirable, action-star-who-is-looking-out-for-the-children crime scene investigator EVER! But he comes across as a humorless, boring, egomaniac, so the disconnect between what I am supposed to think of him and reality annoys me. Plus, he reminds me of an old boss. Oh, and I think I am still suffering post-traumatic stress disorder from viewing Jade, the “erotic thriller” Caruso made after deciding he was too good for “NYPD Blue.”
But maybe I am wrong, and there are other TV shows that I should be detesting instead of “CSI Miami.” What is your pick for the coveted honor of “TV Show That Should Be Shot and Then Forced to Watch Itself for All Etenity”?
Oh, now you’re just trying to piss me off.
Want to make Bones a drinking game?
A shot for every time the female lead says something “cute, cute, cute” but hopelessly outdated and/or inane.
A shot for every heavy handed sexual innuendo from the male lead that makes male viewers regret they were born male accidentally, also.
And every time “she” strikes that head pose of incongruity while “he” strikes the doofus pose? My ass slams shut.
But, wait, there’s more!
What. In. The. Fuck! brought about that stoopid faux 70′s crime drama/flashback shit that makes me tremble and vomit in a most unappealing way that even now I am ashamed to say I can’t recall the name of because the venom has flooded my eyes and I cannot even pretend to see straight and all must die!… show.
I forget; it’s hideously stupid and offensive.
Left by heydave on June 29th, 2010