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sherzieve.jpgRenewAmerica columnist Sher Zieve, the Bleached, Forgotten Stooge, has decided to switch gears this week and pitch us a post-apocalyptic thriller. And as readers of know, when it comes to this particular genre, we are experts, if not exactly aficionados (see Chapter 2: It’s the End of the World as We Know It, and I Feel Fine, But You’re All Dead).

Now beginning the Era of Captivity, the American people have entered a new stage in their once extremely productive lives.

This will either be a crawl at the beginning of the film, or maybe a voice-over by James Earl Jones, as the camera pans across a blasted, desolate wasteland, sort of like the opening to Judge Dredd.

This new phase has been purposefully designed to be unproductive and will be called ‘existence.’

We’re trying to come up with a snappier name. Maybe ExtenZe. Or EXistenZ — we’ve got the guys in Legal working on it.

Existence, however, will soon degrade and devolve — with no one stopping the perpetrators of this abhorrence — into subsistence.

I can’t believe we’ll sink so low — from merely existing to merely subsisting.

After that chapter has been written and read, life will have become so essentially bitter and untenable that additional deteriorations in life-conditions will carry no significant meaning — other than base survival.

I believe this is the part where Kevin Costner drinks his own pee.

Since the Usurper and Dictator in Chief Barack Hussein Obama assumed power and rule over American citizens in January 2009

It’s always good to give your bad guy an elaborate, fruity title, like “the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV,” “the Steward of Gondor,” or “former Speaker Newt Gingrich.”

the United States of America has been under siege from far left terrorist ObamaMentors

I liked it better when they were just called “the Fresh-Makers.”

an increasing set of perverse and prurient Marxist and Maoist Czars, thieves creating hoaxes (“global warming: comes immediately to mind)

Why, the crooks even stole Sher’s close quotation marks!

in order to steal the resources of the USA out from under its inhabitant-owners

Well, it worked with the Indians.

and “The Obama” (this designation has quickly become most recent synonym for Tyrant) itself.

And the biggest dance craze since “the Mashed Potato.”

For anyone who still maintains the ability to see, hear and discern that which is occurring in reality, The Obama’s mission is clear.

Tommy, can you hear me? No? Well, that’s fine, she’s not talking to you anyway.

As a refresher, let’s again take a look at a very small portion of the clearly Draconian orders that The Obama has dictated and the Orwellian legislation the US Marxist-run Congress has passed since the despot has been in office.

There was that one resolution Congress passed about how they all like Christmas…

Despite the fact that the majority of We-the-People are strongly opposed to the ObamaCare Death Plan (some polls show the opposition as high as 72%), Obama and his Marxist Congress are determined to ram it down our throats.

Oh calm down, it’s just a tongue depressor.

The ObamaCare Death Plan is the virtually all-encompassing proposal that will lead very quickly to complete ObamaControl over everything the American people do and will give Obama’s commissars and Czars total control over who lives and who dies.

A job which should properly belong to .

The Obama Death Panels are back — and with a vengeance, folks!

Tonight on the Death Panel…The Amazing Kreskin! Totie Fields! With special musical guest, the Starland Vocal Band!

What will happen is that Obama & Co will have complete control over 1/6 of what’s left of the US economy. Can you say “another Marxist-Democrat slush fund with no healthcare, whatsoever?

I could, but I’d really rather take the trolley and see what King Friday’s up to.

Even though global warming has now been exposed as merely another scheme to steal money from the USA and its people, Obama traveled to Copenhagen and pledged $100 Billions to solving the, now admittedly unsolvable, manmade global warming issue. It can’t be solved because mankind dos not control climate change.

Well I hope DOS doesn’t control it, because frankly I’ve forgotten all those old C: prompt commands.

Obama and his fellow Marxists still plan to push the faux Cap & Trade (realistically “Cash & Tax”) program. And, as was accomplished with his despotic ObamaCare Death Plan, Obama will use any and all bribes (if money, it’s out of yours and my pockets) necessary to do so. The Chicago mob/syndicate is firmly in control of the US government.

It’s time to call Elliot Ness and his Untouchables. Lee! Rico! Youngblood!

The Obama has taken control of and nationalized our banks

He knows our PIN numbers!

Dispelling any rumors that Obama is not — himself — a criminal, Obama and his US Attorney General Eric Holder have said that Obama’s unlawful election-fraud unit ACORN WILL be funded. Note: Besides, Obama will need them for both the 2010 and 2012 elections

So…he dispelled rumors that he’s not a criminal? That’s a confession, right?

There are hundreds more examples of what The Obama has accomplished in his first year of office.

