Oh, now you’re just trying to piss me off.
Want to make Bones a drinking game?

A shot for every time the female lead says something “cute, cute, cute” but hopelessly outdated and/or inane.

A shot for every heavy handed sexual innuendo from the male lead that makes male viewers regret they were born male accidentally, also.

And every time “she” strikes that head pose of incongruity while “he” strikes the doofus pose? My ass slams shut.

But, wait, there’s more!

What. In. The. Fuck! brought about that stoopid faux 70′s crime drama/flashback shit that makes me tremble and vomit in a most unappealing way that even now I am ashamed to say I can’t recall the name of because the venom has flooded my eyes and I cannot even pretend to see straight and all must die!… show.

I forget; it’s hideously stupid and offensive.

Left by heydave on June 29th, 2010

American Idol. I can say no more.

Left by Ivan G. Shreve, Jr. on June 29th, 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I’m with CoCo.

Left by Matt on June 29th, 2010

CSI:Miami is so awful it makes me laugh. I’m convinced that the writers are writing Horatio Caine in the voice of Adam West’s “Batman.”

Left by Misplaced Patriot on June 29th, 2010

Ditto the CSI:Miami, though I take umbrage with heydave’s assessment of “BONES.” Of course, FUX-TV DOES do the same fucking thing with EVERY successful show: let the first season actually be ABOUT something, in this case, THE SCIENCE, and then reduce the ensuing seasons to nothing but “When are they gonna FUCK already?!?!” bullshit. But the leads are both still pretty enough to entertain me, so shaddup.

I’d have to say, beyond “Murkin Idol/Puppetmaster” that I’d have to add EVERY primetime “dancing” show, that harpie & her standard stunt-queen on the TRULY bastardized version of “What Not To Wear,” (they will NEVER compare to the BBC original!!!), every single makeover show that has ever existed (yes, some are worse than others, but they all deserve to die a slow, painful, minimum-wage death), and the crooked whores who turned “Last Comic Standing,” IN ITS VERY FIRST FUCKING SEASON, into an utter fucking MOCKERY of a “contest,” by having arrogant-and-ignorant-as-fuck “producers” OVERRIDE WHAT THE JUDGES HAD DECIDED.

I just hope that Brett Butler kicked SEVERAL fucking asses over THAT shit.

Oh, and any and everything that Springer, Fatfuck Limbaugh, and Stuttering John have ever touched should be doused in kerosene and set afire, even retroactively.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on June 29th, 2010

The current list is undoubtedly influenced by the current migraine, but here.

24: because they scream, yell, and blow shit up a lot.

L&O: because when they started SVU, I thought, awesome, finally a place to do all those dead hooker and child rape-and-murder cases I have absolutely no interest in stumbling into when I watch this show. But they had more! And then they started ditching characters I liked and then I stopped watching, and now it’s canceled and I don’t care anymore, but it’s worth mentioning.

Lost: Because people keep trying to explain it to me. Shut up, people. If I cared, I’d have been watching it. Same goes for anything by Joss Whedon. Also, too. BSG, Dexter, The Sarah Silverman Show, The United States of Tara, SatC, and everything else my partner watches and insists on talking at me about. Some of these are technically classified as breakup requests/suicide attempts.

But the ones *I* cannot hit the remote fast enough for:

Monsters Inside Me. If you don’t know, this is Animal Planet’s parasite showcase. Because everybody wants to spend dinnerhour watching hookworms bore into childrens’ eyeballs.

My Dog Ate What? This is similar, but with that added cruelty-to-animals frisson. Frankly, you don’t want to know what your dog eats.

Together, all the gross-out appeal of CSI combined with the sociopathy of people who watch those Christian Childrens’ Fund infomercials for enjoyment. Wanna know what watching these shows is like? It’s like a date with John Boehner. It’s like waking up drunk covered in tequila. It’s like waking up drunk covered in used tequila. It’s like waking up sober covered in a drunk John Boehner.

