Yea, my brothers and sisters, it’s time for the World o’Crap ministry to become a formal church so that we can spread forth our political opinions and then not pay taxes! The AFA told me to do it. And we have the assurance of David Barton that it’s all perfectly legal, in that the Constitution says churches shouldn’t pay taxes; and anyway, the IRS is bunch of pussies.

Here’s the story:

No Need for Pastors to Fear the IRS

A Christian constitutional expert thinks the Internal Revenue Service’s lack of response to a recent initiative shows there is no longer any reason for pastors to be silent on political issues when standing behind the pulpit. (See earlier story)

Current law prohibits pastors from speaking on politics or endorsing a political candidate, but David Barton of WallBuilders says the IRS’s intimidation of removing a church’s tax exemption status is unconstitutional. Even though some pastors have intentionally crossed the line, Barton does not think the IRS wants to take them to court because it may lose.

“The IRS doesn’t have any interest in doing this because if they do, I believe they know they are going to lose. And if they lose, you have 370,000 pastors in America who suddenly find out that there’s no restriction on them,” Barton suggests.

The WallBuilders president explains that churches are guaranteed tax exemption status under the Constitution, but he believes many pastors are afraid to speak about politics because they fear they will lose their letter of tax exemption.

“You cannot lose your tax exemption as a church because as a church, you have a constitutional standing for tax exemption,” he points out. “So with that basis, losing your letter means absolutely nothing — and that’s something pastors are now figuring out.”

Okay, as you may know, David Barton is a “constitutional expert” in that he has a B.A. from Oral Roberts U., and has done his own “research.” That’s it. Legitimate scholars and legal experts are less than impressed with his credentials, but the Republican Party and Glenn Beck think he’s the cat’s meow. So, even though I couldn’t find anything in the Constitution that said that churches are guaranteed tax-exemption status (or that the IRS says that you can preach politics and still call yourself a church), I would definitely take his advice to flout the IRS.

Here’s some background on Mr. Barton. You may note that he is a “Dominionist,” and believes that Biblical Law should be the law of the land (you know, with all the stoning disobedient children and homosexuals and such), which is probably why Pastor Cary, one of his acolytes, titled his kid’s TV show “Passage to Dominion.”

Anyway, if you want to join our new church, just send a tax-deductible donation.

Uncategorized | 14 Comments »

Thanks to the American Family Association, I am informed every time a Christian martyr is unjustly eaten by lions, the government, and or/secular humanists. One day it’s the case of a Christian grad student who just wants to counsel gay junior high students that they are going to hell –but her liberal university is forcing her to learn about homosexuals first, which violates her constitutional right to ignorance. The next day it’s the story of a baker being persecuted by a city government for refusing to turn his impressionable daughters into lesbians by baking gay cookies. Yesterday we learned about Pastor Cary Gordon, whom somebody tattled on because he placed his church’s tax-exempt status in jeopardy.

Here’s reporter Charlie Butts (seriously, that’s his name) with the story:

Political’ pastor to IRS: Sue me

A complaint has been filed with the Internal Revenue Service against an Iowa church on the basis of political involvement.

Next month, voters in The Hawkeye State will have an opportunity to vote against renewing terms for three state Supreme Court justices who voted in favor of homosexual “marriage.” Pastor Cary Gordon of Cornerstone World Outreach in Sioux City sent a letter to pastors around the state encouraging them to join in the effort to remove the three from the bench. In response, Americans United for Separation of Church and State filed a complaint against the Sioux City pastor.

What an outrage! The pastor failed to follow the IRS guidelines, and so he got reported to the IRS, which will presumably send his church a warning letter or something. It’s like living in Communist Russia or Nazi Germany!

Pastor Gordon tells OneNewsNow that Christians are often accused of shoving their religion down others’ throats — and if they say the same things inside the walls of the church, they are accused of bringing politics into religion. “You can’t have it both ways,” he remarks.

Per Pastor Cary, he is either allowed to shove religion down others’ throats and force them to stop thinking gay “marriage” should be “legal,” or he is allowed to use religion to force politics down others’ throats, in order to make gay “marriage” illegal. We have to let him do one or the other.
 

