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Before we begin today’s offense against good taste and the dominant culture, here’s a brief word from our sponsor (hey, even A Charlie Brown Christmas paused occasionally to sell you Zingers).

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Now that I’ve thoroughly debased and commercialized the season, it’s only appropriate that I take a few incoming rounds from an elite War on Christmas Warrior, “former Army officer and a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan,” and a man who takes planning birthday parties for dead people really seriously, John Bennett:

Score One for Judeo-Christian Culture

Multiculturalism creates a neurotic and dishonest society.

Which is why the United States, whose citizens emerge soft, phobic, and dissembling from the Melting Pot, got its ass kicked by the monocultural Germans and Japanese in World War II.

This is seen very plainly during the Christmas season. Those of us who celebrate Christmas are told that we must rip the very core of this season out, and replace it with a phony, soulless thing called “Holiday” or “Winter.”

That’s pretty much the message I got from the Perry Como version of “Winter Wonderland.”

This is dishonest because nobody celebrates winter.

Frosty the Snowman begs to differ.

“Holiday” is a shallow term to describe Christmas; the term abuses language to impose a false meaning on a reality that most of us cherish.

People seem to forget — or to no longer care — that the whole purpose of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior, Santa Claus.

“Holiday” and “Winter” are weasel words used by cultural appeasers who are too ashamed of their own culture to say what everybody knows to be true.

For the most part I’m just bored by my own culture, but highly entertained by people who are professionally ashamed of it (except those parts which can be used as a blunt instrument on the rest of us).

Maintaining Christmas is part of preserving the culture that gave us almost everything that we have worth keeping.

Like credit card debt, water packed ham, and flocking.

The whole name-changing charade is neurotic because it forces people to pretend that our majority culture is not what it actually is.

The orifice from which Snooki emerged.

Now, the madness of the Christmas season is upon us- not the madness of shopping centers, but the madness of toxic tolerance.

The cure for which is, of course, an Intolerance Ipecac.

Yes, it was largely immigrants of Christian denominations who built this country, and if one does not like that fact then they are free to find another place whose history doesn’t offend them.

Ethnic cleansing?  You’re soaking in it!  And for the record, John, it’s not history that offends me — it’s “history.”

Some people call it the “war on Christmas” but this phenomenon is best described as part of something larger that harms us year round:

Fox News?

toxic tolerance.


Toxic tolerance has been described as “the imperative never to offend anyone, no matter how evil, duplicitous, or exploitative they might be.”

So people who might prefer to hear “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” are “evil, duplicitous, [and] exploitative”?  I don’t know, John, that seems like kind of a harsh way to talk about the Jews. But then, the description you quote comes from the famously not-fond-of-Semitic-people blog Gates of Vienna, although your link brings up this page…

…so maybe they had a change of heart and took down the post, and then died from tolerance toxemia.

Make no mistake about it, those who rip Christmas out of public life are duplicitous and exploitative, no matter what they claim their victim status to be, and no matter how noble their motives.

John’s motives, however, are fell and deceitful, so we can trust his methods.

It is duplicitous to attack the majority culture under the pretense of tolerance, when the outcome of the ostensible tolerance is to be intolerant of the majority culture.

Yes, I hope you enjoyed John’s rendition of that beloved old classic, “You O So Tolerant Liberals Are Intolerant of My Intolerance!”

Everybody now…!  ♬ It’s beginning to look a lot like War on Christmas…

It is exploitative to use privileged victim status to enforce personal preferences at the expense of a profoundly important cultural and, yes, religious observance.

But enforcing personal religious preferences on secular society is reasonable and wholesome, because certain people need to be reminded every once in a while that being a victim is a privilege, not a right.

There are few things more self-centered than using privileged victim status to erase part of the culture one finds themselves in. If Westerners went to non-western nations and tried this ungrateful, petty behavior, they would be rightly condemned or worse, depending on the locale.

Thank God we’ve never tried to impose our values on the non-western world.

We invite hypocrisy as well- not just garden variety hypocrisy, but the type of fundamental hypocrisy that makes a sham of our self-respect and attacks our national identity.

Oh boo hoo — it’s Christmas! I have to invite my sister-in-law and my wife’s cousin every year; and at least fundamental hypocrisy usually brings a bottle of Mateus Rosé and a Holiday Smoked Meat Log from Hickory Farms.