Less awful by several orders of magnitude but still fairly appalling, River Monsters. Because, you know, fish! And I like fish! Oh, but wait… He’s catching them. And sometimes they die. And you know why he’s catching them? Because he’s heard stories about how they eat people. Because what’s the point of a fish show if it isn’t ALL ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS? Animal Planet would like you to know that they’re “Surprisingly Human”, now. See? It’s like animal documentaries for people who really aren’t into all that animal stuff.

Not technically a show, but PBS’ Star Gazer, with Jack Horkheimer. The theme song! Jack’s voice! His preschooler enthusiasm! His ritual pitch for Cosmic Comics! His Keep Looking Up! signoff! Whoever greenlit this fucker needs to die already.

Left by D. Sidhe on June 29th, 2010

Hey, I live alone. I don’t have to compromise on TV watching, or listen to earnest recaps by someone trying to change my mind or win me over. I don’t like it? Click.

Oh, wait. I almost forgot. I try really hard not to watch House because House is so mean. I do not care one bitty bit about his inner demons. And the Super Doc who runs the place? Wears scanty frilly silly girly clothes. To work.

And yet, sometimes I forget to shut the darn thing off.

Left by Larkspur on June 29th, 2010

D.! You can’t kill Jack Horkheimer! As excruciating as his voice, his wardrobe, his just-crawled-off-of-I-95-roadkill toupee’ all are — who the fuck ELSE is going to do the astronomy updates? It’s a whoooole lot easier if you put him on mute and do the closed-captioning. THEN, you might actually glean some useful information, instead of being distracted by the icepicks-through-your-eyes pain of watching/listening to him.

One of the many things that I never got to achieve whilst wasting 8 months in Miami in ’03 (like finding a job so that I coulda STAYED in Miami!) was that I never made it to his planetarium. I’d have been nice about it, I might even have asked for his autograph, but yeah, I would’ve HAD to have ripped that dead nutria off of his head, raced out into the parking lot and set fire to it. And yeah, it would’ve been worth the bail money.

I think that he actually DOES provide a useful service to PBS viewers, but yeah, it’d be nice if they could audition, say, someone whose voice isn’t akin to sharp fingernails across one’s cervix.

And Larky? Admit it… you are warm for Hugh’s form. Go on, this is a safe place, you can trust us to never laugh at your innermost secrets and dirty little desires, really…

And yes, that chick who plays his boss DOES dress like Cosmo’s Biggest Office Tramp contest winner, which is severely annoying and insulting to all women who WORK for a living. But Hugh Laurie is still better than the material that he’s given to work with, I don’t care how much you holler otherwise. So nyeh.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on June 29th, 2010

Never saw an episode of Fox’s “Glee” until a month ago and was curious due to good reviews in NYT.

This show is about high school students who participate in an extra-curricular choir. The cast must be stupid — because of many repeated grades viewers can no longer distinguish them from their faculty. They’re mid-20 somethings but with lots of mileage.

They do attempt to sing their hearts out. But they’re just gawd-awful.

Can’t sing and should look for non-musical roles. The other pricipals, arrangers, producers, etc. ought to be looking for new day jobs. In

The universal metric for bad TV will always be “Hotel” with James Brolin and Connie Seleca. Somehow, “Glee” seems to surpass it, but in a different modality. The season finale is up on the “Hulu” site for free.

Worst show on television ever. Much, much more awful than the 1980s show “Hotel” with Connie Seleca and Josh Grobin.

Left by kaje on June 30th, 2010

Um, hon, I agree that “HOTEL” was PAINFULLY bad in that “DYNASTY” era of Reaganesque revelry in their ill-gotten gains, but hon, Josh Grobin wasn’t even fucking BORN when that show was on the air! You’d already properly identified JAMES BROLIN, father of Josh Brolin, wife-beating spouse of Diane Lane, as the male-lead perpetrator of that pile of overpriced crap.