“We’re tired of the hypocrisy of these people because they desire to ensconce — and frankly they’re doing it — …secular humanism [as] the new state religion of the United States of America in violation of the original intent of the First Amendment,” he laments.

Because, as we all know, when the First Amendment says “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion,” which is currently interpreted to mean “government should not prefer one religion to another, or religion to irreligion,” it’s original intent was actually “Nobody should try to stop Pastor Cary from using his religion to achieve his political goals, because his religion is true. And P. S., gays should not be allowed to get married because Pastor Cary thinks homosexuality is icky.”
 

Gordon stresses that despite complaints from groups like Americans United, he will continue to preach his convictions on Sunday.

“I have never, nor will I ever, get a message from the Holy Spirit and then go check with the IRS tax code first to see if it’s okay to preach it,” he states.

Yeah, but the report to the IRS was about your using your church authority to write and mail letters ugring political action.

“I’m tired of pastors submitting to this tyranny —

I’m with you on this one, Pastor! You should not submit to this tyranny any longer! Just preach whatever the Holy Spirit tells you, and then take a stand by paying the church’s taxes, and by telling its members that their donations are no longer tax deductible! Sure, it’s not as dramatic as being crucified upside down for your beliefs, but I think God will still appreciate the gesture.

and I’m expecting to try to get the IRS to sue us so that we can take it all the way to the Supreme Court and restore freedom in America’s pulpits.”

Um, Pastor, I don’t think that’s how it works. I think the IRS can just tell you have to pay taxes. You know, like how the police don’t sue you when they think you’ve committed a crime, they just arrest you.
 

Gordon’s church is represented by Christian attorneys from Liberty Institute.

Of course it is. They defend all the best crybabies who get caught misusing religion.

Anyway, let’s learn more about this fiery young preacher who is willing to be sued by the IRS for his convictions:

Rev. Cary Gordon currently serves on the pastoral team of Cornerstone World Outreach in Sioux City, Iowa,

I wonder if the rest of the team shares Pastor Cary’s desire to taunt the IRS.

and resides there with his wife, Molly, his sons Solomon and Jonas, and his daughter, Ella. He is most known for his dynamic teaching ministry, particularly in the field of eschatology.

His sermon on the Whore of Babylon is a particular favorite with the crowds.

In addition to his pastoral duties, Pastor Cary serves as the President of PeaceMakers Institute: A theological school dedicated to equipping conservative thinkers with the tools necessary to achieve victory in the American culture war.

His war plan for peace apparently includes equipping conservative thinkers with the idea that God revealed in the First Amendment that they have a divine right to tax breaks.

Hmm, it’s a long bio, so let’s just hit the highlights:

. . . the secretary treasurer of Sioux Citizens for Responsible Government – a Political Action Committee . . . turf of grassroots politics … RHEMA Bible Training Center … Associates Degree … recognized singer, songwriter, and author of the recently published book entitled The MasterPeace … creator, producer and director of the soon to be released children’s television show, Passage to Dominion.™

And, like all singer/songwriter/author, creator/producer/directors, he is looking for some free publicity. So, it was his lucky day when somebody finally noticed him violating IRS tax-exempt guidelines!

Oh Lord | 26 Comments »

Scott spoke too quickly — there will NOT be any birthdays without photos of Ann Coutler on my watch!

So, enjoy this one of Ann with her Jewish counterpart, Pam Geller.

Ann and Pam Arm Wrestle for the Title of “Skankiest Dimwit of the Right”

Coincidentally, this weekend the NY Times ran a feature on Pam Geller: Pamela Geller — Blogger, Provocateur, Lightning Rod, Bigot, Wingnut, and Idiot. And as I was reading it, I was thinking that Pam is the anti-Anti. Pam came from a good, loving family and had a comfortable upper-middle-class upbringing. Despite never finishing college and not being all that bright, she had a good job — which she quit after marrying rich. After her divorce, she got nearly $4 million, and when her ex died “there was a $5 million life-insurance policy benefiting her four daughters, ” and “she also kept some proceeds from the sale of Mr. Oshry’s $1.8 million house in Hewlett Harbor.” She lives in “a modern full-floor unit in a high-rise on the East Side of Manhattan that could belong to a socialite or the editor of a lifestyle magazine.”

