They are causing an entire generation to hate Christianity, and to use the name of Jesus Christ to express disgust.

Yes, that’s entirely correct. No one took the Sky Fairy’s name, or his son’s name, in vain before the Hayes Code fell by the wayside in the early ’60s. And that Jeezis fellow was a long-haired, bearded, sandal-wearing, robe wearing hippie. (Probably reeked of patchouli, too.) Disgust is exactly what I feel.
My favorite take on the Hayes Code: “Catholic values sold to a mostly Protestant country by Jewish businessmen.” No idea who first said it, but they pegged it.

Three of those times, for some reason, the “F” word is used in the middle of His name.

This is confusing, as Jeebus (Is that blasphemy? I hope so!) lived & died a virgin. Why would one say “Jesus Fucking Christ?” “Jesus Compulsively Masturbating Christ” might be more fitting.

P. S.: How’d you get the flu in August? Ick.
Hope you’re better soon.

Left by M. Bouffant on August 25th, 2007

Second!!

Left by M. Bouffant on August 25th, 2007

Well, when it comes to patronizing blasphemy, no one does it better than Wildmon. (Did you see what I did there? I turned it into an adjective? Huh? I may not be frist like Monsieur, but I can be clever! So clever I have to explain it. Oh, wait.)

For pity’s sake, though, they still bleep “god” out and leave “damned” in. You don’t even want to *know* what they did to “Predator” on Spike the other night. What more do you people want? I don’t think Jesus is that fragile, you know? Any publicity is good publicity and all that…

Mind you, if they’d been watching Predator with me, they would undoubtedly have freaked over the house ads: not for the reason I did, which is that they were un-fucking-believably misogynist, but because they had bikini-clad midriffs on display. (Hint: Misogyny is not the amount of skin shown, but the computer-generated blowing-the-chicks-up-to-reveal-your-logo- about-where-her-vagina-should-have-been graphics. Seriously, WTF?)

Left by D. Sidhe on August 25th, 2007

Kurt’s got quite the little racket going with this quiz. You’d think that someone so certain of his theology wouldn’t feel the need to load the dice (before shooting craps with the universe).

1. “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Have you always put God first in your life? Jesus said to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength– so much, that your love for your parents, brothers and sisters, friends, and even your own life is like hatred compared to your love and devotion for God. Have you ever failed to put Him first in your life?

This seems to sidestep the commonly understood meaning of the first commandment, which basically required the ancient Hebrews to sign a “no-compete” contract that prevented them from quitting Judaism and going to work for Ba’al or Astarte. I doubt it meant that if you took some chicken soup to your ailing sister, rather than going to temple, you were necessarily worshipping sis as a diety.

And the fun continues with the second question:

2. “You shall not make for yourself any idol.”
Who is God to you? Is he only a god of love and mercy who would never judge anyone and never cast anyone into Hell? If that’s your god, then you’re right. Your god couldn’t cast anyone into Hell because he doesn’t exist. He’s a figment of your imagination. You’ve created a god in your own mind that you’re more comfortable with. You may call it your “personal belief,” but God calls it idolatry. It’s the oldest sin in the Book, and the Bible warns that idolaters will not inherit the kingdom of heaven

So if you believe God is more merciful than Kurt’s view of a rigid, bullying, Great Santini-like Jesus, that’s tantamount to sculpting a golden bull and dancing naked around it.

The way the questions are phrased, you’d think it was a Fox News poll; the honest respondent can’t even get halfway through this thing without confessing to murder.

Anyway, upon reflection, I find that I’m not entirely comfortable following Kurt’s Way of the Master.

Instead, I pledge myself to practice and preach the teachings of John Peter McAllister, and his apostle, Timothy van Patten. Because they have a snappier theme song than Jesus:
http://tinyurl.com/2g8y2p

Left by scott on August 25th, 2007

Wow! I am shocked and appalled to read that people say “fuck” in some “R” rated movies and that some have been known to take the Jeebus’ name in vain, possibly with “fuck” inserted at some point. And that this is FORCING otherwise faithful Christians to hate God and themselves. And that the folks in Hollywood are doing this just because they are THAT evil.

Thank you Flint Ironchest or whatever yer name is. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Like how can one man have that much free time on his hands.

Left by Gundamhead on August 25th, 2007

“You’ve created a god in your own mind that you’re more comfortable with.”
Ahem. Glass houses and all that.

Left by Gundamhead on August 25th, 2007

I just wanted to post to this thread because…well, god fucking damn it, I *am* Shell Goddamnit.

I couldn’t read most of Mr. Cameron’s words. The stupidity, the cupidity, and the mean self-righteousity is too thick.

Left by Shell Goddamnit on August 25th, 2007

There’s a Christianist market share of 170 million that will keep Klamoring Kurt in the bourgeois lifestyle that suits his divine entitlement – he’s just got to scare it out of them first.