Big fat “AY-MENN!” to the “Glee” hatred. Anything that is hyped THAT much can’t have much substance to it at all. Though, since the Fallen Uterus stopped watching it since Jane Lynch came outta the (blatantly translucent) closet, I almost feel duty-bound to watch it just for the “Sue Sylvester” scenes.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on June 30th, 2010

Big Time Rush My grandaughter forces me to watch it over and over and over again. Curse you, DVR! I remember the Monkees and you, Mr.Big Time Rush, you sir are (is?) no Monkees.

Left by scripto on June 30th, 2010

Dang, you all stole mine. Especially American Idol and Monsters Inside Me. They’re both about parasites, but I can’t decide which is more gross.

But, hey, Reagan-era Dynasty was good dumb fun. The hats and shoulder pads alone were worth the price of admission.

Left by Toni on June 30th, 2010

In no particular order:

NCIS
Lost
Heroes (and I actually liked the first season)
CSI:Anyfuckinggoddamnplace
America’s Got The Clap Talent
The CBS Evening News
Good Morning, America
Today
Any soap opera except my telenovelas on Univision
Any show with Patricia Heaton
Any show based on an idea Patricia Heaton once had but couldn’t get sponsored.
Any show with any character that LOOKS like Patricia Heaton (I’m looking at YOU, King of Queens!)
Any show with a sexual abuser
Any show without a sexual abuser
Any game show, except Bowling For Dollars and maybe the Art Fleming Jeopardy.
Any movie of the week that features a housewife in tragic circumstances
Any miniseries that features a Steven King novelette or a short story inspired by Steven King
Any show with Laura san Giacomo on it, unless she’s baring her tits.
Any show with Sela Ward, except reruns of House.
Any show with any stand-up comedian who is not either Robin Williams or Steve Martin, and I’m not even sure about Martin (yes, that means TORCH SEINFELD! OHMYFUCKINGGODHOWHORRIBLEWASTHAT????)

That’s just off the top of my head.

Left by actor212 on June 30th, 2010

Oh.

And Glee. Lose that shit. Put them on the fucking island with the folks from Lost and let’s see how long their peppy little spirit club lasts.

Left by actor212 on June 30th, 2010

Also.

Left by actor212 on June 30th, 2010

Oh. And the Real Housewives line, along with Desperately Horny Hookers of Wisteria Lane. In fact, you can toss Bravo on the fucking bonfire. I used to like that channel when it actually showed arts and letters programming. But keep Private Sessions. And the House re-runs.

Talk about parasites…

Left by actor212 on June 30th, 2010

I always thought Jack Horkheimer was a John Waters parody, although the planetarium seemed an odd choice for a medium.

Left by H-Bob on June 30th, 2010

FYI, teh Hork’s sound track was some classic synth stuff I bought by random chance as a wee one: Tomita’s version of Debussy.

Hah, and here you didn’t think I was even paper trained yet.

Left by heydave on June 30th, 2010

Law & Order: SVU is my personal bete noire. There’s a lot of good talent on that show, systematically wasted and ruined by that classic, molasses-thick L&O tone and some of the worst writing ever.

Left by Djur on June 30th, 2010

I recently stumbled across something called, I believe, “Man Vs. Food.” It’s unspeakable. And will put you off eating for days. And will somebody PLEASE slap the lips off David Letterman?

Left by Marion in Savannah on June 30th, 2010

I hate Torchwood. I like the new Doctors, for the most part, but I can’t stand Torchwood. It’s amateur hour characters but we’re supposed to believe that they are some sort of great outfit. The only positive thing I can say is at least they have enough realism to have only semi-attractive people fucking. You can’t do that on American TV. Only attractive people can have sex.

Left by Michael G. on June 30th, 2010

Pretty much any news program. Except that one that Bill Moyers did and now it’s off the air.

Left by AnnPW on June 30th, 2010

Any of the “bonk-bonk” Law and Order spinoffs.
Survivor.
Anything with “Dance” or “Dancing” in the title.
American Idol.
CSI Miami (worst written, worst acted, worst everydamnthing show on TV)
LOST.
Anything on Faux News Channel.

