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Archive for July 25th, 2008

Yeah, Whatever Happened To That…?

Posted by scott on July 25th, 2008

In the comments to this post (“Deflater Mouse” should win some sort of title for titles) over at Sadly, No!, J– says, “Goldberg’s grudge is an old one. He and his editor have adjusted it to fit the current political conjuncture.”  I followed the link to this January 1999 article of Jonah’s and was reminded yet again why the National Review Online was the epicenter of principled political criticism during the Clinton Administration:  because they held themselves to the same exacting, even unforgiving, standards of truth and accuracy that they demanded of their ideological foes.

CORRECTIONS, AS PROMISED
In keeping with my New Year’s Resolutions every Friday I will be running corrections. First, in my resolutions I got the quote from Caddyshack slightly off. Bill Murray doesn’t say “so I got that going for me, which is good.” He says “which is nice.” In my reference to the Pataveret from So I Married an Axe Murderer I substituted the Rockefellers for the Rothschilds. Many of you caught this and I even got a memo from Zog. I used the word Christendom in a way that some of you thought was inaccurate. I meant it to mean a geographical area rather than a community of believers, which isn’t quite right. But I should point out that what I said was still accurate considering Christians do revere the Ten Commandments. A while back I quoted Conan — Crush your enemy, see him driven before you etc. — and a number of you claim that quote actually comes from Ghengis Khan and others say its from Sun Tsu. I don’t really care. Movies often plagerize from, what do you call it? Oh yeah: life. Some die-hard Conan defenders were VERY upset that I said that Oliver Stone wrote Conan, instead of John Millius. Well, they both have writing credits. But Millius did direct. And in my Monday column I failed to make any pop culture reference whatsoever. I should also point out that nobody got the Animal House reference about “double secret probation.” That really surprised me.

And as History shows, this same rigorous devotion to intellectual honesty resulted in a work of scholarship we’ve all come to know and respect:

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UDATE:  Actor212 says in comments:

I don’t really care. Movies often plagerize from, what do you call it? Oh yeah: life.

But this is central to his point!

Which actually — sadly — reminds me that I used to view Jonah much more with amusement than disgust (reversing the old Elvis Costello Method).  Back during the Clinton years, he was a prolific, largely uncritical kitsch vacuum who paid the rent spitting his Mother’s second-hand venom, but was just as likely to interrupt a virtual lynching on The Corner to pursue an obscure point of Star Trek arcana.  And occasionally, unlike the older kids in the clubhouse, he would retract a stupid remark, or even admit to a mistake.  Usually about something breathtakingly trivial, but still, it was a glimmer of embryonic honesty in a sub-culture where humility is just a synonym for weakness.  But with a Book on the shelves, Jonah’s actually convinced himself that he’s an Authority.  An eminence grease.  And now that his expertise is his fortune, he can no longer afford to admit that he’s wrong.  It shakes investor confidence in the stock.  Now, every mistake, evasion, or flat-out lie merely strengthens his point.

He’s gone from putz to asshole so fast that telling him to go fuck himself would be redundant.

Go Speed Novak, GO!

Posted by scott on July 25th, 2008

Reasonable Conservative Jon Swift helpfully illuminates recent McCain campaign strategies, showing us the linear progression from branding the electorate pussies, to whimpering in front of sausage and fudge restaurants, to countering Democratic GOTV efforts with negative advertising and vehicular homicide.

Read and Be Reasonable.

Our old friend Andrew Klavan (see here) has emerged from the cineplex with a trembling sense of awe; he has stumbled to his knees, cast his moist, yearning eyes heavenward, and seen a revelation glowing from the underbelly of the sky…

A cry for help goes out from a city beleaguered by violence and fear: A beam of light flashed into the night sky, the dark symbol of a bat projected onto the surface of the racing clouds . . .

Oh, wait a minute. That’s not a bat, actually. In fact, when you trace the outline with your finger, it looks kind of like . . . a “W.”

Yes, Andrew has jumped on the meme-wagon and joined other conservative cineastes in declaring that George W. Bush is Super-President!

There seems to me no question that the Batman film “The Dark Knight,” currently breaking every box office record in history, is at some level a paean of praise to the fortitude and moral courage that has been shown by George W. Bush in this time of terror and war.