Left by TF-MA on August 25th, 2007

Indeed, TF-MA. Not to belabor the obvious, but do you think Kirk would even have found Jeezis if he could have gotten work after Up Your Fambly or whatever his magnum opus was? Pity the child stars, whether it’s holding up video stores or dry cleaners or whatever, dying young from drugs & dissipation, finding religion or all of the above, few seem to end up well. (Jodie Foster’s done alright, I guess.) Maybe as CGI improves, we can just do w/o the little ones entirely, and spare them the future agony. And spare us the Britney Beavers, Lindsay Lolifes, and so on.

Left by M. Bouffant on August 25th, 2007

The Way of the Master? Jesus X Fucking Christ. Why is it that so many of these fundy web sites sound like either bad martial arts movies or cheesy S&M sites ( Hi I’m Ray and I’m a dom, and I’m Kirk and I’m sub). After taking that test I’ve concluded that the God they’ve cooked up sounds like a very insecure lunatic. Hey, did I just blaspheme? No? Okay, let me rephrase – the God they’ve cooked up sounds like a complete fucking dick. There, that’s better.

Left by tomg on August 26th, 2007

Of course the Code was like the Commissioner of baseball, who dates to the same era: a PR move designed to keep the owner’s profits secure, with no actual power in the real world. As early as 1939 an obscure procuction called Gone With the Wind simply ignored it (and was never heard of again). After the war (and the forced divestiture of the theatres) the MPAA tried to tighten it, not out of any moral sense but to keep out increasingly popular (and sexier) European films; between then and the start of the ratings system it served mostly to keep Otto Preminger in business.

I know, I know, it’s just a source of pin money for Wildmon and a solid career move for Cameron, absent any other choice save finding a real job, but still, thirty years of this crap and all they’ve managed to do is find another generation of morons who think “They” control every public utterance. You’d think people would catch on, or at least figure out that nobody in the civilized world has to take a bath on Saturday so’s they can drive down to the Bijou an’ take in the double feature anymore.

Left by Doghouse Riley on August 26th, 2007

Back when I was in the Navy, we were forbidden to use derogatory racial terms (I thought then and I think now that was a good rule and helped us get along a bit better). But it wasn’t a prohibition that was overly difficult to get around. We just referred to our black shipmates as “the brothers.” If we thought there was any danger of someone not understanding our meaning, we just extended the words “the bru-u-uthers” and gave it a real Southern-type drawl. There was no misunderstanding.

Left by Rich on August 26th, 2007

God Spelt backwards is DOG

Left by poodles on August 26th, 2007

Back when I was a yoof in the 1980s, I used to have pinups of Kirk Cameron from Tiger Beat et al tacked up on my bedroom walls. Does that mean I’m going to hell?

(The late night religious TV version of that quiz is even better. It features Kirk Cameron and a shrill Australian man going to Vegas and hectoring people about how they’re going to hell. It’s a laff riot.)

Left by Bobbie Sterne Built My Hot Rod on August 26th, 2007

This seems to sidestep the commonly understood meaning of the first commandment, which basically required the ancient Hebrews to sign a “no-compete” contract that prevented them from quitting Judaism and going to work for Ba’al or Astarte. I doubt it meant that if you took some chicken soup to your ailing sister, rather than going to temple, you were necessarily worshipping sis as a diety.

I’m betting that he’s actually referring to Luke 14:26 – “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.”

I once spent a good portion of a day going around the intertubes looking for a Christian website to try and explain that one away, and I never did find anything worth the effort. Personally, I think it makes perfect sense if you just think of Jesus as the prototypical cult leader, like Jim Jones or David Koresh.

Which makes me think – given how many little socipathic gems like this are scattered all through the New Testament, taking some of the shine off that “Jesus as original peacenik hippie” image, I wonder how much stuff he supposedly said didn’t make the final cut because of how off-message it was.

Left by Edgar Allan Li Po on August 26th, 2007

Well, I guess I’m not a Good Person since the only commandment I haven’t broken is the false-idol one. I’ve never bothered to replace the concept of god with a more comfortable concept of god – I just dumped it altogether. But, the power of blasphemy! It has turned “god” into a four-letter word! A true miracle. We have to spell it “godd” or “ggod” now.

Left by Rugosa on August 26th, 2007

“You know, I guess I just don’t hate my parents, brothers and sisters, friends, and own life enough to be a good person”

Well, you know what they say: deciding that you want to off your whole family and then commit suicide is the beginning of wisdom.

Left by Bad on August 26th, 2007

Seriously, this is just another example of the kind of nuisance campaigns the religionists have come to rely upon in the last decade. Anyone who watches television is aware of the fact that all sorts of words that weren’t censored when they were children, for example damn, god, jesus, crap, ect. ect. are now bleeped or voided out, regardless of the effect it has on the show or movie artistically. Their constant nagging has already succeeded in muzzling discourse in the Union’s primary media; we should realize by now that they’ll never be happy.

Left by Julian on August 26th, 2007

#3 Have you ever used God’s name as a curse word?”