She was a frequent commenter at Little Green Footballs, and eventually spun that into her own blog, based on the premise that Islam itself is our enemy, all Muslims are terrorists, Obama is a secret Muslim, every loony rumor about Muslim terrorists coming to YOUR house to kill YOUR kids are true, etc. And now she is the major force behind the “Building a mosque anywhere in NYC is spitting into the faces of the 9/11 victims” movement. She is raking in thousands and thousands of dollars for her “cause,” gets invited to be on TV all the time, and now has a NY Times feature about her. Here’s a quote from it:

Her writings, rallies and television appearances have both offended and inspired, transforming Ms. Geller from an Internet obscurity, who once videotaped herself in a bikini as she denounced “Islamofascism,” into a media commodity who has been profiled on “60 Minutes” and whose phraseology has been adopted by Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin.

And when Sarah Palin is stealing your phrases, you know you’ve arrive in the wingnut world.

And like I said, as I was reading this, I was thinking about AC. About how she triumphed over a horrific childhood and tragedies and obstacles that would have defeated most people. And how life still is hard for her, due to health problems, other bad breaks, and the difficulty of surviving in today’s America when you’re not middle-class and well-connected. And about how AC is a frequent commenter at various blogs, and started her own blog — and how, if life was fair, SHE should be the one getting the donations and the TV appearances and the acclaim, because despite all the adversity she has faced, she is a compassionate, caring person who has reached out and given of her time, energy, and limited funds to help others facing difficult times. And she helps even the total outcasts of the world, the feral cats. And how AC is smart and well-read and funny — everything that Pam is not.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Joanna. I hope it’s a good one. And know that when I control the world, you will be getting the breaks that should be yours, along with Pam’s lovely East Side high-rise.

Birthdays | 19 Comments »

Today’s a big day for our good friend and personal heroine, Anntichrist S. Coulter:  yes, it’s her birfday!  Those of us who’ve known Annti lo’ these many years (and it’s hard to remember a time when her remarks weren’t lighting up the WO’C comment threads like a match dropped in a powder magazine) have long admired her humanity, her generosity of spirit, and her courage in the face of pain, adversity, and rednecks.  And, like s.z., she has expended much time, blood, and treasure looking after the feral, abandoned, and generally more vulnerable members of society.  So in honor of her being such an all around rare and wonderful egg, I’m going to skip the traditional Ann Coulter photo, because otherwise she might hurt me (Annti, that is; obviously the Coulter pic would sting) and try to appeal to her more eclectic tastes in flesh.  Here’s the appetizer…

And here’s the entree:

Okay, now let’s take a squint at your horoscope, AC.  Checking your “Solar Return chart” for this year, we see the following:

Mars trines Uranus

Of course it does.  As Mars always says, “I’ll trine anything once.”

…and sextiles Saturn

Unfortunately, Saturn turned out to be an undercover cop.

Now I’m going to turn the floor over to Annti’s pal (and WO’C guest columnist) Bill S., who also remembered her birthday, of course, and sent me the following paean:

On October 11, Anntichrist S. Coulter turns 40 (as she mentions on her site Mark of the Beast).

As my tribute to her, rather than list any celebs who share her birthday,  I present simply the YouTube links to the classic “Birthday” episode of Absolutely Fabulous, in which Edina celebrates turning 40 as only she can — by turning it into a crisis of epic proportions.

This happens to be one of my favorite episodes, for so many reasons: Patsy & Edina’s “Bones ‘n bumps” conversation, and their karaoke performance at the end; Saffy slapping Eddy and then calmly resuming cooking lunch; the debut appearance of Bo, who makes up for the absence of Bubble; Oliver delivering one of the most quotable insults ever (more suitable for Ann Coulter’s b’day than Annti’s), Justin and Marshall dishing about Edina; and the unusually lucid Gran deflating Bo’s annoying cheeriness…

Anyway, re-watching this episode is enough to take anyone’s mind off Getting Older, since for most of us, with age comes wisdom.

