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*Or, The Conservative Intellectual Elite Should Meet American Thinker.com.

It seems that the Conservative Elite had a garden party last week, and somehow World o’Crap’s invitation got lost. But let’s read about it anyway, won’t we?

The Party, in Exile

THAT the e-mailed dinner party invitation warned recipients not to forward “due to security reasons” lent the evening a frisson of intrigue, even danger.

I think that Emily Post says that if you’re going to use email instead of the proper engraved vellum note paper to invite people to a party, the least you can do is to add a “security reasons” caveat to give it that upper-crust cachet.

But here in a tiki-lantern-lighted backyard garden in northwest Washington last Saturday night, the only palpable threat was the leaden humidity.

“We’re originally from Canada,” the hostess, Danielle Crittenden Frum, declared, throwing her slender arms up in the air.

“We still haven’t quite realized that in D.C., garden parties are meant for September, not June.”

Translation: “Despite living here for years, we’re not bright enough to know that summer is hot – but we try to make up for it by being slender.”

Otherwise, the ambience at this intimate cocktail and buffet in honor of the Somalian-born activist Ayaan Hirsi Ali — a woman who faced death threats even before she wrote a film that led to the murder of its director, Theo van Gogh — was one of ease.

It’s so nice to see conservatives enjoying themselves in their native habitat, the cocktail party.

“Nice to see you,” total strangers said upon introduction, as if fearing the failure to recognize someone possibly met on a previous occasion. Or perhaps in certain Washington circles people assume they already know everyone else. Either way, here at the stately Wesley Heights home of the former Bush speechwriter, David (“axis of evil”) Frum, and his wife, the writer Ms. Frum, nearly everyone did. Far from the typical New York book party, this was more a bunkering of the conservative intellectual elite, a group that domineered its way through the Bush years but is now sidelined, a somewhat baffled shadow of its former blustery self.

Yes, it is sad to see this species on its way to extinction. I remember just six or seven years ago, when the Axi of Evil used to run wild and free across most of Northern America.

Whither the conservative establishment in today’s bilious political landscape? Certainly the typical Tea Party denizen, with his “I Wanna Party Like It’s 1773” T-shirt and “You Lie!” trucker hat, would seem out of place on the Frums’ well-tended grounds, nibbling chicken skewers and mini-B.L.T.’s.

They would seem out of place because, well, they weren’t invited. Who wants uncouth yokels like the Tea Partiers at a classy shindig?

On hand was a coterie of commentators, more in summer-frock mode than Fox News attire — Laura Ingraham, Mona Charen, Meghan Cox Gurdon,

Meghan Cox Gurdon, America’s Worst Mother, was there!? Now we feel really bad about not being invited!

. . . and Barbara Amiel, the wife of the disgraced media baron Conrad Black, now incarcerated at a Florida prison.

Yeah, the prison time is one of the drawbacks of being part of the conservative intellectual elite.

Also milling about the white-painted porch and leafy garden were the “independent” gay journalists Jonathan Rauch and James Kirchick and members of the disenchanted left, most notably the contrarian in chief Christopher Hitchens.

Come on, even though Hitchens was a Marxist wacko back in the day, since at least 9/11 he’s been a Bush-supporting wingnut scaredy-baby, so the law says that the conservatives have to claim Hitchens as one of their own.

But the majority of guests occupied a newly precarious purgatory. Among those on the waning right was the host, Mr. Frum, who welcomed everyone with brief, glowing remarks about the guest of honor, using words such as “strength,” “courage” and “intelligence.” Mr. Frum lost his salaried post at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank, in March, after calling the passage of health care legislation the Republican party’s “Waterloo.” The institute denied any connection between the two events, but Mr. Frum’s column elicited a ferocious slap from the conservative blogosphere.

Sure, the conservative blogosphere slaps like a girl, but when it pouts and flounces it can really make its pique known.

Meanwhile, The Wall Street Journal editorial page witheringly described its former employee this way: “Mr. Frum now makes his living as the media’s go-to basher of fellow Republicans.”

Hell hath no fury like a Wall Street Journal scorned.

Also present was The Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker, prom-girl pretty and winner of a Pulitzer this spring for “gracefully sharing the experiences and values that lead her to unpredictable conclusions,” including a rebuke of Sarah Palin.

Kathleen won a Pulitzer this spring? And she won it for graceful sharing of values??? This is the same Kathleen Parker who wrote the Town Hall column “Gay marriage: A trip to the moon on Gossamer wings”? Geez, the world really has changed since I stopped paying attention to it!

“Like all the best conservatives, I started off as a liberal,” she trilled.

Well, at least she’s still the annoying twit that I remember.

In a similar display of the intellectual right’s discomfort with Wasilla-brand populism, Ms. Frum mocked a speech by Ms. Palin in April on The Huffington Post. (“There was not a single memorable line, not a single new political idea, not a single proffered solution beyond the cliché.”)