I don’t think I know God’s name, so how could I use it as a curse word. . . I men I’ve never said Jehova dammit — Do’h!! See what you made me do?!! Now I have to go flagellate myself all day – Good Job!

Left by sjk on August 26th, 2007

Have you always put God first in your life? Jesus said to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength– so much, that your love for your parents, brothers and sisters, friends, and even your own life is like hatred compared to your love and devotion for God. Have you ever failed to put Him first in your life?

Actually, what the Gospel really says has Jesus in full-on cult leader mode:

Now large crowds were traveling with him; and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:25-26)

Christian apologists bring a whole bucket of whitewash to the New Testament. For example, regarding this particular verse, they’ll say that “hate father and mother” really means “love God a whole lot more than father and mother” — which is total bollocks. The Greek word miseo means “hate”, and is clearly used to mean “hate” elsewhere in the Bible (e.g., Amos 5:15, “Hate evil and love good”). If you say that Jesus couldn’t really mean “hate” in Luke 14:26 because he clearly said all that other stuff about “love”, then we could say with equal reason that Jesus couldn’t really mean “love” in other places because it’s obvious he meant “hate” in Luke.

Left by Blake Stacey on August 26th, 2007

“They are causing an entire generation to hate Christianity,”

And yet, 70% of their customers are Christians. Self haters, maybe?

Left by Ginger Yellow on August 26th, 2007

What a lame quiz. It doesn’t change content however you answer. Second time through I answered “Not Guilty” to every question and it didn’t even spare me all the Sin BS that followed. What a gyp.

Left by RJones on August 26th, 2007

For what it’s worth, the test you took isn’t a test. It doesn’t check your answers, and always judges you guilty. I decided to run through it answering innocent for everything, and it still condemned me.

Left by Joe on August 26th, 2007

sjk: you can flagellate yourself? Oh, wait a minute, I was thinking about something else.
I was once kicked off an ABC news forum for saying that in the 80s I thought Kirk had a cute butt.

Left by wrpd on August 26th, 2007

Reminds me of the teacher I had to student teach with. Very religious and made sure that the class knew it from day one, though I would have gotten slammed for doing the same. We ended up talking one day, and I mentioned that I didn’t like the words “One Nation Under God” only to be told that this wasn’t a promotion of Xtianity because God could mean anyone’s god. So to be consistent, “God damnit” in a movie could actually mean that some generic God should damn it, and not necessarily the Xtian god.

Left by Craig Dupree on August 26th, 2007

- “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.”

I once spent a good portion of a day going around the intertubes looking for a Christian website to try and explain that one away, and I never did find anything worth the effort. Personally, I think it makes perfect sense if you just think of Jesus as the prototypical cult leader, like Jim Jones or David Koresh.

That particular quote was explained in my Catholic school as “because Jesus’s teaching were so radical, such a break from tradition, that it would cause a lot of pain to your families and you might even get killed for it.” I have no idea if that particular teacher was the only one with that interpretation, and she certainly wasn’t any kind of Biblical scholar, but there it is.

It always reminded me of the NOW quote: “Any woman who considers herself a feminist must be willing to be called a lesbian” (because that’s what your enemies will do).

Left by Dorothy on August 26th, 2007

I wonder how much stuff he supposedly said didn’t make the final cut because of how off-message it was.

Really? I’ve always wondered how much of what’s attributed to Jesus was thrown in by other people with their own agenda. Sort of ancient Doug Gileses, if you will. “Hey, this Jesus fella’s a big ol’ sissy. And you know, I’ve always wanted to do some smiting anyway… I’ll just make a few edits here. I’m sure He *would* have said this if He’d thought about it.”

I don’t know if Jesus ever existed in any form, but unless he was a multiple personality, there’s no other way to explain the horrible contradictions in tone between what he’s supposed to have said.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 26th, 2007

[...] One is tempted to say lack of talent might have some part to play in this too, but Lindsay Lohan keeps getting work, so maybe that’s not fair. But why would Cameron suspect that people think he’s lost his sense of humor? Maybe because of the bullshit lies he tells about those for whom he wants to work: Free video from our friends at WayOfTheMaster.com clearly outlines how Hollywood hates Christianity… and Christians pay them to do it [...]

Left by Poor Kirk Cameron! « Notes from Evil Bender on August 26th, 2007

Jesus fucking Christ! When are the Christian wingnuts ever going to shut their mouths.

Kirk Cameron is an odious fellow. With an ass like his I just know he’s practiced the homosex which accounts for his rabid devotion to a non-existent deity.

There’s a nice curse in Italian that sums up what I’d like to say to Kirk:

Va funcuolo Christi y tutti Santi. (Go fuck Christ and all the Saints)

Left by Tony P on August 26th, 2007

Well, I clicked on the link you provided there and found my eyes and ears assaulted by the sights and sounds of enabled readership layout. First there’s the swoosh, like the sound tracks on Fox News, then live animation of Kirk and some dude on an offensively colored background.

