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« Boys to the Gymnasium, Girls to the Home Ec Room
Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Sub-Contractor Cats Edition »

Enter the Exciting World of Right Wing Porn!

Our friend David E. wrote to say:

My favorite pron movie title (I haven’t seen the movie, but the title will forever stay with me): Lezbollah.

Maybe we need a new contest, for best conservative pron title? Like, Why Don’t We Cuddle in the Road or Exit Only: The Story of My Anus?

I think that’s a terrific idea; let me see if I can help get things started.  How about:

Daddy’s Purity Balls

Two Wetsuits and a L’il Dildo

Larry Craig’s List #2: Knockin’ On Heaven’s Stall Door

Please submit your own nominations for the AFI’s 100 Greatest Conservative Porn Films, and possibly win a valuable prize (probably a Seka movie on Betamax — we haven’t worked out all the details with Doghouse Riley).

Posted by scott on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 11:20 pm.

86 Responses to “Enter the Exciting World of Right Wing Porn!”

Im-Palin.

The War On Terror. (already taken?)

Pastor Skank.

Left by Break the Terror (Evan) on September 24th, 2009

Trying to be topical, how about

Non-Homosexual Porn
With a subtitle of
Because there’s no way you’re going to want to masterbate to this one.

Left by darkell on September 24th, 2009

The Teabagger’s Balls

None Dare Call It Sleazin

Atlas Buggered

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

“Dominican Holiday”, with Rush Limbaugh.

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 24th, 2009

Atlas Buggered

The Teabagger’s Balls

None Dare Call It Sleazin’

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

In honor of Patrick Swayze:

Spread Dawn

Left by AM in Houston on September 24th, 2009

Fap Fap Fappin’ at Heaven’s Door

We should also think about the categories for the conservative porn awards.

Left by David E. on September 24th, 2009

Holding Hands #6: Dirty Hands

Wild Ankles Of the SEC

The MILK Hunter

Left by actor212 on September 24th, 2009

Boehner Loves Bush?

Left by rickygee on September 24th, 2009

Sloppy Seconds – the Michael Duvall Story

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

Don’t they do enough of this for us?

Just Drill, Baby

My Wide Stance

The Million-Man Teabag

Big Weapons II: Authorized To Invade

Jobs of a Congressional Page

Wrong Side of the Sheet: The Strom Thurmond Story

Left by Doghouse Riley on September 24th, 2009

Atlas Tugged

The FountainingHead

Gulping Galt’s Gulch

Fleshlight Follies: Enlightening Your Self Interest For Fun and Profit

Left by Ugluks Flea on September 24th, 2009

In honor of Patrick Swayze:

Spread Dawn

Left by AM in Houston on September 24th, 2009

Brilliant. The screenplay writes itself.
“Beeeverrrrrrs!”

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

Appalachian Tail

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

I Found My Thrill on Capital Hill

Buns of Steele

Doin’ It Duggars – Eight is Not Enough!

Left by AnnPW on September 24th, 2009

Norman Mailer wrote this treatment under an assumed name (John Updike): Atlas Fugged

Left by Jay Schiavone on September 24th, 2009

Ok, how ’bout these?

Weapons of Ass Destruction II: Iranian Boogaloo

Hate, Shame, & Self-Loathing: A Republican Love Story.

Wargasm: 500 billion dollar penis-substitutes gone wild.

Left by Kordo on September 24th, 2009

David E suggests: We should also think about the categories for the conservative porn awards.

Oh, god, huarrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllp. Hey, ever notice how you feel much better after vomiting?

“Best onstage pity prop wife”

“Best bizarre sexual behavior rationale”

“Creepiest use of common objects”

“Best dressed”

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 24th, 2009

Incidentally, propose calling the award statues, shaped like a loofah, “the falafels”.

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 24th, 2009

“The Falafel Truth” with Bill O’Reilly.

God, I fucking HATE puns.

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 24th, 2009

Tread On Me

Watering the Tree of Liberty
tagline: That ain’t blood.