Yes, it’s girls like Sarah who are getting invited to the prom these days, not “intellectuals” like Danielle, Kathleen, and the lovely Mona Charen. But instead of moping, all you denizens of Precarious Purgatory should take a lesson from Ms. Palin: being easy is a sure path to popularity!

And lending a poignant immediacy to the rejiggered state of affairs was the Republican Senator Robert Bennett, ousted last month in the Utah primary for his votes on health care and Wall Street reform.

Yeah, it’s always poignant when Republicans get fired for not being crazy enough.

After an exhortation from the Frums’ bobbed 8-year-old daughter, Bea, to “Please buy lots of books now,” Ms. Hirsi Ali signed copies at a table in the corner, where a bookseller sat, unattended. The people at a party like this — pontificators, politicians — are typically sent such books free.

The nobility never has to buy its own books like a common NewsMax subscriber! But I do think it’s a nice Gurdonian-touch that the Frums make their bobbed 8-year-old daughter shill for the bookseller at their dinner parties.

Dinner conversation over poached tilefish and grilled asparagus ranged from the flotilla to health care to headscarves.

And I’m sure it also touched on the yacht races, the latest “in” vacation site, and the impossibility of getting good help these days.

The conversation turned to Iran. “Look at the way the left stood up to South Africa. Where are the feminists when it comes to the situation for women in Iran?” Ms. Sommers said. “Liberal intellectuals are more offended by Islamophobia than they are by sharia,” or Islamic law, Mr. Hitchens offered.

Mr. Hitchens, I am only a member of the liberal hoi polloi, but in my opinion it’s more effective to speak out against wrongs I see in America than it is to tell other countries how offensive I find their legal system, religious beliefs, and stupid traditions. But hey, feel free to tell feminists they are caring about the wrong stuff, Chris — I’m sure they appreciate it.

By 11 p.m., the guests had finished the remaining bottles of red wine and berry-topped petit fours. The Frums’ daughter had long ceased splashing in the pool and gone up to bed.

I imagine that there was a nanny or two keeping an eye on her, but I still have the image of a bobbed nine-year-old playing in the pool, all alone in the dark, while the pride of conservatism finishes off the remaining bottles of wine and carps about feminists. Eventually the girl puts herself to bed, wondering if anyone would have noticed if she had drowned.

Say, maybe Danielle could take over as America’s Worst Mother!

Anyway, for the Tea Party perspective, we now turn to Mary Grabar, the People’s Ph.D.

Profiling Populists and the Tea Party

I guess I’m a populist even though with a Ph.D. in English I don’t fit the profile.

You remember Mary Grabar – like Dr. Mike, she has a Ph.D. But unlike Dr. Mike, she mentions it in EVERY FRIGGIN COLUMN!

As someone who has attended tea party rallies and town hall meetings here in Georgia I’m supposed to have “common sense” but not much book-learning. You know, we can fix cars, bake a cherry pie, and clean a pistol.

Yeah, she’s way too smart and well educated to be considered “one of the people,” and yet she is!

I’m part of a group that can be “ugly,” according to Paul Krugman.

Oh, Mary, I’m sure Paul thinks you’re pretty! (Not as pretty as Kathleen Parker, of course, but pretty in your own way.)

This sentiment, unfortunately, was repeated by Lee Harris in his new otherwise impressive book titled The Next American Civil War: The Populist Revolt against the Liberal Elite. Harris does see the movement as evidence of a healthy American “natural libertarianism.” But in placing the movement into the context of populist movements (many of them bloody) in history, he mischaracterizes it as tending toward irrationality and paranoia.

The Tea Party movement has the reputation of tending towards irrationality and paranoia? Say it ain’t so, Mary!

Anyway, Mary goes on to explain why the liberal elite (which are the real bad guys in Harris’s book) are a bunch of jerks, especially the ones she works with.

In academia I’ve seen them spin their grand theories, cite each others’ theories, and then claim that their work has been “peer-reviewed.” Their intellectual circle becomes smaller and smaller, their language more specialized as it obscures the paucity of real learning.

And because they have controlled education and the media, they simply instate like-minded, intellectually intolerant peers. They award each other graduate degrees, tenure, editorships, and awards.

Wait, academics are the ones who give out the academic degrees? That doesn’t seem right!

They dumb down educational requirements.

Um, Mary, are you sure you want people to start doubting the worth of Ph.D.s?

That a certain group of people sees through this charade indicates their knowledge of history and human nature. They are rightfully leery of a celebrity politician who promises to “spread the wealth.” They educate their kids at home, teach them Latin and Aristotle’s rhetoric—the hard subjects that have been eliminated by these supposed intellectuals in charge of education. And as this month’s elections show, they are having an influence through the electoral process—and not as modern-day mobs of pitchfork-carrying peasants.