Not only does Kirk and his sidekick whoever come on and begin to talk about people dying “Did you know a hundred and fifty thousand people die everyday?” with great emphasis. I don’t wait around to find out why I’m supposed to care or how this relates to the something billion people living and dying on the earth each day.

I gave up smoking pot a long time ago and don’t drink much. I grew up and made peace with the fact that not every day will my senses be maximally stimulated and also that possibly that’s a good thing.

But like chronic masturbators, alcoholics or others prone to addictive behaviors, Bible bangers just can’t get over the idea that this is it. They have to have desert after dinner, all the damn time; they want to feel the tingle.

Well, this is it. We live, we die and then our remains become fertilizer and the only remnants of us beyond that are faded photos and whatever impact we’ve made on the lives of those we left behind.

They are a self serving, narcisstic lot of people those theocrats and frankly, I’ll stick to the hard road of taking responsibility for my actions and attempting to make a lasting difference with my energy so things are better for others. Just so they don’t say “Kate Damn!” in absence.

Left by kate on August 26th, 2007

Goddamn that Kirk Cameron is a damn dumb son of a bith. Jeeesus christ! Hasn’t he ever read the constitution.

Left by ckerst on August 26th, 2007

Rugosa -

So who did you kill?

Left by Fishbone McGonigle on August 26th, 2007

Jesus is for masochists, sadists in search of masochists, slaves in search of a master, the idiots, the mentally ill, the “born losers”, fools and knaves and the gamut of self-deluded types. Religion of whatever sort (with a very few exceptions) is a security blanket, a teddy bear with teeth, a shield against too much reality, a surrogate parent who will never leave and who will allow you to remain a child. Adherents of these “faiths” become more unstable, more dangerous, more full of themselves, more aggressive and more paranoid as the society around them diverges from their ideal.

Of course, one cannot entirely dismiss the cultural ubiquity of so-called Christianity in the West, and especially in the US. We are steeped in it. It should come as no surprise to anyone that any great work of literature makes some biblical references or draws from the Bible in some fashion (positively, neutrally, or negatively). The trouble comes mainly from a lack of perspective/education that allows ignorant people to re-create religion in their own image, or to be duped by the hucksters and swindlers. Buffoons like Cameron, Seaver and their ilk require a certain portion of society to be mis-/under-/uneducated in order to have any success whatsoever.

Those of us who are culturally literate, who have a better education, who understand that we must first re-frame, re-interpret, and re-educate our fellow members of society have our work cut out for us. How do you get a bunch of featherless bipeds to relinquish their comforting delusions and accept that no one is coming to save them from death and the world right in front of them?

Left by Moody834 on August 26th, 2007

Over 70% of the box office intake comes from people of faith…
we have a powerful sling that can hit Hollywood between the eyes and leave a deep impression on its money-making mind.

so now he wants Goliath to kick David’s ass?

blowing-the-chicks-up-to-reveal-your-[Spike]logo- about-where-her-vagina-should-have-been graphics. Seriously, WTF?)

couldn’t you have just said “blow-up mAnn Coulter doll?”

Left by preznit giv me turkee on August 26th, 2007

Of course, none of the authors of the gospels had known Jesus, assuming such a person actually lived and was not a composite of various avatars from past traditions. It’s odd that Josephus, the historian of the era, does not mention him at all if he kicked up as much fuss as we’re led to believe. But back to the gospels, Luke and Mark can’t even agree on when he was born and settle on dates about ten years apart given their contexts. Given that discrepancy, I think it unwise to rely on the veracity of word for word dialog transcribed over half a century to a century later by individuals who weren’t present at the events.

Left by bidziliba on August 26th, 2007

One thought: where the hell would our economy be if we weren’t a nation of coveters, eh? In the toity, that’s where.

Kate says interestingly “…Bible bangers just can’t get over the idea that this is it. They have to have desert after dinner, all the damn time; they want to feel the tingle” and I think the tingle is fear. Note how the Sin Quiz is fear-saturated: not only are you supposed to be afraid of the wrath of an angry God after death (wonder if these dorks have ever read any Jonathan Edwards), but you must constantly be gnawing yourself over how fully and exactly you’re fulfilling the divine bully’s vaguely worded strictures while you’re alive. That’s a whole shitload of fear to live with on a 24/7 basis, but they MUST get off on it in some weird way. No wonder they flocked to George “They’recomingforyourchildren” Bush’s banner. I’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t such causes of suffering and such huge pains in the ass.

Left by Li'l Innocent on August 26th, 2007

“Have You Patronized Blasphemy Lately?”

I certainly have! And goddamn was it fun.

Left by Notorious P.A.T. on August 26th, 2007

If Kirk Cameron had any actual talent and could get a gig outside of preaching to youth groups and making his little brainwashing videos to sell to bible-banging, frothing-at-the-mouth “churches,” you wouldn’t be seeing this shit today.

Hell, he makes Alan Thicke look “talented,” and HE’S doing syndicated ads for those time-share scams in Vegas!!!

Fucking harelipped little mutant — somebody needs to teach him how to get a fucking REAL JOB.