In particular, we can’t have any mention of Christ at Christmastime in public, government places, but your tax money will be used to degrade and insult Christ.

It’s true, I have never heard a politician invoke Christ or Christmas, nor have I ever seen religious art in a publicly-funded museum, but I did use the Gents on the Senate side of the Capitol once, and the urinal cakes were molded in the shape of mini-Pietàs.

At root, this toxic tolerance and holiday madness is produced by blending multicultural appeasement with a thoughtless liberal notion of equality- not equality brought about by merit or based on majority norms, but equality brought about by government coercion, leveling, and betraying the majority culture.

Thoughtless liberal notion of equality, enforced by government coercion on the majority culture, 1957.

If a fraction of the public doesn’t celebrate Christmas, we’ll offend the majority by eliminating references to their cultural observance…

Likewise, if certain groups can’t perform academically at a high standard, we’ll destroy the high standard. Thus a high school in affluent Evanston, Illinois is considering eliminating an honors course because the class had too many whites and not enough minorities.

The result of “a century-old and controversial tradition of tracking, or sorting, students into different levels of classes.”  The “elite honors English course…has traditionally been offered to the highest-achieving incoming freshmen — usually white.”

So instead of allowed all students, once they are in the same school, to compete for positions in elite courses, Evanston has been stovepiping middle schoolers from various high income areas directly into honor classes before they actually arrive at the school, resulting in de facto segregation.  Now Evanston is considering a program where “freshmen of all races and socioeconomic and achievement backgrounds would learn together in the same freshman humanities class, an English course that blends literature, history, art, music and philosophy and is required for graduation. The class would be taught at the honors level, according to district officials, and all students would have the opportunity to earn honors credit depending on their grades on assignments.”

Sure, it might right a historical wrong — except according to our guest today, history is never wrong — help to stem an invidious and self-replicating selection bias, and stop rewarding kids for simply being born middle class, but still! Nobody with a cultivated palate wants pepper in their salt cellar, Evanston!

And if certain groups are more likely to commit terrorism, we’ll avoid offending those groups, pretend that everyone is an equal risk, and obscenely offend all groups.

I was a little confused at first about what this had to do with Christmas, but then I realized that if Jesus were born today, the TSA would fondle the Three Kings’ junk through their tunics, and limit them to 3 oz. of carry-on myrrh.

Every place where multiculturalists make the rules, the people who work hard are having their interests undermined, and the majority culture has to let itself be muzzled. Make things worse for successful people in order to compensate for those who aren’t. That will make everyone strive to do better. Erode the majority culture to make minorities feel more welcome. That will increase social harmony.

Geez, for “a former Army officer and a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan,” he sure whines a lot.

We in America, and in the West as a whole, need to stop apologizing for our culture. We –or more accurately those who came before us- have created something great, and that is why people leave their non-Christian nations to come here and to other Western nations. How dare anyone say they have a right to the benefits of our society while at the same time attacking the root of our culture?

Well, if someone comes here and works hard, provides for their family, contributes to society, then I suppose they’re entitled to exist, as long as they don’t forget to wish me a Merry Fucking Christmas!

The norm needs to be reinforced:

This guy sounds like my old high school vice principal.

At Christmas time, we are celebrating the birth of the historical figure who gave rise to our culture, Jesus Christ.

Remember earlier when I said history didn’t offend me?  I think it’s more your definition I’m having a problem with…

We who celebrate Christmas should be vocal in saying that we are offended when Christmas is ripped out of public life.

“Should be”?  Dude, it’s become a holiday tradition, like tamales, and the Yule Log.

Those who do not celebrate can bloody well not celebrate. It is selfish and insulting to demand that the majority alter something sacred, simply for the convenience or comfort of an unreasonable minority.

If the unreasonable minority went into your church during midnight mass and demanded everybody stop with the Jesus already!, you’d have a point; they’d be harshing your sacred buzz.  But of course, nobody does that, and this whole thing comes down to mass market retailers trying to rake in a little of that sweet, sweet heathen cash by being inclusive.  You may think a perfunctory “happy holidays” is a selfish insult to Jesus, the Archangel Gabriel, the talking snake, and other historical figures, while I reserve the right to believe my purchase of two quarts of motor oil and a dozen tubesocks at Target does not legally constitute a sacred transaction.

