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Okay, I was going to start “The World O’Crap” ministry after learning from the AFA how easy it is. (And I may still do it if the author of the “Start Your Own Ministry” series ever reveals the really important thing he’s been holding over my head.)

But after reading recent news reports, I’ve decided that “World O’Crap: The Reality Show” is the way to go. Sure, it will go against all the principles of decency, decorum, and taste that I was raised with, but hey, there’s money involved! Note these recent news stories.

First, there were the reports that Bristol and Levi got engaged as a way to parlay their tale of teen abstinence into a big payday.

Reportedly, Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston want to put their relationship directly in the public’s eye with their own reality TV show and upcoming wedding. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are not shopping just one show, but trying to milk what they’ve got and have multiple reality shows in the works that they are reportedly trying to get networks interested in.

“Within the next four to six weeks Palin’s PR people will be releasing news that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have signed on to ‘star’ in a new reality TV show, all about young parenting. And yes, they will also work up to a wedding,” reported from a commentator who calls himself “Levinews.”

Bristol Palin recently appeared on TV in a cameo on ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager,’ and reportedly also recently signed on for a public speaking appearances where she will give speeches on abstinence and “pro-life” issues, among other subjects. Reportedly, Bristol Palin will earn between $15,000 and $30,000 per appearance.

You know, having that out-of-wedlock child to gain her creds as an abstinence expert was the smartest thing Bristol has ever done.

Now, there are reports that they are currently shooting “Kate Plus Eight Plus Sarah Plus Grizzly Adams.” It’s a great day to be alive!

TLC’s retooled ‘Kate Plus Eight’ is pulling out all the stops for an upcoming episode — including a big cameo by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a source tells In Touch magazine. And with Palin’s upcoming docu-reality TV show set to run on the same network, it’s potentially a great opportunity for cross-promotion.

Gosselin and her eight kids have made the trip to Alaska and will be meeting up with Palin for a camping trip. Palin’s dad, a retired science teacher, and her brother, a third-grade teacher, will do a hands-on natural history lesson for the kids, 9-year-old twins Mady and Cara, and 6-year-old sextuplets Aaden, Joel, Collin, Leah, Hannah and Alexis.

We did such a good job finding better names for the Gurdonites — you think that we can help out the Gosselin Gang? The floor is open to your suggestions.

The former Vice Presidential candidate is reportedly excited for the visit and camping trip. “She’s excited because it will be fun and educational for the children. Sarah will even teach Kate how to avoid bears!” In Touch’s source said.

Um, I’m not going to touch that line … but you feel free to give it your best shot!

“A friendship is unlikely” after they finish taping their segment, our source says, adding “with Kate, out of sight means out of mind. She hasn’t spoken with Tony her dancing partner from ‘Dancing With the Stars’ since she last stepped onto the dancefloor.”

Plus, Sarah is reportedly very unlikable and Kate is a big control freak, so if they spent time together after the cameras were off, somebody would probably die in a “freak hunting accident.” Sure, then the network could call in the cops from “Law & Order: Wingnut Division,” but nobody has gotten back to me on that idea. So, I guess it’s best that the two woman agree to diss each other on Twitter after the filming is through.

But tell me about the money!

Palin will reportedly earn over $1 million per episode for the eight-part series exploring the natural beauty of Alaska. It will be produced by Mark Burnett (who created Survivor and Celebrity Apprentice). Her program, Sarah Palin’s Alaska, is expected to air later this summer.

So, as I was saying, I think that this reality show business is the way to go for World O’Crap. I, being an astronaut/spy would be a natural. I’ll allow Scott and Mary to come up with their own reality personas. And of course you, the Wo’C posse, will be part of the series. Share what you think your role should be, and maybe we’ll share some of that $1 million an ep with you.

23 Responses to “Real World O’Crap”

Munchin, Caramba!, Achtung, J-Lo, Colon, Luau, Halvah and Lexis.

But really, it’s not their fault they weren’t given cool names like Tripp and Trig and First Dude.

And, is Joe McGinnis going to play the cranky older neighbor on Bristol/Levi’s “reality” show?

I, being an astronaut/spy would be a natural. I’ll allow Scott and Mary to come up with their own reality personas.

I get to be Tyra Banks! I can totally do her job:

“I have one more wingnut pic. Whichever wingnut pic I pull out, will continue on in the competition.”

Pulls out headshot…

“Jim Treacher. Congratulations. You are still in the running to be….World O’ Crap’s….Next….Top….Wingnut”

Well, looking at my wardrobe, I’m afraid my only realistic option is Snooki.

Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Dung, Mud, Frick and Frack.

I want to play the butler who gets laughs just by rolling his eyes and other exasperated gestures.

I wanna be Ralph Furley! Not for the show, though. I just wanna be Furley. I’ve been practicing my “surprised Don Knotts” expression for nearly a week now.

Just wait for the show pairing up Michelle Bachmann & Lindsay Lohan…

Just wait for the show pairing up Michelle Bachmann & Lindsay Lohan…

That would be “The Ugly, the Bad, and Neither the Good.”

Mono, Hep, Herpes, Hiv, Syph, Scabies, Crab, and Clap.

And can I be the guy sitting at the resturant table in the background pretenteding to have a conversation with a good looking woman?

I’ll be the expensively groomed mother-in-law who makes sarcastic put-downs about everyone, like that lady on “Who’s Da Boss?”

Twinkle, Sparkle, and Glitter; Glare, Glower and Grimace

Oochy, Ouchy, Itchy, Scratchy, Crampy, and Spasm.

I was born to be a wacky next-door neighbor. But because I find the concept of appearing on a reality show somewhat degrading, I’ll have to be filmed behind the fence between our yards like that guy on Home Improvement.

If Breitbart and Kate married: Eenie, Meenie, Minee, Moe, Catcha, Nigga, Bye and Toe.

What fucking kills me is, I would watch a show about the natural beauty of Alaska. But I’m not fucking watching anything to do with Sarah fucking Palin. So, you know, congrats for making your state less appealing, hon.

Knick Knack Paddy Whack Giva Doggy Boner
oh, and Skeeze

I’m the guy who trains the bears to dance with Kate and Sarah.

9 year old twins Monetta and Lady Sockhead and 6 year old sextuplets, Nutella, Cumberbund, Baskerville, Spongy, ReRun and Treet.

As for the reality show, I will be cousin Oliver.

Scripto: are those the rape bears?

9 year olds Monrovia & Etoufee, and the sextuplets Mongoose, Cornwallis, Anode, Stochastic, Cephalopod and Flange.

I want to be off camera as a writer who’s only contribution to each show is insuring that each one ends with Sister Sarah being hit in the face with a pie, followed by a sad trombone.

Scary guy up the street, the one with the meth lab, garage fulla explosives and “trespassers will be shot, survivors shot again” sign.


I wouldn’t do that to a dumb animal. Or a bear either. I was thinking along the lines of raw steak and bungee cords.

Twins are named Monday and Tuesday and the other 6 are Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Katilsday.

Pickles and Hot Shot for the twins. Toothache, S’mores, Wally, Pickax, Grunt and Fauntleroy for the rest of the litter.

Something to say?