-Bill S.

Thanks, Bill.  And I’d just like to add my heartfelt wishes that Annti have a great day, and many more of them.  Happy birthday, AC!

Birthdays | 12 Comments »

Kevin is Apparently the One in the Blue Shirt

Today’s inspirational thought is by Kevin McCullough, American patriot, self-proclaimed muscle-head, and today’s “Most Loathsome Person at Townhall.”

He decided to get some attention by countering the “politically correct” wisdom that it was tragic that Tyler Clementi committed suicide.

The assumptions made on many of these broadcast, print, and web based reports follow the idea that Tyler felt so bullied by the roommate and girlfriend who evilly and immorally taped him, that he had no option but to turn to suicide. This has been quickly adopted as the authoritative version of what happened and the need for psychologically profiling both the bullies who did it and other youths who engage in homosexual behavior.

Of course there are other issues that could be examined. Perhaps Tyler had a genuinely sensitive conscience, perhaps he had great respect for both his family and his God, perhaps he felt ashamed of actions because he knew they were immoral. Hence a completely different narrative could be told, one that encourages young people towards moral choices.

So, if I am interpreting it correctly, this would be Kevin’s morally inspiring “different narrative”:

“Young Tyler engaged in immoral, perverted behavior, and when this came to light, he was rightly ashamed for having brought dishonor on his family and his God, so he listened to his conscience and did the decent thing, which was to take his own life. So, kids, don’t be gay, or you might have to jump off a bridge too.”

Sunday Sermon | 12 Comments »

Moondoggie: That’s weird.  I’ve got the strangest feeling someone’s photobombing me…

Riley: All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by.  And a good, sturdy cheek shelf.

Wild Things | 1 Comment »

As you may have heard, the latest radical liberal threat to our freedom, jobs, and very way of life is the “Puppy Mill Cruelty Prevention Act.”

Here’s Joe the Fake Plumber to tell you why:

We’ve Been Sacked

by Joe ‘The Plumber’ Wurzelbacher

While Americans across the country have entered the political game to save our country, moving that proverbial ball of freedom towards the end zone, we’ve been sacked. Blindsided. We’ve been so focused on legislative elections (and rightly so) that most Americans don’t even know they’ve been hit – and hit hard.

What Joe means is that Tea Partiers have been so busy protesting anchor babies and health care reform, they don’t even realize that they have received traumatic brain injuries from repetitively hitting their heads against walls.

But not by some big, burly monster like voter fraud or corruption. No, we’ve been knocked flat by the ignorance of the conservative electorate and cute little puppies licking our stunned, what-the-heck-just-happened faces.

If you have ever watched Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl,” you know that puppies are virtual sacking machines. And if you’ve ever seen typical Tea Partiers, you’ve seen “stunned, what-the-heck-just happened” faces a-plenty.

Well, I’ll tell you what just happened.

Thanks, Joe! When I want someone to explain the world to me, I always go an unlicensed, lying plumber.

It’s called the Humane Society of the United States cowardly hiding behind animal cruelty, lying to our citizens and taking our constitutional rights away – one state at a time.

Your constitutional rights to be cruel to animals are in jeopardy! Do something, quick!

This radical animal rights organization (HSUS), who spends less than 0.5% of its $100M + budget on actually helping animals,

They tell you up front that they are an advocacy group — so, whether you agree with what they do or not, you can’t claim that Joe just uncovered some shocking fiscal scandal. And the HSUS isn’t the only group sponsoring this proposal — others include the Humane Society of Missouri, the Missouri Alliance for Animal Legislation, the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, and Best Friends Animal Society. You want to carp about how they don’t “actually help animals”, Joe?