Left by squatlo on June 30th, 2010

So much hate for CSI Miami? Come on! It’s glorious in its terrible-ness! The dramatic pauses, the sunglasses, the ludicrous appearance of scantily clad women at practically every crime scene… sigh.

I watch it and provide my own MST3K style commentary.

Left by sairarias on June 30th, 2010

Michael G.,

a-motherfucking-men. I tried like hell to give Torchwood a shot, but after like the fourth episode, I went fuck it and threw the DVD out the window. And while we’re on the subject, some of the Tennant Doctor’s episode sucked koala dick. Like all the season finales, that episode with the 2012 olympics and the fucking grand finale with the Doctor whining “I don’t want to die”. Ugh. Thank heavens for Moffat.

As for Bones, I agree, it is fucking stupid. I don’t want to go all analytical and euro on your asses, but by God, the American antiintellectualism really shows there – all people with above-room-temperature IQs are portrayed as total dimwits. And don’t get me started on that main character chick and her fucking annoying voice and her “anthropolically speaking” bullshit and her best friend who is really a dumb and shallow slut, but it’s ok, ’cause she’s an artist.
That being said, I remember a couple of episodes that were really good and so I keep watching and keep getting disappointed.

Left by bulbul on June 30th, 2010

TV series? hmmm…tv series…tv series…tv series.

Nope. Can’t say that I’ve ever heard of it.

Left by Weird Dave on June 30th, 2010

“Grey’s Anatomy” from season 2 onwards.

The first season was refreshing, and the series had good enough material to create a memorable show… but they got lost by the middle of the second season, and just going down since then.

Left by Rebuscado on June 30th, 2010

…I watch Bones ’cause “someone else” in the house likes it – my advice: read the novels.

Horatio, most of the time, looks like he has no idea what’s going on and his ulcer is acting up.

Left by ckc (not kc) on June 30th, 2010

Cupcake Wars. Yes, there is a show in which teams compete to make cupcakes. When you have to fill 24-7 with “food” I guess the inanity is inevitable. Has to be the most annoying voice on television.

Left by Brian M on June 30th, 2010

Y’know, Actor, I disagree with almost all of yours except the CBS Evening News, Seinfeld and that republicunt Patricia Heaton. Oh, and Steve Martin — have NEVER liked him, even when he was “big” in the ’70s, back when I was in GRADE SCHOOL. Makes my fucking skin crawl, and I cannot fucking STAND the damned banjo.

But you did make a remarkable recovery with the Desperate Menopausal Harpies line and all of the other obnoxiously-slutty, middle-aged bony old hags.

H-Bob: Very good line. I bet that John Waters fucking LOVES Horkheimer, for “kitsch factor” alone. And yes, that “moustache” on Horkheimer’s face DOES seem like he’s the lead cheerleader of the John Waters fan club. But, annoying as he is, he’s still useful.

Marion, I second your horror @ Man V. Food, especially considering how many hungry people that there are in the world (same way that I feel about “competitive EATERS”, which really sounds like a joke about Madonna), but Letterman, lame as he is in MANY ways (especially in all things related to Bill Hicks), at least he’s not a republicunt suck-ass like Leno. Leno got SCHWARZENEGGER ELECTED. For that alone, he should be burned at the stake. And Kimmel? I’ve seen dirty diapers that were funnier than him, and I do NOT do scat humor.

Sadly, Bulbul, despite all of the many good things that FUX-TV has RUINED about “BONES,” I can see that we will never agree about Deschanel or any of the other actors/characters on that show.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on June 30th, 2010

My issue with Horkheimer’s soundtrack is that it’s apparently been designed to vibrate all the parts of your brain that a migraine is already killing, with an effect similar to Slim Whitman in Mars Attacks. My partner’s snore is at the same approximate frequency, just for whatever it’s worth.