And yes, people DO say “Jeebus Fucking Christ,” ’cause it adds ever so much more FLAVOR to the overworn, plain ol’ “Jeebus H.!”

And Rugosa, if you were Southern, you’d pronounce it as the four-letter word that the Invisible Sky-Fairy truly is: “GAWD.”

And as I scroll down the comments, Damn You Bouffant, for reading my mind before I could even get here! As if that fugly little wart of a “man” could even BEGIN to compare to the IQ of the one true Goddess, Jodie Foster. THAT is blasphemy!!!
(And no, I’m not related to any of the Hinkleys or Bushes who pushed the little sociopath into being a bad shot who failed to pre-empt Reagan’s reign for Poppy’s aspirations, so my own heartfelt crush/adoration of Ms. Foster has nothing to do with THAT, or even remotely approaches the fake-obsession that John H. claimed as the “reason” for the “attempt.”)

And Rich? Hon? In case you haven’t noticed by now, “SOUTHERNERS” are not the only ignorant-ass illiterate redneck inbred mouth-breathing cracker BIGOTS in this country, nor are all Southerners homogenically identical and herd-like in our mentalities or our attitudes towards others. Believe it or not, SOME OF US EVEN HAVE OPPOSABLE FUCKING THUMBS!!! I’ve met people from Ohio, Indiana, Utah, California, and NYC who were THISCLOSE to getting their own little klan hoods, so spare us the “Southernized” accents when referring negatively to those of differing skin tones.

And Edgar Allan Li Po: Check out the book of Mormon, if you want some hallucinatory “Jeebus said this, REALLY!” shite. There’s also rumored to be a book of Lilith (discarded from the Old Testament) and a book of Mary Magdalene, and if you can get the pre-King-James version of the Book of Ruth, you can see how intensely that a bad editor(s) can ruin an otherwise decent narrative.

Blake Stacey: So, in other words, Charlie Manson was dead-on in his philosophies, according to Jeebus? Y’know, aside from the whole serial-killings-trying-to-start-a-race-war schtick…

“Va funcuolo Christi y tutti Santi. (Go fuck Christ and all the Saints)” — Tony P, I’m gonna steal that one at some point.

“They are a self serving, narcisstic lot of people those theocrats and frankly, I’ll stick to the hard road of taking responsibility for my actions and attempting to make a lasting difference with my energy so things are better for others. Just so they don’t say “Kate Damn!” in absence.”

So, how would you feel about altars and little plastic Kates on dashboards? I’m just saying, y’know, ’cause that’s pretty much how I try to live, and yet, being surrounded by fetishist bible-bangers and self-appointed holier-than-thou morons, I’m the “Evil One.”

Bibzildia: Aren’t the “creation” story, Noah’s flood, and just about every big “story” in the “bible” stolen from older cults/religions/traditions, anyway? Who’s to say that Jeebus ever existed, and that the entire fucking myth wasn’t cobbled together from polytheistic religions/cults that were around hundreds of years ahead of the fanatics like “Saint” Paul, the sex-hating freak whose self-loathing resulted in the two thousand years of perversion of that most natural act amongst multicellular beings?

Li’l Innocent: That’s the whole modus operandi of the bible-banging cults (even the RCC, the LDS, etc.) — they prey upon and suck-in people who are wrought with self-doubt, who lack confidence, who crave approval and “love” (as fake or manipulation-motivated as it may be), who have no real self-identity, and who want to be “molded” into something “acceptable,” seeing as how their “families” obviously failed to raise them with any sense of self-worth whatsoever. They suck them in with that “Gawd’s love” bullshit, and then they keep them under the church’s thumb with the eternal chastisement/abuse of “YOU’RE STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! YOU’RE STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR JEEBUS OR US OR WHOMEVER ELSE IS WATCHING!!! YOU’VE GOT TO GIVE MORE MONEY, MORE TIME, MORE WORK, MORE EVERYTHING, ‘CAUSE NO MATTER HOW HOLY YOU TRY TO BE, YOU’LL STILL NEVER BE GOOD *ENOUGH*!!!”

Just like any other kind of abusive relationship, and that’s how they are populated with so many millions of damaged people with damaged psyches and personalities, who think that by joining the herd of sheeple, that they are suddenly “better than” or “more powerful” than all of the people who hurt/damaged/rejected/etc. them already. Kinda like Stockholm Syndrome — they go from one fucked-up life to another, even more fucked-up life, serving the HUMANS who keep them down, who keep them enslaved to the You-Will-Never-Be-Good-Enough cult.

I know, ’cause I was one of them. And the pathology has not changed, it’s just taken steroids. Would that the predatory motherfuckers who continue to perpetrate this mass-hypnosis nightmare upon the world actually reap the END RESULT of steroid abuse, and be rendered sterile and unable to create ANOTHER generation of parasitic hucksters & snake-oil sales-scum.