And why are national groups getting involved in trying to pass this legislation in MO? Well, MO is Puppy Mill Central — approximately 40% of all pet store puppies nationwide are bred in Missouri, where almost 200,000 breeding dogs produce up to a million puppies a year. Go here for more info.

is using the referendum process to slowly, systematically eliminate food production in the United States.

Because the HSUS is OPPOSED TO FOOD!

This November, HSUS is after the dog breeding industry in Missouri calling the bill the “Puppy Cruelty Prevention Act”. Great name. I mean who wouldn’t want to keep someone from being cruel to a puppy?

Apparently, Joe. (And Phyllis Schlafly. As well as MO’s Senator Blaine Luetkemeyer. And Missouri State Senators Chuck Purgason, Frank Barnitz, Wes Shoemyer, Bill Stouffer, Dan Clemens, Gary Nodler. And Missouri State Representatives Kenny Jones, Mike Parson, Mike Dethrow, Jim Viebrock, Rodney Schad, Jason Smith, Brian Munzlinger, Tom Loehner, Therese Sander, David Day, and Dan Brown.)

The problem is Missouri already HAS laws protecting animals – all animals.

If you for one minute think that the existing laws are preventing thousands of dogs and puppies from being cruelly exploited for profit in Missouri, go here: .

Missouri’s Proposition B makes it a “crime of cruelty” for a piece of dog food to be in a water bowl

No, Joe, it doesn’t. It calls for providing potable water at all times — nowhere does it state that having one piece of kibble in a bowl is a crime. But hey, if you think the dogs already have it so good in Missouri’s 3,000 puppy mills, I dare you to go drink out of the dishes in any of the mills.

or for a dog breeder to treat their own pet if they become ill (even with something as simple as a cold).

Well, it does stipulate that necessary euthanasia must be performed by a vet, so yeah, the practice of breeders “treating” their “pets” by clubbing them to death when they are too ill to be profitable would no longer be legal.

This would almost be comical if it weren’t for the OTHER, more insidious parts of this bill that hit at the very core of our liberties.

The framers of the constitution would be rolling in their graves if they heard that your right to own more than 50 breeder dogs (and their attendant puppies, which could number in the 100-200 range at any given time) is in peril. Because the freedom to cruelly exploit puppies for profit is what our country was founded on!

This bill forces breeders to limit the number of dogs they can own – regardless of care. Think about this a minute . . . . Should the government have the right to limit the number of houses a realtor can sell?

If houses were living, breathing creatures that required adequate care, facilities, and attention to be happy and healthy, then yeah, maybe the government should have the right to limit the number of houses that a realtor could breed for sale.

These new regulations will put almost every breeder in Missouri out of business

Because even though Puppy Millers sell their poorly-bred, frequently unhealthy puppies for hundreds of dollars each, it seems that they can’t afford to treat their animals humanely and still make a tidy profit. Sad, isn’t it?

forcing the price of dogs to sky rocket and allowing pet ownership only for the very wealthy.

Yeah, because if there is one problem facing dogs these days, it’s the fact that they are just too scarce.

Hey, Joe, if for some reason my sarcasm isn’t getting through to you, go to one of the numerous municipal animal shelters in Missouri, or anywhere for that matter, and look into the faces of the dogs and puppies that are going to be euthanized that day because THERE AREN’T ENOUGH HOMES FOR ALL OF THE UNWANTED DOGS. Joe, you stupid, lying scumbag, I hope you get a real glow of pleasure knowing that you are a tool for some of the most greedy, heartless bastards on the planet, the puppy millers.

Anyway, I’d better stop now before I urge locking Joe in a wire crate that cuts into his feet, with no room to turn around, with urine and feces raining down on him from the occupant of the cage above him, stacked in an unheated, non-air-conditioned building.– and forcing him to stay there for his entire life.

So, yeah, Tea Partiers, you found a cause to be proud of.

Wild Things | 36 Comments »

Hey look, it’s Robin of Berkeley, our favorite psycho psycho-therapist.  She’d like to have a heart-to-heart with us all about our souls, and the crappy state of municipal sanitation, so let’s all pull up a stool and cop an evil squat.