Socialezzin’ (OR Socialjism)

Pimpstyle: the uncut footage of what really happened when James O’Keefe and Hannah Giles went to ACORN! Actually it’s the same stuff we’ve already seen, but conservatives seem plenty aroused by it.

Left by FlipYrWhig on September 24th, 2009

Repub-Lickin’

Homeland Suck Ur Titties

Townhall.com

Left by Capmconnundrum on September 24th, 2009

Warm up the VCR, Pudding Cups all around, girls, knees together! Roll tape…

Debbie Hugs Dallas

Pubic Enemy #1

Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex, And Aint Never Gonna Ask

“Scary Vagina” Monologues

The Way “Thingy” Ought To Be

A Slobbering Love Affair
(That one’s real, I aint makin’ it up, I swear…)

Left by Meanie-meanie, tickle a person on September 24th, 2009

Now, How on Earth could I have missed…

“Fear & Loathing in the Bedroom”

Wake up, Meanie…

And that might actually be a real title, too, I dunno.

In honor of Patrick Swayze:

Spread Dawn

Vulvarines!!!

Left by Meanie-meanie, tickle a person on September 24th, 2009

The Adventures of Dick Armey

The Velvet Hammer

The Bush Years: Between Iraq and a Hard Place.

Left by actor212 on September 24th, 2009

Dominican Boys I: Rush on Top
Dominican Boys II: Rush on Bottom

Left by RobNYNY on September 24th, 2009

Ricky Likes It Ruff

Left by scripto on September 24th, 2009

“Arrested in the Rest Room”
or
“Dancing With The Stalls”
or
“Party of No!No!no!, I mean”Yes!”

Left by Female Cat on September 24th, 2009

“Paige Boy”

Left by Female Cat on September 24th, 2009

“The House on ‘C’ Street”

Left by Female Cat on September 24th, 2009

Behind the Sistene Door

Opposite Marriage with Carrie Prejean

Ted Haggard’s Rhythm Meth-OD

Big’uns and Big Guns

Seep Throat

Left by arghous on September 24th, 2009

Confederate: Yank Me

Pamelittle, Pamelot

The Jonah Goldberg Variations

Cheney Me Up, Cheney Me Down

Little Green Balls

Oh shut up, I just need more practice. (The preceding was not a title.)

Left by I'm Not Here on September 24th, 2009

Also, I already have a Seka vid. It’s in the closet somewhere. But it’s not Betamax.

Left by I'm Not Here on September 24th, 2009

I’m from the Government and I Want to Fuck You

Left by Weird Dave on September 24th, 2009

“Makin’ Babies for Jesus”

“Bareback for Benedict, XVI”

“Procreation Sensation”

“The Other Cheeks”

Left by Dean Booth on September 24th, 2009

I suck at this stuff, but let’s give it a go (sounds porny already):

“Hot Mannity Hannity Jobbities”
“Glenn & Gary, Glenn & Ross: BareBeck Sandwich!”
“Douthat Dirty Face Snatch” (too much? yeah, probably)
“When Larry Met Phally: An Airport Romance in One Act”
“How’s Malkin She Make that Weenie Shrink”

Left by TM on September 24th, 2009

“Prolife Girls: Anal Sanctimony”

Left by TM on September 24th, 2009

My Taut Left Behind

Left by heydave on September 25th, 2009

Assrocket I: The Powerline

Assrocket II: Town Balls

Assrocket III: Free Repubic

Left by actor212 on September 25th, 2009

Adventures of Joe the Cummer

Left by Little Boots on September 25th, 2009

I’ll try but offering a Seka tape, that’s really punishment, honestly.

“Hillary: The Boss I” – First 100 orders come complete with complementary horse whip, thigh high boots, butt plug and leather mask.

“Protect Yourself Series: Know the Fag’s Life” – an indepth exploration of the ins, outs and thrusts of the homosexual lifestyle as told by our undercover agents. A must-have for anyone daring to venture into urban homosexual territory when doing God’s work!