S.Z., darling heart, patron saint of all things four-legged and furry, I hope that you feel better very soon, and if you run out of that Whoop-Ass herbal tea, you holler at me, okay??? I’ll ship you some as soon as payday comes on the first, if need be.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 26th, 2007

I can’t help but wonder sometimes how many potential Jesus’ and Joan of Arcs there are presently heavily medicated that could lead us into another century of war and holy prophecy.

Then of course, a quick look at the rich reveals that psychiatric supervision is still pretty spent on the poor and powerless.

Left by kate on August 26th, 2007

I took the quiz. I now know that I’m a sinner before some super powerful guy that nobody has ever met in person but is reportedly quite uptight about some very silly things. I also learned that this guy is willing to condemn me to the most awful punishments imaginable because I break his silly rules. OK… I’m comfortable with that. I know I shouldn’t believe everything I read, especially things that involve fantastic claims. At any rate, none of that is why I took the quiz.

I still don’t know if I’m a “good” person. The quiz never actually said one way or the other, so I’m wondering… what was the point?

Left by BruceH on August 26th, 2007

I just took a peek at that “are you a good person” quiz. The “innocent” and “guilty” buttons don’t do anything; it’s just a slide show where either button advances to the next slide. I think it’s a good metaphor for Christian beliefs; the judge doesn’t need to know your answers; nothing you do matters. You’re automatically guilty of anything, although obviously a little divine cronyism can get you pardoned, like Libby.

Left by Maronan on August 27th, 2007

Have you patronized blasphemy lately?

Not since they kicked me out for being too drunk, no…

Left by actor212 on August 27th, 2007

See, the problem with the Hays Code was, it was voluntary, and once studios realized that there was money, a LOT of money, to be made by ignoring the code, it was pretty much rendered useless and obsolete.

So, um, Donald? Thank your capitalist buddies for the prurient standards of film today.

Meanwhile, shut the fuck up.

Left by actor212 on August 27th, 2007

I didn’t bother with the quiz. After all, Kirk “had” me at his “God’s Banana” video.

Yours in Christ All-fucking-Mighty…

Left by Britisher on August 27th, 2007

i need a good and humourous description and analysis of Kreepy Kirks internet ad where he is looking of into space like the retard he is, dogammit!

Left by anpamamam on August 27th, 2007

I wish I had copied the quote but they admitted science=knowledge to bad they don’t practice that concept.

Left by acrannymint on August 27th, 2007

Fishbone – oops, forgot that one. Other than the eggs I haven’t had fertilized, I haven’t killed any human beings.

Annti – forgive my northern xenophobia – I know it’s pronounced “gawd” I just hear “gahd” so much . . .

Left by Rugosa on August 27th, 2007

Don’t sweat it, Rugosa, you weren’t the one whom I was reaming for the stereotypes of “Suthuhn” (fake) accents/xenophobia, anyway. As Rich has shown, you can PRETEND to be “suthuhn” at the drop of a hat, and thereby impugn all of us who were born here with whatever bigotry you’ve got handy!

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 27th, 2007

Shout out to Edgar Allen:

I decided to read the whole chapter to get the context, and found proof that Jesus would have considered Dubya a blithering idiot. He said in verses 31-32:

“Suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.”

Naw, too complicated. You just start yer war, and then when you git er goin’ you hastily announce victory from the deck of an aircraft carrier before things have a chance to turn to shit, er, poo-poo.

Left by trashfire on August 28th, 2007

Hey Annti, yes, there are flood myths in many traditions and Egyptian, Babylonian and Sumerian sources exist for the key events in the Bible. And there are uncanny earlier parallels with the Christ figure, such as Mithra. And yeah, Paul was a swine and it seems the morbidity and misogyny of the church may stem initially from his twisted ideas. In my Catholic youth virtually every sermon was a reading from Paul pontificating at this or that city state ad nauseum.

Left by bidziliba on August 28th, 2007

Shit, I lost my internets connection for three days, and didn’t get post a response to this. What’s more, I had to wait three days to see Annti’s glorious post, while alla youse got to read it before me. The was beautiful.
So according to that quiz, God will punish me for thinking he’s less of a prick than THEY think he is? Sorry, Kirk & co, but my approach to God is simple: if He’s loving, infinitely wise and powerful, and morally perfect, then anything that contradicts that is proof of a false belief. A diety who can’t, or won’t, come up with a merciful alternative to eternal torment pretty well fits that description. Have you ever noticed that people who feel obliged to warn others about Hell, NEVER expect to be going there themselves?
Also: the first commandment implies you should hate your parents, and the fifth says you have to honour them. Make up your mind! (Oh, and honouring your parents is great if they’re great parents, but do Britney & K-Fed’s have to do it?)
And then the 6th commandment tells you not to murder, then the accompanying paragraph says that hating someone amounts to murder. But…you…just said…AARGH!!!!
“Jesus warned…whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already commited adultry with her in his heart.” AT LAST, one thing I’m not guilty of. ‘Cause Jesus didn’t saying anything about looking at guys.
ALL liars go to hell? Okay, it’s impossible for any human being to go through life without ever lying. And the reason it’s impossible is because some lies are necessary. But I guess according to these guys, if the Nazis ask you if you’ve seen Anne Frank, you should tell them exactly where she is.
Oh, and the covet one is ridiculous-I think that one’s just tacked on to make the commandments an even number. Plus, it defines a wife as property. Nice.
So God loves us so much, he set up a bunch of rules that are impossible for ANYBODY to live up to. Sheesh, if He doesn’t like how humans turned out, he should take it up with the being responsible for making us.
Kirk DOES have a decent butt-too bad his head is wedged up it. (I always liked Tracey Gold more-that kid could act.)