Well, there’s no question as long as the movie remains popular.  If it had debuted to the kind of notices and box office that, say, Batman and Robin did, I doubt the Conservateriate would be hugging it to their bodies and screaming, “Mine!  Mine!  Mine!” like Daffy Duck hoarding a mound of jewels in Ali Baba Bunny.

Like W, Batman is vilified and despised for confronting terrorists in the only terms they understand. Like W, Batman sometimes has to push the boundaries of civil rights to deal with an emergency, certain that he will re-establish those boundaries when the emergency is past.

Of course, if you can make an emergency last long enough (did that Terrorist Color Swatch Chart ever drop below fuchsia?) then blown boundaries become the norm and you don’t have to restore squat.  And unlike W, at least The Batman lost a little sleep over using the Constitution as a mud-butler.

And like W, Batman understands that there is no moral equivalence between a free society — in which people sometimes make the wrong choices — and a criminal sect bent on destruction. The former must be cherished even in its moments of folly; the latter must be hounded to the gates of Hell.

Or you can split the difference and drop the “free” part, then everybody can knock off early and meet for Long Island Iced Teas and Double-Stuffed Potato Skins at Bennigan’s.  We can just Fed-Ex the rest of your civil rights to Hell in the morning…I’ll leave a note on Jerri’s desk.

“The Dark Knight,” then, is a conservative movie about the war on terror.  And like another such film, last year’s “300,” “The Dark Knight” is making a fortune depicting the values and necessities that the Bush administration cannot seem to articulate for beans.

Maybe they should fire Dana Perino and hire Frank Miller.  Forget press conferences, and just issue all Presidential statements in comic book form.  I mean, they’re already halfway there; just install a fireman’s pole, a super-computer, and a giant penny in Cheney’s Secure Undisclosed Location, and you’ve got instant Bat Cave.  Get someone from DC or Marvel to design uniforms — we already know Bush enjoys dressing up in costumes — and get David Frum working on a catchphrase.  Not only would this finally restore a bit of honor and dignity to the White House, it would be revenue-neutral, since all costs could be defrayed by merchandising deals and cross-promotional tie-ins with Burger King.

Conversely, time after time, left-wing films about the war on terror — films like “In The Valley of Elah,” “Rendition” and “Redacted” — which preach moral equivalence and advocate surrender, that disrespect the military and their mission, that seem unable to distinguish the difference between America and Islamo-fascism, have bombed more spectacularly than Operation Shock and Awe.

Why is it then that left-wingers feel free to make their films direct and realistic, whereas Hollywood conservatives have to put on a mask in order to speak what they know to be the truth? Why is it, indeed, that the conservative values that power our defense — values like morality, faith, self-sacrifice and the nobility of fighting for the right — only appear in fantasy or comic-inspired films like “300,” “Lord of the Rings,” “Narnia,” “Spiderman 3″ and now “The Dark Knight”?

Wow.  This takes the art of the rhetorical question to a whole new level, doesn’t it?

When heroes arise who take those difficult duties on themselves, it is tempting for the rest of us to turn our backs on them, to vilify them in order to protect our own appearance of righteousness. We prosecute and execrate the violent soldier or the cruel interrogator in order to parade ourselves as paragons of the peaceful values they preserve.

Well, we railroad obscure, powerless underlings while insulating management from accountability, but sure, I get your point.

As Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon says of the hated and hunted Batman, “He has to run away — because we have to chase him.”

That’s real moral complexity.

And real fruit flavor!

And when our artistic community is ready to show that sometimes men must kill in order to preserve life; that sometimes they must violate their values in order to maintain those values; and that while movie stars may strut in the bright light of our adulation for pretending to be heroes, true heroes often must slink in the shadows, slump-shouldered and despised — then and only then will we be able to pay President Bush his due and make good and true films about the war on terror.

Perhaps that’s when Hollywood conservatives will be able to take off their masks and speak plainly in the light of day.

Hell, I’d be satisfied if they’d just start by taking off the two wetsuits and pulling the dildoes out of their ass.  At least during business hours.

So I guess the lesson is, conservatives aren’t biologically capable of producing good, popular movies, but they’re certainly eager to adopt them as their own.  Which I guess makes them the moral equivalent of a married gay couple with a nesting instinct.

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President Bush in the upcoming summer blockbuster, Super President vs. The G-8!