Left by D. Sidhe on June 30th, 2010

Anything with “Housewives of” in the title, alhough I’ve never seen any of the shows, just the ads interrupting everything else on every channel evey five minutes, and it’s currently the only thing that’ll make me gasp, dive for the remote, switch channel, count off a few seconds, then switch back.

DO NOT WANT!

Left by Chris Vosburg on June 30th, 2010

Yeah, Horkheimer, and especially use of Isao Tomita’s goofy, poppy and bubbly early 70s electronic rendition of Debussy’s Arabesque no 1. A troubled time for electronic music in general. Wendy Carlos was still Walter at that point, come to think of it.

Left by Chris Vosburg on June 30th, 2010

Ooh, ooh… Dancing to Bad Synth with Housewives Who Frighteningly Resemble Patricia Heaton!

Anthropologically speaking…

Left by heydave on June 30th, 2010

Whatever television series it is that is responsible for the fact that a) I know who the Kardashians are and b) I am constantly updated on the events of their lives every time I stand in the supermarket checkout line.

Seasons 1 and 2 of Torchwood sucked donkey balls, but my SO put on the first episode of Season 3 the other day and it was actually interesting. I suspect that is because they finally killed off the most annoying character at the end of S2, after a mere 26 episodes of me screaming “KILL that guy!” every time he appeared onscreen.

Actually, I hardly ever voluntarily watch anything these days other than Turner Classic Movies. I am a curmudgeon.

Left by sophronia on June 30th, 2010

1. Most Dwarfsploitation shows on TLC. “The Little Chocolatiers”? Who gives a rat’s ass about a couple of little people who make candy? What’s interesting about it, other than their size? “Little People, Big World” is ok, because it did show people how dwarfs actually face daily life, but I suspect all the other shows were green-lit based on “OMG! Dwarfs! People eat them up!”

2. Any TLC show about hyper-fecund families and their creepy “Quivers” full of eerie Stepford kids.

3. Any TLC show about food. Yes, cakes are neat and tasty. Yes, you can do amazing things with fondant. This does not mean you make an entire series about goddamn cakes.

I live in fear of the day TLC debuts a show about a family of dwarf bakers who have 25 children.

Left by Brian Schlosser on June 30th, 2010

I haven’t willingly watched any T.V. in the last couple of years except This Old House, Jacques Pepin and/or Julia Child, and Rick Steve’s Europe, but I hate Family Guy with a passion. It’s kind of weird, really, because when it first came out I thought it was hilarious. Every time Peter the Dick opens his mouth, I wish he wasn’t a cartoon and that a real-life giant chicken existed who would kick him to death with spurs.

Left by Candy on June 30th, 2010

Jersey Shore

Kill all Guidos–srsly

Left by Idi Amin on June 30th, 2010

Ghost Lab. Two marginally employed junior high school teachers with cast-off Radio Shack crap walk through old buildings yelling at imaginary people. I have already shot three tvs because of this show.

Also, Dr. Phil. self righteous abusive asshole with a stupid drawl. Make that four tvs.

Left by zombie rotten mcdonald on June 30th, 2010

Most Dwarfsploitation shows on TLC.

In fairness, you can hire them two for one.

OK, I apologize.

Left by actor212 on July 1st, 2010

All competitive cake-decorating shows. Several teams of people sticking giant vertically-oriented slabs of sugar into a cake wrapped in goo. They seem deliberately inedible. I don’t understand the point.

All shows on Bravo other than Kathy Griffin. The premise seems to have become to showcase the most selfish, rancid people in the world and egg on the audience to hate them. I hope. Because if we’re supposed to like them, something has gone horribly wrong.

All “Adult Swim” shows on Cartoon Network. If the premise for your show only makes sense after a 5-day bender fueled by the contents of an abandoned medicine cabinet at Andy Dick’s house, it should not be on TV.

Left by FlipYrWhig on July 1st, 2010

They could take every channel off and just have multiple channels of TCM and FMC and I’d be happy. No news. No TV fiction. No sports.