Also available in the “Protect Yourself” series:
“Know the Transexual Lifestyle”
“Know the Welfare Queen, Black Prostitute on the Street Needing 20 Bucks” lifestyle
“Know the Congressional Lifestyle”
“Know the Pedophiliac Lifestyle”

We also carry a wide range of educational materials for your family:

“Sex and Dogs”: An exploration of the use of birth control devices as demonstrated by wholesome, attractive female models and American purebred hounds. No nudity guaranteed.

“Weapons of Destruction”: From the History Channel, the never before seen footage of bombs in the making and bombs in the act of destroying. Guaranteed thrills and excitement!

And for adult only viewers:

“My Pabst, My Hound, My Gun, My Daughters: Down-Home Correction and Instruction”

“Dirty Words” – A compendium of forbidden verbiage spoken in a way to get your blood flowing!

Left by kate on September 25th, 2009

Wingnuts Gone Wild or How to Tea Bag in Two Easy Dips.

Left by mary b on September 25th, 2009

Diaper Dave Does Dallass

Left by mary b on September 25th, 2009

Birth of a Ragin’ [Hard-on]

Left by AM in Houston on September 25th, 2009

Jonah’s Pantload
The Dick Army
John’s Boehner
The Dick Chainy
The Bush Years
(why are these all gay porn? O.K., the last one is S&M)

Left by gocart mozart on September 25th, 2009

Two Million Teabaggers

(wingnuts claim this is currently a fact but I say it will only be true when the title is available at your local porn outlet.)

Left by gocart mozart on September 25th, 2009

Big HollyWood

Cornin’ My Turtle

Going Down on Macaca (the George Allen Story).

Dick Army

Tucker Does Cincinatti

Cruisin’ at the Grabar

Left by R. V. Dump on September 25th, 2009

Mozart- great minds I guess…

Left by R. V. Dump on September 25th, 2009

TCM 1115p pacific. “Willie Dynamite”, (1973).

If you want to get a sense of the Obama presidency as seen through the eyes of the Crackernuts, well, here you go.

May have been the costume influence source for those idiot kids with the hidden cam who repeatedly tried to to game ACORN into illegal activity and failed, despite managing to get a couple of ACORN employees fired and racking up at least twice that many police referrals, but that’s another story.

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 25th, 2009

Bending like Bachman

Left by Little Boots on September 25th, 2009

The Pubic Option

Left by Little Boots on September 25th, 2009

Giles Gone Wild
Dr. Dobson Whips it Out
Attack of the 50-Foot Coulter
Hannity and Beck Do Nevada
Patrol My Border–with Lou Dobbs, natch
Kathryn Lopez, Superstar

Left by Poetisa on September 26th, 2009

“Cornin’ My Turtle”??

It’s okay. Please don’t explain it to me.

You all are sick, sick, SICK!!!

(cough, cough) I guess that’s why I keep coming back…

Left by AnnPW on September 26th, 2009

pharmacon II

insure your pig

warm globalizing – the technique

began with a bush
ended with a dick

oppression obsession

Left by purpleOnion on September 26th, 2009

Fox Pooze

Left by papa zita on September 26th, 2009

Bachman Turn-On Overdrive

Left by scripto on September 26th, 2009

And for the tranny fans (i.e. 80% of the House Republicans):

Big Holly’s Wood.

And for the rest:

Goldman’s Sack.

(this is much too fun)

Left by Little Boots on September 26th, 2009

Triumph of the Dildo
starring Leni Riefenballs

Left by AM in Houston on September 26th, 2009

This thread is such a great idea, and should never be allowed to lie fallow.

Here is what I can come up with:

Foley’s Boehner Move

Aide de Champ

My Beard; My Aide

Personal Responsibility Reform High School

Paddle-Boy Moral Instruction

Interstate Rest-Stop Breakdown: Degenerate Society

Glorious Spartan Culture: ‘Bear’ Wrestling

Race War: The Provocation

Ugg I probably could come up with more but only of the same low quality.

