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« Where’s Ben Stein’s Money?
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Penis Theft Panic Hits City

According to Reuters…

KINSHASA (Reuters) – Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Somewhere, in an undisclosed, but no longer secure location, Dick Cheney jerks awake in a cold sweat…

Reports of so-called penis snatching

Well that — oh forget it. I’m not even gonna bother….

are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

…and where most gynecological exams are performed by dentists.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows

Unfortunately, Rush had a guest host that day. Apparently he was detained at the airport after returning from a recent golf outing in sub-Saharan Africa.

Posted by scott on Thursday, April 24th, 2008 at 4:36 pm.

16 Responses to “Penis Theft Panic Hits City”

When I was in college reading the Malleus Maleficarum, I was struck by the whole ZOMG! BITCHES ARE GOING TO STEAL MY PENIS! attitude throughout the whole thing.

Sorta hoped we left that bullshit back in the Middle Ages.

Left by Dorothy on April 24th, 2008

can i haz one too?

Left by Lamb Cannon on April 24th, 2008

“Beware the Maleficarum,
The words that bite, the pics that catch!
Beware the Penis Witch, and shun
The frumious Denta-Snatch!”

-The essential missing Jabberwocky stanza

Left by Thursday on April 24th, 2008

can we send Tucker over to investigate? seems right up his alley

Left by preznit giv me turkee on April 24th, 2008

All cultures have their own version of penis-snatching (isn’t that an oxymoron?). Some Africans attribute it to witchcraft, while some Americans gussy it up with words like “emasculating bitch”. Is there a difference?

Left by Me on April 24th, 2008

Oh, if only KJ Rowling hadn’t ended her Harry Potter books! We could be anticipating a novel like:

“Harry Potter and the Snatched Pecker”

or

“Harry Potter and the Lifted LoveSnake”

or

“Harry Potter and the Missing Magic Wand”

or

“Harry Potter and the Stolen Staff of Life”

anyone care to add?

Left by Maryc on April 25th, 2008

Harry Potter Meets Rod Parsley.

Left by FlipYrWhig on April 25th, 2008

Come to that, is penis retraction syndrome any weirder than some of the syndromes that western practitioners discover and offer to treat?

Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on April 25th, 2008

jerks awake?

Left by Doghouse Riley on April 25th, 2008

In the good old US of A we do not normally arrest “emasculating bitches.” We do not tend to treat maladies by stealing body parts from the living. Do we?

Left by flashman on April 25th, 2008

All cultures have their own version of penis-snatching (isn’t that an oxymoron?)

Yes, but the Chinese, as usual, manage to take it to another level.

Another example of a culture bound mental syndrome is koro click this icon to hear the preceding term pronounced in China and areas of Southeast Asia where Chinese culture has diffused (especially Vietnam, Malaysia, and Singapore). Koro is an irrational perception that one’s prominent sexual body parts are withdrawing into the body and subsequently being lost. In the case of men, the concern is that their penis and testes are shrinking. For women, the focus is on the perceived shrinking of the vulva and breasts. In both cases it is a fear of the loss of masculinity or femininity followed by premature death. Koro is traditionally believed to be caused by “unhealthy sex” (e.g., masturbation or sex with prostitutes). It also thought to be caused by “tainted” foods. An example of the latter occurred in Singapore in 1967. A newspaper reported that koro had resulted from eating pork that had come from a pig that was given a vaccination against swine fever. This sparked an epidemic of hundreds of cases of koro. More recently, another epidemic occurred in coastal Vietnam when some mothers were shocked to see that the penis and testes of their children had shrunk after swimming. This created a widespread panic among mothers in a number of coastal communities. In some cases, the mothers tried to pull out the penis and testes with their hands and even hooks in order to make them larger. This resulted in the penis being torn off some of the boys.

Left by The Dark Avenger on April 26th, 2008

Wait…this is the subject of CALL-IN RADIO SHOWS in that country?
So they have enough technology to have access to radio transmission and telephone services, but they still believe in magic spells that make penises disappear?

Left by Bill S on April 27th, 2008

So they have enough technology to have access to radio transmission and telephone services, but they still believe in Roswell UFOs and creationism and psychic detectives and crystal healing?

Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on April 28th, 2008

Point taken. :)

Left by Bill S on April 29th, 2008

Must be pretty powerful magic! I lost half of mine!

Oh. Wait. That went in the divorce…

Left by actor212 on April 30th, 2008

Come here actor, I’m a healer.

Left by kate on May 1st, 2008