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The Mind Molesters of Sacramento! »

Jonah Goldberg’s Body Is A’Moldin’ In The Grave

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Shorter Jonah from today’s LA Times:

Obama’s call for national service is a violation of the Constitutional ban on slavery, just as Rock The Vote’s appeal to get down to the polling place and cast your ballot is just like the forced relocation of Native Americans during the Trail of Tears.

Also, doubling the size of the Peace Corps would deplete the supply of energetic, idealistic young people who would otherwise be available to join the military and replace their blown-up schoolmates.

Oh, and before I go, let me leave you with a statistic about America’s high rates of volunteerism versus Germany and Switzerland, without factoring in the comprehensive government services that make survival in western European nations less dependent on soup kitchens and thrift store clothing drives.

Bonus Verbatim Jonah:

No, national service isn’t slavery. But it contributes to a slave mentality, at odds with American tradition.

“But if Bush decided to reinstate the draft, I’d find some way to justify it, thanks to my many readers who would volunteer arguments and perform hours of community service on the Internet, doing my research for me.  That’s America.”

Posted by scott on Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 at 2:45 pm.

12 Responses to “Jonah Goldberg’s Body Is A’Moldin’ In The Grave”

Who is this guy, and why isn’t he wiping down tables at Friday’s?

Left by slywy on July 8th, 2008

Yeah, it’s always a source of amazement and disgust that Goldblob is actually given money to state his opinions in major newspapers and T.V. I don’t know what they are paying him, but I’m pretty sure they’re getting ripped off.

This is REALLY the best intellectual spokesman wingnut welfare can buy? Yeesh.

Left by Gundamhead on July 8th, 2008

“But if Bush decided to reinstate the draft, I’d find some way to justify it,…”

…right after I nervously scan the fine print to make sure it doesn’t apply to ME.

I’d like to say that Jonah is given money for the same reason that clowns in the circus are paid wages. But the publishers seem to have a big, rubber nose blocking their vision of quality editorial writing.

Left by Snarki, child of Loki on July 8th, 2008

Who is this guy, and why isn’t he wiping down tables at Friday’s?

His mom didn’t have enough influence. She could only get him a column with the LA Times.

Left by scott on July 8th, 2008

The only rational explanation that I can figure for why the publishers keep on with idiots like loadpants is that they are short selling stock in the corporation.

Left by Ray Rl on July 8th, 2008

Actually, considering how many fucking nutjobs I know who sound just like him, I’m forced to assume Jonah actually is earning his place with his readership. I just don’t see that as something to be encouraged, I guess.

Also: shorter? Not so much. But the Shorter format has always been inadequate to deal with certain people like Goldberg, whose long-winded devotion to blather for the sake of it is the very core of their writing style. It’s like making limericks out of Shakespeare’s sonnets: you can probably do it, and it will probably be hilarious, but you probably shouldn’t anyway.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 8th, 2008

I suppose that’s why Kennedy’s encouragement to join the Peace Corps was, in “reality,” nothing but a prison sentence. My niece, the one who spent years in some backwater Asiatic hole, would agree that she didn’t really want to do it and felt like such a slave.

Left by heydave on July 8th, 2008

I like how slavery is a “mentality” and fascism is, like, a mindset or something. Political-economic system as metaphor, that’s worth contemplating. Actual existence of either one of them? Screw it, Cheeto break.

Left by FlipYrWhig on July 8th, 2008

Pantload uses the word “Slavery” to remind people that when Obama is president he’s gonna enslave all the white people. This volunteer suggestion is only the start.

I talked with my wingnut brother this weekend…he said Goldberg is a GOOD WRITER who puts forward good arguments…I was so depressed. Then brother started quoting Megan McArdle. I said jokingly “We libs call her Argle-bargle” (well I do)and he, not really listening to me said: “She’s really intelligent!” maybe he noticed my expression, for he then added “Well she knows the Economic Lingo, anyway”.

Left by Kathy on July 9th, 2008

Kathy Thank god somebody else has had that experience. My Aunt said Jonah was a good writer. She’s not even a wingnut.

Isn’t it surreal? When I hear people praise that bozo or D’souza I can’t even process it. It’s like if somebody were to tell me Monster A-Go-Go was one of the most terrifying movies they’ve ever seen.

Also, how is slavery not an American tradition? It was written into the constitution, and, for that matter, the Bible.

And blacks were expected to exhibit a slave mentality even after slavery was abolished; that’s why we needed the civil rights movement.

Love of the slave mentality is a tradition that started before the Revolutionary War and lasted well into the 1970s. Just because it’s evil doesn’t mean it can’t be an American tradition.

Left by Christopher on July 9th, 2008

You know, it’s funny – when the Illegally Installed Drunken Cokeheaded Deserter called on all americans to volunteer four thousand hours of their time (essentially the same thing as Obama, ecept without any compensation for their service whatsoever), I don’t recall this sort of wailing from the Republican’ts.

Funny how almost no one seems to recall that little tidbit of information…

Left by (: Tom :) on July 9th, 2008

Christopher: The really scary thing is my brother is a Rocket Scientist. Really, he works for NASA designing rockets (or re-designing the old Apollo ones)

Left by Kathy on July 9th, 2008

Something to say?