25 Responses to “Christmas Warriors Of The World (By Marx!)”

I seem to’ve missed the part where the “Judeo-Christian” culture scored one. Was it “ant-covered Jesus”? ‘Cause that one seemed more like a net loss for religious expression to me, or like the elevation of a minority (Catholic) opinion over the majority Protestant one, not that I expect many Protestants these days to understand the tenets of their own, or any of the other 220 sects in their division.

(Incidentally, a couple months back I had a guy explain to me that the “Judeo” in “Judeo-Christian” was there in recognition of the Hebrew component of the Christian tradition. “So it’s sorta like using your Dymo label maker to put your neighbor’s name on his stuff after you stole it?” I asked.)

Still searching, by the way, for Officer Bennett’s contributions to the Chicago Tribune. I haven’t found anything, but I still have “Autos, Used, For Sale” and “Roomates Wanted” to go through.

“Should be”?

I think he means more “talking with the fists,” yeah?

If the morons want Dec 25 to be about Jesus, it would help if were his actual birthday, rather than a hand-me-down Saturnalia, swiping Odin’s tree, and the Druid’s mistletoe and holly as well.

Not that we shouldn’t be celebrating Saturnalia, and modern practice does seem to be maintaining that long-standing tradition. In spite of the lion-bait christianist whiners.

“Lion-bait christianist whiners” is good. The trouble with these people is they desperately *want* to be persecuted, but are handicapped in that ambition by the fact that for the past 500-or-so years they’ve been the ones doing the persecuting. They want to be lion-bait so much that they spend days trying to annoy kittens into hissing at them. Pathetic self-pitying twats.

Sorry – should point out that I meant figurative kittens asleep in a cosy tortuous metaphor.
Also that his grammar is shite. Phrases like ‘one finds themselves in’ are just gibberish.* If you’re writing pretentious drivel you could try to make it grammatically correct pretentious drivel.
*Oh… wait…

I’m in my late 30′s and as far back as I can remember, Christmas has been a crass commercial opportunity to sell toys. Pretty much every year, I run across someone who wants to forgo the hoopla to focus on the birth of Jesus, but it never seems to gain much traction.

I wonder if Bennett realizes that the culture war is long over and his side lost.

Bennett and his ilk are truely on their way out. My son is in pre-K and his class has been talking about holidays aound this time of year. There are 8 children in his class – two are Muslim, one is Jewish, one is Hindi, one is Unitarian, and I don’t know about the other three. Admittedly, we do live in a very diverse region, but this is a harbringer of things to come.

Maybe this is what has Bennett shaking in his boots. He’s not really afraid of terrorists coming to the US and blowing up airplanes. He is pissing in his pants over the thought of a country full of four year olds who don’t see anything odd about a friend of theirs celebrating Eid ul-Fitr

Late 30′s? Punk. Mid-50′s here, and let me tell you that the gauzy visions swirling in those “memory” things for me have always included scenes of consumerism and glittery sales, right alongside the tiny voices reminding us not to be bitches and think about concepts above banal purchasing impulses we were demonstrating. It was only when the precursors of infotainment brought in the shrill voices of seemingly raptured atheists, adding their sounds to the mix, that the Xmas Warriors stirred to life. And the first one that got a paid audience to encourage him sealed the deal.
Or so I sees things; haven’t had the coffee yet, just the lower caffeine tea. check back later for updates!

someone please tell these idiots that “Happy Holidays” is popular for several reasons.

1. not everybody is Christian
2. not every Christian celebrates Christmas (some fundies consider it too pagan)
3. this time of year includes MULTIPLE holidays. Christmas is the big one of course, but also Thanksgiving, New Years, Eid ul-Fitr (some years), Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Epiphany, and, of course Advent, which is its own season leading up to Christmas?
4. Being offended because someone wished that you would enjoy a period of happiness because they didn’t say it exactly the way you wanted doesn’t mark the other person as being bad, but it does mark you as being a huge prick. Hell, even if they got the wrong damn holiday why be offended? THEY’RE TELLING YOU THEY HOPE YOU ENJOY A PERIOD OF HAPPINESS! The proper response is “thank you, and to you as well.”


I have film of children (me and my sibs) celebrating Christmas in 1950 by opening presents and playing with toys. So that’s 60 years of personally documented Christmas commercialism. Also, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (the book) was written by Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward department store chain in 1939. And when Charles Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol” in 1843, he didn’t give Jesus even a walk-on role, it was three ghosts and –oh, no!– Satan, as when one man of business commenting on Scrooge’s death, says, “Old Scratch has got his own at last, hey?” All in all I’d say Mr. Bennett is somewhere between 60 and 167 years too late to the the party.