I would encourage liberals—and conservatives—to learn more about the tea party. Most of the participants know more about the history of the West and the Constitution than do most high school social studies teachers.

Yeah, David Frum and Danielle Crittenden! Those tea-partiers whom you despise know Latin and Aristotelian rhetoric and history and such. They probably even know that it’s hot in D.C. in June. And, unlike you conservative intellectuals, THEY are the ones who are influencing the electoral process, being interviewed on Fox News, and coming up with the good ideas, like paying for insurance with chickens. So, you might consider inviting the Tea Party crowd to the next party you hold at your stately home with the white-painted porch and leafy garden. They might wipe their mouths with their sleeves, but they are a lot more smarter than you think!

There are even some professors among them.

But, sadly, not Mary – she’s just an “instructor.” So maybe she really does fit the profile as a populist after all.

UPDATE: The link to the NY Times story about the party is now fixed (thanks for letting us know about it, D. Sidhe). And if you go here, you can see an artistic depiction of some of the guests, all ready for their own appearances in court to answer charges of “disgrace.”

21 Responses to “Let Them Drink Tea*”

Meghan Cox Gurdon — your arch-nemesis! It’s like Holmes discovering that Moriarty survived the plunge from Reichenbach Falls!

Another party we all missed.

the disgraced media baron Conrad Black, now incarcerated at a Florida prison.

Doing five to ten for disgrace? Really. He wasn’t like, convicted of anything?

Yeah, it’s LIBERALS who are trying to dumb down education.
Has she been to Texas and Arizona lately? (What am I saying? These twits never actually spend time with the “common folk” they’re so fond of exhorting.)

Meghan Cox Gurdon! Aww. How are the children? Had any more lately? Tell me: which one ran away first?

Oh, I am mean. Her children are undoubtedly excellent, or at least innocent. I actually have a soft spot for Meghan, like a Georgia peach that went to Washington DC in June and stayed out too late. On the one hand, yum! Georgia peach! On the other hand, eww.

Was Bea really splashing about in the pool by herself? How could this happen when there’s a squadron of Cox-Gurdons who could have come with, who could have helped Bea write and perform a darling libretto about obtaining books by trading money for them, or exchanging a chicken or something.

I’m just trying to think of we the kids.

Unfortunately, the Supremes reversed Black’s conviction — they courageously stuck up for the rich and powerful !

Your link is broken so I don’t know what kind of deranged narcissist actually had the creepy lack of self-awareness to write the skin-crawling bit about the garden party. That shit would look unctuous and preening on a Facebook page, fer gods’ sakes. What would possess someone to think that the newspaper-reading world wants to hear about this over their stale store brand Cheerios? I’m actually starting to become convinced that David Icke is right. Some of these people can’t really be humans.

And, um, isn’t having your peers review your work by definition peer review? I’m a much more lowly prole than Grabar has ever been, but really, who the hell does she think *should* be reviewing papers on the evolution of cave-dwelling treehoppers, the folks who show up to the town roller derby on Wednesday night? The woman is nuts, but also probably not smart enough to be a lizard.

Hmmm…haven’t heard any Tea Partiers quoting Aristotle lately. Besides, he was a furriner, and quite possibly gay. Can’t see the Tea Partiers havin’ any truck with that. Seems to me that instead of Rhetoric, the Tea Partiers specialize in Hysteria and Paranoia–sure saw a lot of that last summer.

And what mail-order U. did Ms Grabar get her Ph.D. from?

Alas, Grabar got her doctorate at the University of Georgia, mine own alma mater. She’s never been able to land any significant academic position and little wonder, based on what she writes. It’s obvious she hates practically everyone in the liberal arts. She’s convinced herself that she’s really brilliant and has been blacklisted due to her political opinions.

I can always tell when her columns run in the local paper. The smell of academic resentment wafts right off the page.

In academia I’ve seen them spin their grand theories, cite each others’ theories, and then claim that their work has been “peer-reviewed.” Their intellectual circle becomes smaller and smaller, their language more specialized as it obscures the paucity of real learning.

Substitute “right-wing media” for “academia”, and you’ve got a really good description of the endless circle-jerk that is the WSJ’s editorial page, Rush Goofballs & his local bottom-feeders, Never Right Online, and the rest of the Sadly, No! grist mill. These people are always just all about the projection, aren’t they?

Meanwhile, about those filthy unwashed masses who’ll never be seen sweating at a D.C. garden party:

Most of the [teabaggers] know more about the history of the West and the Constitution than do most high school social studies teachers.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…

1. S.Z.: Thank you SO much for coming back and wading through the bottomless-pit cesspools/quicksand-quagmire nightmares of what republicunts consider to be “writing.” If you didn’t take those intellectual bullets for us, well… I sure as hell wouldn’t go looking for them!