Left by Bill S on August 28th, 2007

Yeah, if only Tracey hadn\’t fallen prey to that nasty-ass brain-damaging bulimia (malnutrition during puberty can slow down or retard — literally — brain growth & development), she might\’ve amounted to something. And she never turned-out as triple-bagger fugly as her older sister who was on Benson.

And thank you, Bill, I\’m glad that you\’re back, and not just \’cause you make me feel better about my raving-lunatic rants. It\’s just that time of year, y\’know? Full moon, lunar eclipse, and the 2nd anniversary — if I tend to check-out from the neck-up, pay me no mind, it\’ll pass. Eventually.

BTW, if y\’all have the time & energy, go by my place, \’cause I just reposted Mags\’ excellent reportage of Greg Palast\’s ass-kicking article on Dr. Ivor van Heerden, and how the White House and their flying monkeys deliberately caused the genocide of 8/29/05.

http://tinyurl.com/2q92lz
Oh, and Bill, honey, you\’re trying to use LOGIC on people who are physically and physiologically INCAPABLE of fighting on the same level playing field. \”Faith\” requires the suspension of rational thought and logical discourse. In other words, you\’re pissing up a rope when you try to explain how hypocritical, ignorant, and idiotic that they are, \’cause THEY\’RE NOT PLAYING ON THE SAME PLANET. To them, our \”worldly\”/\”sinful\” ways of looking at the world through empirical evidence, logic, and rational discovery/debate is the first step AWAY from their Jeebus and the preachers who keep the sheeple in line, in the herd, and away from thinking for themselves.

I\’m sure that if Jeebus existed, he\’d have no problem with you looking at an attractive guy\’s behind, \’cause I seriously doubt that, if he HAD existed, that he went to the grave a virgin his damned self. Most of those marital commandments & Leviticus-type rules were meant to ensure the survival of the tribe by organized and encouraged breeding, and by trying to keep the horny little bastards from INbreeding (though selling your daughters into slavery wasn\’t just allowed, it was good commerce!).

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 28th, 2007

What did they do to those child actors, druggies, rapists, robbers and worst of all “Christians” ewwww. Why do I hate them so?

I took the “am I good” test, lied on all but one, (I’ve never murdered anyone, that I know of anyway.) and I still failed. Could it be that Kirk has created some sort of Mind Reading software that knows when you’ve been naughty or nice? Is he Santa Claus?

Left by Henk on August 29th, 2007

I don’t know, Henk. Let’s dumb his sorry ass in the middle of the north pole and find out in 4 months.
Actually, M. Bouffant, Kirk Cameron found Jesus while a regular cast member of “Growing Pains”. His newfound faith led him to pressure the producers into firing the actress who was playing his girlfriend on the show, because she’d posed in “Playboy”. The actress who replaced her became his girlfriend and, eventually, his wife.
God watched all this, and said, “Oh my Me, what a dickhead this kid is! I WAS gonna give him a film career, but I think I’ll give it to that DiCaprio kid instead.”

Left by Bill S on August 29th, 2007

Oh, and the more I think about it, the more ridiculous the “You’ve never commited murder? Well, if you hate somebody, it’s the same thing, so there!” sounds.
First of all, that’s just a lie, plain and simple. It might be wrong to hate somebody, but your personal FEELINGS about a particular individual ain’t gonna kill them. It might not even HARM them-they may be completely indifferent to your opinion. Killing a person will seperate that person from loved ones forever. They are two distinctly different things that could never be confused by anyone with funtioning brain cells.
Second, it says “without cause”. That’s gonna let TONS of people off the hook imediately.
Third, what if a person truly feels no hatred for anybody? I have a feeling they’ve got some definition of “hatred” that’s different from our concept of it. After all, their idea of love is a God who tells us we’re completely worthless, so we’d better love Him OR ELSE!!!

Left by Bill S on August 29th, 2007

Of course I meant to write “functioning brain cells”. I am aware of the irony of that.

Left by Bill S on August 29th, 2007

“though selling your daughters into slavery wasn’t just allowed, it was good commerce!”
Yeah, I think that’s the guiding philosophy of the Lohan family.

Left by Bill S on August 29th, 2007

So much misinformation…

Just looking at one comment: two of the gospel writers were disciples of Jesus. The other two are close associates of apostles who knew Jesus.