It is exploitative to use privileged victim status to enforce personal preferences at the expense of a profoundly important cultural and, yes, religious observance.

**BOGGLES at the hypocrisy**

“if one does not like that fact then they are free to find another place whose history doesn’t offend them. [Sand Creek, perhaps ??]”

“There are few things more self-centered than using privileged victim status to erase part of the culture one finds themselves in.”[Yeah, how dare them African-Americans object to the flag of treason flying over their state capitals !]

“And if certain groups are more likely to commit terrorism, we’ll avoid offending those groups, pretend that everyone is an equal risk, and obscenely offend all groups.”[Yep, that's why white, ex-military guys like Tim McVeigh don't get strip-searched when driving their pickup trucks near federal buildings.]

Geez, for “a former Army officer and a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan,” he sure whines a lot.

Interestingly enough, over at the American Thinker, John Bennett is only “a JD candidate, Emory University School of Law ’11.” So, I guess he served a tour between the time that this column and “For Obama, Mexico Comes First” and “Sharia Law is Already Here” were published.

BTW, when I went over to Town Hall, I was hit over the head by this important message: “America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag by Sarah Palin FREE.” So, I guess the remaindering has already come and gone.

For wont of trotting out my very tired tome bashing, is that free book from the Snow Grifter Queen printed on soft, absorbent paper?

Failing that, will it fuck up my chimney flue with odd, otherworldly tarry substances?

The season has been replaced with a phony, soulless thing called Winter? I don’t quite follow. Does he mean that Winter isn’t actually a season, or that this season isn’t actually Winter? What is it? Summer?

If only there were some loony left wing opinion mill that would bulk-buy our book and give it away. After all, the reader reaction would likely be the same — laughter — but unlike Sarah, we sort of anticipate that.

Hi, Gluteus Maximus here…yeah, I’m a blast from the past–a spirit from the good old Roman times…

Hey, can you tell that “Christian” asswipe and his ilk to stop ripping off our holidays? I say it’s time to put the “Saturn” back in Saturnalia!

And, oh yeah, we’d like thing they call “Easter” back, too….

Make things worse for successful people in order to compensate for those who aren’t.

Wow, I never understood the hardship of being successful. Will it make their lives easier if I just freeze and/or starve to death? I sure hope so, because otherwise I won’t have contributed anything to this Great Society.

If I die on Christmas Day will John Bennett stop being so sad?

Secular terms like “holidays” are so offensive. This is a season of unquestionable religious significance. If only there was a commonplace English word that reflected that these _days_ are _holy_… um, JesusWeeks? GodFortnights? NoHeathenSeasons?

“Holiday” is a shallow term to describe Christmas”

Isn’t “holiday” derived from “holy day”? Or am I just falling victim to yet another secular liberal plot?

You know someone has a grotesque sense of entitlement when they think they’re being “oppressed” because a Wal-Mart greeter fails to use exactly the right magic words when they enter the store.

Christians aren’t the only ones suffering from the relentless expansion of Christmas into a multi-ultural “Holiday season”.

Billions of people belonging to non-christian religions, pagans & atheists and so on, actually have more reason to the Capitalistic “Winter Holiday” religion which is taking over the world.

Thanks to “Holidayism” *everyone on Earth* is now forced to rush around in Nov & December wasting their money on trees and house lights and giant plastic snowmen for their lawns, and go into debt buying dozens and dozens of presents… and the christians bitch because a Buddhist or mumblemumbleother *might* prefer not to have his/her face rubbed in the fact he’s idiotically celebrating another religion’s sacred day.

grrr. Didn’t read over carefully before posting:

“non-christians… have more reason to DISLIKE the Capitalistic “Winter Holiday”…”

Jesus Fucking Christ. I am not responsible for affirming some guy’s shaky faith the two times of the year when he starts wondering about virgin births and the dead walking. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays – I could give a shit. It’s just nice to be talked to.

Oh, and Scott, I think you’d be better off buying olive oil with your tube socks.

Nah, that’s old school, scripto. Nowadays the only masturbatory aid you need is a duckcall and a really close hunting buddy. That’s how a real man wallops the high-flying mallard.

paused occasionally to sell you Zingers

here, we get the zingers for free!
(cue rimshot)

Something to say?