Obama and the Evil Squatters

“God is dead,” according to the existentialist Nietzsche. He might as well have been talking about Berkeley, California.

So Berkeley is dead?  There go my plans to grab a half veggie and Hawaiian pie at Fat Slice.  Thanks a lot, Nietzsche.

Think I’m exaggerating?

That’s not the first word that comes to mind when I think of you, no.  It’s just the most polite one.

Take a trip out west and spend a few days on Telegraph Avenue. Then wander over to the downtown area, Shattuck and University. If you’re really the daredevil, do so after dark, when the mean streets look positively Kafkaesque.

So then…Kafka is dead.  Okay, Nietzsche, I gotta give you that one.  But then you’re dead too; in fact, you died first, so I wouldn’t go getting all moldier than thou about it. Or maybe Robin thinks Berkeley has turned into a giant cockroach, which would explain that story of hers about how a vicious hobo fought a charismatic dancing insect to the death, and gave all of Telegraph Avenue a sad.

When I say God is dead in Berkeley, I don’t mean just that parts of the city look like a hellhole. I’m referring to the militant anti-God vibe.

As Robin tells it, the Roman Empire has returned, Berkeley is the new Coliseum, and Christians are once again being persecuted and torn apart by wild beasts for the amusement of jaded heathens.  It’s gotten so bad that Jesus, who hobnobbed with whores and lepers, can’t even count on a warm welcome from the alcoholics anymore.

There’s increasing animosity towards 12-step programs because they’re rooted in Christian theology. But the rebellion is not just from without, but also from within. In some AA meetings, members use their check-in time to lambaste Judaism and Christianity.

Maybe Jesus shouldn’t have turned the coffee into Irish coffee.  It was a good miracle, but the meeting kind of went downhill after that.

Consequently, Berkeley Christians share their religion in whispered tones.

We can only pray this catches on.

A person who has an appetite for worship may remain hungry for fear of ridicule.

You know, I’m pretty sure God can hear you, even when you use your inside voice.

While it’s perfectly acceptable in Berkeley to live openly as a bisexual, transgendered, or crossdresser, don’t dare divulge a love for God. If you do so, expect public disapproval, even contempt.

It’s not that most people object to a man loving a god, it’s just that studies show that it’s better for the children to be raised in a traditional family by a mother and father.

And yet, why don’t residents see the obvious: that’s there’s a connection between abandoning God and the un-Godliness of Berkeley’s streets? The streets are filthy and uncivil; the crime rate spirals out of control. Because if God and His followers are chased out of town, what is left?

You can’t have clean streets without Christians, because in Berkeley Christians are like the burakumin in feudal Japan — they’re the only ones allowed to tan leather and pick up trash.

But when you obscure the sunshine, only darkness remains. Seal the windows, close the blinds, and what do you have? People alone in a pitch-black world, with nothing to shield or soothe them.

Sure Robin, but have you tried it?  I don’t think you should criticize sitting alone in a sealed, dark room until you’ve really given it a chance.

Oh Lord | 22 Comments »

As most any boy who’s grown up in America has learned, usually from the amplifying piehole of a doughy, red-faced, middle-aged Field Marshal-manqué shouting himself hoarse on the greensward of a Junior High athletic field, the best defense is a good offense; and nobody tries to be more offensive than the Unpromoted Professor, Dr. Mike Adams.

With five recent cases of gay teens who were bullied to death — and those are just the ones that have gained national attention; a lot of kids who are tormented for being gay never report it, even in a suicide note, because they haven’t, or can’t, come out to their families — Dr. Mike saw the chance to add insult to tragedy.  Because the problem with today’s bullies — even those who persecute other kids into an early grave — is their lack of follow through.

Many bullies take the death of their victim as a sign they’ve gone too far and should maybe back off; some, if they’re not complete sociopaths, might even experience flashes of horror and regret.  And this is precisely where Dr. Mike’s unique perspective comes in handy.   Why stop abusing your victim just because he’s dead?  What are you, a quitter?  Besides, it’s not like he can hit you back now, which makes attacking the dead almost as safe as Dr. Mike’s own preferred mode of single combat: writing slam books about imaginary lesbians.

