Today — I think it’s today; I’m still recovering from yesterday’s closing performance, and the Wo’C calendar of sacred feast days is kind of a mess — is the natal anniversary of the Hoosier Sage, the proprietor of a blog so brilliantly written it fairly pops and explodes from the intertubes like a kind of literary ectopic pregnancy. Please join us in celebrating with a sheet cake from the grocery store and an ice sculpture of Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels bestride one of those booster seats with the plastic horse head they used to perch you on in the barber shop.
Let’s begin by continuing our transition from birthday snapshots of Ann Coulter to something a little less likely to make you want to kill yourself…
Today it’s a candid photo of Aishwarya Rai, taken at the Apple store as she was purchasing three iPhones, which I’m posting even though this meets my personal definition of pornography.
Unsurprisingly, this day has whelped many a distinguished person, including:
Hu Jintao, President of the People’s Republic of China
Mikhail Saakashvili, President of Georgia
Frank Zappa, American musician
Kurt Waldheim, United Nations Secretary-General and former Nazi
Kiefer Sutherland, Canadian actor and neo-Nazi sex toy
Florence Griffith Joyner (a.k.a. Flo-Jo), American athlete
Samuel L. Jackson, American opponent of airborne snakes
Paco de Lucía, Spanish guitarist
Andy Dick, American dick
Benjamin Disraeli, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Thomas Becket, Lord Chancellor of England and Archbishop of Canterbury
Vampira (no explanation necessary)
Now let’s check your horoscope, shall we?
You are exceptionally magnetic, possess a flair for the dramatic, and generally like being at the center of attention. Your charisma is unmistakable, and is one of the ingredients in your recipe for success;
the other ingredients are cumin, THC, and Hai Karate.
A square from transiting Uranus to the Sun this year keeps things exciting and changeful.
I think this means you should use a lubricant with a high SPF. And panhandle for change.
The Sun harmonizes with Neptune in your Solar Return chart.
Their rendition of “Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby” will melt the wax from your mustache.
Venus trines Mars, and pleasant and playful competitiveness in relationships is likely. Romance is in the air, as this aspect increases your sensuality, sex appeal, and animal magnetism.
Or someone accidentally broke a bottle of Jovan Musk.
Venus in square to Uranus adds an erratic and abrupt or changeful spin to your love life
Persons over the age of 50 should consult their doctor before playing Twister with Uranus.
Jupiter, Neptune, and Chiron harmonize with Venus, and you are likely to find yourself more accepting and understanding of your friends and lovers.
As seen in the movie, Bob & Carol & Chiron & Venus.
Mercury conjunct the Moon’s North Node. Saturn is square to Pluto in your Solar Return chart.
Really? I can never make sense out of these damn NCAA brackets.
Many happy returns, DH.