If only The Obama was on The Office. That would be The Shit.

But, I’ve almost made myself sick telling the truth about those listed above. The facts are there for all to see. Are you preparing for your own eradication under the hammer and sickle of the tyrant?

I know I should, but I’m such a procrastinator.

Still feeling peaceful?

If not, feel free to join the armed uprising Sher has been trying to foment for weeks. Her loyal militia is only waiting for the code word (“John has a long mustache”) and for some defense contractor to invent a helmet that’ll fit over helmet-hair.

28 Responses to “Apocalypso”

Is Sher somehow related to Orly Taitz? Or is she Orly, just w/ a different bottle-blond wig?

Only you could make a freak bitch MOW-RAHN like this flaming idiot “funny,” Scott.

Best collection of one-liners I’ve seen in ages.

Don’t mind me, I’ll be crawling back into my detox cage again, gnawing on my hair and throwing heavy equipment at the loud, constantly-inebriated inmates here @ L’Hotel des Fouquetards. Did have a lovely 3-day sugar-high, thanks to Terrible, Maria, and Teh Mentis Clan — who the hell knew that Kiwis could make such flawless dark chocolate?!?!!? Those chocolate fish, though… still a little weird. Delicious, but in the same comedic vein of that cinema classic, “Black Sheep.”

Of all the puns, I’d have to say that the Mentos one made me snort the loudest, but then I nearly choked to death on your tongue depressor, so, well… I’ll leave those puns for you to make, sweetie.

And, if I know Mentis, and I kinda sorta do, he’ll be along with a much better joke/commentary/pun to play off of your DOS: command prompt line, any minute now…

Helpful Household Hint for the week: don’t try to strap 42 pounds of cats in carriers onto the dolly with testy bungee cords whilst you’re pissed-off and distracted, or you will look as if you’ve caught a good pop on the lip without the actual pleasure of stomping the living shit out of the stupid cunts who pissed you off in the first place. Friends Don’t Let Friends Bungee Pissed. Fuckin’ humiliating, to have a busted lip and no dead body to show for it, or even a dripping-with-clorox woodchipper nearby.

“If only The Obama was on The Office. That would be The Shit.”

True, true, BUT — WHICH ONE?!??! I’d give both of my gravitationally-challenged tits to see Barry go up against Ricky, ANY day. Michelle would eat Ricky alive and spit out the bones, but Barry’s so considered and specific in his every word, I dunno if he’d be able to keep up. The Murkin version, he could do in his sleep, especially if they put him in the same room as Dwight with only an axe handle and a bungee cord. I’d dearly love to see Rainn’s DNA profile, m’self…

And Sher doesn’t need a helmet. That pointy walnut above her shoulders is SOLID BONE anyway, so why would she need a helmet? Talk about redundancy… She’d be the ideal test pilot for the next generation of predator drone planes… no loss, no harm, no foul, if, say, said prototype were to fly into the side of a mountain at 700 mph. Hey, if we hadda lose Patsy Cline, The Big Bopper, Ritchie Valenz, and Buddy Holly, why in the FUCK can’t we lose THIS fucking idiot???

Sher? Darling?

I think you should step away from the razor blades. And the rat poison. And maybe use the electric oven.

I mean, really, have a glass of wine. We promise, we’ll leave you that much when we’re thru.

Tonight on the Death Panel…The Amazing Kreskin! Totie Fields! With special musical guest, the Starland Vocal Band!

If there really were death panels and this was the one I faced, I’d BEG for death.

Smart move, Obots!

eXistenZ. Written like this. One word. Small ‘E’, capital ‘X’, capital ‘Z’. ‘eXistenZ’. It’s new, it’s from Antenna Obama Research, and it’s here… right now.

But, I’ve almost made myself sick telling the truth about those listed above…but more importantly, have I made you sick?

See, this is why we need national healthcare. If Sher could get her depression treated, she could go back to her old job, writing labels for Dr Bronner.

Once I brushed my teeth with Dr. Bronner’s. It was horrible, but all the kids were doing it, so I said “Far out! Yum!” and look at where it got us: The Obamalypse.

The facts are there for all to see.
Ok, Sher. But what facts did you cite? I’m seeing only opinion and fantasy in your column. Hmmm…maybe there’s a leak in my tinfoil hat and I’m receiving those insidious reality-twisting MarxistObamaRays!

MarxistObabmaRays! Now with UsurperVision!

BEST LINE, even for you, D.Sidhe: “…she could go back to her old job, writing labels for Dr Bronner.” The last I looked, the labels still read, “DILUTE! DILUTE! DILUTE! OK!” Is that some code for “fomenting revolution”?