2. I just loooooove to hear REPUBLICUNT ELITIST SCUM talk about how “liberals” have “destroyed” the public schools. That is fucking HILARIOUS. Really. I’m laughing on the inside. Those idiotic cunts TRIED TO DE-FUND SCHOOL LUNCHES ***ENTIRELY***, not long after Ronnie Ray-Gun declared that KETCHUP is a VEGETABLE!!!!!! They’re STILL AT IT, especially the statue-kissing cathlick republicunts like Piyush “Bobby Brady Wannabe” JINDAL — they want ALL of your tax money to go to the motherfucking ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH AND ITS PAROCHIAL SCHOOLS, and us plebes on the ground don’t even DESERVE so much as a RUDIMENTARY education in one of the thousands of decaying/decrepit/deprived schools that haven’t seen any progress since 1976!!!!!!

Class warfare, big steaming lump of hypocrisy on the side, dontcha just LOOOOOVE the garden-party philosophers? Buncha idiotic, self-praising fucktards. Transcendental masturbation en masse — but of course they don’t do the ACTUAL orgy, that would entail too many thank-you cards! I’d happily wager anybody that the collective IQ at that party could NOT have surpassed 200 points, all totaled.

But of course, with their lily-white, slender arms and utter idiocy in relation to SIMPLE FUCKING WEATHER, they “praise” the “working-class” (my ass) common folk who want to keep their rich, privileged, useless asses in power. How magnanimous of these jackasses. As long as the commoners stay stoopid & illiterate, then they pose no “danger” to the “ruling” classes, n’est-ce pas?

I find it remarkable that a classist sadiddy bitch like Grabar went to a STATE school — surely her SAT/ACT scores were high enough for the IVY LEAGUE, weren’t they?

You remember Mary Grabar – like Dr. Mike, she has a Ph.D. But unlike Dr. Mike, she mentions it in EVERY FRIGGIN COLUMN!

if she called herself Perfesser Dr Mary Graber PhD maybe she could lay off it a bit. and fondle a limp 9mm on occasion

I find it remarkable that a classist sadiddy bitch like Grabar went to a STATE school — surely her SAT/ACT scores were high enough for the IVY LEAGUE, weren’t they?

Nothing to add but, touche!

with an accent grave over the e, of course

They are rightfully leery of a celebrity politician who promises to “spread the wealth.”

And they use L’Oreal, because they are worth it.

They educate their kids at home, teach them Latin and Aristotle’s rhetoric

I imagine that they’re taught these subjects by a cartoon owl in a mortarboard.

Honestly, it’s like these people got their entire world view from Loony Tunes and 30 year old ad campaigns. Education = Latin! “Sarah Palin is an idiot” = daring contrarian opinion!

The people who make 8 minute gag cartoons have a reason to give every doctor a head mirror and white lab coat. I’m not sure that newspaper columnists have an excuse.

“We still haven’t quite realized that in D.C., garden parties are meant for September, not June.”

OK, that made me laugh. Usually one June evening in DC is enough, but the Frum’s haven’t learned after 9 year’s worth??

And as this month’s elections show, they are having an influence through the electoral process

I am astonished to hear that flaming conservatives have influence on Republican primaries. It must be an effect of all that exposure to the much-cherished-by-home-schoolers trivium and quadrivium.

They educate their kids at home, teach them Latin and Aristotle’s rhetoric

Um. No. No, they don’t. As the sister (a public school teaching sister, I might add) of a mother who home schools, I can tell you they do NOT teach the kids..ANYTHING. Most home schooling families use some kind of Home Schooling Kit like thing (my sister used a catholic one.) The parents don’t teach anything. They just supervise as the children read or watch videos prepared by the company which sold them their kit.

I love my sister dearly, but she became insane when she had children. I love my nieces dearly, but they will get eaten alive out in the real world.

The oldest “graduated” her “home school” (I weep for all that she missed in going to an actual High School–private or public) and decided to go to a private university in San Diego: John Paul II or some such thing, which basically caters to home schooled students.

I’m sure my nieces know a lot of Catholic filtered history and the like, but if they went toe to toe with students who took AP and College level classes in public schools? They’d be left in the dust. It pains me to say it, but it’s true.

Nobody can really learn anything when it’s taught through a filter of bias- Catholic, Conservative or Liberal(although Liberal bias has a better chance at being more “rounded” educationally)

“Dr.” Mary is the perfect example of someone who got a Ph.D. because her department needed a TA. She passed the bare minimum requirements then got kicked out with her diploma without a real chance of getting a good teaching job somewhere.

What kind of bet does one have to lose to be forced to attend a soirée like that fucking garden fiasco?

Everything Mary Grabar writes drips with her resentment of her failure to get a tenure track position.

I thought Meghan Cox Gurdon was the best part of Transformers.

Something to say?