Left by Rhodo Zeb on September 26th, 2009

heh Little Boots, keep going! You only did a couple but they were great!!

;-)

Left by Rhodo Zeb on September 26th, 2009

(even I’m appalled by this, but):

On Goldberg’s Mom

Left by Little Boots on September 26th, 2009

I want to stop, but I can’t:

Dobson’s Cheek

Left by Little Boots on September 26th, 2009

Double feature:
Tin Soldiers & Nixon’s Cumming

Left by Mike Nilsen on September 27th, 2009

Dildoes n’ Wetsuits: A Cumpendium

Left by AnnPW on September 27th, 2009

Where’s Dildo?

Left by papa zita on September 27th, 2009

Great Stuff. . . a few of other thoughts:

Missile Offense

Free Market Frottages

Goin’ Galt II — All the Way

Fundamentalist Discipline III – The Birch Cane

Left by sjk on September 27th, 2009

Beck Anal Bacchanal

Left by FlipYrWhig on September 27th, 2009

The Jonah Goldberg Variations…but it needs a subtitle….

Left by Jeanne on September 27th, 2009

Shackles and AHhh!!!

Tease Party IV

Ex-Gay Coed Reunion: South Beach

Getting Off Abstinence Island

Left by Michelina on September 27th, 2009

Home School Musical III: See Your Rear

Left by Michelina on September 27th, 2009

Strategic Defense Initiative: Star Whores

The Laffer Perve

Tax Cu*ts

Left by Sid Viscous on September 27th, 2009

Late to the party, but let’s go with a few classics:

David Vitter in Davy Does Diapers

Larry Craig in Behind The Green Stall Door

Neal Horsley and Micky Kaus in Deep Goat

Left by Mentis Fugit on September 27th, 2009

Here are some of my favorites so far (and I’m missing some, I know):

The Teabagger’s Balls
Appalachian Tail
The Assrocket Comicals (actor212′s threesome)
The Pubic Option
On Goldberg’s Mom (maybe this is part of The Goldberg Variations?)
Daddy’s Purity Balls

Left by Larkspur on September 27th, 2009

The Assrocket Comicals

Butt Propulsion Laboratories: Our Superior Prowess Examined With Respect To Inferior States With No Such Ability.

[fanfare]

Left by Chris Vosburg on September 27th, 2009

Co-Ed Missionary Positioners 2

The Values Cum-mit

Promise Keepers Gone Wild

Kernman Does Boca

The Coulter Effect

Miscegnation Station: The Strom Thurmond Story

Dallas Does JFK

Bed Dawn

In-Hannity

The Passion Of The Christ

And of course …

An Atlas Hoe Down Throw Down

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Oh, and for the ACORN sting video pervs:

Hannah And Her Fisters

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Can’t stop …

The 69/12 Project

The Strict Cuntstructionist

Bare Ankle Sluts

Bare Ankle Sluts 2: Raising The Hemline

Cold Showers With Jesus

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Little Oral Ammo

(stopping)

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

This can never be over.

Left In the Behind, Part One

Left by scripto on October 2nd, 2009

Co-Ed Missionary Positioners 2: Turn Off The Lights

Co-Ed Missionary Positioners Unleashed: The Sheet Has Two Holes

Congressional Page Gang Bang

C-PACkers

Cheetos Ain’t Just Fer Eatin’

(but Left in the Behind clearly wins)

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Hot Married Sex: Twin Beds … Triple Penetration

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Jonah And K-Lo Make A Porno

(ahhh … runs screaming … sorry)

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

A Roll In The Hay-ek

Left by D. Aristophanes on October 2nd, 2009

Jonah And K-Lo Make A Porno
aka
One Cocktail Weenie, Two Brillo Pads

Pastor Comfort’s Banana

Left by Big Bad Bald Bastard on October 5th, 2009

Hannah does Montana

Left by Big Bad Bald Bastard on October 5th, 2009

Minority Whip

Full Metal Jackoff

Confederate Yankee Crankee

Left by round guy on October 24th, 2009

Something to say?