CSI:anywhere sucks ass from multiple angles, and for the good of the rest of us, David Caruso needs to become a stinking drunk again.

Jacques Pepin and/or Julia Child

I read that as Jacques Pepin and on Julia Child.

Left by papa zita on July 1st, 2010

Papa Zita, I tried to hold/bite my tongue, but I just couldn’t anymore. PLEASE don’t EVER put that cartoon into my head, EVER the fuck again!!!

I happen to adore watching the ol’ reruns of Julia & Jacques on PBS, but to imagine them… like that… {{{{{{{{{SHUDDER!!!!!!}}}}}}}}}

Too cruel, man, TOO fucking cruel.

I’d rather imagine Madeline Albright doing The Monkey in a go-go cage, honestly. And she is REALLY not my type…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 2nd, 2010

While Adult Swim has come up with some stinkers, there are plenty of series that don’t involve college-sized amounts of weed, such as The Boondocks, Venture Bros, Moral Orel, and Metalapocalsype.

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 2nd, 2010

All shows on Bravo other than Kathy Griffin.

Sorry. Altho innocent, She’ll have to burn. We can call it collateral damage.

Left by actor212 on July 2nd, 2010

All “Adult Swim” shows on Cartoon Network. If the premise for your show only makes sense after a 5-day bender fueled by the contents of an abandoned medicine cabinet at Andy Dick’s house, it should not be on TV.

That’s the target audience!

Left by actor212 on July 2nd, 2010

“The Good Guys.” That’s the fucking show that makes my internal organs crowd each other out of the way to expel themselves through my various orifices (orifi?).

Left by heydave on July 2nd, 2010

Um, I actually dig Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law. And I’ve been sober for decades.

Candy, I feel exactly the same way about South Park. I loved it for a couple seasons, now I cringe. I dunno if I’ve changed, they’ve changed, or it just got old, but…

Also, Ghost Hunters and Ghost Lab are nowhere near as bad as Celebrity Ghost Stories. But There’s a special place in my heart for Destination Truth, where five people run around in the dark looking for things that even they know don’t exist. It takes some kind of work to make that exciting, usually accomplished by yelling “Oh my God!”, cutting to commercial, and coming back to hear the second half of the sentence, which is always along the lines of “I just stepped in some mud”. And yet, five years later, it’s *still on*. They may never have found a cryptid, but they’re making a mint from selling zombie programming.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 2nd, 2010

I don’t know … I loved Julia and watched all her shows, but Jacques Pepin always annoyed the crap out of me. Especially the shows he did with his daughter. My gag reflex kicks in just thinking about it.

You can put me in the I’d-rather-drink-lye-than-watch-Bones category. I couldn’t wait for CSIeveryfuckingwhere to end, so I literally threw my TV out into the driveway in 2008 and watch kittehs on the intertoobs instead.

I always liked Jack Horkheimer. Maybe because what he had to say was the only vaguely useful or accurate piece of information I received on any given day from the TV.

I’ve been watching on Hulu a British sitcom called Spaced. It’s quite refreshing stuff.

Left by karen marie on July 2nd, 2010

Babylon 5 irritated the crap out of me. My husband loved it, so it was on a lot. The speechifying! The faux-churchillian “we will fight them in the badly lit corridors! we will fight them in the underlit cafe-bars! We will fight them with our Babe Telepath’s with glowing eyes (and then spit in the Telepath’s faces), will will fight them blah blah blah …”

I kind of liked the Russian/NAZI/Roman Empire guy, tho. At first.

Left by KWillow on July 2nd, 2010

Apologies to the Adult Swimmers (but no apologies to the Adult Schwimmers). I have a very low tolerance for comedy based on randomness. Every time I have been invited to watch Aqua Teen I just sit there completely blank while other people laugh and laugh and laugh, and in some cases not that many of them are stoned. It just doesn’t work on me.

And, like Candy, I despise Family Guy, and want to give everyone ever associated with that show a case of the flesh-eating bacteria and/or Ebola.