Just Swastikas

Note: Dr. Adams will be speaking this Wednesday (October 6th) at UNC-Charlotte. The speech, which is free and open to the public, will start at 7 p.m. in the Student Union Theater.

Why is Dr. Mike speaking at UNC-Charlotte?  Well, because people at the school where he teaches, UNC-Wilmington, seem to be on to him.  Still, admission is free, which is a pretty good deal, considering Hitler charged his fans 35 pfennig a pop for the nosebleed seats at Nuremberg, and 5 reichsmarks for t-shirts and hats.

Plans for National Coming Out Day are going well all across North Carolina – especially at UNC-Charlotte (UNCC). Conservative students at UNCC are planning a Conservative Coming Out Day in response to National Coming Out Day.

I sympathize with closeted conservative youth.  It must be hard to tell your parents you’re an idiot, especially when they’re paying your tuition.

I will be there to offer a diverse perspective on an important issue that has been largely ignored on our nation’s campuses. My speech will highlight several pending cases, which show that homosexuals are not the principal victims of civil rights violations in this country. Instead, they are the principal perpetrators of civil rights violations in this country – especially on our college campuses.

The main problem with the “best defense is a good offense” philosophy seems to be the “good offense” part.  Claiming that gays (who, according to folks like Dr. Mike, are a teeny tiny percentage of the population) are somehow enforcing an apartheid regime on the straight majority is a tough sell, especially when each day seems to bring yet another depressing news story about iron-heeled gay teens driven to take their own lives by their taunting, violent victims.

Jim Crow ain’t what it used to be.

After my speech, there will be a reception where I will be asking that camouflaged cupcakes be served to all in attendance. I am asking the College Republicans to provide camouflaged cupcakes in order to highlight an interesting case that is developing at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI) where plans for National Coming Out Day are not proceeding very smoothly.

Dr. Mike, his nose to the wind, has sensed the pheromones of a fellow homophobe, and popped a bigot-boner.  As  nature intended.

City officials in Indianapolis are investigating a bakery that refused to take an order from an IUPUI student group seeking rainbow-colored cupcakes for their National Coming Out Day. A spokesman for Mayor Greg Ballard said city officials are conducting an investigation into a bakery, Just Cookies, which declined to take the order.

I trust Doghouse Riley will correct me if I’m mistaken, but I believe Mayor Ballard is a Republican, so if nothing else, the Cirque du Soleil-style contortions — even if merely rhetorical — should be entertaining.

After the so-called diversity group ordered the rainbow cupcakes Just Cookies co-owner David Stockton told them theirs was a family-run business. He also explained that he has two young, impressionable daughters and, therefore, thought it was best not to make the cupcakes.

Then the government got involved. “Whatever this gentleman’s personal views are, it cannot interfere with the providing of a service or allowing someone to buy their goods,” said an official of the local government.

That’s good to know. I’m sure some Nazi group would love to visit the local Jewish tailor and have him make them all Nazi uniforms. And the Jewish merchant should definitely be forced by the government to provide services to members of a political movement seeking to destroy him.

All I can say is, if you’ve hatched an evil scheme to destroy a baker by buying a large number of cupcakes from him, then you’re the crappiest Nazi since Colonel Klink.  Of course, neo-Nazis aren’t covered by the Indianapolis anti-discrimination ordinance, while LGBT people are, and the bakery rents space in a city-owned facility, so the government is kind of obliged to investigate allegations that one of its tenants is violating one of its laws.

Of course, comparing gays to Nazis is unfair to the Nazis. The Nazi party doesn’t have much of a presence on America. But the Gaystapo certainly does.

If only the Nazi Party had been as ruthless a perpetrator of civil rights violations as the gays, the Third Reich probably would have committed suicide after years of constant bullying by Jews.