Josephus mentions Jesus. For example:

“About this time there lived Jesus, a wise man. For he was one who wrought surprising feats. He won over many. When Pilate, upon hearing him accused by men of the highest standing amongst us, had condemned him to be crucified, those who had in the first place come to love him did not give up their affection for him. And the tribe of the Christians, so called after him, has still to this day not disappeared.” (Antiquities 18:63-64)

Luke and Mark give different dates for the birth of Jesus? You must mean Matthew and Luke because Luke mentions Quirinius was governor of Syria when Jesus was born. Archelogical finds have revealed that Quirinius was governor twice and there is no contradiction. In every case when human “wisdom” finds a contradiction in the Bible, archeology or literary finds eventually show there is no contradiction.

But misinformation is not the important point. You can say you don’t believe in God… and you can say you don’t believe in trucks as you step onto the highway in front of an 18 wheeler. In both cases you still will face reality.

You have broken God’s law. (For example, see The Good Test) And just as you face judgement and the penalty if you break civil law in your city or state, so you will face judgement and the penalty for breaking God’s law. The penalty is called the second death, or what we commonly call hell.

“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murders, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters, and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of buring sulfur.” – Revelation 21:8

My question to you isn’t about God. It is about you. What do you have in your life that you don’t want God to know about? What are you trying to hide from God?

You can deny God, but you can’t hide from God.

Left by Brickballoon on August 29th, 2007

DAMMIT, BILL!!! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LEAVING THE TROLL DOOR OPEN WHEN YOU GO TO BED?!?!??!?!

The mouth-breathing trogolodytes are INVADING, dammit — SOMEBODY TURN THAT ELECTRIC FENCE BACK ON, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!!

Oh, sure, somebody like D. Sidhe might have the patience to show this fuckwit the many flaws in his “arguments” and his lack of logic, intelligence or reality, but that sure as hell ain’t gonna be ME.

Kill ‘em all, let their Invisible Sky Fairy sort ‘em out.

STARTING WITH THIS ONE.

Fucking cunt-fart-shoulda-slid-down-his-ho-mama’s-leg-
waste-of-sperm-motherfucker.

Like I need this shit tonight. I bet that when Falwell blamed Katrina on all of the “FORNICATORS AND SODDOMITES”, this el penito caught his first woody and yanked it ’til it almost fell off.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on August 30th, 2007

Brick – Sorry, but you sources don’t stand up to scrutiny. I’ve read some books on history or early Christianity cuz I find the period quite fascinating (mostly books by EHrman and Pagels).

The Josephus quote is widely regarded in the scholarly community as inauthentic – the quote was inserted into Josephus’s text by some later copyist. (This has happened to biblical texts too. The story of the adulteress in John is nowhere to be found in early copies of John. Does not appear in copies of John until early Middle Ages – & it was one of those texts that the assemblers of the KJV used).

The gospels have been dated by scholars as being written decades after Jesus’s crucifixion. The oldest is believed to be Mark, written IIRC about 80. John was the last, written about the year 110 or 120. Paul’s letters are the oldest, written in the 50s

Left by milukfrog on August 30th, 2007

Oh, I forgot to add, the oldest texts of the gospels don’t have any titles on them. The names Matthew, Mark, Luke & John were added some time later & have stuck out of tradition. No one knows who the actual authors of the various gospels actually were.

Left by milukfrog on August 30th, 2007

No Idea what my post had to do with belief or disbelief in God, as it’s the institutional use of the story which concerns me, and your j’accuse just sounds daft to me.

As to Josephus, milukfrog explains correctly that the passage is considered a later forgery.

As to two of the gospels being written by apostles, this is universally doubted by theologians. Interestingly the thought to be earliest gospel, the closest thing to an ur-text for the others, is the Gospel of Thomas, which isn’t accepted in the canon, and reads like a ritual text of a mystery school secret society. The others are dated from 40 to 70 years after the events, possibly even later. The earliest extant copies are 4th Century so evidence is thin on the ground.

Revelation, which so enraptures you Savonarola types, was only accepted into the canon at Nicea because it was thought to have been written by John the Apostle, not true.

Yes, I did mean Matthew, sorry. We know when Herod died, around 4 BC. There is nothing in the historical record supporting a purge of first born sons under his reign, so much for Matthew. Luke on the other hand refers to a census which occurred around 6 AD if I remember correctly.

Last week Criterion released Luis Bunuel’s great film about heresy, The Milky Way. Two tramps on a pilgrimage to Sauntiago de Compostela become unstuck in time and encounter orthodoxies and heterodoxies, each of them taken at absolute face value, from the modern, reformation, medieval and biblical worlds. Everywhere they turn Pierre and Jean find people debating minute points of theology, even fighting duels over them. Credo quia absurdum est.

Left by bidziliba on August 31st, 2007

I do enjoy when trolls (hello Brickballoon) come in, because they never come back to defend their arguments against those here who actually know what they are talking about.

Left by Sarah on September 4th, 2007