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« Everytime A Bell Rings, An Angel Gets Shot In The Face
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Indiana Jones And The Lost Index

Thanks to everyone who has summoned the courage to face your demons, plunge to the depths of your tormented soul, and bring up a bunch of crappy films for our sequel to . Please keep them coming — add your bad memories, suspected fever dreams, and other suggested turkeys to this thread.
Speaking of which, distinguished commenter preznit giv me turkee has implied that the original volume could have benefited from an index. So, in the spirit of holiday giving, we present, for the first time ever, Better Living Through Bad Movies: The Uncut Table of Contents, which was only released in Europe, and which until now has solely been available in samizdat.
Marital Success and Thinner Thighs the Hollywood Way
Indecent Proposal
The Story of Us
Eyes Wide Shut

It’s the End of the World as We Know It and I Feel Fine But You’re All Dead
Judge Dredd
The Postman
Waterworld
Battlefield Earth

Coping with Grief: The Five Stages of Bad Sequels
 Highlander II: The Quickening
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Batman & Robin

What I Did for Love
 Autumn in New York
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
The Chosen One: Legend of the Raven
Coyote Ugly

Deviled Ham: Torments of the Damned, or Just Overacting?
The Devil’s Rain
Omega Code
The Ninth Gate

Chick Flicks versus Ick Flicks
 Armageddon
Beaches

MSNTV: (Mars, Space & ‘Nowledge Television)
Mission to Mars
Red Planet
Dune

Sex, Lies and Direct-to-Videotape: The Rise and Fall of the Erotic Thriller
Body Chemistry
Body of Evidence
Color of Night

Satan: A Career Retrospective
Satan’s Cheerleaders
The Final Conflict: Omen III
End of Days

Ziggy Stardust, Action Hero!
Gymkata
Never Too Young To Die
Megaforce

Bionic Booty: Hollywood’s Enduring Love Affair with Man-on-Machine Miscegenation
The Colossus of New York
Saturn 3
Bicentennial Man

Weird Sex or: Making the Beast with Two Backs with the Beast with Two Backs
The Deadly and the Beautiful
Mars Needs Women (with bonus Mars Needs Women: The Musical!)
The Bride
Humanoids from the Deep

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Scientist
The Ape Man
Mesa of Lost Women
Konga
Hollow Man

Bats Entertainment!
The Devil Bat
Bats

Teenage Wasteland
Teenage Devil Doll
Because They’re Young
Disturbing Behavior
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

Live Fast, Die Young, and Leave a Bad-Looking Movie
Gone in 60 Seconds
Days of Thunder
Redline 7000
Murdercycle

The Space-Crap Continuum
Red Dawn (the Special Edition)

Posted by scott on Monday, December 17th, 2007 at 2:03 am.

17 Responses to “Indiana Jones And The Lost Index”

Uh, should we pencil it into the faceplates, or put it on notepaper and just place it inside the book? I have some nice Hello Kitty post-its that would work well, I think….

Left by D. Sidhe on December 17th, 2007

Funniest movie of all time? Dr. Zhivago

Left by Steve Cearfoss on December 17th, 2007

I was going to suggest either Altered States or Last Year At Marienbad but I don’t think there’s even enoush substance in either of those to chew on. In any event, I know I would like those hours back.

Your list looks great.

Left by Tim on December 17th, 2007

Better Living Through Bad Movies: The Uncut Table of Contents

Wait…we got the circumcised index????

Left by actor212 on December 17th, 2007

Since “I Am Legend” has come out…how about the Charlton Heston classic “The Omega Man”? Right down to the hippy Nubian chick who was Heston’s ho?

Left by actor212 on December 17th, 2007

And then there is “Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom”. Horrible movie with stupid leading actress. And “Round-Fat” or whatever the cute kid was called.

Left by Kathy on December 17th, 2007

Short Fat, I think. Or Short Round. Or Jonah Goldberg.

Left by actor212 on December 17th, 2007

I have a wise-ass 10 year old, and I tell you, they’re not as cute as they seem on TV. On TV all they do is cause International Crisis’; in real life they leave food under their beds, in drawers, closet shelves: anything except the kitchen sink. Literally!

Left by Kathy on December 17th, 2007

Let me put in a word for
“Curse of the Bigfoot” – if you can find a copy, you will, I am persuaded, agree that its comprehensive, global, seamlessly unblemished incompetence and badness makes it the cinematic equivalent of the Bush administration.

Left by Li'l Innocent on December 17th, 2007

Please, please, please, do Airforce One. It features bad actor Harrison Ford’s worst performance, amazing scenary chewing by Gary Oldman, William Macy phoning it in, wooden dialogue, Sega Genesis quality computer graphics, and best of all… a scene wherein an office worker(that one must assume has had no Special Forces training)parachuting 15,000 feet over the Caucus Mountains at night, not screaming in terror but gently floating down with a huge grin on her face! That gets me every time.

Left by not that pablo on December 17th, 2007

[...] Jim Jones wrote an interesting post today on Comment on Indiana Jones And The Lost Index by TimHere’s a quick excerpt [...]

Left by Alttaj.Com » Comment on Indiana Jones And The Lost Index by Tim on December 18th, 2007

“Curse of the Bigfoot”

You’re referring to “Curse of Bigfoot”. Yeah, unimaginably bad.

Left by Me on December 19th, 2007

Can Christopher Lambert (né Christophe Guy Denis Lambert, pron. Lamb-hair) win for having the most um, …, startling hair style in a fantasy feature film for his oscar worthy performance as Connor MacLeod? No. Oh okay, thought not. Ya gotta ask though.

Left by Jacques on December 19th, 2007

Surprisingly, the Curse of Bigfoot turns out to be “Bloody ‘ell!”

Left by FlipYrWhig on December 19th, 2007

Another great sequel was “Under Siege 2: Dark Territory”

Left by Bill on December 21st, 2007

I’m still asking for A Summer Place, still the gooniest movie I have ever seen, featuring Technicolor scenery, dialogue that would embarrass a Lifetime TV movie, and Troy Donauhe and Sandra Dee attempting to play actual human beings. Not to mention, there’s not a single scene in the film where somebody doesn’t bring up sex.

Also, let me second Gigli. I have never been able to sit through more than the first ten minutes of it, and I’d like to know what happens.

Left by sophronia on December 23rd, 2007

[sings] Theeeme … from a Summer Place / From a Summer Plaaaace / It’s the theme. From a Sum … mer Place

Left by huxley on December 31st, 2007

Something to say?