Left by FlipYrWhig on July 2nd, 2010

Most of these shows I know only by reputation but I am delighted to find that David Caruso-despising is international.
My immediate Aaargh of disgust is for a US import called Cheaters, a reality show of a peculiarly horrible stripe.Ya know it?

Left by suezboo on July 3rd, 2010

I hated Family Guy, and forbade my (then) 10 year old to watch it. But she did anyway, and it’s had some good results. She’s asked questions like:

“what is Gay?” “what is an Atheist?” “what’s the difference between Jew, Christian, Muslim?” (MY mom told me Lo! many years ago: “its all a bunch of hooey.” but I tried to explain religion to Jess in a neutral way). What else? Drug use & dangers.

…can’t recall everything. But in general the show seems to have had a positive effect on her, rather than the corrupting one I feared.

She doesn’t seem to think dog-woman dating or sex is (cough) the norm, or that talking homicidal babies are common. The most offensive thing (I now think) about the show is the horrible treatment of the daughter, to the point where the parents and rest of the show’s characters forget the girl even exists (…and I can’t recall the character’s name either!)

I still don’t like watching it, but I Okay’d Jess doing so. Can’t stop her very easily anyway. Easy to block the cable signal, but she just turns to YouTube.

Left by KWillow on July 3rd, 2010

Love the hate. But no-one’s mentioned my bestest reason for loathing Bones: that despite having an advanced degree in anthropology, she is nonetheless incapable of recognizing cultural norms or accepting them if they seem illogical to her.

Left by Barrayaran on July 3rd, 2010

So, what shows would make me reach for a piping hot cup of lead? Where to begin…

19 Kids & Counting (please God, is there no end to the fecundity of the Duggars?!)
Cake Boss
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Secret Life of the American Teenager
Anything with Rachael Ray, Jamie Oliver, or Sandra Lee
Squidbillies
The Hills
The Real Housewives of _______
The Biggest Loser (a pox on NBC for inflicting Jillian Michaels on the public!)
Toddlers & Tiaras
Giuliana & Bill
Pretty Wild
MANswers (why??!!!)

Left by Poetisa on July 6th, 2010

Anything that has ever featured, starred, or in any way come into contact with the following:

Willie Ames

Scott Baio

David Hasselhoff

Shannon Dougherty

Alyssa Milano

“Mr. Blackwell”

mAnn Coulter

Sean Fat-Head Hannity

Rush Fatfuck Limbaugh

Bill “A Current Affair” O’Reilly

that annoying-as-fuck little punk who was on “Saved By The Bell,” then married & cheated-on Miss Louisiana Ally Landry, then decided that he should host a talk show with Dick Clark & Danny Partridge & that hack plastic surgeon who lost his license, and now pops-up on “Access Hollywood”, assorted “dancing” shows, and any infomercial that will have him, whatever the fuck the overly-dimpled little over-compensating little misogynist closet-case’s name is…

Sinbad after 1996

Dave Mustaine and/or Dave Navarro

that haggard hatchet-faced harpie, Bay Buchannan

the eeeevil republicunt bitch that Carville married

Victoria Jackson

Dana Carvey after SNL

SNL after Tina Fey left

any member of the Scientology cult

any member of any overbreeding-our-way-to-heaven cult, ESPECIALLY those fucktarded child-abusing/neglecting inbred hillbilly motherfuckers THE DUGGARS

anything animated that was in any way influenced and/or directed and/or produced by Tim Reid

Craig Ferguson, outside of “Saving Grace”

and a permanent case of rotchercockoff and/or rotchercuntoff to any & every heretical p.o.s. MTV/VIACOM scumbag who thought it’d be a “good” idea to REMAKE Rocky Horror Picture Show. May they ALL be infertile, or if it’s too late for that, may their demon-spawn “grow up” to be flesh-gnawing cannibalistic little beasties who do KARAOKE as a “career prospect.”

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 10th, 2010