In the wake of the IUPUI cupcake controversy, a student told a local Fox News station “I don’t want to topple anybody at all. I just think it’s important we ask ourselves and Just Cookies asks themselves why they made the statement, why they’re making these choices and how it’s ultimately affecting their business and the community as a whole.”

What an arrogant statement! Everyone knows that such behavior is dictated by an anti-gay gene. Homosexuals are not the only ones who can dodge criticism by making phony genetic arguments unsupported by evidence. I should know. I was born with the sarcasm gene.

And an extra chromosome.

Indianapolis city officials are working to determine whether the rainbow cupcake order was refused because the bakery couldn’t provide the desired product or because something else was at play. I can save them the time and money involved in any continuing investigation by telling them there is something else in play. That “something else” is called religious liberty.

I assume Dr. Mike will be standing strong with Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf as he rallies support for the construction of Park51.  Although perhaps the Professionally Plateaued Professor would prefer if they built the Muslim community center and mosque on city-owned land.  Makes a stronger First Amendment statement.

Our Founders fought to preserve religious expression, including freedom of conscience, because they knew it was vital to the preservation of our nation. They thought it was so important they put it in the Bill of Rights just before the parts about sodomy and abortion. Oh wait! There’s nothing in the Bill of Rights about sodomy and abortion. Sorry about that. It must be my sarcasm gene, which actually is capable of being passed on from generation to generation.

Unless, like Dr. Mike, you’re shooting blanks.

UPDATE: In comments, and over at his place, Doghouse Riley explains that, just like the Monster in Monster-A-Go-Go, “there was no cupcake.”

With Dr. Mike | 27 Comments »

“Our First Guests Will Be Miss Ashley Alexandra Dupre and a Random Poor Person”

“On March 17, 2008, Eliot Spitzer was asked to remove himself from the governor’s mansion. That request came from the people of New York. Deep down, he knew they were wrong, but he also knew that someday he would return to the limelight. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his childhood friend, CNN. Sometime earlier, CNN became the lowest-rated cable news channel. Also sometime earlier, columnist Kathleen Parker, a notable twit, had won a Pulitzer Prize, apparently for her superhuman ability to see people without the lens of race, and her cheery knack for patronizing black people, gays, women, and other lesser beings. For that and other crimes against humanity, Wo’C had requested that she never return. So, CNN decided that smushing the two ninnies into one being called “ParkerSpitzer” was the way to win viewers and decrease the IQs of people everywhere. Can two annoying nonentities share the 8 p.m. news slot without driving me crazy?”

Too late! I already saw the promo where Kathleen says that Eliot is a politician and she is a “journalist,” and so wackiness is sure to ensue. (Dear CNN, if Kathleen is a journalist, then Scott and I are Marcel Proust. Please give us a prime-time spot in which we can chat about current events, deplore modern maners, and enjoy the favors of prostitutes.)

Anyway, I guess CNN has deduced that the big money isn’t in, you know, news, but in newstainment. Sure, they already have a sister channel, HLN, that features such explotationews stars as Jane “Buy my book about addiction” Valez- Mitchel and the “feisty” Nancy Grace (“All child-killers, all the time”), but I guess they needed to ramp it down another notch to compete with Fox News (“A wholly-owned subsidiary of the Republican Party and SatanCo”), and its “O’Relly Factor,” “The Glenn Beck Anti-Commie Comedy Hour,” and “Sarah Palin’s Seeing Other Countries for Dollars.”

So, anybody have any ideas for some other “news” programs for CNN, featuring clashing disgraced and/or third-tier “personalities”?

Here are mine. How about “Rappin’ ‘Bout Race, with Dr. Laura and Reverend Jeremiah Wright”? Or, “Billionaire Death Sports, featuring John Stossel and Paris Hilton (every week rich people are invited to hunt down and kill poor people for their pocket change, then the hosts make out for a while). Or what about, “BachmannTK,” a program wherein Michele Bachmann and the BTK serial killer discuss the issues of the day, and then bind, torture, and kill a CNN exec.

Feel free to add your programming ideas. They certainly can’t be any stupider than “ParkerSpitzer.”

The MSM | 31 Comments »