Man, I so love that hair! Anyone wondering when Sher might start ranting about the “Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God”?

does anyone else think Sher got her styling tips from the AdamandEve dildo collection?

ALL-ONE MESSIAH-USURPER! REPENT! REPENT! WHOLE HUMAN RACE, TEACH GOD’S HARD-WORK FREE-SPEECH BIRTH-CERTIFICATE CONSTITUTION-FAITH! HEALTH ALL IN GOODNESS GLAD WHOLESOME BUT OBAMACARE FORBIDS! ETERNAL EXCEPTIONS? NO! NO! SELF-SUPPORTING HARD WORKERS REFUSE BY GOD’S OWN NAME! OVERTHROW! OVERTHROW! OK! OK!

That was fine. It was over when she clicked off the capslock and started slowly typing, tears streaming down her cheeks, “Usurper Messiah Obama wins. All doomed. Death panels! No babies live. All man marriage. Teaching morals can be no more, we are hated. Carpenter Jesus is forced to build camps for Christians! No more! No more! No more… resist. All-one Usurper-False Messiah controls.”

As an aside, I once, when very very young, drank a small bottle of Dr Bronner. Puked for *hours*. Same feeling I get from Sher, actually…

“John has a long mustache”?
Monster reference there, dude.
Allow me to reply:
“The long sobs of the violins of autumn/Wound my heart with a monotonous languor.”

Bangs like that serve only one purpose: to hide the frontal lobotomy scar.

She left out that The Obama made United Airlines break my Taylor guitar.

I prefer “Former House Minority Whip Newt Gingrich”.

When I was in junior high I puzzled over the possible meaning of “whip newt”.

Sher Zieve writes: This new phase has been purposefully designed to be unproductive and will be called ‘existence.’

Why, was there something wrong with the old name, “Right Wing Vanity Columnist?”

You left “disgraced” out of Newt’s job tile.

Title, too.

Dave, I think “disgraced” and “Newt” would be redundant.

This woman looks like Moe, of the three stooges in drag. Is this what happened to him? The writing in her post is on a par with their dialogue…….

Once I brushed my teeth with Dr. Bronner’s.

[...]As an aside, I once, when very very young, drank a small bottle of Dr Bronner.

Um, guys?

It’s a shampoo.

And a floor polish.

And a dessert topping.

This woman looks like Moe, of the three stooges in drag. Is this what happened to him? The writing in her post is on a par with their dialogue…….

Perhaps, but that was schtick and aimed at stuffed shirts, whereas the Stooges in real life seem to have had popular front sympathies, quite progressive for the time. I recall seeing photos of them at a longshoreman’s strike in San Pedro in the mid ’30′s.

This woman is depressed and manic at the same time. Dear whiz!

So she and Russ Alan both write for the same online presence… I wonder if they exist as a RL community at all. I wonder what an office Christmas Party would be like at RenewAmerica? When people this triumphantly, rampantly, spewingly negative gather, wielding similar linguistic and cognitive skills, and the Coors-and-stomach-bile punchbowl is flowing, and the band is playing a medley of “Also Sprach Zarathustra”, hitlerjugend camping songs and the original Chipmunks album…what’s it like?

Now I’ve made myself sick. Forget I said anything.

A good swig of Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint plus the male equivalent of that charming Yule cheesecake bonbon (not that such exists) would fix me up, though. The Dr. Bronner poet(s) are radiant beacons of goodwill and humanism compared to Sher and Alan.

New Year’s Eve tomorrow! Let’s – as Gulley Jimson said – get stinking!

This woman is depressed and manic at the same time. Dear whiz!

So she and Russ Alan both write for the same online presence…

There’s the problem.

Way to raise expectations, Annti. I got nothing; I am in a state of shock and awe at the sheer magnitude of the non-cognitive association at work beneath The Mighty Bowl Cut Of Stupid.

Though I have been mulling over the potential in “Hollywood rhyming slang”, and trying to decide whether TMBCOS is merely Ellen (Barkin – barkin’ mad) or completely George (Clooney – rhymes w/loony.)

Well, shit, if my Brain That Won’t Die can’t come up with something, yours *ought* to be able to pick up the slack!

Hell, I haven’t even managed to try those DVDs yet, ’cause my brain is doing things that “The Outer Limits” couldn’t have imagined, and I do NOT mean that in a good way.

http://anntichristscoulter.blogspot.com/2010/01/best-flick-of-2009.html

SEE??!?!!?

Something to say?